Chapter 22- This I Know

Playlist:This I Know-Sam & Ruby(seriously go and check these two out, they are sooo good!), Ready to Love Again- Lady Antebellum, Better as a Memory- Kenny Chesney, If This Is Goodbye- Lifehouse, One Day You Will- Lady Antebellum

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Chapter 22- This I Know

Who can say why we get caught in the thrill of testing ourselves,

We've been saying something, that could be pretty mean and now we've got to heal

I know what's right and what's wrong, I won't let this foolishness make you say you're gone

It's your love that makes me feel high

This I know, this I know, nobody can say otherwise,

It's your smile that helps me get by

This I know, this I know, every time I wanna cry

Never see things for plain, 'cause there's a lot we can learn from taking a breath

So let's not get in the way, where the truth is concerned and need a place to rest

So look to me like I do you, I would not say all these things if they were not true

It's your love that makes me feel high

This I know, this I know, nobody can say otherwise

It's your smile that helps me get by

This I know, this I know, every time I wanna cry

The heart knows where it belongs and mine's only home when it is safe inside your arms

It's your love that makes me feel high

This I know, this I know, nobody can say otherwise

It's your smile that helps me get by

This I know, this I know, every time I wanna cry

Sam & Ruby- This I Know

Edward's POV

I can't believe that life could be so good. Well actually, life with Bella could be so good. It was amazing. She understands and still supports me after everything I have put her through, and most importantly she loves me. These last two weeks have been amazing. Spending every free moment with Bella, doing such simple shit, but doing it together.

We have been to see Jacob almost every day and I hate to say it, but he really is a good guy. I can't be angry at him for what happened. I think that I would feel the same way if I let Bella go. I certainly understand where he was coming from.

I had begun to see the changes in Jacob and how he treats Bella now, it's like their relationship has changed and it looks more like it did back in high school. Okay, it looks like it did before they tried to date. I can see his eyes light up when Bella comes into the room but not in a lustful way. He now looks at her with love and adoration, but it's different now because I've seen those same looks on the faces of my brothers. I'm proud of Bella for knowing how to help Jacob but at the same time keeping her distance from him. He doesn't cringe anymore when we walk in together, and that has helped him and I repair our friendship as well.

Jacob admitted to me about a week ago how hard it was on him when he and Bella broke up. In one fell swoop he lost his love and his friends. Sure he still had his friends from the Rez, but living in Forks made it hard for him to see them on a regular basis. He has grown closer to my brothers and sisters because of when he and Bella had lived together.

I had always thought Jake was a decent guy, so now I was glad that we could develop our friendship. I was still wishing for someone to fill the void Bella left. That was the one thing that would wipe away all of my doubts in this regard.

Bella was excited that we would be helping Jacob and Billy get home today. In truth, we were just driving them to Jacob's apartment and helping Billy get Jacob settled. His private nurse would be over shortly after that to take over Jacob's care and help Billy during the day. Bella was so excited to find out that Carlisle had helped arrange for Nessie to come over and make sure that Jacob was doing everything to make his recovery as quick as possible.

It took us forever to get Jacob into Esme's Suburban and everything else loaded. The trip to Jacob's apartment was rather quick, and silent. I could see the worry etched on Billy's face, the hesitation on Jacob's and the fear on Bella's.

I pulled Bella aside when we arrived and held her close to me. I wanted to make sure that she was okay.

"Hey, Angel, tell me what's wrong," I gently prompted her.

"It's nothing really; I just haven't been back here since I moved out. I am just a little apprehensive that's all."

"Don't you worry, it will be fine. We don't have to stay that long. Let's just get Jacob and Billy settled and we can go." I tried to smile and reassure her. The smile she gave me in return didn't show any confidence what so ever.

I pushed Jacob out of the elevator; Bella had the door to the apartment open and was talking to a woman about our age in the doorway.

"If that is my nurse, this might not be such a long eight weeks after all," Jacob commented, taking in her slight frame and long dark hair.

"See, things work out after all," I replied to him, while patting his shoulder.

"Well, speak of the devils, here they are. Jacob this is Nessie, your nurse." Bella stepped out of the way so I could push Jacob into the apartment with Bella and Nessie following us.

Nessie took Jacob to get him settled and check on his leg. The small amount of activity had wiped him out and he was barely able to say goodbye to us as we left with a promise to be back tomorrow so Bella could shop for him and Billy.

My phone rang as we stepped out of the elevator into the parking garage, so I handed Bella the keys for her to drive. We silently switched sides of the car as I answered my phone.

"Hello."

"Edward, this is Dr. Johnson, how are you?" I was shocked to be speaking with him again so soon. I still had two weeks before I had to show up to start at Seattle Memorial.

"I'm fine, sir. How are you?" I decided to let him lead the conversation.

"Just fine, thank you for asking. Listen, I am calling for two reasons. One is great, one not so great. Which one do you want first?"

"Give me the not so great news first. Let's start there and work back to the good stuff." Bella turned to face me when she heard my words. Concern was written all over her face.

"Well, my boy, I am calling to ask you to come to Seattle the first of next week. I need you to start sooner than I originally thought. Now, on to the good news, first I have a two of the top Neurosurgeons in the world that will be at Seattle memorial over the next two weeks. I would like for you to work with them for the two weeks they are here. Then I have worked it out with the Chief of Staff at Forks General for you to do most of your rotations there. That should save on your commute time, don't you think?" He chuckled.

"Uh…wow…I don't even know what to say. That is fantastic to hear. Yeah, I will be there first thing Monday morning. Thanks Dr. Johnson. Wait, you talked to the Chief of Staff? That's Carlisle. When did you two discuss this? He didn't say anything to me about this." I was utterly speechless; I could do my Residency in Forks and not be away from Bella at all. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect situation.

"I guess you aren't as in the know as you think you are. Call me if you have any problems, and I will see you Monday morning. Bright and early, Edward."

"You got it, sir, no problem. See you then." Bella looked absolutely terrified. The words I said must have scared her, Monday morning.

"Bella, I have great news." Before I could even continue, she burst into tears.

"How is this great, you are leaving for Seattle on Monday? That is two weeks earlier than we had planned. How is that great?" She all but shouted.

"Angel, wait. Let me explain. I do have to leave and be in Seattle on Monday morning. But, I'm only going to be in Seattle for two weeks and then I will be back in Forks. Dr. Johnson says that they have two of the top Neurosurgeons in the world visiting Seattle for the next two weeks and he wants me there while they are visiting. But…after those two weeks I can come back to Forks General and do the rest of my rotations here in town. So, even though I have to go early, I will be back so much faster and get to stay with you. I can sleep in your arms as much as possible, that's the great part!" I hoped she saw the good parts of this plan and not just the part about me leaving this weekend.

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad. At least it will only be for two weeks. We can do that, right? We have done longer before. It just hurts, I feel like I just got you home with me. I was really looking forward to spending that time with you."

"I know, but I will trade two weeks away for months of being with you. I promise we will have nothing but fun this weekend, I promise."

Bella's phone rang and saved me from anymore promises. She reached in her handbag and handed the phone to me to answer.

"Hello."

"Edward? Are the two of you joined at the hip now or what? Why are you answering Bella's phone?" Alice spat at me.

"Bella is driving, so she gave me the phone to answer. We are about ten minutes from Carlisle and Esme's, so you can either talk to me now or wait ten minutes to talk to her. Which one do you want?" I knew my sister's level of impatience would never allow her to wait ten minutes, so I was already prepared when she launched into her plans for the evening for us.

"Well, it is 80's night at the karaoke bar. And Thursday's are half price pitchers of beer, so Emmett and Jasper want to go and sing karaoke tonight. You two in?" She baited.

"Hold on and I'll ask Bella." I put my hand over the phone and turned to Bella, "Bella, it's 80's night at karaoke bar and half price pitchers of beer, so do you want to go?"

"I guess so, sounds like fun." Bella hesitated to answer and didn't seem real sure of her answer when the words did leave her mouth.

"Don't just say yes, we don't have to go. It's no big deal, we can stay at home."

"No, we'll go. You need to spend time with everyone else as well, we have been spending a lot of time together. So, let's go and have a great time with everyone." She smiled and seemed to be warming up to the idea.

"Okay, Alice, Bella says we're in. We have Esme's Suburban, do you want us to swing by and get everyone? We can all grab a bite to eat and then head over?"

"Sounds good, I will have Emmett and Jasper meet us here at the shop. You can pick us all up here. What time will you be ready?" Alice questioned.

Bella and I stopped by Carlisle and Esme's house. I wanted to discuss the recent changes to my Residency schedule with Carlisle and get his take on the development. I was nervous to find out how much input Carlisle may have had in this decision.

Bella and Esme had wandered off to look at a new kitchen design Esme was working on. That left Carlisle and me in the family room, half watching the baseball game that was on and half discussing how our day was going.

"Can I ask you something?" I sat forward and leaned my forearms on my knees. I was nervous about Carlisle's answer and not sure if I wanted to hear the answer to my next question. However in the long run I knew I needed to know even if I might not like the answer. Either way I had feelings, and either way I would doubt myself. I made a note to discuss these doubts with the psychiatrist I started seeing here in town. Surely he could help give me some insight on how I felt.

I nervously cleared my throat and spoke, "I got a phone call earlier this evening from Dr. Johnson at Seattle Memorial. He wants me to come in on Monday morning and start a two week rotation with two visiting Neurosurgeons."

Curious as to what his reaction would be, I sat back to wait on Carlisle's response to this fact. I would let him reveal what he knew and go from there.

"I heard that Dr. Gill and Dr. Naysmith would be in Seattle. I have read several of the articles that they have published. I can't believe the advances the two of them are responsible for in their area. True geniuses-that's what they are. It's exciting to hear that Dr. Johnson thought of bringing you in to study with them. I'm very proud of you, son." His response seemed genuine and not forced at all, which of course did not help my case. Maybe he had no idea about the Forks move at all. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions and allowing my lack of confidence to creep into places it has no right to be.

I sat back deeper into the couch and took a deep breath.

"Edward, are you nervous about this? I know this is sooner than you wanted to head back to Seattle but you can't pass up an opportunity like this. You may never get to see these men again, much less study under them. Please tell me you are not thinking of staying home." Carlisle sat forward, the panic clearly written on his face. He was misunderstanding my hesitancy.

"No, never would I turn down an opportunity as big as this and I don't think that Bella would allow me to either. That's not what is bothering me." I left it hanging, letting Carlisle take the next step on his own.

"Then tell me what has you looking so lost, because it is clearly weighing on you. I can see it all over your face."

"Dr. Johnson said I would be at Seattle for two weeks, and then I would come back to Forks to finish most of my rotations here at Forks General. I don't know how I feel about that." I dropped my head and stared at the floor for a few seconds. I wanted to choose my words carefully. I didn't want to hurt Carlisle's feelings but I needed to know if he had influenced Dr. Johnson's decision to transfer me to Forks General.

I knew that he would see right through me if I were anything but honest with him. When we were kids he could always see through all of us if we tried to pull anything on him. With that in mind, I opted to take the direct approach. Biting the bullet I asked, "Did you ask Dr. Johnson to move me here?"

Carlisle drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I won't lie to you Edward, I told Dr. Johnson how happy I would be to have you at Forks General. But did I call him and ask him to bring you here? No I did not."

I sat back and just nodded my head. I felt awful for even asking him to explain himself to me, but I also felt relieved. I knew without a doubt that he had nothing but the best intentions for me and my career. His face lit up every time we discussed my classes or my medicine. He was every bit the proud father and I hated that I had questioned him on it at all.

Carlisle spoke up again, softer this time. "Edward, would you have been upset if I had made the call and asked for you to come here?" I could hear the difference in his voice, I wasn't sure if it was pain, regret or just anger. It was something, but I just couldn't put my finger on the exact emotion.

I dropped my chin down onto my shoulder and just nodded.

"Why, son, tell me." His voice sounded clear and understanding. I glanced up at him and he was waiting on me, his face a blank mask.

"I'm not sure. I just doubt myself so much right now. I know that my head says the Tanya situation should be behind me by now and I should move on. But until I jump that hurdle for myself I can't make my heart believe that part. I should be confident and ready to kick ass, to show the world what I have spent years learning. But I still have that small piece of doubt. I want to know that I got where I am because I am good enough, that I did what I needed to impress people and get myself ahead. And it will always make me worry that you pulled strings and got me here. I will question myself even more, I will always think that you made this happen, not my abilities. I can't have that doubt in my head. I am working hard to get rid of what is there, I can't allow myself to add to it. I don't mean to hurt you at all; I swear I am so thankful for all you have done for me. And I am proud for people to know that I am your son, but I have to do this myself. I can't walk in your shadow. I will drive myself insane with doubt." I flopped back against the couch again, feeling so foolish for having these feelings.

"Edward, I would never do anything like that to you. Did I ever tell you about the time that my dad tried to get me to go to seminary school, so I could be a minister like him?" I just shook my head no at him.

"He wanted me to be like him and while I loved what he did for people, it wasn't the kind of helping I wanted to do. My heart was in medicine and he couldn't understand that at all. He was so mad at me for going to med school. We didn't speak for a long time, and when I finally did come home for summer break it was tense between us. I stayed for most of the summer and worked to earn more money so I wouldn't have to ask him for any. I was on my way home from work one afternoon and saw a car accident happen. I rushed over and did what I could to help the one guy that was still alive. He was bleeding out and quickly. I made a tourniquet and slowed the blood just long enough to allow the ambulance to get there and I rode in the ambulance and held pressure on his wound. When I left the hospital, I was covered in blood, sore, tired and walking on air. I had made a difference in a man's life." I couldn't wait to feel that feeling, to know that because of me a man was alive. I smiled in anticipation of Carlisle's next words.

"He was alive because I followed the path I wanted to follow. Nothing my dad said was going to change my mind from that day on. Two days later the man's wife showed up at our door carrying their two month old baby. She brought us some food. She wanted to thank us in the only way she knew how. She cried and thanked me. She said that if her husband would have died she would have been on her own. She had no other family, she was an orphan. It would have been hard for her to work and take care of her small baby." Carlisle dropped his head, the emotions of that day still weighed on his soul. Clearly his compassion was a large part of who he was.

"I saw my dad's face change. He understood that while I wasn't saving people's souls I was still saving them, saving their lives. Who knows what that man went on to be, maybe a minister himself. My dad never questioned me again and supported me 100% from then on. I would never step in and take control of any of your lives. I know how that feels and I would not wish that on any of you." I felt guilty for calling Carlisle out for this. If he had influenced Dr. Johnson in any way it was done out of love for me. Out of a need to have me close and certainly I could complain about the fact that I would get to be close to Bella as well as all of my other family. I dropped my head and stared at the ground. I felt like a child that had realized his mistake, but couldn't do anything to fix it or take it back.

"Dr. Johnson called me and invited me to come to the brunch they were having for Dr. Gill and Dr. Naysmith. I told him I would be glad to come and he mentioned that he asked you to come in early. I expressed my happiness that you would be able to work with two of the leaders in their field. He also asked me about you coming to Forks. He said he thought that distance and being away from home would wear you out fast. I told him that I would be more than happy for you to come and work with me. He offered to oversee your residency and cover the costs for you to be at Forks. Forks General would never be able to cover that expense without extra meetings and uping the budget. So, in a sense you still will be at Seattle Memorial but working most of the time at Forks General. In the areas that we don't see many cases you will go back to Seattle but for the most part I can guarantee that you will see almost as much here as you would there. It keeps me busy, that is for sure." He chuckled. I did as well. I felt at peace again and happy that Carlisle understood my feelings.

"I'm sorry for ever doubting you, ever. I know deep down that you would never do anything that wasn't in my best interest. I am such a self centered jerk. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Son, don't be silly. There is nothing to forgive. I understand wanting to do this your way, and I make you this promise. I will never interfere without talking with you first again. Deal?" He held out his hand and I reached out to take it. He pulled me in for a hug and I gladly allowed myself to be pulled in.

Bella and Esme walked into the family room during our hug.

"Whoa, what is going on in here? I think we should leave these two to their make out session." Esme laughed at Bella's joke and we pulled away from each other.

"I hate to interrupt the love fest but we have to get going to go and pick everyone up for dinner." Bella smirked at her own joke.

"Yeah, we are going to dinner and to sing karaoke, do you two want to join us?" I offered to Esme and Carlisle.

"Count me out, I am exhausted. Long day and all I can think of is a shower and getting to bed." Carlisle yawned to punctuate his comment.

"I will call for a rain-check, I want to see your father. He has been working for three days straight and I need a little alone time with him." Esme bobbed her eyebrows at us and I threw up a little in my mouth. There was no way in hell that I wanted to imagine Carlisle and Esme wrapped up in each other's arms doing all of the things that I had done with Bella. That was beyond what we could share within our relationship.

"Esme, you have to stop right there!" I threw my hands up over my ears to protect them for anything further that she wanted to share. Bella was laughing at us, her head thrown back and joy written all over her face. I wanted to take her in my arms and make sure her face held that look for the rest of her life. I was astonished at how quickly Bella could distract me from everything else that was happening around me.

"Oh, I see how it is. I'm supposed to listen to you all talk about your little love trysts and yet I can't share mine? How freaking fair is that?" Esme whined.

"Okay, on that note we have to leave before she really starts sharing stuff that will burn my ears and brain. I love you both, but bye!" I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her towards the door. Carlisle and Esme followed, chuckling.

Bella whipped around to face Esme again. "We forgot to ask, can we keep the Suburban? We wanted to pick everyone else up at Twilight and all ride to dinner and karaoke together, if that is okay with you?"

"Sure, you all keep it. I will have Carlisle drop me off sometime this weekend and I will pick it up then. I don't need it until Monday afternoon. You all have fun and make sure one of you is a DD. I don't want to get a call about you all being in an accident. I mean it!"

"We promise." We yelled back in unison as we hurried down the sidewalk towards the Suburban.

My phone rang again in my pocket. I pulled it out expecting it to be Alice, all freaked out about what time we were going to arrive. I have heard the same conversation about a million times in my life. Alice would freak out if you were the least bit late and yell like a raving lunatic. I opened it without even looking at the caller id.

"Look, keep your panties on! We are leaving Carlisle and Esme's now. We will be there in 10 minutes tops if I drive that is still about 20 minutes before you designated time so shut up about it. We won't be late!" I didn't want to have this conversation with her again. I wanted to have a good time and enjoy myself tonight. I only had three nights until I had to be away from Bella for two weeks and I was not going to be the DD tonight.

"Dude, I know that I am a little weaker since my accident and my voice isn't what it normally is, but there is no way in hell that I will ever be mistaken for the half-pint! Give me some credit, I am at least Rosalie, that is if I have to be a girl at all. She's the only one that can kick ass when it's needed." Jacob drawled. "Dude I am so sorry, I just assumed it was Alice freaking out like always. What's up? Oh God, are you okay?" Bella turned to me when I uttered the last part.

"Nah, I am fine. At least I think I am fine. I am just blown away, I mean I have no one else to call and talk to about this. I hope this isn't weird me calling you. I just, I don't know what the hell to do, Edward. Please don't hang up, I know I am going on like, well like Alice, but damn it ain't everyday this happens to a guy. I don't know what the fuck to do." He was out of breath and sounded absolutely confused by the end of his rant.

"Okay, Jacob just calm down. What is it? Just tell me and I will do what I can to help you. Do I need to come over, where is your nurse? What was her name?" Great I was just as twisted up as he was now. I was freaking out that he was hurt somehow, with no one there to help him.

"Nessie, her name is Nessie. She's here. I'm hiding out in the bathroom so I can talk to you. She'll be back in a few to check on me so I have to talk fast. Edward, what am I going to do?" he pleaded.

"Jacob, slow down and tell me what the hell your problem is, and then I can tell you what to do!" I shot back.

"Okay, good idea. Well, see we came home and Nessie was here. She helped me get settled in my bed and then she made lunch. Billy went to take a nap so she came in to help me go to the bathroom. Well, I was in a pair of pajama pants and she accidentally touched my junk. But that isn't the big deal, the big deal is that I wanted to throw her down and show her what my junk could do for her. How freaking crazy is that? I mean a week ago I was fucking head over heels for Bella still and today, BAM, I am dying to see how Nessie's hair feels slipping through my fingers. This has to be a reaction to some of the medication I am on! That has to be it. Right?" Jacob was grasping at straws.

"I don't think that is a reaction to any of the medications, but I can call the pharmacy for you if you would like." Bella gasped and tried to grab the phone from me.

"Edward, give me the phone. What is wrong with Jacob?"

"Bella, honey, nothing is wrong with Jacob. He's fine. He called me for some advice and that's all. No worries." I flashed Bella my smile and hoped that she wouldn't ask what kind of advice Jake was calling me for. I was hoping that she would assume it was medical advice.

"Jake, I'm about to get into a car with Bella and then the rest of my family is going to join us. Do you want to talk about this now, or can I call you back later?"

"Shit, what do I do in the mean time? She makes me so nervous, I don't know what to say to her. I feel like I'm in high school again with some sort of crazy crush. When did I turn into such a pussy? Don't you dare tell a soul about this shit and I mean it, Cullen, or I will tell everyone about the time you pissed yourself because you were too scared to go to the bathroom when we were camping. I will tell everyone we know and take out an ad in the paper. I swear it." Jacob ranted at me.

"First of all, that was when we were seven and everyone pisses themselves at seven so back off. Second, I wasn't going to tell anyone, so chill dude. I think you're having a paranoid reaction to the medication that is for sure. Just act natural, be yourself, don't worry about it. You're on some pretty strong pain medication; she is going to expect you to act a little off. And besides, she doesn't know you, she doesn't know how you normally react. So, chill and I will call you in the morning. Okay?" There was no way I would ever tell anyone about Jacob's reaction to Nessie. I remembered that reaction all too well. When I saw Bella walking up the front steps at the house I felt like I had been kicked by a mule in the gut. I couldn't get her off of my mind, still can't. So, there is no way in hell I would ever tease him about anything.

"Okay, call me in the morning but not too early. Thanks for not laughing at me. I appreciate it, Edward. Bye." Jacob sounded calmer than before.

"What the hell was that all about?"

"I think he is enjoying his pain medication, that's all. I'm gonna call him and check on him tomorrow morning and make sure he is doing okay. I may even go by and see him personally. He was headed off to bed for the night, so don't worry about him." I leaned over and kissed her temple again, hoping that she would be satisfied with that answer.

"That's sweet, Edward, thank you." She flashed me a beautiful smile.

We pulled up at Twilight Originals and all of our family flew out the door and towards the Suburban. Rosalie and Alice looked pissed off royally. Emmett has his 'I am the shit and I know it' grin and Jasper just looked like he was about to puke. I knew that somehow, someway, Emmett had just made sure that this night would suck for us. I wanted to put the car in reverse and leave, unfortunately I couldn't.