Chapter 18- Come Home

Playlist:Come Home- OneRepublic & Sarah Bareilles, My Girl- Temptations, Brown Eyed Girl- Van Morrison, Realize- Colbie Caillat, At Last/Sleep All Day- Jason Mraz, Never Gonna Be Alone- Nickelback

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Chapter 18- Come Home

Hello world, Hope you're listening, Forgive me if I'm wrong, For speaking out of turn

But there's someone I've been missing and I think that they could be the better half of me

They're in their own place trying to make it right, But I'm tired of justifying

So I say to you come home, Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you for so long, For so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities but all I see is you and me

And to fight for you is all I've ever known, So come home

I get lost in the beauty of everything I see, The world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be

If all the sons, All the daughters, Would stop to take it in, Well then hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin

It might start now, maybe I'm just dreaming out loud

Well until then Come home, Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you for so long, so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities but all I see is you and me

And to fight for you is all I've ever known, I've ever know, So come home

Everything I can't be is everything you should be, And that's why I need you here

Everything I can't be is everything you should be, And that's why I need you here

So here this now, Come home, Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you for so long, so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities but all I see is you and me

And to fight for you is all I've ever known, Ever known, So come home

Come home, Come home, I've been waiting for you, Come home

OneRepublic & Sarah Bareilles- Come Home

Edward's POV-

A week passed since Bella returned to Forks. If I thought the first goodbye had been hard, it paled in comparison to this one. My chest hurt, my throat burned, and it felt like my heart would stop right there. I choked back my tears, trying to stay strong for Bella. The emotional weekend was the best of my life. I knew without a doubt that I was in L-O-V-E with Bella. No more of this playing around, infatuation crap, real love. I had never been more certain of anything before as I was now about my feelings for Bella. To feel her body next to mine every night for the past few nights was pure heaven. As much as it broke my heart to see her suffer through the visit to the lawyer's office, I was glad to be able to be there for her. She was so patient and caring when I talked to her about Tanya and it made me feel good to be able to return the favor. I felt like we were on an even playing field; partners, equals. I was more than anxious to finish up here and get back to Forks to be with Bella.

I wanted to get downstairs and really delve into what was going on and get myself ready for this relationship. I just had to wait on Dr. Ward. When he arrived home last night, he came up to see me and we agreed to talk this afternoon. I was no longer nervous, I was ready!

"Edward, how was your weekend?" he asked.

"Enlightening, how was your conference?" I returned.

He chuckled, "Sometimes you hear the craziest stuff at these conferences. You know, doctors trying to 'out crazy' each other. No big deal, nothing new to learn, unfortunately, but thank you for asking. So Edward, tell me more about your weekend." He laid his pen down and rested his hands in his lap.

"I think I came to a huge realization this weekend. First, Bella had to go and see her lawyer about her dad's estate. That was hard for her and I was able to take care of her afterwards, it satisfied my soul to help her. I felt like it put a piece of me back into place, a piece that was missing, somehow I feel more whole then I did before. Does that sound crazy?" I glanced up at him trying to read his stoic face for clues.

"Why would that sound crazy? You are beginning to heal and as you do more of the pieces that have been missing will fall back into place, and as they do you will feel whole again. Now with that being said, I am proud of you for realizing that without me. I never doubted that you were put here to take care of people. You are studying to be a doctor for crying out loud, it is in your nature to take care of people. However, I will be honest, Edward, that this is the part of your recovery that has worried me the most. I wasn't ever sure that you would have enough faith in yourself again to be a doctor. Deep down inside you were so afraid that you couldn't do it, and I think it caused you to shut down that part of yourself. This weekend with Bella established and reinforced to you that you indeed could make rational decisions about a person's well being. How did Bella handle you taking care of her?" He took his glasses off and laid them down on the desk.

"She seemed to be fine with it. We talked a lot about her dad and we went to see a baseball game together." He raised his eyebrows at me as if he didn't understand why we would do that, so I elaborated for him. "Bella's dad was a big Mariners fan. She wasn't, and quite honestly she didn't understand the game all that much. She said that when she was in Seattle she would like to see a game, she felt that her dad would like it if she went. It would be a way to honor his memory that he would be proud of. So, we went to the game and she had a great time. Afterwards, we talked about the fact that we were now dating and her father wasn't here to tell. She was sad about that, but not overly so and we both are very confident that her dad would approve of us being together I think she handled it well. The lawyer gave her some letters that her dad wrote for her. That was the hardest part for her. Reading them she had to deal with his words as well as feeling as though she was experiencing his loss again. I was just glad I could help her through that and be there to give her my support and love.

"Do you think this weekend changed you or your relationship?" Dr. Ward asked leaning forward in his chair. His face was still a mask, unable to be read.

"I do, I think it made a difference in both. Like I said, I feel rejuvenated by this weekend and I think we saw that we could be equals. Each of us was capable of shouldering the responsibility when it was our turn; isn't that what a relationship is? Each person is taking care of their share of the responsibilities in order to make their lives better?" I wanted to know his feelings on what I felt to be a large part of being together.

"Yes, Edward, that is basically the gist of it. In a more complicated way, but still correct none the less." I sat back satisfied with myself about getting this right.

"Let's talk about how this weekend made you feel about your relationship with Tanya." He pressed his fingers together in a steeple of sorts and glanced up at me.

"That's funny, I thought about her on the way back to the hotel after the lawyer's visit. At first, I felt guilty for thinking of her at all, but then I realized that I was comparing how right my relationship with Bella feels compared to how I felt with Tanya. Never in the entire time I was with Tanya did I feel that with her. I think says a lot about what we had. I always felt like I was a circus dog doing tricks for her, I never felt like she accepted me, flaws and all. She wanted us to be the picture of perfection at all times, no human moments." Realization and embarrassment struck me as I said these words. I glanced up at Dr. Ward as I said, "She didn't really love me, she loved what I could give her, the status and comforts. Shit! All this fucking time I have felt guilty for not being able to make her whole again and she didn't even fucking love me." I dropped my head into my hands. I felt so broken and was at my lowest and she didn't even love me. She loved my name and bank account. I was just another possession to her. I sat silent for a few minutes.

"Edward, this may be a bit awkward for you but I have to ask, is it possible that you didn't love her either?" Dr. Ward asked gently.

"I guess so, I don't know. Heck, who the hell knows now."

"You two dated in high school, right?" he continued.

"Yes."

"Tell me about you two in high school; were you popular, well liked, so on."

"We were. I played football and she was a cheerleader, which in high school meant everything. Both of our families had money so that made it even easier to be at the top of the social ladder. You know cool cars, new clothes, all the latest gadgets. Tanya loved that she was popular, I was okay with it. Let's be honest, high school is a lot easier when you're popular than when you're not."

"I'm going to switch directions here, tell me about your parent's marriage and Carlisle and Esme's marriage. I want to know how you viewed their marriages." I sighed.

"My parents had a great marriage, they seemed to be deeply in love. My mom and dad were always doing things for each other and showing affection. My dad would tell me 'find the right girl and take care of her for the rest of your life', I was trying to do that for Tanya. Take care of her and make her feel loved. Carlisle and Esme's marriage is great. Esme seems to always know exactly what Carlisle needs and gives it to him before he can even ask. It's crazy sometimes the ways they are in sync with each other. It's the kind of marriage I hope to have someday." I leaned forward and placed my forearms on my knees, sighing.

"What about Tanya's parent's marriage, what was that like?" I knew he was going to have a field day with this bit of info and possibly solve the whole thing right here. I sat up straight again, trying to mask my nerves.

"Terrible, her dad was cheating on her mom and it affected the whole family. Her mom suffered with depression and stayed in bed for weeks at a time. That is part of the reason she came out to Dartmouth to find me, she couldn't take it anymore at home. She was a wreck when she showed up."

"What did you do for her?" he prompted.

"I took care of her. I feed her, let her get some rest and then we decided that she would stay with me. What else could I do for her, she needed me?" I realized that nowhere in that statement was there any mention of love towards Tanya, only the need for me to make her better. "Shit! I wasn't happy that she was there or overcome with the fact that my love had come back to me, I just went into taking care of her mode. I wanted to heal her! I was playing doctor with her, so to speak. She became like a patient to me." I launched myself out of my chair and started pacing his office.

"How does that make you feel to realize this?"

"Actually, fucking relieved. I was so worried that I wasn't able to fix her that I never realized that I didn't love her. I was so afraid I was incapable of a real relationship since I couldn't make ours work, that I didn't even see that the reason it didn't work was because I didn't have a real relationship with her. She was using me and I was letting her. Fuck, all this fucking guilt for nothing!" My pace increased as the anger rose up from me.

"Edward, my next question is a difficult one, but one I must ask. Is it possible that you both used each other?" I stopped in my tracks.

"What?" Stunned beyond belief, as the words came out of my mouth.

"She completed the high school version of you. She was pretty, smart, and on the surface she appeared to have it all. You took care of her, pampered her. She wasn't getting that at home with her parents having issues and she stayed with what made her happy. When she came out to Dartmouth, she was seeking your comfort and you were used to providing that for her. You have a need to heal and take care of people; it's what soothes your soul. In a way you felt like that was the basis for a relationship, and it can be, but there is more that needs to be there. So, in a way each of you were using the other." His words washing over me, I could feel them soaking into my skin. Relief accompanied them, soothing any pain that they caused.

"So, what you're saying is that we never loved each other, we only gravitated towards the person that made us feel normal?" I asked, waiting for his answer and hoping it was a positive one.

"Edward, I can't say that you didn't love each other. Only you two can say that for sure, but it does sound to me like it was a relationship based on personal needs being met as opposed to love. Which in high school, that's normal. I hope this makes the getting over her easier." He chuckled slightly. I wanted to laugh out loud, his words felt right to me and brought with them relief.

"It makes the guilt lessen that she was using me. And I feel better knowing that it wasn't my inability to love her, that no matter what I did I wasn't going to be able to save her. Neither of us were emotionally invested enough to save it at all. Our relationship never grew and changed into a mature, healthy one. No wonder Esme never liked her, I guess she could see right through her from the start." It was my turn to chuckle.

"Mother's have a way of sensing those things. Besides, I learned a long time ago, never discount the feelings that women get about other women. Most of the time they are right. My wife is almost always right. At least that's what she makes me say." He laughed out loud with that comment and I joined him. I knew that this was the way it worked, we loved them and did whatever they said.

We settled into silence. I was absorbing the sense of relief I was feeling, and the joy of the revelations I made today. Dr. Ward was simply watching me; I could feel his eyes on me. When I glanced up and met his eyes they showed satisfaction and happiness.

"Why, my dear Edward, I think you are ready to go home! What do you think?"

"Really, after this one conversation? Damn, I'm gonna be a Psychiatrist if it's this easy." I joked.

"Don't fool yourself boy, it wasn't easy. All of our conversations led up to this one, it was just easier because you had your feelings for Bella now to compare to. That is what has made it easier to see how pale your feelings for Tanya really were. Now, go and call your girl and tell her you're coming home. I think the rest we can do by phone. Go on, get out of here!" He stood and came around the end of his desk. He reached out and pulled me into a hug. I went willingly. He gave me peace of mind and paved the way for a wonderful relationship with Bella.

"Call me next week and we can talk about what it's like to be home, okay?" I nodded.

I rushed up the stairs and packed my stuff. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Alice.

"Edward! So glad you remembered that you were related to me, why did you wait so long?" She teased.

"Alice I talked to you a few days ago, why are you giving me grief?"

"Just because it's so much fun! What's up?"

"How do you know something's up?" That was a stupid question, she always knew when something was up. I don't know if Jasper was ever truly able to surprise her or if she just pretended to be surprised.

"I always know, so spill it." I could picture the exact stance she would have adopted at my doubting her, her right hip shifted outward, hand resting on it, and her face scrunched up into a slight scowl. I laughed, we could have been twins. She knew me better than any other, and I somehow was in tune with her as well.

"Fine, damn you're good. I'm coming home." I waited, mentally counting…one…two…three…

"EDWARD, are you joking with me? This isn't funny if this is a joke." All of this was shrieked at levels only dogs and rats could hear clearly.

"No, Alice, I can assure you I would never joke about this. Is Bella anywhere around you?" Suddenly, I was afraid that Alice would give away my surprise.

"No, silly, she's at home. Rose and I are here at the shop, but she's coming over later to help with inventory. She's a whiz at that shit, we suck at it. What do you have in mind?" The devious side of Alice had just reared it's head.

"Well, I certainly don't want Bella to know I'm coming home. I hadn't thought past that yet. What were you thinking?" I asked trusting her judgment.

"Well, we usually go out and eat after work. I will have her get dressed up, we can meet everyone at Zorba's, and you can sneak in with us. We can go dancing afterwards, what do you think?

"I love it. Have her looking sexy when I get there for me; I can't wait to see her. Call me back when you have it an outfit picked out and I will give you my card number to pay for it. I'm leaving here in a few minutes so I will call Carlisle and Esme. I will go to their house to shower and change. What time do I need to meet you there?" My body was so anxious to see Bella again and hold her close. I wasn't sure it was a good idea for us to be in a crowded restaurant together, I wasn't sure I could keep it PG for all of the others.

"Meet us at seven that will give us enough time to get her ready." She squealed into my ear. I chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"Talk to you later then. By the way, in case I forgot to tell you, you're the best!" I so rarely told her or Rosalie how much I cared for them and the small ways they helped take care of me over the years.

"No problem, anything for my baby brother." It sounded so funny hearing Alice call me her baby brother when I stood over a foot taller than her and outweighed her by too many pounds to count.

"Bye, Alice" I could hear her calling for Rosalie as she disconnected the line.

My next call would be just as easy.

"Hey Edward, how's it going?" Carlisle's voice never failed to calm me.

"Well, great actually. I had a very good session with Dr. Ward today and I'm coming home. He feels like I've made enough progress that he can do the rest over the phone, so he cut me loose. I just left Seattle and am heading to your house."

"My house, why not yours?" I heard the frown in his voice.

"I want to surprise Bella. Alice is going to get her dressed up and everyone is to meet for dinner and then I will come in. So I wanted to see if you had plans and could join us?"

"Perfect timing, our plans just cancelled about an hour ago. I'll call Esme and let her know. Where do we need to meet up with everyone?"

"Alice said Zorba's, I'll let you know when I get there. Are you at work or home?" I wanted time to talk with Carlisle about today's session with Dr. Ward, and I'm sure he wanted to find out what made the sudden difference.

"Technically, home, but I'm running errands now. I will be back by the time you get there. Is everything okay?" Carlisle always had a way of knowing when I needed his advice and wisdom. His compassion for people made his advice indispensable and always informative.

"I'm good, just wanting to talk with you for a few before the mayhem starts. Once we get to the restaurant there won't be time."

"Nothing is ever normal when we are all together. Emmett bumps it up a few notches and makes it surreal. Don't worry we'll have time to talk it through."

"Okay, see you then."

"Bye Edward."

Carlisle disconnected the call.

I was never one to abide by the speed limit laws, but today the need to speed was even greater. I had never pushed the car so hard before. The closer to Forks I got the more I could feel the peace and happiness settle in.

Just as promised, Carlisle's car was in the garage when I pulled up; Esme's as well. I was glad to be able to talk to them both. I know that the fact that none of us were their biological children never made a difference in the depth of their feelings for each of us. Just as I'm sure they both had spent plenty of time worrying and debating over my current situation, trying to find a way to make it all better for me. I knew that this would make them both very happy, and it had been a long time since I could say that life is okay.

I gathered the few things that I took with me to Seattle and brought them into the house. Esme greeted me at the door with tears in her eyes and joy on her face. She pulled me into a hug and held my head to her shoulder, like she did when I was younger and needed her comfort. I waited for her to pull away, I wanted to give her all the time she needed to rein in her emotions. Carlisle came up and placed a hand on her shoulder and one on mine. Esme stepped back and allowed Carlisle and I to greet each other.

"You look good, son, you appear at peace." I nodded at his comment and noted that a tear slipped down Esme's face.

"Let's sit down and talk." I took Esme's hand and she led me into the family room.

I retold the sessions I had today with Dr. Ward and the understanding that it brought about for me.

"The relief is overwhelming, I was so worried that I wasn't cut out to be a good mate for anyone. I had convinced myself that I would be alone for the rest of my life. A few flings here and there but nothing permanent. To finally see the real picture of our loveless relationship makes me hope that I can have what you two have and what my parents had. I was at peace when Bella and I were in Seattle. She needed me and I was there for her. I felt a small piece of what life could give, and I must admit I'm selfish I want the whole thing." I knew that my thoughts were jumbled and didn't form complete thoughts, but it was all still rushing around in my head. I couldn't put them in order, they were all fighting for dominance. I was just happy that they were there at all, so I didn't bother to force them into a straight path, they could wander and be in their own way.

"I knew that she never loved you, and I wasn't sure about you. I saw the devotion and care you felt but I never was certain if it went as deep as love. She was a troubled girl and the pain allowed her evil side to come out so often. I didn't think her soul matched yours. I'm glad you see it now and can move on." Esme patted my hand, her voice so timid, almost afraid to say these things out loud.

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Not that I'm blaming you but you both were so free with advice, I took your silence to be agreement with me. This may have changed things slightly, even the hint of doubt from either of you." I tried to say this without a hint of anger or blame, I'm not sure I succeeded.

"Edward, we gave you advice as often as we could. But I have learned in 'love' you have to learn for yourself. If we had told you that we didn't think she was your soul mate, would you have left her in high school? Probably not, at that age you don't worry about soul mates, you go with what's available. We felt that you needed to make up your own mind, without our interference. Besides Alice and Rosalie were both so vocal about Tanya that we felt that if we gave an opinion that you would be overwhelmed. So we sat back and waited for you to decide. We thought that the decision had been made when you left for college, not knowing that you needed us. We certainly would have stepped in and given our advice had we truly known the situation. We can't express how sorry we are that you had to deal with that alone."

"No need for regrets, it brought me here so I will just be thankful for that. Besides, if anyone was at fault it would be me. I didn't tell anyone so how would you know? Now, let's get ready to go and eat dinner. I can't wait to see my Bella. She has no idea I'm home." I stood up just as my phone rang.

Alice's name popped up on the screen with a beautiful picture of her sitting in Jas's lap.

"What up Al?"

"Bella's balking about going out. Call her and encourage her, tell her to go and enjoy herself then she can call you and tell you all about it. She loves to call you after we have been out and make you feel like you were with us. She has no idea so don't spoil the fun." Alice giggled.

"Okay, give me a minute. Is she there at the shop?" I asked.

"Yes, here she comes, bye." Alice disconnected the line quickly.

I took my bags up to my old room and set them down. I pulled my phone back out of my pocket and dialed Bella.

"Hey baby, what are you doing?" I tried to sound casual, but my heart was thundering in my chest. She was only 15 minutes away from me and I couldn't see her yet.

"Hey, just working with Alice and Rose. What about you?" She sounded distracted.

"Nothing, just missing you. I talked to Alice earlier she said you all might go out tonight. Where are you going?"

"I don't know, I don't really want to go. I would rather stay in and talk to you. I miss you so much, how much longer, baby?" She sounded so sad. This was the hardest part of being away from Bella, the sadness it caused her.

"Not long now, just be patient. Why don't you get dressed up and take a picture to send to me. That way I get to see you and then you can call me and tell me about it. We can talk in bed, it always makes me feel like you're there with me. Go and enjoy yourself, then call me, okay?" I tried out the voice that Rosalie calls my panty dropper.

"Okay, if you want me to. I guess I do have to eat and I haven't shopped for groceries yet this week. If someone didn't call me every Saturday to fix their inventory for them I might have a chance to do simple things like that." The last part shouted for Alice's benefit, and I could hear Alice calling back her response in the back ground.

"Okay, then go and pick out an outfit and get dressed. Don't forget to send me a picture so I can see you!"

"Sure, give me about a half an hour and I will send you something hot. Knowing Alice she already has something picked out for me." She sounded much better.

"I love you, Bella, go and have fun for me."

"I love you too, Edward."

I hung up before she said anything else. I texted Alice to let her know.

A-

It worked, take care of her.

5545 6621 7767 9864

No limit for her!

E-

A few minutes later I got her response.

E-

What the hell no limit for her but not for me?

Whatev, as long as I get to shop who cares.

She's gonna be the hottest one in the room,

Love Ya~ A;)

I showered and dressed in record time.

Alice had called Esme while I was in the shower to let her know that they were all ready and heading to the restaurant. Carlisle, Esme and I would arrive after the rest of them. That way I could sneak in on Bella and surprise her. Alice had her orders, she was to make sure that Bella sat facing away from the door, no excuses.

The closer to Zorba's we got the more nervous I became. I couldn't fathom seeing Bella everyday as much as I wanted. The thought of us talking about my feelings for Tanya was also making me nervous. I knew Bella would be happy to find out that I really didn't ever love Tanya. I just wasn't sure she would be comfortable talking in details about how I did feel about Tanya. I would share as much or as little as Bella was comfortable with.

Alice called Esme again to let her know they had arrived at the restaurant and the eating went as planned. Just as Esme was hanging up, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a picture text from Bella was waiting for me. I hit the view now button and it opened the amazing sight of her dressed for dinner tonight. I was so glad that I would be holding her in my arms and not stuck in Seattle so far away from her.

Carlisle pulled in and allowed the valet to park his car, so we entered the restaurant at the same time. I could see Emmett's head over the shoulder's of the crowd, his height granted this. Carlisle proceeded first, followed by Esme and then I followed last. I tried to stay back and concealed, I didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Carlisle and Esme slipped around the other side of the table to take their seats. I stayed a few feet behind Bella's chair, everyone kept their eyes on Carlisle and Esme who were sitting down and trying greet everyone in a normal fashion. Once the table was settled and Alice asked about wine, I stepped behind Bella and leaned down to her ear.

"Someone as breathtaking as you should have a date for this evening. Perhaps I could fill in for whomever is missing from your side?" I whispered directly into her ear.

A shocked gasp was uttered as Bella turned to face me. She launched herself out of the chair and into my arms.

"Edward, you're here," she uttered as she began to sob.

"Baby, don't cry. It's okay. I got to come back a little earlier than I expected. I thought you would be happier than this." I tried for humor, hoping to make her feel better.

"You don't understand, I'm so glad you're here. I felt so sad that you weren't here and actually sick to my stomach at having to sit and eat dinner with everyone else here as a couple. I missed you so bad, I can't believe you're here. This is the best surprise I have ever had. I love you so much." She was still crying, but her sobs had stopped. She now had a few tears silently running down her face.

I kissed her gently on the lips and wiped her tears away.

"I know baby, I missed you so much. The last week has been pure torture without you. I can't sleep without you by my side; you have spoiled me. I'm so sleep deprived it's not funny. I can't wait to get home and get into bed with you." She sucked in her breath and blushed a furious shade of red.

"Edward, for heaven's sakes. We are at dinner with your family." She chided.

"First of all, Bella, they are our family, not just mine. And secondly, you dirty little girl, I meant to sleep. What in the world were you thinking?" I wiggled one eyebrow at her suggestively.

The whole table laughed with us. Everybody took turns welcoming me home and I sat down beside Bella to eat dinner with my family. I looked around the table and I could honestly say that I had never been so glad to be back at home with my family. And even more thankful that that description now included Bella.