Chapter 30- Lost

Playlist:Lost-Little Big Town; Maybe-Allison Krauss; I Can't Make You Love Me-Bonnie Raitt; Ain't No Sunshine-Bill Withers; Only Lonely-Hootie & The Blowfish; Without You-Lost In Love-All Out Of Love-Here I Am-The One That You Love-Making Love Out Of Nothing At All- all by Air Supply;I Never Told You-Colbie Caillat;You Were Meant For Me- Jewel

Chapter 30- Lost

I don't know who I am
Staring at a million broken pieces here
I don't know where I stand
While I'm still, the world goes round so free so cavalier
Aimlessly I wander, like a drifter
On a narrow winding road
I've got plenty of direction
But I don't know where to go

I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
Baby, I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

I'm so lost without you
Baby, I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

No it don't seem right
This canyon of lonely lying in our bed
Lord how I've cried a waterfall of tears Until my eyes turn red
Ever since you left me
It's been like a bullet through my heart
And I know I should move on
But I don't know where to start

I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
Baby, I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

I'm so lost without you
Baby, I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

Ever since you left me
It's been like a bullet through my heart
And I know I should move on
But I don't know where to start

I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
Baby, I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost
Baby, I'm so lost without you
That I can't find myself

Little Big Town- Lost

Bella's POV

I let myself into Charlotte's house, it really was amazing. I was just too tired to appreciate it right now. I unpack once I found my room. It didn't take long, I didn't bring much stuff with me. I had laid out what I needed to use and the other random stuff that I crammed into my bag I left in the bag in the floor in the closet.

"Bella, you're running and you know it. You didn't even find out what happened. What has got you so scared?" Charlotte must had come in as I was lost in thought because I didn't hear her at all.

"I don't know." I pouted back at her. She was so patient and kind and I was acting like a small child who wasn't getting their desert first. I was so embarrassed.

"Yes, you do. Be a fucking adult and just admit it." She leaned back and looked me directly in the eyes, she refused to allow me to wallow. I hated her for it. Alice and Rosalie would let me at least have a few days, Charlotte was not giving me an inch.

"I fucking love him! Okay? More than I have ever loved anyone, and I can't lose him. What will I do without him? I can't compete and I'm losing him!" I threw my hands up and allowed them to run through my hair. Even in my anger and fear I couldn't let Edward stray too far from my mind or heart.

"What do you mean you can't compete?" Charlotte spat.

"With Tanya, she has everything, looks, grace, charm, and she's rich. She doesn't need anything from Edward. She has it all and I don't. She is his equal and I'm always going to be a silly girl from the wrong side of the tracks. I don't have anything to offer him. Why did I even allow myself to fall for him?" I leaned against the bathroom wall and slid down into a sitting position on the floor. Charlotte followed me down with a little more grace than I displayed.

"Bella, you don't see yourself in a very good light. As a matter of fact I think you're looking from the back of some dark, dank basement with no light at all. You're beautiful. You're damn near perfect. How could you think that the overly processed Tanya had anything on you? She is shallow, vapid and doesn't have a thing to offer to Edward. He needs you, he completes you, as cheesy as that sounds." She snorted. "Give him the chance to choose, don't run without a fight. Make him see how strong you are; give him the knowledge that will allow him to make the right choice. If you don't you can't blame him when he chooses incorrectly. Now, get your ass up off of the floor and let's get to work." She stood and offered me her hand up.

"Charlotte, how did I get so lucky to end up with you in my life? I can't thank you enough for all you have done for me." I hugged her, feeling the comfort soak into my skin and sooth me.

"Bella, anything for you. I adore you, besides I know where you're at, I've been there. I could have used someone to help me through, so look at it like I'm doing my good deed for women everywhere. No more wallowing?"

"Just give me tonight, I'll be strong enough to fight tomorrow."

"We all need someone eventually, Bella, I'm glad today I was your someone." She turned and walked to the door, flicked out the lights, and left the room.

I promised that tomorrow I would be strong enough to fight, but what if I wasn't ever strong enough? The fear slowly crept back into my soul as I worried about all that had happened while I was away hiding. What if I was too late and Edward had already fallen in love with Tanya again?

I would worry about tomorrow when it came, tonight I would rest. I took a deep breath and made up my mind, tomorrow I would fight for Edward.

I set up my laptop and decide to check my email. I had probably missed a million and two emails at work. I could at least check that account. I was certainly not going to bother checking my personal email. I logged in, and sure enough seventy-eight emails. I quickly deleted those that made it past the spam filter, and set to work on the ones that required my attention. I wanted to do anything to keep me busy and not allow my brain time to think. Halfway down the list of emails I saw one that made me pause. It was from Edward. The subject was 'Please don't delete this without reading it! PLEASE!' I knew I was making a foolish mistake but so help me I opened the damn email. I wanted some kind of connection to him. I felt his pull from wherever he was right now, he was still calling to my body with his. I checked yes to let him know that I had received his email and opened it.

To: bswan at littlebrownpublishing dot com

From: eamc620 at hotmail dot com

Re: Please don't delete this without reading it! PLEASE!

Attachments: ain't_no_3, only_3

Dear Bella,

I know I promised to give you time and I swear I will. I know you were hurt this afternoon, and I can't even describe the pain it caused me to see you like that. Just to know that I was the cause of the pain! I am more than sorry. I won't try to go into explanations in this email, that isn't why I was writing. I want to talk face to face, so you can see the emotions behind my words, to know that what I say to you is the truth. Not some story to explain away or cover up lies. I just wanted to feel close to you, to know that in some form we still had a connection. It sounds way creepy when I type it out but I can't help it. Bella, you are my life now. I should have told you all of this to you, made you realize how important you are to me before all of this happened. That way you would have known how I feel and this misunderstanding would not have happened! I'm sorry for not telling you. I can't wait to see you, and talk to you. I feel like a part of me is gone. I feel flat, empty and alone. Please come home soon Bella! I love you, more than words can say! I have attached two songs for you, maybe they will help explain how I feel to you.

I Love you!

E~

I clicked on the first attachment, Edward always loved this song. Bill Withers smooth voice came across at speakers and spoke to me. I could feel his pain, the longing, the sadness! I closed my eyes and just let the images of Edward flood through my mind. I still wasn't sure what to do, I couldn't trust my brain to decided. It only screamed to go home and be with him. My eyes hurt, they were all cried out. My throat was sore and it hurt to talk. My body ached, it wanted one thing and one thing only. It wanted Edward. I wanted Edward to hold me, to tell me that we would be fine. Maybe I ran off too soon. I could have stayed and listened. Would it hurt when he told me the truth? Yes, but it was still going to hurt when he told he the truth. What if he didn't tell me that he wanted to be with Tanya, what if I ran off too soon to hear the truth? How did I go back now and change it? How did I make it all go away, make it go back to the way we have been. I lay across the bed and saved the songs in a playlist simply titled 'Edward'. I set it to repeat and closed my eyes to listen to them. I felt myself drifting off to sleep, I heard Edward beg me not to go.

We spent the next few days planning the publicity tour. The new author had written a teen romance that was getting snapped up off of the shelves. It was imperative that we get her out in the public's face and let them meet her. She had three more books in her series and we wanted to keep the readers interested and devoted to her.

I set about planning the stops to make and all of our arrangements for each stop. I glanced up at the clock and realized that it was way past lunch. I had worked for over five hours non-stop and without thinking of Edward. It felt nice but painful all at the same time. I longed to see his face and hear his voice. I knew deep down that I was wrong to not let him explain, even if the explanation was not what I wanted to hear. I just panicked and let my immature self doubts speak for me instead of taking the adult road.

I finished making a lunch plate for myself, and headed back to the make shift office. Charlotte was at the office gathering some promotional stuff and one other assistant that would be traveling with us. We were flying out first thing tomorrow morning.

I sat down to check my email again. I had over twenty emails but only two needed my attention. I deleted the junk, responded to the two, and opened the last remaining email in my inbox. It was another email from Edward.

To: bswan at littlebrownpublishing dot com

From: eamc620 at hotmail dot com

Re: When are you leaving?

Attachments:without_3;lost_in_3;all_out_of_3;here_I_3;one_that_you_3;making_love_out_of_nothing_at_3

Dear Bella,

Have you left yet? I don't know if you're gone and for how long. I hate not being able to talk to you. I miss you. I can't even tell you how much. I know that sounds weak since you have only been gone for a few days but I do. I don't even know if you are getting these emails. I hope you aren't deleting them.

I have thought a lot about the day you left here. And I have to say I'm sorry. I know that I did a few things wrong. We both did. But I'm sure this is something that we can both get past. I think once we talk things through, in the end I think that the mistakes that we have made will only serve to make us and our relationship stronger. We will both learn from this. I miss you, Baby. I can't stand being away from you. I want you home, I know that sounds possessive and crazy but I need to see you, feel you, and most of all hold you. I'm sorry; I wish you were here so that I could explain to you all the reasons why I am so very sorry. I mean it, this isn't some silly attempt at appeasing you. Bella, please have faith in us. Please, I'm begging you.

I'm sending you some more songs that I heard today on the elevator at work. I heard 'Without You' on the elevator and went to look it up in iTunes when I got home. That sent me on an Air Supply kick. I ended up with a lot of songs that I identified with. I know it's kind of cheesy to be sending you songs like we are still in Junior High, but I miss you and I can't help but listen to 'missing you' music. They made me think of you. I hope they don't upset you. I love you, Bella, more than you will ever know. I hope to see you soon.

Love,

E~

With every email, I feel worse about the pain I have caused him. I open the songs and add them to the 'Edward's Playlist' and listen to them. They pour out his pain and loneliness each one. I feel the tell tale signs of my tears, the stinging in my eyes, the burn in my chest and the ache in my heart. I want to run to him and tell him that we are going to be okay, that I trust him and will at least listen to him.

Charlotte came in with an arm full of posters, signs and all kinds of stuff for us to use on the tour. The excitement was showing on her face, the look was soon replaced when she was able to process the music that I was listening to.

"You doing okay Bella?"

"Yeah, about as good as I can be." I offered her a small smile. I wasn't able to muster up anything more than that.

I saved the email and closed out iTunes as Charlotte laid out the materials across the desk so we could plan. We worked until early evening. All of our plans were settled and our materials were packed up, ready to head fly out the next morning.

I picked at my pizza for dinner. The closer we came to leaving the more I regretted my decision to actually participate in this tour. I loved my job, and felt like this particular author had the potential to be a household name. But I didn't want to be here for anything in the world. I wanted to be in Edward's arms.

I packed my clothes and readied my stuff to leave. After that was finished I dropped into bed, all I could think about was Edward. All of the ways that he had tried to make changes, the ways that he had improved his life. I needed to take stock in my life and decide what works for me and what needs to be discarded. I would think this through on the plane tomorrow. Maybe focusing on that would keep me from breaking down at the thought of leaving Edward behind.

I pulled my notebook out of my bag and began to make a list of things that I wanted to change. I sat, tapping my pen on my chin when Charlotte moved into the unoccupied seat beside me.

"What has you in deep thought? Or do I need to ask?"

"You're probably on the right track but actually I'm thinking of all the things in my life that I need to purge. I mean Edward has such a clear cut idea of what he wants and how to get there. Me, nothing." I shrugged my shoulders and held up my empty hand to indicate my confusion. "I just wander from thing to thing. Never really being happy with how my life is turning out. I don't know how to change. All my life I have watched Renee wander from thing to thing, or boyfriend to boyfriend. I don't want that, I want to find my soul mate and settle down with him. I want a house, kids and a yard. Maybe I'm too afraid to reach out and take what is right in front of me. How could I push someone like Edward away?" My firm resolve to not cry dissolved when Charlotte gently put her arm around me and pulled me close to her chest.

"Bella, it's hard to know the exact right thing to do all the time. We are human and we will make mistakes. The difference is now that you know that was a mistake, what are you going to do about it?"

"I need to speak to Edward. Even if he tells me that he is leaving, I need to hear it. I have to give him the chance to be honest with me. I just don't know if I can take him telling me that he is leaving me. I loved Jacob, but I know that I never loved him the way I love Edward. He owns my heart and soul. What will I do if he is in love with…her?"

"You will let him go, that's all you can do. You can love him with all you have but you can't make him love you. I can tell you this though, I have seen the way he looks when he talks about you. He is so in love with you that anyone can see that. That isn't a fall in and out of love real quick type of emotion. He is in deep. Call him and tell him that you regret the decision. He will give you the chance to explain and you can give him his chance." Charlotte patted my head while she was rubbing soothing circles on my back. It made me miss Renee even more. Most of the time she was a real flaky mother but every so often when I had my break down and cry moments she was there to soothe me.

"I don't even know what to say to him. I don't even know how to explain my actions or reasons to why I did what I did. How can I make him understand when I don't even know what I'm feeling myself?" Every time I think that I'm making progress I fall back two steps. I really just wanted to be wrapped up in Edward's arms. He always seemed to know what I was trying to say and knew when to push me for more answers.

"You think on that, because you need to know what you're feeling before you can talk to him and explain it to him correctly. He deserves the full truth, and you won't feel any better until you acknowledge the full truth to yourself either." She patted my shoulder as she moved away from me.

Our first night in the hotel was free from any publicity obligations. I wasn't sure if that fact made me happy or sad. I guess that I did need the time to think. The only problem was when I thought of Edward, my chest hurt. His emails made me feel better about where we stood. I knew that Edward would never lie to me, he would not say that he was still in love with me if he had any kinds of feelings for Tanya at all. So, if he didn't have feelings for her then why was he on the street with her? And where exactly did that leave us?

I undressed and slid into bed. I grabbed my laptop so I could check to see if he sent me anymore emails. My heart accelerated at the thought of him wanting to contact me, maybe I hadn't done too much damage to our relationship. I opened my email program and waited while my emails downloaded. I had thirty six emails but none were from Edward. My heart sank a little at the reality that perhaps I had waited too long. I reread the last two emails he had sent to me. I closed the program when the pain became too much to take. As much as I wanted to be strong I just couldn't, I began to cry again.

As I analyzed the fear, I realized that most of it began with Renee and her history with men. Why did she spend years wandering from man to man trying to convince herself that each one was 'The One'. Then she when she met Phil she changed, her whole attitude changed. I needed to know what it was about Phil that changed her. I did the only possible thing that I could do, I picked up the phone and called her.

"Bella, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, mom. I'm sorry that I'm calling kind of late but I got to talk to you. Edward and I have had a big fight. And I don't know what to do."

"Aw, baby, tell me what happened. I don't know what I can do for you but I will be happy to at least listen." Her tone sounded motherly, I was once again surprised at the change in my mother in the six years since she had married Phil.

"Well, I told you about Edward and Tanya's past when he was away at college, right?" I knew that I had told her but I couldn't remember how much I had told her.

"Yeah." She responded.

"Well, He promised me that he wouldn't have anything to do with her ever again, especially after the whole phone call incident. But I saw them standing on the street wrapped in each other's arms. I freaked out and panicked. I ran home and packed some clothes. I wanted to get out of there before he came home. I'm not sure what I was thinking, my brain would only tell me to pack and run."

"Oh Bella. You didn't even let him explain?" She interrupted me.

"I know, I KNOW! I screwed up, I was so afraid to hear what he had to say. I was afraid that he would tell me that he was going to leave me for Tanya. I couldn't hear it from him, my heart wouldn't have made it through that. I WAS SO STUPID! Now I'm off on a three week publicity tour and the only place I really want to be is with Edward, so I can beg his forgiveness!" My body must have been tired of crying by this point in time because only silent tears fell down my cheeks.

"Bella, there is only one thing you can do and that is go back and find out what Edward is feeling. As much as it sucks you're just going to have to face the music, it won't get any easier the longer you wait."

"I plan on doing just that, but I need to ask you about something else as well. Actually, I need to talk to you about this more than the Edward thing. Cause I already had the Edward thing figured out, but this thing I need to talk to you about I don't know anything about at all. I mean I guess that part is obvious or else I wouldn't need to ask you about it. So, you know, can we talk about it?" I was rambling, word vomiting, whatever you wanted to call it. I was doing it. I wasn't sure how she would react to me asking personal questions about her love life and such.

"Sure. I've never tried to keep secrets from you, ask away." Renee was right, she never kept anything from me, she always talked to me like I was a small adult. I guess in many ways I'm thankful that she didn't try to treat me like a child when most of the time it was me taking care of her instead of the other way around.

"Well, I know that I didn't really pay much attention to a lot of the guys that you dated but I did notice that you seemed to change who you were based on the guy you were dating. And with each guy you would say the same thing to me 'Bella, this one is the one, I'm sure of it!' but then a few months later they were gone just like all of the ones before them. I guess I'm a little scared to settle down for good between you and Charlie, I don't know who got it right and how do I find the middle road that will make me happy. I kind of have relationship whiplash." Renee let out a large sigh, I was afraid that I charged in too fast. I should have went a little slower before asking the deep questions.

"I was so worried that this would happen to you. You're right you didn't have any good role models on that aspect did you? I guess you don't need to follow either of us. We each went the opposite routes didn't we?" She chuckled but it was a bittersweet sound. "I was trying too hard Bella. I tried to be who I thought those guys wanted, who they would love, when in fact I was running them off because I came across as a psychotic bitch. I couldn't keep up the façade 24/7 and would get tired of trying, so I would blame them when they would question who I really was. I spent many years trying to find my happiness in a man. I was so tired of it by the time that I met Phil that I didn't even try with him. I was just me, if he didn't like me then to hell with him. And it turns out that was the thing that I should have done years before. Phil liked me and I don't have to exhaust myself trying to be someone I wasn't. So we both are happy. I never realized that I had to be happy with myself before someone else could be happy with me. I tried to be who I thought they wanted and it didn't work. I'm sorry that you got mixed in between both of us."

"I know you and Dad tried to keep me out of it, but I guess no matter how hard you try it filters down. How did you learn to be happy with you?" That seemed to be the step that I couldn't master, I mean I was happy with Edward but was that a fluke?

"I just got tired of not being happy, of not enjoying my life. I got tired of searching for it. I decided that I was going to say to hell with it all and just do what I wanted each and every day, no matter what I was going to do what I wanted. I didn't care what anyone else thought, I made myself happy every day. Now, will it be that simple for you, I don't know. Only you know that. I will say this that you never sounded happier when you were with Edward. You sounded full of confidence and joy. So, what did you do during that time frame that made you happy?" I was astounded that the answer could be so simple. All I had to do was make myself happy each day. Wow!

"I just focused on what Edward and I wanted, we hung out with his family and just had fun. It wasn't really a conscience decision but I guess looking back at it I really did just do what made me happy each day. Well, with a few exceptions. I guess when it's good, it's really good and when it's bad it sucks ass!" We both broke out laughing.

"Why do you think Dad never dated after you and him broke up?" I figured I would see if her sage advice was going to help me solve this issue as well, I mean it wasn't like I could go and ask Charlie himself.

"I think that Charlie was just happy with the way things were. He didn't feel lonely like I did, he didn't miss the companionship like I did. Now, don't get me wrong you father was a wonderful husband but I think he subscribed to the phrase 'If it ain't broke don't fix it!' and to him his life wasn't broke. Besides how many hot lonely single mothers do you think wanders through good old Forks, Washington? I don't think he ever came across anyone that tickled his fancy. I do know that he went out with Sue Clearwater a few times the last year or so before he was killed. But I think by then they both were happy with their lives and didn't see the need to change much. So, as much as you think he was lonely, I don't really think he was. Charlie was a simple man and I think he liked his simple life." I was surprised that my mom seemed to know so much about my dad.

"You talk like you know this for sure and you two talked about it. Did you talk about it?" I stuttered out.

"Well yeah we talked. Not so much at first but later things got easy for us and we were kind of good friends. I asked his advice about lots of things, home repair, guys, car stuff, and all kinds of stuff. I asked him several times about the girlfriend status and he in so many words told me exactly what I told you, so yeah I know." My jaw was on the floor, I couldn't believe that so much of my parent's life I was oblivious about. I must have walked around with my head up my own ass for a lot of the time.

"Wow, I never knew this about you two. I spent so much time anguishing over the terrible lives I thought you two thought you had and in all reality you both were fairly happy the whole time. I guess I got a lot of stuff wrong." I was speechless.

"it just goes to show you, Bella, that when you over think things they get bigger in your head than they really are. Stop over thinking and just live. I showed the kids in class the other day this movie "Finding Nemo", have you seen it? It's a great movie and Ellen Degeneres does the voice of this fish Dorie, she sings a song all the way through, 'Just keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming'. That's what you need to do, Bella, is just keep swimming. Don't let this get you down. Do what feels right to you and don't let anyone talk you out of it. Sure you'll make mistakes, we all do, but for the most part you won't regret your life when you're old and lying on your death bed looking back. Does that clear things up for you?"

"Yeah, mom, I guess it does. I just expected a long complicated answer and it really was so simple I was over looking it 'cause I was looking for the hard answer." Laughter was bubbling its way out of my throat and I didn't try to fight it back down. I opened my mouth and let it loose.

"Bella, go home and tell Edward how you feel, beg his forgiveness for your mistakes and see how he feels. It can only go one of two ways, either way you need to know so you can move forward. I love you, sweetheart; I know you will do the right thing. Good night, Bella."

"Thanks, mom. I love you too, I will call you and let you know how things go."

I set the alarm on my phone and laid it down on the night stand. I didn't lay awake tonight, my mind was at ease enough that I slipped off into sleep easily.

I spent the next week knowing what I needed to do but still avoiding the actual doing it part. I didn't want to leave Charlotte in the middle of the publicity tour, she had been so good to me. She took me in and helped me when I needed someone desperately. I just couldn't leave her without help. So, I put off going back home to Forks. I had not gotten another email from Edward. I did get several from Alice and Rosalie. I had already apologized for running out on them as well. I dropped communication with both of them as well. I missed them both so much. I knew that they both were trying to stay out of the middle so we didn't talk about Edward at all. They both took great pains to talk about everything but Edward. And I was too stupid to ask, again I was afraid that they would tell me that Edward and Tanya were hanging out together again. Besides I needed to hear whatever the outcome was from Edward. I owed him that much to allow him to have his say and me have mine. I knew that if Alice or Rosalie told me what was going on in his life and it wasn't what I wanted to hear I would not go back and give him his time. So, we all avoided that topic and we got along just fine.

I threw myself into my work and worked for as long as I could each day. I still wasn't able to sleep on a regular basis, but I really didn't think that I would be able to until I was able to settle this matter for once and all. I worked until I was exhausted and then fell asleep. I thought I was hiding it well, I guess not because Charlotte called me into her suite to talk to me.

"Bella, how are you?" She hadn't looked up at me yet, she kept reading the paper in front of her face.

"I'm fine, Charlotte, I'm learning so much from this tour. I like that I can see and learn stuff that I couldn't learn in the office. I'm so glad that I cam…" I stopped at this point because Charlotte dropped the paper she held in front of her and cut me the do-you-think-I'm-buying-this-shit look.

"Bella, I don't believe the shit you're spewing anymore than you do. You're miserable and want to be back in Forks right now. Don't give me that look, we both know I'm right and the fact that you aren't disputing it just proves my point. What I can't figure out is why you haven't asked to go home yet."

Shit, I didn't want to leave her alone without help and piss her off. Now, she is acting pissed that I'm staying. "Charlotte, I didn't want to leave you without help. So far we have both worked our asses off and if I leave that will leave you with more work to do. I couldn't do that to you after all you have done for me. I do want to go home and get all of this out in the open but I just can't leave you. I told Edward that I would be home in three weeks so he won't be hurt if I don't come home sooner."

"Bella, you aren't sleeping, you aren't eating and if you aren't focusing on some work related item, you're off in space. I think it is only a matter of time before you drop from exhaustion or lack of food. Remember I have been in your place before, I know what it is like. Go home and I will have Lauren join us on the next stop. She is a smart girl and besides if I'm promoting you I will need someone to take your place so it's time that she learns the ropes as well. Now, here is your ticket, it is non refundable so go and pack your shit and go back to Forks. Go and get your man back! You have an hour and a half before your flight takes off, and the ride to the airport is about twenty minutes. There is a car waiting for you, so go! You can thank me when I see you in the office. Take the rest of the week off and report Monday. Bye Bella." I turned and rushed from her room. I was going to go home to Forks, tonight!

Charlotte's POV

I stared at the closed door I wasn't lying to Bella before when we talked about my situation, I had been in her position before. Thank God she didn't ask me how it turned out, I didn't want to dash her hopes. I knew without a doubt that Edward was a stronger, better man than Garrett had ever been. I had no doubt that Edward would do the right thing. But I was going to make sure that he had a push in the right direction.

I slid out from behind the desk where I sat and went to my room. I opened my briefcase, where I had placed Bella's discarded cell and pulled up the number that I needed.

"Hello." The voice sounded every bit as concerned as I knew it would.

"Hello, I'm sorry for calling so late in the evening. My name is Charlotte Grant, Bella Swan works for me. May I please speak to Esme Cullen?" I was silently hoping that I was not making a big fucking mistake.

"This is Esme, is Bella alright?"

"Yes, she is as good as she can be, but I need your help." I relayed everything to Esme. We talked like we were old friends, our common goal of helping Bella find her way back home joined us. I told Esme about her last two weeks with me, her depression, her weight loss, her nightmares, everything. I relayed the flight info for the flight that I booked for Bella. She wrote it all down, and promised to be there to pick up Bella.

"Esme, I've come to love her like a daughter, and I know that you do as well. She promised me she would be strong enough to fight for Edward. Make her fight, don't let her give up and regret this for the rest of her life. Promise me this?"

"I want nothing more, Edward wants her home so bad. He has been nearly insane trying to figure out how to get in touch with her. He has pissed off half of your employees and security has threatened to have him arrested if he showed up at the office one more time. He truly loves her and wants her home. I know I'm his mother and this will sound biased, but he really didn't do anything wrong this time. It was a misunderstanding, please believe me. Edward had been searching for Bella to tell her this." Her voice sounded pained and truthful. I know mothers will favor their child but something in Esme's plea made me believe that this was really the case.

"Thank you for your help." It wasn't enough but it was all I could say to her. My heart pleaded to whatever higher power that would listen to me that Bella and Edward would work this out.

"No, Charlotte, thank you. You took care of her when we couldn't, when no one else could. I'm indebted to you. I will be there to pick her up and bring her home. Can I call you later and let you know how things went?"

"I would expect nothing less." I responded.

"Goodnight Charlotte."

"Same to you, Esme."

For the first time in two weeks I felt hope for Bella. The despair was pushed to the bottom of my heart, to the part where I kept my regrets and failed dreams. Bella's life would take a different turn than mine did, I would see to it.