Playlist:Coffeeshop Soundtrack-All Time Low;Dear Maria, Count Me in-All Time Low;Supermassive Black Hole-Muse;Rock Star-Nickelback;Boom Boom Pow-BEP;You Give Love a Bad Name- Bon Jovi(cause who doesn't love some Bon Jovi?)
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It's just like déjà vu, me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I'll find the one that I'll spend forever with
'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nickelback- Gotta Be Somebody
Chapter 4- Gotta Be Somebody
Edward's POV
We entered the house by the front door to avoid all of the mess from the kitchen. We were both still a little excited from the rush of racing home.
"Hey Bella, don't feel bad for losing, you're not a bad driver. I'm just a better one!" I shouted as I took off running; I knew she was going to retaliate somehow. I stopped and hid behind the living room door; I was trying to be quite but my ringing cell phone didn't help that at all. And of course it was Emmett, so "Me So Horny" was blaring from my hip. It made me laugh every time I heard it, but I couldn't resist, it was so Emmett. I heard Bella chuckle from the other side of the wall.
"Em, what's up?" I whispered, again trying to be quiet.
"Don't play coy with me, little brother. I want dirt on last night, and now." He practically shouted at me.
"Dude, are you a chick now? Since when do we do our nails and gossip?" I responded, giving up on the quiet thing.
"Jasper and I are going to the gym. That makes what we do there manly, so even if we gossip, it is manly gossip. That makes it all ok. Grab your shit and meet us there. Besides, I saw your pitiful little chest; you need some upper body and a little ab work. Are you in? That is, if you can pull yourself off of Bella's ass?" He snickered at that remark. He was so juvenile, and I think the older he was getting, the more it came out.
"Don't make me call Rosalie and tell her about the time you scratched her-"
I didn't get to finish before he was yelling, "Dude, why would you want me castrated like that? I thought we agreed to never bring that up again. Don't you want nieces and nephews? Come on, you in?" he asked in a calmer voice.
"Sure, I will be there in 20." And I hung up, not giving him any more chances to insult me.
"Bella, I gotta go and meet Em and Jaz. What are you going to do today?" I called to her from behind the door like she didn't know I was there.
"I already told you, unpacking my stuff. I need to go and buy some bookshelves and set up all my books, so maybe a little shopping. When will you be back, do you want to have dinner together?" she responded as I stepped from behind the door.
What is this grade school that she would blush at asking me eat dinner with her, but ahh,,I did love the way Bella looked when she blushed.
"Sure, why don't I get Emmett's jeep and we can shop for bookshelves, and then have dinner on the way home?" I offered.
"That is great; I wasn't sure how I was going to get bookshelves in the Audi, so perfect. What time do you want to meet?" Her voice was pure silk. I watched her as she was digging in her purse, her bottom lip sucked between her teeth. Maybe Emmett was right; I was hanging on her every move.
"What about five? That will give me time to work out with Em and Jaz, shower and be ready for dinner. Where do you want to meet?"
"What about that little furniture place on 5th avenue? Then we can eat Mexican around the corner, does that sound ok?" she asked me, as I gazed into her beautiful eyes. Her eyes were so expressive when she spoke, they lit up and showed off the small flecks of gold around the edges.
"Sure, see you then." I leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "Besides with Emmett, Jasper, and me occupied, I won't be surprised if you get a call any minute to go and do some girly stuff."
Her phone started ringing as I finished the statement, so we both started laughing, and I headed off to the stairs.
"Hey Alice. No, I'm not busy and yes, I'll meet you." She was still laughing.
"No, I'm not laughing at you per se. Edward was just saying with Emmett, Jasper, and him occupied don't be surprised if I get a call asking for me to do some girly stuff, and before he could even finish, you called. So we were laughing at how right he was."
There was a few seconds of silence, and then Bella continued. "Uhm, well yes, I know, you have told me before several times. I have to shower and change, so give me about fourty minutes and then we can meet up. Is Rosalie already with you?"
I was dying to know what Alice asked her, but she didn't repeat that part out loud, so I assumed the girls wanted to gossip as well.
"Ok, why don't you two come and pick me up and that will give me time. Also I am meeting Edward to buy some bookshelves afterwards so that way we can ride together back home. Is that good?" She questioned Alice. I could see her logic of not wanting to leave a car in town.
Silence again.
"We can talk about that later. Are you going to come and get me or not?" Bella paused for a few seconds that Alice must have given in because Bella finished with, "Ok, see you then." She flipped her phone shut.
I stepped into my room as she came up the stairs so she wouldn't think I was eavesdropping on her phone call, but I was dying to know what Rosalie, Alice, and her talked about. Did Bella gossip about me, and if so, how much has she told the other two? Did she bring up what happened on the dance floor at the club, and how did she explain us sleeping in the same bed last night?
I packed up my gym bag and put in clean clothes for dinner with Bella. I made sure I had everything I needed and headed down the hall. I could hear Bella's shower running, and I couldn't get the image of her in that bathing suit out of my mind. I could only imagine how much better she would be without the small scraps of cloth covering the parts I really wanted to see. Before I knew what I was doing, I was stepping into her room and towards her bathroom. I stopped short of her bathroom door.
"Bella?" I called out as I was knocking.
"Edward, I'm in the shower. What's up I thought you were leaving?"
"I just wanted to say goodbye and make sure you were ok showering with John and his crew downstairs working?" I could see her outline in the shower doors; they were fogged up so all I could see was the silhouette, but it was enough to make me want to stay.
"No, I'm fine. They never come up here, and I will be done in a few minutes and dressed, thanks for checking on me. I will see you later?" she called back.
"Ok, bye Bella." I stayed put for a few seconds, watching Bella through the shower doors. Her head was tossed backwards towards the water, and her back was bent. She was reaching up to rinse shampoo out of her hair, causing her breasts to jut outward. She was beautiful.
I went downstairs to the Volvo. I had to rush so I wasn't late to meet the guys. I spent too much time watching Bella in the shower washing her hair.
I made it on time to the gym and locked up my bag. I found Emmet and Jasper on the treadmills, as I hooked up my iPod and switched to my workout playlist. I started the treadmill and took off. Jasper and Emmett waited until our run was finished before launching the questions. None of them wanted to look like pussies when they couldn't run and talk at the same time. Emmett may have me beat with lifting weights, but I could run circles around him and Jasper, and they both knew it. When my eight miles was done, I grabbed a towel and my water bottle. I sat down and tried to take a drink and slow my heart.
Emmett started spouting questions at me, that I'm sure was killing him to wait for.
"Dude, spill it. What is up with you and Bella? I saw you two on the dance floor and passed it off as a drunken thing, but last night… what the fuck?" He spat at me.
"I know, I know. Jasper already had this talk with me, I don't know. I can't stay away from her. It's like she pulls me to her without even trying. She doesn't look too upset to be with me, so don't give me any hell for this. I am trying." I tried to make them understand that this wasn't a voluntary thing.
"What do you mean you are trying? Get your shit together. She's like our sister. You can't hit it when it belongs to your sister. Do better." Emmett threw back at me. Why did he have to choose now to grow up on me?
"Emmett, do you hear yourself? You and Rosalie and Jasper and Alice have been fucking for years. We were all adopted by Carlisle and Esme so technically, you all are brother and sister, so don't lecture me. I know I am fucked up and she wants her soul mate. I'm trying to stay away, but every time I do she comes to me. We stayed last night at Carlisle and Esme's, we started off in separate bedrooms, but a few hours later, Bella came to my room." I knew I was dropping a bomb on them, but they needed to know she was seeking me out as often as I went to her.
"What?" Jasper and Emmett both cried out like two little parrots.
I held up my hand, I wanted to stop the talk before it began. "We only slept in the bed, nothing else happened. She came in and asked to stay. I said yes, and we talked. She fell asleep and so did I. We are adults, so why are you so sure we can't handle this 'whatever' we have going here?" I was offended that my own brothers were judging me for me for liking Bella.
"Bella is fragile. She is not like Alice and Rosalie, and she can't handle heartbreak. Besides if you do screw this up, it will turn into an angry hostile situation for all of us. The girls will be so mad that we will all be sleeping in the dog house for a few years, and you know I can't go without boning Rosalie for that long. So please for my sake, be careful." Emmett begged.
I nodded and dropped my head down into my hands. I heard Emmett walk off heading towards the weights. I sat in silence for a few minutes. I could tell Jasper's approach by his steady quiet footsteps. As much as I didn't want to talk with Emmett anymore, I wanted to talk to Jasper even less. Jasper was too observant for my own liking, and he knew when I was talking bullshit before anyone else. He and Alice were the two people that I could never hide from. I took in a deep steadying breath.
"Do you really care for her?" Jasper asked quietly.
"Yes, but I'm not sure how yet," I replied without even looking up at him.
"What do you mean 'how'?"
"I mean, I don't know if she is a hook up, or if she could be more, that's what I mean. I know Bella is too special for a hook up, so I fight with myself, but God help me, Jasper. I really can't stay away from her. She really pulls me in like she has her own gravitational field. Everything about her intrigues me from her stupid strawberry body-wash to her blushes, and don't even get me started on what her body does to me," I sighed. I was in so deep, I couldn't see the way out, and the sad thing was I didn't really want to find the way out.
"Maybe you feel more for her than having a casual fling, all those things don't sound like a casual thing, sounds like she is deep under your skin. Besides I know you, you never really were a hook up man anyway. Why don't you sit down and talk with her about how you feel? She must feel something for you. She is always looking at you, and she didn't push you away on the dance floor. Talk to her, maybe this can turn into something serious," He suggested, and often Jasper's suggestion turned out to be the best advice I received.
I was suddenly angry; he had no idea that I would never be what she wanted me to be. I had too much baggage and didn't know how to get rid of it.
"Jasper, just back off. I'm not Bella's soul mate, like you seem to think I am. Let it go, ok. I will slowly pull away so I don't hurt her feelings and then we both can move on. Just don't bring this up to Alice, I can't handle her interference in this." My tone was a little too harsh, and I felt bad for it, but I needed him to understand that I couldn't be the soul mate Bella longed for.
"Why are you so sure that you can't be her soul mate? You two have known each other for forever, and you have always had a lot in common. You both want the same things out of life so what is holding you back?" He pushed.
"Jasper, I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully. I fucked up a lot while I was away at college. Tanya followed me out there and our life was hell. I have a lot of baggage from her and our relationship. I can't be what Bella wants, so let it go."
"Edward, why didn't you tell any of us this before?" He sat up slightly and leaned in towards me, his voice dropping as he said this.
"Because I didn't want any of your pity. I made the mess with Tanya, I didn't need anyone rushing in and cleaning it up for me, and that is what Esme would have wanted to do. Besides, I couldn't stand for you all to know how bad I messed things up. I needed to feel like I took care of myself for the sake of my manhood. What kind of husband would I ever make if I knew I couldn't even take care of myself or my family?" I reasoned with him.
"Well, I do understand that point, but why didn't you call me, at least so I can listen and be there for you? You didn't have to go through this alone. Can I ask details and how bad it was?" He genuinely wanted to help I could see the concern on his face, so I slowly began to tell him.
"Tanya came out about three months after I did; she said she was sorry for all the stuff she said and wanted to try again. I thought it would be good for us; we were in a new city and alone. No friends or family to mess us up. If we couldn't make it like this, then we were never going to make it, so I took her in. She was fine for a little while, but then she took a job as a cocktail waitress in the evenings. That slowly proceeded to a dancer, with all her clothes on but not much different. She started going out with her new friends from the club and a few times not coming home at all. Eventually, I realized that she had started doing drugs. I told her she had to get clean or leave. She started crying and begging me to help her. She said she knew that none of her new friends even cared about her, they were just using her. She said I was all she had. She talked me into buying small amounts of drugs for her, so that I could help her lower what she was taking until she had weaned herself off. The doctor in me kicked in and I couldn't tell her no. Well we went on this rollercoaster of ups and downs. She would do great for a few days and then she would sneak off while I was at class. Then she stayed gone longer and longer, and always came home stoned out of her mind. I finally told her she had to go, so I took her to rehab and left her there. I moved and changed phone numbers. That was the night I talked to Carlisle and he mentioned that Alice had come to him about the house. I started thinking that if I came home maybe that would be enough distance for me to try to clear my head. I just wanted to help her, I thought I loved her. But she destroyed that piece by piece until all I felt was hate. She turned me into someone I didn't even recognize, and I am not sure that I can become the old Edward again. I want to, God knows I want to, but how? Now you see why I can't be what Bella needs, how can I risk that again? If it fails with Bella, I am sure it will destroy both of us, not just her." I lowered my head again; I didn't want Jasper to see the unshed tears in my eyes.
He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.
"You have a lot to clean up, but it is not impossible, and if anyone is strong enough to help you it is Bella. I have never seen a person who is so fragile be so strong. She scares me more than Alice or Rosalie when she is mad. You never know what the quiet ones will do. Edward, I only have one more question for you and then we are done."
I looked up at him, and nodded.
"Did you ever try the drugs, and do you need help in any way?" He looked me in the eyes and his gaze never wavered.
"No, I saw what it was doing to Tanya, so I was smart enough not to. She tried to get me to several times. I think, in her mind, if we both wanted them, then she wasn't so weak, you know? So I am and always have been clean. I don't need that kind of help, but I am thinking I may need to, you know, see a therapist of something, maybe one of those AA groups for the families of people who are addicts. I am still thinking this through. I will let you know."
He nodded this time and walked away. I went over to the machines and started the rotation for my upper body. I turned my iPod up as loud as I could take it, I needed to let it all go for now, I would have time later to think about what to do.
Emmett came up when he was done with his machines, and he snapped me on the ass with his towel. So I was done with my solitude and we were once again three brothers.
Emmett and I worked on my abs, well actually he held me down and I worked. True to Emmett, he talked so much shit that I was able to forget the heavy emotions and enjoy being home with my brothers again.
All in all, it was a great day, but I only had an hour to meet Bella. I headed for the showers, followed by Jasper and Emmett.
"So just like that you are going to abandon us and hang with Bella again?" Emmett pouted while we were showering, which kind of gave me a creepy feeling, watching his face over the half wall separating the stalls. Jasper just muttered under his breath, I am not sure but it sounded something like 'pussy'.
"Well she asked me to help her buy some bookshelves, and I suggested dinner afterwards since we can't use the kitchen. So sorry, I couldn't leave her to buy bookshelves alone, can you imagine the damage at that store with her trying to deal with two sets of bookshelves alone? I really am doing a favor to the citizens of Port Angeles." I smiled a cheesy smile at them both. "Besides call the girls. They would probably love to grab dinner together, unless you have other plans."I knew that Alice and Rosalie would both cancel anything they had going to eat with us. That was the good thing about my family, they all loved being with each other as much as I did.
Once we were done showering and dressed, Emmett dialed Rosalie and put her on speaker. That always saved a lot of time relaying info, we spoke so often by speaker phone, and it felt weird talking without it.
"Hey babe, are you with the other two musketeers?" he asked Rosalie, his voice echoing in the empty locker room.
"Emmett, of course who did you think I was with?" Snarky Rose was in full force.
"What are you three wearing and is there mud involved?" Emmett asked as Jasper slapped the back of his head.
"Dude, what the hell, that is my woman you are talking about. Wait…is there mud involved?" Jasper asked.
"No you two juveniles, we were at the spa. We got a facials and mani-pedi's. So hold on to your socks boys because we are even more beautiful than ever. What did you three dunces do?" I could hear movement in the background but couldn't tell what the noise was.
"We worked out, and we are ready for your beauty. Listen a little birdie told me that Eddie here and Bella are meeting up to shop for bookcases and then head off to dinner. So I was wondering what we were doing for dinner and if we could join them?" Emmett finally got around to the real reason of his call.
"Well that depends, where are they going?" She asked.
"I don't know." He turned to me and said, "Eddie, where are you going to eat?"
"We were planning to meet at that little furniture shop on 5th Avenue and then the Mexican restaurant that has the great salsa, and the real Mexican beer," I answered him.
"Oh, Rosie we have to go, I love that place. They have the greatest salsa ever." He sounded like a child begging for one more lollipop.
"Ok we will meet you three there at five," she consented.
"Thanks babe, you are the best ever." Emmett had no business calling anyone pussy whipped, because he was the president and founding member of the club.
"You bet your ass I am." The line went dead.
"Ok boys we have ourselves a date with three hot women. So what do we do until 5?" Emmett slid his phone closed and dropped it into his pocket. He looked up with a large grin.
We each looked from one to the other and all said at the same time, "Pool Hall!"
We jumped into Emmett's jeep and headed off to the pool hall to waste time.
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