Metal Pointe- Chapter 3B

Bella

The next few days went well; I was so busy with dance that I didn't see Edward that much. We had to try out for a new production tomorrow and that always made my life even more hectic than usual. A new production meant that there would be extra practices and fittings for the costumes. This time was no exception. Mademoiselle wanted Jessica, Victoria, and I try out for Prima.

I danced for hours the night before; I wanted it to be perfect. It had to be, being Prima was all Renee talked about. How it would change where I would be able to dance this summer and how this would be an important time for me as a dancer. This was when all the really important dance troupes began to look for young new faces. Blah, blah, blah! I tuned her out and just focused on me. No matter who was in front of me, I danced for Edward.

I pictured the look on his face when I began to move. It was priceless. His eyes became large and joyful. His face settled into a lazy smile and his head bobbed to the music and my movements. I loved it, he made me feel sexy and special. He was why I danced.

As I stepped into the bathroom, I began to think of my plan to destroy our friendship and for once I didn't have to gag myself to bring up my dinner. It came automatically. I ran outside because I could be heard from my bathroom if I threw up. My brain kicked into high gear as I grabbed a juice bottle off of the counter as I ran by. I at least wanted something to rinse my mouth with so if I had to talk to anyone on my way back upstairs I wouldn't smell like a trash can. I stood in the little cubby hole that Edward showed me years ago by the trash cans and emptied my stomach. After I was done, I swigged the juice, swished it around and spit it out, then drank from the bottle again.

I heard the last thing I needed right now, I heard Edward call out to me. I tensed and waited to see if he would go away but his voice just got louder as he called a second time. Then he tapped me on the shoulder. I dropped the juice to the ground and turned slowly to face him.

He was dressed way different than I had ever seen him, of course I had never seen him dressed for a concert. Renee made sure that I never made it to one of those. I had no idea if he looked this way all the time or if this was a new look but I had to get used to it. It only made me realize just how far apart we had grown. There was a time when we knew everything about each other and now it saddened me to look at the large chunks of his life I didn't witness. It was further proof that I had to give him a chance to grow on his own and make his way.

The honesty written on his face made me say something that was totally opposite from what I had planned right then. "I'm scared, Edward."

Of course as soon as I said that he went all Captain Caveman for me and promised to kick anyone's ass that got too close. I stopped that thought with a head shake and a few small tears. I spilled my heart to him and told him all about my fears. How I was afraid that I would disappoint everyone, and the constant pressures I felt I was under.

He reassured me that this was just a case of me being too far inside of my head. I wanted to laugh but he stepped closer to me and nuzzled my hair, then my neck as he spoke. I lost all track of my thoughts, they just packed their bags and flew south for the winter because they were no longer in my head. I whispered the wrong word, I whispered his name. It encouraged him and before I could stop him he had his mouth against mine.

Now, I had kissed Edward before but never like this. His mouth pressed against mine and both sets of lips opened simultaneously. I felt his tongue slide into my mouth and I couldn't help but moan at the feel of him. The way his body invaded mine, the touch of his skin as his hand manipulated my neck and head to mold better with his face. The slight way his body pressed me against the posts of our fence. It was too much, yet not enough. I wanted it and so much more. But I couldn't have it. I had to get away. Yet my body refused to move.

His hands roamed my body and my legs acted on impulse, they tangled themselves around his waist and held on for dear life. He pressed his large hands, the very hands that I had watched so many times as he played the piano for me and fantasized about, along the curve of my ass. Our faces broke apart when we needed air and when my head dropped down to my shoulder for support, he began to kiss along my ear. His name fell from my lips, over and over again. The feelings were indescribable.

All thoughts were lost of the plan and how to enact it until his mouth snapped me back into reality. He begged me to love him, to be his, he even called me by his pet name…Princess. I had to stop this now. I couldn't promise those things no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't. He deserved more. More than me, more than a dancer who had a crazy psychotic mother, more than a sick individual that made herself threw up just to be what other's wanted her to be. He deserved the best, someone that would encourage him, be strong for him and love him with her full heart like he deserved.

Distance, that was the key because as long as his body was tangled with mine in any fashion, I wouldn't say what I needed to say. So I pushed away and spoke before my heart could talk me out of it.

I told him about my needs and how I didn't have time for love, or him. I watched as his face crumbled, the pain clearly written there for me to see. I turned away and began to pace, I just had to get more distance so that I could finish what I started.

I raised my voice and spoke words that I knew would hurt him, hurt him badly. Bad enough that he would be stunned and give me a chance to leave without worry that he would follow me. I had to get away before I broke down and stayed with him. I knew that if I was honest with him and told him how I was no good for him then he would talk me out of it. I had to do this for him. He deserved better.

I jumped the fence and ran back into my house.

Thankfully, my parents were both upstairs, so I could make a clean get away up to my room. I shut off the light and threw myself into my bed. I ached all over, I had just pushed away the one person that loved me unconditionally. Not only did he love me but he professed that love, out loud. And I shunned him. I wanted to kick my own ass for that. But it was for the best!

The next day I danced, danced for Edward, even though he would never see me. I felt like I did well but I had no way to know until Monday when positions were announced. I wanted to celebrate but it felt wrong without Edward so I just danced in my room while I thought of him. It broke my heart all over again I felt so raw and wounded without him, I broke down in tears.

I should have known that he would see me, he always had a way of knowing what I felt and when I needed him. His face popped up in my window and I opened it without hesitation. As soon as he climbed in he had me in his arms. He asked me why I cried and like an idiot I was honest with him. I guess all these years that we have been friends, I just didn't know any other way. He was the one person in my life that I was completely honest with, all others got the fake me. My body must not have known when to shut it off.

I told him that I missed him and he repeated my answer. He held me when I cried and allowed me to curl into his lap to settle myself down. We talked about why this happened to us, and I finally spoke the words I need to say… "Because we love each other too much. It's too intense between us and the real world only wants to tear us apart."

He talked about our future but I had to shut that down. Eventually I would have to stop believing in the future and live for now. Otherwise I would spend my life on what might have been and never let him go. So, I pulled a girl move and picked a fight. I showed him all the obstacles and he tried his best to be optimistic about things. Until I pulled out the only card he couldn't trump. The 'you are not good enough for me' card, basically I told him that I couldn't give up my dreams for him. I yelled at him because he made me feel safe when he really couldn't promise that. I picked on him for smoking pot, anything to belittle him and make him run away.

I felt the tears as they burned the backs of my eyes. I hated myself and my choices. I hated the fact that Renee couldn't be happy with me as a normal child, instead she had to go and push her dreams off on me. I hated that I couldn't be here for Edward to support him like he had done for me all these years.

So I raised my voice one more time and all but pushed him out of my window. He had no idea that it really was because he needed to be gone before the tears started, not because I actually wanted him gone.

I heard him as he beat against something in his back yard. Each hit made me cry that much harder, the tears streamed down my face. I wanted to die without him. I couldn't make it, he was my everything. Literally, everything. But I couldn't ask him to give up so much for me, he had talent and he shouldn't waste it. I refused to let him waste it.

His Aunt Esme always said that if it was meant to be it would happen one day, I hoped she was right. I prayed that she had not just made shit up to make two stupid kids feel better.

The next few weeks were hell. I felt like hell, I looked like hell and I danced like hell. I wanted no part of it, I resented the ballet and I resented my mom because she made me choose the ballet over Edward. Then it dawned on me that if I had not chosen the ballet I would still have to let Edward go because he wouldn't be able to take me with him on the road.

So I decided I might as well occupy my mind with the only thing I had left in my life now. Dancing.

Metal Pointe- Chapter 3A

EPOV-age 15/16

Life pissed me off.

I had good parents; they left me alone for the most part and usually trusted my decisions. At this point, I'd never really given them a reason not to. My dad had caught me as I came home high one night. The next day, we'd had a long talk about marijuana and the effects it could have on me... I knew it was wrong, but I was fifteen, a rocker and I wanted to get high. I wasn't hurting anyone. I wasn't driving or stealing to get weed.

But, tonight had just been a bad night all the way around.

One of the band members, Garrett, had tried coke for the first time and completely fucked up a paying gig. We wound up owing the guy more than we made, so we were all pissed.

Then, I had to deal with the band 'ho's who constantly tried to get in my pants. I'd repeatedly told them to fuck off but they continued to follow me around. I'd never wanted to slap a bitch in all my life until that skank, Denali, tried to force her tongue in my mouth. Jasper got her off me just in time.

Thankfully, my parents were not at home when I got there a few minutes past curfew and therefore, couldn't catch me. So, I went in and snuck out the back door to smoke a cig before they got home.

I had this little cubby hole between my house and Bella's where I could sit, undetected, smoke and watch her in her room. I loved watching her dance; her body poised and graceful, her inhibitions non-existent.

I just wished that she could show that side of herself to the world. It would make both of our lives that much easier.

Truth was I just missed her.

This whole 'secret friends' thing wasn't working so well for me. I wanted to hear her laugh at my friends' stupid jokes. I wanted to sing for her when we played in the garage working out a new tune.

She calmed me. She made me feel like I had a purpose besides my music.

But, with the directions that both of our lives were headed, we had to keep it on the down low so that Renee would lay off Bella some. Most of my friends didn't know her and as Bella wasn't allowed to have friends, I was the only one that knew about me in her life.

I took a drag off my smoke and waited to see her, but her room was barely lit, so I wasn't sure if she was home or not. I sat there and listened to the stillness of the woods as I finished up my cig, snuffed it out before I heard something.

A sniffle.

A gag.

I knew it was Bella. So, I slowly made my way down the fence line. There she was, in the indention where the trash cans go, she was bent over like she was sick so I jumped the fence and whisper yelled at her, "Bella, are you okay?"

She stiffened and stood up straight. I could tell she was wiping her face off but she wouldn't turn to face me.

"Bella, I said are you alright?" I asked as I tapped her shoulder to which she just nodded her head. I stepped up behind her. "Princess, turn around...look at me," I demanded in her ear as I lowered my head. Her scent flooded my nose and I had to fight the urge to lean my whole body into hers.

I got so tired of fighting my urges around her. My dick got tired of the pounding it took when I let it get too overwhelmed and whacked the shit out of it later.

She ever so slowly turned to me but wouldn't raise her head, keeping her face hidden behind all of her hair. I put my finger under her chin and tilted her head up, it was dark but I could make out her features in the silver moonlight. She was radiant in this light.

"Why are you out here, alone and crying, Princess?" I asked as I worked to dry her tears.

She looked at me, like really look at me and gasped. My appearance threw her off a little, I'm sure. It was the first time she'd seen me in full concert 'gear' I guess you could say.

My hair was twisted and spiked in a row on top of my head and each spike was a different color. I had all my piercings in, the viper bites, eyebrow, nose ring, the labret in my chin and the dimple piercing in my cheek. I also had on some eyeliner. It was slowly becoming a new everyday look for me, but as we didn't always see each other every day anymore, I'm sure it was rather stark differences to her eyes.

"I'm scared, Edward." She said softly as she backed up to lean on the fence posts.

"Of what, Princess? Has someone hurt you? You know I'll kick anyone's ass that harms you. That will never change," I said as my blood began to boil at the thought of anyone hurting my Bella.

She vehemently shook her head. "No, no one but myself. I can't get the weight off. I can't get the toe positions right. I'm just scared I am going to fail everyone." A few stray tears escaped her eyes as I pulled her tight against me.

"Bella, you could never disappoint anyone. You don't see how amazing you are and the way you dance takes my breath away." I nuzzled my nose through her hair to find the soft, pale skin of her neck as I spoke to her. You need to add something about him moving forward since in the last paragraph she moved back.

I couldn't help myself being this close to her; she had to know how I felt, what she meant to me...I needed more of her.

"Edward..." she whispered just before my lips captured hers. It was soft and gentle and our bodies molded together as her fists tightened around my shirt against my chest and my hands slid to her hips, pressing her against me.

"Oh my Princess," I breathily whispered before capturing her lips against, more forceful this time as I pushed her body hard against the fence posts. She moaned in response and opened her lips to my waiting tongue.

I stifled the groan in my throat as our tongues twirled around the others and our tastes collided into a mesh of metal and heat. I couldn't get enough of her as our hands were suddenly clawing at one another and I lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around me. I palmed her sweet ass and licked her ear as she panted my name into the quiet night air.

"Princess, I love you...please be mine," I begged as I kissed softly along her collarbone while her head was thrown back.

In that moment it was like all of time stopped.

Her head snapped up, her eyes opened wide and she pushed off my chest, forcing me to put her down.

"No, Edward. No, no, no. I don't have time for you...I don't have time for love. It would just be one more thing I'm a failure at," she said as her arms were frantically moving around in the air as she pushed me away and began to pace along the small cubby we were hidden in.

I stood there, unable to believe the words she was spouting. My heart was open and raw. She told me no.

"You could never fail me, Princess," I said as I tried to stop this manic phase that she was in.

She snorted and stopped her movements to stare at me.

"I'll never have time for you. We'd have to sneak around when I did. I'd fail you at every turn, Edward. We both know that. Time has proven that," she said, her eyes were wild and black.

This was not my Bella...not my little pink Princess.

"Leave me alone. Go away. Run off and be the badass rock star you are trying to look like in that crazy get up. Just..." she paused and let out a long sigh, "Don't forget to remember me sometimes."

And then she turned, jumped the fence and ran stealthily back into her house.

I stood there and let what had just happened wash over me.

My Princess didn't love me.

She didn't want me, or have time for me.

Suddenly, I was filled with rage. I needed to demolish something, hit something, tear it up. I grabbed a small log I saw lying on the ground and proceeded to beat the hell out of the nearest tree that I could find. When that quit helping, I used my fists to pummel the bark until all of my knuckles ached and covered in blood.

I staggered to the ground, unable to catch my breath as the tears hit my cheeks and I realized that the love of my life, the girl I had loved since I saw her at four years old, didn't love me back. I'm not sure how long I laid there curled up in the leaves and dirt, eyes raw from crying, throat dry from the sobs but I felt my father's hands as he pulled me into his arms.

"I've got you son. I'm here," Ed's voice was soft and soothing, which only hurt me worse. I didn't want to feel relief. I didn't want to leave the pain behind.

I woke the next morning to my mother's soft strokes against my cheek. "Mom," my voice was scratchy and raw.

"Shhhh, don't talk baby. I'm sorry I woke you," Elizabeth's voice was quiet and wet; I knew she had tears in her eyes. Fuck, I made my mother cry. But, my Princess had made me cry first.

I curled into the fetal position and cried some more. I cried until I fell asleep.

I dreamed of her onstage dancing but once she saw me watching she would stop and run away.

I wouldn't be able to catch her, no matter how fast I ran or where I looked. She didn't want me to rescue her anymore. My heart shattered completely at that realization.

The next afternoon I sat and contemplated how we got to this point. I needed to see if there was a way I could go back and change something so that I could make it all right. My mind spun out of control and I kept going back to one thought…I don't know how we got so off track.

This should have been the year we started combining our lives; my music with her dancing. We should be at the point where we can build our dreams together.

But, we aren't...we aren't even speaking at the moment actually. But, I didn't want to think about that night…the night we had the first real fight we'd ever had. It was far too painful and still made my heart hurt beyond comprehension.

My hand involuntarily rubbed the same spot on my chest over and over, the side where it ached. I know that it's my heart and that it yearns for her. I know this because my eyes missed her too; they missed looking into her eyes. My ears missed that quiet little giggle that she made when she thought something was funny.

I just missed her so fucking much, it hurts.

A few weeks prior

This party is lame and it only makes me miss her more to see all these couples laughing, joking, and making out. Not that we'd be making out but we would be together and that is all that matters. So, when Jasper offered me a hit off that first joint, I couldn't say no. Jasper promised that it would make me numb, feel good and generally not care about my problems. He had no idea how much I wanted that at this exact moment. So I said yes to it, because fuck knows that I need to numb away this hurt, this ache, the pain of not having her in my life right now.

I take the first hit and it is harder than inhaling from a cigarette. It's not as smooth, then all the sudden the smoke settles within my body and I do feel the pain disappear. I feel lighter and I can think of the good times together. I close my eyes and hear her melody as it plays in my head. I let the drug swirl in my mind, while I lay my head back on the grungy couch in Jasper's garage. I can hear the other guys set up the band equipment. What I really want is to be in her studio, behind my baby grand, playing that melody as she flies through the air to its accompaniment. Her movements always mesmerize me with the flow of her smooth body, her soft beauty, her grace and majesty while she dances.

I love to watch her dance while I play. I always have to will my hard-on away after we're done, 'cause I know she isn't interested in me that way, but it's all I think about with her. I want to know what it feels like to have my skin touch hers, bare and soft. I want to kiss her and hear the sounds that escape her mouth as I run my tongue across her collarbone.

I want to feel those long, sleek legs wrapped around my hips as I push my body deep inside of hers.

Back to present day

"Yo, asshole, you gonna sit there all day or actually get up off that couch and help?" Garrett snapped at me, jerking me abruptly out of my Bella induced fog. It was probably a good time since I'm sure a few minutes longer would have me hard as a rock and it is hard to play a guitar with a hard on. Trust me, I know.

"Fuck you, prick. It's usually me doing it all while your stoned ass sits around." I said before I took another hit off the bong. This one goes down so much smoother and I relax a little more as the warm smoke takes over and puts me in a place that is very mellow. After that first joint with Jasper, it's the only thing that gets me through the missing her. This is the only thing that keeps me from losing my fucking mind without her. I hope she understands why I fall on this crutch for support, but somehow I don't think she will.

"Guys, chill the fuck out. E, seriously dude, lay off for a bit, alright?" Jasper looks at me with a little bit of concern showing in his eyes. He knows I'm just a party user but here lately, it's been a lot more than that.

"Whatever." I reply as I close my eyes and picture her as she warms up on the bar. In my mind she is in her studio as am I. I run through chords on the piano. She giggles every single time when I break into chopsticks, even after all these years. It makes me smile when she giggles like that.

She hasn't giggled for me in so fucking long.

I can feel the tears as they build in my eyes and I remember where I am when I hear Jasper call me back to the present. I suck the tears, hurt and ache back down and open my eyes.

"We're ready, E, you sure you are?" His question pisses me the fuck off.

"Fuck yeah, Jasper. I'm always ready." I spit out as I get up and stomp around to gather my own stuff.

"Okay, dude, just checking. Chill the fuck out, why are you so jumpy tonight?" His hands are out in front of him, defensively as I move around the room.

They all started their warms up and I set up my few pieces of equipment. I struggled to control my anger, my emotions, and the wave of tears that hide behind my eyes. It all worked together to make this huge cocktail that does nothing but pissed me off even more so. I just need her, that's all, with her this all would be perfect, and without her it is just shit.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I couldn't get a cord unraveled, it really had nothing to do with the cord; it was all my frustrations combined.

"Dude, calm down...why don't you go walk it off for a few minutes. Smoke a cigarette, calm the fuck down." Jasper said as he took the cords from my fisted hands and practically pushed me out the door. I knew he was only concerned and it worried me that he would be all over my ass to know what the fuck was going on after my sketchy attitude and outburst tonight.

"Fine." I mumbled and took off.

The cool night air was full of dampness that clung around me like a cocoon. It soothed me in a way as I continued to walk aimlessly until I found myself in my secret hideaway. I watched her bedroom window. I hid and waited. I hoped I'd see her there.

It almost killed me when I did. Her hands were on the window pane, and she was crying.

I wanted to ask, 'Why are you crying, baby?' 'Why are you so sad?' My heart longed to know.

I couldn't help myself, I had to get to her. I took my usual route around the perimeters between our houses, I'm not sure who I thought I was hiding from but it was my routine and it felt nice to be back inside of it again. Once I got to her yard, I scaled the siding to the window of her room. I startled her when I showed up but she still opened the window anyway.

"Edward?" Bella's voice cracked as she said my name.

Just hearing her sweet voice took my breath away.

"Move over and let me in." I insisted and she followed my instructions immediately.

I crawled through the window like I had done a thousand times before but this time, it was all different, we were different.

Bella turned away from me as she tried to dry her eyes, but I pulled her back towards me, "Why are you crying?" My voice was anything but soft and caring.

She wouldn't look at me, she just shook her head, not speaking. I turned her around to face me.

"Bella," I said as I lifted her chin to make her face me, "Tell me why you're crying, baby."

Her eyes softened and the love I'd always known shone through in that moment.

"I miss you," Bella whispered just as I pulled her into my arms. I held her as if the world were ending around us.

"Oh God, I miss you, too," I whispered back as I buried my nose in her hair. I couldn't help but inhaled the essence that is Bella. Fuck, I've missed that smell.

She cried and soaked the front of my shirt as I walked backwards to sit us down on the bed. Bella curled into my lap and I wrapped my arms around her like we were a ball of us. I never wanted to leave this moment when I had her like this; soft, vulnerable, and all mine.

"We can't keep doing this, Princess. It's killing me. It's killing us. Why do we keep acting this way?" I finally spoke as I felt her hot breath on my chest as her face nuzzled into my neck.

"Because, we love each other too much," Bella's sweet face looked up at me through her lashes and the intensity in her eyes was unbelievable. I can see it all written all over her face. "It's too intense between us and the real world only wants to tear us apart." she softly confessed her thoughts.

"I can't wait until we are old enough to be away from this place with all the demands and restrictions. Until we can be somewhere alone, as just Bella and just Edward," I saidas I ran my hands through her beautiful brown hair.

"How much longer will that be?" she asked so quietly that I'm afraid I thought it instead of heard it.

I grimaced because honestly, I didn't know.

She was under contract with the Ballet Academy and I was being pressured to do the touring gig throughout the summer at least. Really, they wanted me to commit to twenty-four months of tour dates and appearances. I just wasn't sure I could be gone from her that long, especially before our fight.

Now, I'm beginning to the think that the whole damn fight we had was because neither of us were ready for that type of commitment for all those other things in our lives. To be forced apart for those long stretches of time would kill us both.

"Princess?" I had to find out for sure.

"Yeah." She responds.

"Were you mad at me because we're both about to be going on tours that will keep us apart?" I asked hesitantly as I felt her tense up once again, in my arms.

She pulled completely out of my arms and stood before me, with her face twisted in a cross between fear and anger.

"Not so much mad, Edward, as I was terrified of what all this meant for both of us...I'd be going to Europe for almost three months. We've never been apart for that length of time. Our whole lives we've built this dependency on one another under these grand illusions that we'd always be within reach of each other. Reality is it probably won't ever happen," she said as tears started to fall from her eyes again.

I reached out to soothe her, yet she backed away from my touch.

"Bella? What are you saying that for, it will happen! We've had this planned our whole lives, we will be together. We just have to make it through these next few years," I could hear the desperation in my own voice, the pleading with her to not give up on us, to stay strong. "I know that your mother is evil when it comes to your ballet career. She loves that it now destroys the relationship that you and I have had our entire lives. But, I refuse to let Renee win this, to let her destroy the one true thing that you love in life...me."

"Edward, it won't work, you are fooling yourself into thinking that it will. I'll be in New York, London, Paris...and you'll be on the road in some crapped out bus hanging with the guys and whatever groupies that the managers let worm their way on the bus at each stop. I can't let your love pull me away from my own dreams, I know that now. That's why I was mad. That's why I told you to go away and leave me alone." She swiped the tears angrily from her cheeks as she stomped over to the window and opened it. "Now, you need to go. You show up here, uninvited making me feel all safe and secure again, reeking of pot and who knows what else. Just go. Just go be the rock star you wanna be instead of the grand pianist you should be. If you want to throw your dreams away, then fine, but I won't support you or go down with you." She all but shouted at me, her eyes wide and black as she motioned repeatedly for me to leave.

When I hesitated at the window ledge, she started again with her directives. "Just go...get out...I don't love you. I can't love you...you'll just break my heart. GO! NOW!" She did scream at me that time.

I was in shock...and all the numbness from my high earlier was completely gone. My heart was breaking all over again...I thought we were working through this. I thought she was...mine.

But I was wrong, she was like a possessed china doll so small and fragile looking as she forced me to go away, once again. I unleashed my tears and the rage flew through me as I descended the wall of her house.

She wanted me to go, then fine I would go. She wanted me out of her life, fine I was out.

I needed to get fucked up before I fucked someone else up. The girl I love, the girl I have loved since the moment I laid eyes on her twelve years ago had pushed me away, again. She pushed me away, again.

FUCK! My chest aches like someone is ripping it open.

I made my way back to the garage but didn't go in. I heard the band playing; I quietly opened the door to Garrett's Camaro and pilfered through the console until I found a few pills. I knew the reds one made you happy and high, I didn't want that. Right now I wanted the green and white ones, they brought you down. Fuck, yeah that is what I wanted...I wanted to be down, so down that I felt almost dead.

I swallowed a couple, forcing them down my dry throat before I walked into the garage to sing some more shitty songs about pipe dreams and love.

Fuck love.

Fuck the world.

None of it mattered without my Princess.

Metal Pointe- Chapter 2B

Bella

Years ago, Renee was a ballet star herself but before her name could be written in the history books she injured herself. Her dreams ended and she was forced to live a small town life in Forks. Her dreams came to life the day I was born. As soon as I could stand on my own Renee had me in ballet classes. I never minded, I felt so pretty in my practice tu-tu and my costumes for performances. Not to mention that I seemed to take after some distant relative and was graced with a heaping amount of uncoordination and clumsiness. So the dance helped with that as well.

At first it was one night a week for an hour. The older I got the more it increased. By the time I was accepted into the Forks Academy for Arts, I attended four nights a week for three hours and a practice on Saturday as well.

Elizabeth would bring Edward down to the community center while I danced and he began to take piano. We both took to our activities like ducks to water. Eventually our schedules matched and each night I took ballet, Edward would be across the center taking his piano lessons. It was the way we coped with being apart, we kept our mind occupied on other things and we were just fine.

Eventually Edward convinced his parents to let him learn other instruments as well. Ed and Elizabeth fostered Edward's music abilities and if it made him happy then they were happy. Renee was a different story. I was never allowed to even think about, much less take a dance class that was not ballet. Nothing modern or useful at all, in her words, 'no one ever made a decent career or money off such barbaric types of dance, Bella.' So that shut down that discussion.

I had to admit that I did like the way people looked at me when I held my toes at an exact point or my finger placement was perfect as my arm extended. I also had to admit that it helped with my ability to walk on a flat surface as well. It did not help me to make friends as Renee hoped. See all the upper crust of Forks attended and she hoped that I would make some girlfriends. 'It was sweet the way Edward and I followed each other around but I was getting older now and needed girlfriends,' were Renee's exact words to me.

The suggestions got more demanding the older we got. I think it was due in part to the fact that Ed and Elizabeth allowed Edward to express himself. His hair got longer and his music expanded to include genres of music that were outside Renee's comfort zone. Quite frankly it scared the hell out of me that I would one day lose Edward, no matter if it was because of my mom or to another girl, the possibility alone scared me. He got me, he never pressed me to be something I wasn't. In fact he encouraged me to be me, nothing else. He and I complimented each other, I made up for what he lacked and vice versa. Edward and I both had things we needed to overcome emotionally. That was part of why we worked, he supported me and I returned the favor.

It also did not help that the older we got the more attention Edward garnered for his looks and music. By the time he was in seventh grade he had formed his band Rage with Jasper, Garrett and Eric. They were good and that says a lot when we attended a school where everyone had a talent of some sort. They began to play regular gigs and developed a following. Eventually they learned how to make their own CD's and sold them. I watched from the sidelines as Edward tried to handle the new found fame. Renee never allowed me to attend the concerts so I never got to see it firsthand but I did notice the increased amount of girls that approached Edward during the day.

We both struggled…I struggled with Edward dividing his attention between me and his music, Edward struggled with the pressure of making music at the tender age of twelve. I mean look at all those rock stars that crumble when they are adults, so imagine the inability to deal with it all as a pre teen. I tried to be there but my ballet pulled me away at every turn.

Eventually it was the norm for us to do days, then weeks without seeing each other. We talked on the phone but it just wasn't the same. We both saw it happen but were helpless to stop it. When the pressure would get to be too much, Edward would sneak into my room and see me at night after my parents would go to sleep. He would tell me about his night, how the band played and about the different people that were in the audience to watch them. I hung on every single word.

Everything about ballet was very reserved, very sedate and elegant. Edward's music rocked, it was unapologetically loud and anti establishment. It was all the things I wanted in my life. It was freedom, it was chaos and I loved Edward all the more for having the guts to play what he wanted when he wanted to.

The first time Renee saw Edward with eyeliner and ripped clothes she forbade me to ever spend time with him again. So the phone calls stopped, in fact the phone came out of my room all together. She made excuses to not take me to get my driver's licenses and drove me everywhere I needed to go. Edward on the other hand was given the keys to a Volvo and he drove off with me watching out my bedroom window.

I still saw him from time to time but it was less often now that he had more freedom that his license granted him. It was also about this time that he stumbled into my room one night. Louder and stinkier than he had ever been. I almost had a panic attack, I just knew that Renee would catch him because of how loud he was and then I would never ever see him again.

It never occurred to me to be afraid of the fact that he now bragged that he smoked pot on a regular basis. I trusted Edward and if he said he was in control then he without a doubt was. Later I would find out how wrong we both were on that front. Dead wrong.

My own weight had become my problem. I was competing against Lauren, Victoria and Jessica. All three of them were skinny as rails and really tall. So my height worked against my weight. See taller girls could hold more weight and still look fairly thin, but not me. Every single pound showed on me, to me anyway. I heard a few of the girls talking about throwing up and let's be honest we have all heard of someone that did it. We were in ballet for crying out loud, it was easier to find someone that didn't do it than find someone who did. So I tried it.

It wasn't long before it was out of control. I couldn't stop myself. It made me feel stronger, like I had a handle on one aspect of myself. I was losing Edward, he was growing apart from me and his music was taking him places I would never go. I never really had a connection to my mother. I knew she loved me but deep down inside I knew that her brand of love wasn't completely right. And then there was my father. He was fine, normal, healthy and loved me with all of his heart. I was just too damn afraid to say how unhappy I was to his face.

See I was a pleaser. I would do anything to make those around me happy, including live a life that I didn't want. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved ballet. It made me feel strong, healthy and to a certain extent sexy. But I didn't want the other stuff that went along with it, the constant critiques, the demands to lose more weight, the long workout times, the pressure to be the best from all sides, the competition from all the other girls that want to be where you are, and the back stabbing to get to where someone else is. I didn't want all of that. If someone could show me how to perform and then go home I would be totally happy. I just didn't see that happening though.

I knew that I would need to let Edward go and let him move on with his life. I just didn't see any other way to do it but a clean break. I had my schedule and he had his. Our lives very rarely crossed paths any more. I tried to call him just because our usual form of communication, him climbing in my window, wasn't cutting it anymore. That didn't work. When I would call Elizabeth, she would tell me that he was still out here or there. I would see from my window all the people that came over, especially the girls. It may not have been that many but to me it felt like it was.

So I devised a plan to let him go and let him move on without me. I never wanted him to look back and say 'why did I stay with her' or 'just think of where I could have gone without her holding me back', nope I didn't want that. I loved him enough to let him go.

It just took me awhile to convince my heart to carry that plan out. I tried several times and several times I chickened out at the last minute. My heart tried to convince me to let him make the choice that taking it out of his hands all together was cruel. I couldn't decide for both of us. But my brain said do it now before either of you really falls in love- I didn't let my brain know that I was already hopelessly in love with Edward Masen- and let him move on.

I just wasn't sure I could survive that break. I relied on Edward for too many things. I knew I did. He became my only friend and my confidant. He became my source of encouragement and support. He became my life.

I could be and would be happy with my dance. That would be enough and I would let Edward go so he could enjoy his life too.

Metal Pointe- Chapter 2A

Edward

"Mom, I'm goin' to the fort." I yelled as I streaked down the stairs and hit the back door.

I ran as fast as my feet would take me through the backyard and up the tree to the small fort that my dad and I had built last summer. It was my third favorite place to be in the whole world because it was mine and Bella's secret place.

When she was able to sneak away from Renee, she'd climb up the steps and we would talk and play for as long as we could get away with. I had seen her crying on the back porch steps and I yelled at her from my bedroom window to meet me at the fort. So, I wasn't surprised when I got up there and she was already there. Her tears had stained her face with streaks of brown from the dirt on the steps up and the floor where she sat.

"What's wrong, Princess?" I asked as I scooted over to sit beside her.

"Renee is making me go to that dance school full time when school starts. She doesn't care that I will miss my friends, well, that I'll miss you or that I don't want to be a ballerina anymore." Bella looked up at me with big fat tears hanging on the rims of her beautiful brown eyes. Even at ten years old I was a sucker for those looks that she gave me.

I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tugged her closer to me. "It'll be okay, Princess. I'll figure out a way to make it all better, I promise." I laid my head on hers and tried to think of something.

Finally after a few minutes her tears slowed down and I almost screamed in excitement, "I've got it! Bella, I know how we can make it work...and ohhhh it's going to make Renee sooo mad." I couldn't fight the big dopey grin on my face as she stared at me with unknowing excitement in her eyes.

"What? What?" she asked as she giggled.

"You know that I got invited to attend that school, too? You know, for my piano and music writing and stuff?" I asked and she waved her hands around for me to finish.

"Well, what if I went too? That way we'll still get to see each other and be friends at school...and you know it'll make your mom mad 'cause she doesn't like us to be friends at school." I said as her eyes suddenly got sad again and she looked down at her hands.

"Bella? What's wrong? You don't like my idea?" I was confused, it seemed perfect to me.

She shook her head then looked up at me, "You didn't want to go there. I can't let you do that because of me."

If I didn't already know I loved Bella, I would have fallen in love with her right then and there. "Princess, where you go, I go. That's how it works, remember? I didn't want to go there because you weren't going to be there and because I hate that mean old Mrs. Tanner that is the music teacher there. But, if that's where you'll be going to school, then I'll go there too."

"Oh Knight, you are the best friend a girl could ever have," she said as she launched herself at me with a giggle.

"Mom, please stop fussing over me!" I asked as I pushed her hands off my suit jacket one more time.

"I can't help it, Edward. You look so adorable in your new suit, about to go to your first school dance." Elizabeth's eyes were wet with tears as I heard Aunt Esme laughing in the background.

"You do look really handsome," Aunt Esme said as she slung an arm over my shoulder. I knew that my cheeks were red from my blush.

"Thank you, Aunt E," I whispered. She patted me on the back as my mom walked over to get the corsage for Bella out of the refrigerator.

"Come on, Edward, we need to get over to the Swan's so we can get plenty of pictures before it's time to go," she yelled from the side door in the kitchen.

"Coming mother," I yelled back and made a funny face at Aunt Esme. She giggled and made one back, "Come on, kiddo, let's not keep her waiting."

The three of us traipsed across the yard to their front door where they stood behind me as I rang the doorbell.

"Hello Chief Swan, I've come to get Bella for the dance," I said when Bella's dad answered the door.

"Dance?" he questioned me as he turned back to look into the house. "Renee?" he called over his shoulder as the evil witch, or that's what I called her, came to the door.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" she questioned me, angrily.

"Oh, um, I've come to pick Bella up for the school dance tonight." I answered and tried to sound nice.

She looked at me in my suit and then behind me to my mom and aunt, then she pushed all the way out of the door onto the porch. She closed the door and moved around to stand beside.

"Edward, I already told Isabella that she couldn't go to that dance. She's been having problems with a routine from class and because it wasn't perfect I told her that she couldn't go to the school dance." She had her hands on her hips like this was not the crazy crock of shit ever.

"She never told me that you said she couldn't go. As a matter of fact she told me that you took her dress shopping for a new dress to wear," I said as I felt tears begin to build in my eyes. I refused to cry in front of Renee. She already didn't like me for her own reasons and I wouldn't give her another reason to be mean to me.

"Surely you could let her go this one time, Renee," Elizabeth asked with a plea to her voice.

"No, she knew the rules. She didn't get enough practice in and she still doesn't have the routine down. She's not going," Renee said with a head shake as she turned to my mom and more than perplexed Aunt Esme.

An hour later I snuck up the lattice and into Bella's window. "Princess?" I called out in a whisper yell. I couldn't see much as it was dark in her room except for a small lamp on her desk by the window.

"Knight?" I heard a small whisper from her bed.

"Princess?" I whispered back and shuffled my feet over to her bed. She sat up and I could barely make out her face.

"She wouldn't let me go. I'm so sorry...and she wouldn't let me call you. She made me practice for hours and hours," Bella sobbed softly and I reached out to hug her to me.

"It's okay, Bella. I know it's not your fault...I only wanted to go because it would mean fun for me and you." I hugged her as she cried on my t-shirt. I hated to hear her cry and Renee always made Bella cry. I always tried hard to make her smile and laugh. She was really pretty when she smiled. And, her laugh made me want to write more music and try and match the happy sounds.

"It's not okay. She's just so mean," Bella said as she pulled back and wiped her face.

"One day, when we get older, we'll be able to leave here and never have to worry about her keeping us apart, ever again. I promise you that." I hoped that I could keep that promise because I really did want to be away from here, well, from Renee, so my Princess could be happy all the time. Maybe we could go to Chicago and live with Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle. They didn't have any kids so I know they'd be good to us.

"I hope so, Knight. I really, really hope so." She said before she laid her head on my shoulder..

I sighed and hummed her song until she fell asleep.

I sat on the bench at my piano and played Bella's song as she gracefully moved along the dance floor. This was usually one of my favorite times of day but today, Renee was here and I hated it.

"Again, Bella. You keep missing the turn," Renee snapped from her seat in the corner. "And Edward, quit playing that song. Play the sheet music I gave you. That's the piece she needs to practice to." Her eyes met mine and I'm sure she could feel the anger and hatred roll off of me as I glared at her.

"Mom, I like to practice to that song. It's a composition that Edward wrote himself," Bella said defiantly.

"Oh yes, well, I'm sure that's all fine and dandy, but that's not what he's paid to play. I gave him the sheet music that Mademoiselle gave me, so that's what he needs to play." Bella's eyes met mine in the mirror and she frowned.

Renee was never going to break the connection that Bella and I had, no matter what she tried. That was something that Bella and I both knew.

I began to play the required music and once again got lost in the movements that my blossoming twelve year old Bella made as she danced across the wooden floor.

I was still a good foot taller than her but she looked tall with her long, lean legs...and yep, I was falling more and more in love with her every day.

Another hour and finally Renee said we were done. "Can I walk home with Edward?" Bella asked her mom as she did her wind down exercises.

"Not today, it's chilly outside and I don't want you catching a cold," Renee said, icily.

"But, it's not that cold and I have my heavy jacket," Bella whined as I sat there and watched them, discreetly in the mirror as I put my sheet music away.

"Bella, I said no, don't argue. Now, finish up and I'll meet you outside. I'm gonna go start the car," Renee said before she turned to me, "Goodbye Edward."

I nodded and immediately let my eyes move to Bella in the mirror. We waited until Renee had closed the heavy door behind her before we spoke.

"I'm sorry, Knight. She's so mean to you," Bella spoke and I could tell she was close to tears.

I quickly moved across the room near her, "It's okay Princess, at least I got to watch you dance."

She nodded and then hugged me, I kissed the top of her head, "I'll come up to your room tonight, alright?"

She nodded again, "Besides, I have some new music that I recorded for you to listen too, okay?" I hoped that would make her smile and it did, When she let go of me and moved back there was that beautiful girl looking back at me and I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Okay, we better go, I'll see you tonight around nine," I told her as we walked out the front doors of the studio.

"See ya soon," She said with a wave and I stood there watching her get in the car with Renee and drive away.

I knew my heart was a goner...'cause I felt it leave with her.

Metal Pointe- Chapter 1B

Bella

When I try to pinpoint the exact moment that Edward came into my life…I can't. I mean I know the stories that our mother's have told us, but I don't remember that exact day. I just know that it was when we were both four years old. My mother had taken me to the park to play, again, even though I never played with the other kids. I never liked their games. I had my own games in my head and it was just easier. They never liked me anyhow, I was too clumsy and accident prone for them to play with me long. Eventually, I would get hurt and they would drift off while my mom cleaned me up, so I made it easy for everyone. I stuck to myself.

My mom described the day as cold and windy. Well guess what? We lived in Forks so that described about 360 days of the year. Nothing special about this day, until Esme Cullen stepped foot into the playground area with her son. Edward was tall for his age, shocking auburn hair and dark green eyes. Esme sat beside my mom and they struck up a conversation. Edward wandered around the edges of the play area for a few minutes until he finally drifted towards me. I say that I don't remember that day but I do remember the first time our eyes met. Even at four years old I knew that it was special. Special how, I had no clue, I just knew it was.

Eventually he approached me and we began to play, and per the norm, I shortly thereafter fell and hurt my knee. Edward held my hand and walked me to my mom, instead of taking off and leaving me to cry alone. He also stayed while my mom cleaned me up and even waited for me to feel better before he went back to play on the playground again. I knew that we would be best of friends till the end of time. Of course at four years old that meant until we turned ten or so. We made it a bit longer than I first thought but not by much.

We hung out almost every single day, played inside or out depending on the weather and even ate at each other's house most nights. Our friendship prompted our parents to strike up a friendship. I remember hearing my mom exclaim, 'I've never seen Bella take to anyone like she has to Edward. Not even to her father and me, wonders never cease. I guess she'll be normal after all.' Imagine how that makes a four year old feel? Yeah, not very comfortable, to say the least.

That was Renee though. She had high expectations for me. She wanted the all American daughter. I had to make A-B honor roll, be involved with clubs, do a sport and attend all the normal age appropriate activities to make her proud of me. I can't tell you how many times in my life I was compared to Jessica or Lauren. See living in a small town meant we all knew every single detail about the lives of those that lived around us. Our street contained the homes of all the influential people in town; the ones that liked to have their lives spread around as gossip fodder. The ones that wanted you to envy them, to be talked about and looked at as they walked down the streets. That was most certainly not me and not really my dad either, but mom, well she fit right in with them. She loved to be the Chief's wife; she loved all the perks that the position got her, most especially the automatic in with the 'in crowd'. She soaked it up like a sponge and used it to her advantage.

Good thing that Esme Cullen was married to the new Chief of Staff at Forks General, since that marriage alone made her an automatic shoo in for the high society of Forks. So that made Edward a suitable playmate for me, and both sets of parents encouraged us to be together.

We had it made for too many years to count. Summer vacations and Christmas trips included. We spent almost every waking moment with each other. The girls all tried to get Edward to talk to them to no avail. I was his only friend. I loved that fact, it made me feel special. He helped me not take to heart the words that Renee crammed into my ears. All the 'why don't you's' and 'why can't you be more like'…she wanted the perfect child and I was anything but that. Edward never cared, he was my best friend.

Metal Pointe- Chapter 1A

EPOV

I played in the sandbox, I built a fortress in the sand by myself because there was no one else here that I wanted to play with. I was almost done when my mom called me to come over to the bench where she sat.

There was a lady and a little girl that stood off to the side as I walked over, "What momma?" I asked, mad that I had to leave my castle for fear that one of the other kids would knock it down while I was gone.

"Edward, this is Bella and her mother, Renee. Can you say hi?" she looked at me as I looked up at the lady and smiled, "Hi," I said to her mother, I couldn't see the little girl very well; she only peeked out from behind her momma's skirt occasionally. What I saw was dressed all in pink; she didn't look like she would be any fun. Too girlie to play the games I liked. "Bella's four, just like you," my mom offered. I just nodded.

"Why don't you take Bella over to the playground and show her around?" my momma said and I knew that I didn't have a choice. They wanted to do 'grown up talk' without us kids around.

"Fine. Come on, Bella," I said as I waited for her to follow me. I took a few steps and turned back around to see if she followed me or not.

She was tiny. There was no way that she was four years old like me. And, blah, did she have to wear all those pink princess clothes? Yuck.

"I was making a sand castle, do you want to come help me?" I asked her as she looked up at me and smiled while she nodded her head.

She had pretty brown eyes. "Okay," I said and grabbed her hand to make her walk faster.

She giggled and tried to run fast enough to keep up with me.

We sat down in the sand and she stared at the fort I had already built. "Did you make that?" she asked.

"Yep, I'm the bestest sand castle maker in the park," I said with a grin and started to pack more sand in my bucket.

Bella sat there and watched me for a few minutes. I worked to build the top part of the castle before I looked at her, "Aren't you going to help me?"

She frowned. Great, now I hurt her feelings. "No, my mommy doesn't like me to get dirty," her little face was sad and she looked like she was pouting.

"Ever?" I asked. There was no way you could go through life and not get dirty. Why would you want to? That was most of the fun in life, the getting dirty part. Suddenly a thought occurred to me, if you don't get dirty then you don't have to take baths. I just shook my head, I liked getting dirty too much to ever worry about a little bath.

"Nope," She said and shook her head.

"Well, then what do you do for fun?" I asked and kept shoveling sand.

"I play with my Princess Barbie or I color. But, mommy wants me to be a ballerina so I watch a lot of videos and dance around the house a lot. I get to start ballet lessons when I turn five," she said with a big grin as she held up her hand to show me five fingers, like that would magically make her five sooner.

"Your mommy sounds mean. You don't get to play in the yard or build tents or ride a bike?" I said and she looked like she was about to cry.

"My mommy took my bike away from me 'cuz I fell and hurt my knee. She didn't want me to break a bone or sumthin' in case I get to be a ballerina," Bella said and I could tell she was sad because she didn't have her bike anymore.

"Well, maybe I could let you ride mine sometime. We could let it be our secret," I said as she smiled at me.

"Is your bike pink?" she asked, sounding excited.

"Yuck, no. Pink is for girls. My bike is blue with black flames on it," I said, proudly.

"Oh. My bike was pink with purple strings on it...and a princess basket for my Barbies." She said and I could tell she was sad again.

"Well, if you want to ride my blue bike, you can, but, no Barbies on it, okay?" I said and watched her smile again.

She was pretty when she smiled. I think I like her. She seemed okay and maybe I could teach her how to get dirty. That should be fun.

"Are you sure you're really four?" I asked as I handed her the shovel to scoop sand out for the moat.

"Yep, just four," she said and held up her fingers.

"No way. I'm four and I'm way bigger than you are."

"Am too," she said and pouted again.

"Really?" I asked her again as she nodded her head at me.

"Okay, well, do you want to be the princess of this castle?" I asked and she smiled again.

"What are you going to be?" she asked curiously..

"I'm the Knight. I fight off the bad people that try to get in and hurt you," I said and waved my pretend sword through the air.

"Okay, this might be fun," she said and started to really dig in the sand.

Bella and I played together every day after that. I realize now that I fell in love with her that very day. She will always be my princess and I will always be her knight, who waits to rescue her.

But, really we rescued each other.