LTWYL-Chapter 8

Chapter 8-

Bella

It had been two weeks since my first visit with Edward and on my way to work this morning I found myself thinking of the countless letters and phone calls we had shared in that time. Sometimes I would get two or even three a day from him. He poured his heart out to me and I listened, and then poured mine back out to him.

It certainly didn't change what we had done to each other but it was a nice healthy step to being back to conversing like normal adults. I actually learned things about Edward that I never knew; he shared his childhood dreams, he wanted to be an architect and build skyscrapers, he shared his fears of being alone. We talked about our dreams and hopes for the future.

We also talked more about our time together and what went wrong. We both admitted that there were issues all along and no one spent the time to really fix them. Edward was so sure that if he spent time taking care of my basic needs and making me feel loved that he would solve his own fears and worries; but when it didn't it made him think that those worries and fears couldn't be fixed.

I on the other hand think that deep down I was too afraid to open up about my issues because it would be too much for Edward and he would be another in the long list of people that left me. I loved him deeper than I ever thought possible and was too afraid to let him in. I was too afraid to actually call him out on his mistakes and make him fix them; I was worried it would be the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

We both had trust issues, we both had fear of rejection issues and we both had communication issues. The good thing, however is that we at least knew what our issues were at this point and we had time to work on them. We both also now knew how harmful it was to not deal with them so we made a pact that no matter how hard or scary it was we would always call the other one out when they slipped back into the old ways of dealing with things. It was certainly progress.

I got to see him two more times and each time it was more relaxed. The last visit we talked about the baby, and nothing else. Edward and I talked about names that we liked; but found that it was hard to do since we didn't know what we were having. We also talked about places to live and things that were in my future. It felt good to have him help me decide about some of those things.

Esme and Carlisle had sat me down to tell me that I was welcome to stay for as long as I wanted and we both thought that was the best idea for now. It would make things so much easier and cheaper for me to stay with them. Besides it would be providing the baby with a more stable family life with all of them around. Esme could also watch our little one while I worked or went to class.

Edward looked great, each time I saw him he was better and better. His face no longer held that hint of sadness or fear. His confidence was through the roof and it just made him all that much sexier to me. His smile did things to me that I shouldn't even be thinking about while sitting in a jail across from him with guards watching.

We talked about how and when he could see the baby. He had petitioned the warden to allow us to bring the baby to see him when it was three months old. That was the earliest that it was possible. It would need to be set up much like our visits are now, for safety reasons. Eleazar had agreed to be present and observe the visit and report back to the warden about it. We would have a three week wait to find out the answer to that petition. Otherwise it would be at two years of age before he would be able to visit with the baby. Edward was afraid that the visit would be denied. He was so scared that with him being here that he would miss out on his child's life. I assured him that he would miss some things but not everything and by the time he got out he would know his child and his child would know him. I would make sure of it.

It was such a pretty spring day. I sat on the front porch rocking in a swing. I noticed the blooms on the trees and all the flowers blooming in front of me. I longed to have my camera with me to take a few pictures. It was a perfect day for it so I dashed inside and grabbed my shoes and camera. I jotted a note for Esme that she would find when she returned from the store and left.

I walked down to the park. I had no need to hurry as I was on maternity leave until the baby came. It surprised me that it came so fast. It seemed like last week and I was running away from our duplex and now I was a few days away from meeting our child for the first time. I had the crib, blankets, clothes and all sorts of other things that you needed to bring a baby home. Really the only thing missing was Edward.

With each letter he sent me I got a feel for his excitement about our future. We talked more in depth about our faults. Edward admitted that his biggest regret was hitting me. The letter served as our precursor to the topics we talked about when I visited him. We both knew these topics were best discussed face to face.

I knew walking in that Tuesday that we would talk about the hitting. It was so funny that these topics just a few short months ago would never be brought up by either of us and now we counted down the days till we could discuss them. I understood why he did it and admitted that I had lots to do with the reason but he placed the blame on himself. He promised that he would never lay a hand on me ever again. I promised that I would never provoke him the way I did that night. That visit Eleazar joined us and we talked about a few extra things as well. We talked about our trust issues. Edward confessed that he was always certain that I deserved more than he could offer and was always afraid that I would leave him. I surprised him when I relayed that I was afraid of the very same thing with him. Eleazar talked us through the faults and how our lack of communication came across as jealousy and possessiveness on each of our parts. We discussed the importance of communication again and Eleazar left us alone to talk with each other.

Edward held my hand and eventually pulled me close. For whatever reason the guards looked the other way and never stopped him. I sighed into his chest and breathed him in deep. He still smelled like him and it comforted me beyond measure. I knew that he was still here, that I could still hold him and still talk to him. No matter what he was still walking the earth with me. The time and distance was only temporary.

When I pulled away I realized that Edward was crying. This was such a shock to me, I had never seen Edward cry, not once. "Edward?"

"I just feel so helpless right now. I let you down and our baby down." His hand dropped from around me to focus on rubbing my stomach. "I can't be there, I can't hold the baby as soon as it joins the world." He dropped his head to my shoulder and pulled me close again. "I'm so fucking sorry Bella. Please believe me." He sobbed against me. I ran my fingers through his hair and tried to soothe him. I knew it was a futile effort but I tried anyway. This was his demon that he had to fight. And while I could certainly help, I could never take it down for him. He would have to. I was proud of him for wanting to. I held him until the guards called time again. A quick glance at my watch told me that they had certainly given us as much time together as they possibly could. They never forced us to abide by the two hour time limit. I didn't know whom I had to thank for that but I was certainly willing to express my gratitude to whoever it was. It was never enough no matter how much extra they gave us.

I stood off to the side at the park watching the kids play and the trees sway in the wind. I took plenty of pictures and soaked up the sunlight. I couldn't wait to be back in this park with my child, pushing them in the stroller then in the swings later. I wanted to walk hand in hand with Edward and yell for them to slow down and not run so fast.

On my walk home I noticed that the dark, unfulfilled feelings were gone. I no longer seemed weighted down by the things that seemed so large before. I knew that my mother had fucked up in the biggest way. She allowed her snap decisions to rule her life. She was too weak to take charge of them and make the right ones. But that was her destiny, not mine. I was stronger than that. Maybe it was because of Edward's push and maybe it was something that I would have done all on my own, who the hell knows. All I can say is that I'm thankful for taking the first step.

I planned on going to see my grandmother, eventually. I knew that was one of the last steps that I needed to make, Jasper encouraged me to get it done. But a small part of me felt like there was more I needed to accomplish before I could take that step. I truly wanted to show her that I had made something of myself. I knew she would be happy that I was off all of the drugs; but a bigger part of me wanted to shock the hell out of her. To show her that all the insults that she yelled at me were unfounded. I know that I gave her every reason to say them, for whatever reason I pushed her away harder than everyone else. Now, I just wanted her to say that she was proud of me and mean it. I guess deep down inside we are all still small children who want simple things out of life.

I pushed the front door open and almost skipped inside. I felt so light and free. It only magnified when I heard Esme on the phone with Edward. "Oh wait, here she is. No you tell her, you have time left." Esme practically shoved the phone into my hands while taking all of my other stuff and dumping it on the table in her haste.

"Hello."

"Hey, baby, you okay?" His voice was so sexy. It was pure silk while still being rough sandpaper at the same time.

"I'm perfect, how are you?" The smile was probably infectious because when he spoke again I could hear it in his voice now as well.

"Damn near perfect myself. The warden came by to see me today." I suddenly sat up and took notice. This was the moment we had been waiting for. I held my breath, praying that the answer was the one we wanted. "He said yes, baby." I nearly jumped off of my chair and squealed like a pre-teen at a Justin Bieber concert. Esme's eyes shown with unshed tears and Carlisle came running into the room to make sure everything was okay. He threw his arms out in time to catch Esme as she threw herself at him.

When it was clear that I was going to keep jumping up and down-hard to do in my very pregnant state- and squealing, Carlisle took the phone.

"Son, why are the women in my house falling apart?" I didn't hear what Edward said in response but the smile on Carlisle's face said all I needed to know.

In mid jump a loud pop sounded and my water shot all over the kitchen floor. Esme and I both froze, Carlisle held on to my arms to keep me from slipping in the large amount of fluid now covering the kitchen floor. I yanked the phone away from Carlisle, I felt the need to be connected to Edward at this moment. I have never needed him more than I did right this moment. "Edward, my water just broke."

Panic and fear seized me, as well as a nice healthy contraction. I sat down in the chair that Esme slid towards me and held tight to Carlisle's hand. I needed reassurances right now and if Edward couldn't be there to do it then I would take it from where I could.

"Okay, baby, take a deep breath. It's okay. Goddamn it!" The agitation in his voice belied his pain at not being here with me. "I'm sorry, baby, once again I let you down."

"Hey stop that, this is our child's birthday and we will not be upset about it. Got it?"

Esme rushed back into the room, talking on her phone. I could tell by her phone conversation that she was on the phone with the doctor's office. "Bella, they want you to head over to the hospital." She bit her lip and her eyes squinted at the corners like Edward's. I could see the family resemblance in so many gestures, he was like Esme in so many ways, yet so different in so many as well.

"I don't want to go yet. I want to talk more with Edward." I whined. But it made my statement no less true. I wanted him to know as much and be present for as much as he could.

"Baby, go. I want you both at the hospital in case something comes up. I'll go talk with Eleazar and see what he can do for me. Maybe he can get the okay for me to call you back later at the hospital. Go, please so I don't worry about the both of you." The resolve was there but the anguish was right behind it in his voice.

"Okay, I just don't want to let you go yet." I cried as another contraction hit. Carlisle squeezed my hand. Esme rushed forward and even Gran and Poppy were fluttering around the kitchen.

"I know, I know. Please just get to the hospital. If anything ever happened…Bella just go, please."

"Okay, I'll have someone call as soon as we know something, I promise. I love you." I cried, not because of the pain in my stomach but the pain in my heart. I didn't want to do this without him. I just didn't.

"I know, baby, I love you too. Do good, okay?" His watery chuckle didn't fool me.

Poppy took the phone as Carlisle helped me stand up, Esme led the way out the door with my suitcase. I called Alice and Jasper when we were in the car. They agreed to meet me at the hospital.

A few short hours later, I found myself with my feet in the stirrups and waiting on another contraction to push. Esme on one side and Alice on the other, we all wait to meet the newest member of our crazy, fucked up family. I heard a knock on the door and Carlisle's voice calling out to Esme.

"A little busy here, honey!" She called back.

"Just come and get the cell phone, Edward's on here for Bella." All ears in the room perked up. I couldn't believe that he found a way to call me.

Esme rushed and grabbed it, slammed the door shut and ran back to my side. The phone was out of her hands and into mine before she ever came to a full stop.

"Hello? If's she's busy Dad, I can call back…it's okay…"

"Edward?" His voice stopped when mine rang through.

"How are you? Dad says you're pushing."

"How are you calling me?" He chuckled.

"That's what you want to know right now?"

I felt the beginnings of another contraction and tightened up in automatic response. "Oh shit, it's time." I panted. I could hear Esme and Alice both calling out instructions to me but the only voice that got through to my voice was Edward's.

"Push, Bella. I don't know what I'm supposed to say…just push baby. Get our baby, here. God, I can't wait to see you both."

I grunted and screamed in exertion. I wanted our child here while he was still on the phone and I didn't know how long he had. Dr. Jones called out to me. "Almost out, wow, I can see a head full of hair, take a breath and wait for the next one. That should be the one."

I heard Edward talking to someone, and then his loud excited voice break back into the phone. "I love you so much, Bella. I'm so sorry for not being there."

"How are you calling me?"

His chuckle vibrated through the phone and right to my heart. He seemed so carefree and easy now. "Eleazar took pity on me and let me call from his cell phone during our emergency session. How, do you feel?"

"Like I have a watermelon being shoved out of my pussy, Edward. How do you think I feel?" Again his only response was a chuckle.

"I'm sorry baby. Does it hurt much?"

"It's not so bad, just lots of pressure…oh shit I spoke too soon." I pulled my chin towards my chest and began to push again with all of my might.

"Good job, baby, push. Good job." I heard Edward's soothing voice in my ear while Esme and Alice counted for me.

Dr. Jones called for me to stop pushing.

"Why stop pushing, Bella, what's going on? Is something wrong?" Edward's voice seized in panic.

"Okay, now push again. Let's get it all the way out. One last push, I promise." Dr. Jones' voice answered before I could collect myself enough to even try.

I pushed and sure enough with one last grunt our child was born. With a loud wail from it's lungs, Edward and I both cried out too.

"It's a girl." Dr. Jones called.

I began to cry in earnest. She had a head full of crazy hair like Edward, it was almost his exact color but it was hard to tell because the nurses were still cleaning her off. She looked up at me and opened her bright clear eyes, blinking away the excess light. She looked exactly like Edward, her eyes were a cloudy blue but it seemed that most babies were born with that color so I would wait to see if she would indeed have his clear cool green gaze.

"Oh, Edward she looks like you."

Edward tried to answer but his sob was the only sound I heard. It was mingled with an occasional sob from our sweet little girl as well.

Alice and Esme snapped pictures like we were in an Annie Liebowitz photo shoot. "Alice take one with your phone so we can text it to Edward." Alice grabbed out her iPhone and began to snap pictures with that thing. The switch from one camera to another did not slow her down at all.

"Can we send you some pictures to the phone if that's okay with Eleazar?"

He asked and came right back to our conversation. "He said yeah, he didn't care." I could hear the pride in his voice. He was like a kid in a candy store that was going to get something way before he ever thought he would. Alice took the phone from me long enough to get the number and handed it back. She typed away furiously and began sending pics. Soon I heard Edward and Eleazar gushing at our beautiful baby girl.

"Oh Bella, she so beautiful."

"I know, she looks like you."

The nurses took her and weighted her and finished cleaning her up. She weighed in at 7 pounds and 6 ounces. She was a tiny little thing at 18 inches long.

"She's gonna be built like you Bella." Esme offered.

"I guess that's okay, she'd look kinda goofy if she was built like Edward." We all laughed at that comment.

The nurse called from across the room, "So what's her name?" I bit my lip, I hoped that Edward agreed with what I decided on.

"It's uhm…Eavan Adelyn Cullen." Esme and Alice gasped quietly in the background. The only response I craved was Edward's.

"Bella, that's beautiful, perfect for her. Eavan Adelyn Cullen." His voice worshipped each syllable as he said it.

"You like it? It's not one of the names we talked about but I saw it in the baby name book and loved it. Eavan is Irish it means Beautiful and Adelyn also means noble beauty." It sounded so stupid now to voice it out loud. I just wanted our daughter to know that she was beautiful and loved from the moment we saw her. Even before that. We loved her from the moment we knew about her. She brought us back together; she gave us a reason to try. "When I was a little girl I longed for my mom to tell me that I was beautiful or even a father to tell me. Someone to show me approval, I guess I took that need and wanted to correct that in our daughter." I tried to explain to him.

"No need to explain to me, I love it and think she is worthy of both the names that deem her beautiful. She is beautiful. And so are you." His quiet, deep, clear voice reminded me why I hung on to this relationship. He could be all the things that I needed. We could have it all. We just had to be patient for it.

LTWYL-Chapter 9

Chapter 9-

Edward

I sat staring at Eleazar's phone in disbelief. My baby girl was here and she was perfect, I couldn't have asked for more for myself; in fact this was so much more than I deserved. I knew without a doubt that the next two months would be hell on me, just waiting for the day when I could see Eavan in person and the thought of holding her made me want to rush the next two months along.

I remember as a kid waiting for spring break or getting out of school for the summer. Hell, I even remember the time that we went on vacation; the days leading up to us leaving were hard; add to it that I was six at the time it was the hardest thing I had lived through, at the time. None of those things would compare to what I was waiting on now. This was my daughter, my flesh and blood. She was made from the best parts of me and Bella.

She was here!

My mind just couldn't comprehend the fact that I was now someone's father. I was responsible for raising her, teaching her, and loving her. I never sat around much and thought about what my dad did or even my Poppy, now I wished that every word of their advice would flood back to me. It scared me to think that I needed to be smart enough to know when she was lying to me, I needed to know when she was telling the truth and I had to be smart enough to punish her when she needed it. I didn't remember the bits of advice that I was given as a teenager. I didn't even know where to go to get them. I was fucking lost. The smallest amount of doubt started to creep in and take root in my brain. Maybe I was better off leaving them alone, letting them find someone worthy of both of them; a man who didn't have a prison record and who could support them in the way they deserved.

I dropped my head into my hands and felt like crying, it was too much to take in right now. Right now I wasn't there to hold her and bond with her, I wasn't there to care for her and teach her how to live her life; but in a few years I was going to walk out of here and then waltz right into her life and be expected to do all of that. Was she going to hate me for being gone for so many years? Would she like me? Would she love me? I wasn't sure I could do this.

Eleazar dropped his big hand on my shoulder and shook me as he spoke. "Hey, what's running through that head of yours?"

I took in a deep sigh and tried to buy some time, I wasn't sure I could explain it all to him without sounding like a big pussy. "I just don't know if I can do this. I mean, I'm here and they're not. How do I walk in after being gone for several years and make things right? How do I do that?" I dropped my hands and my head again. I had fucked up so much.

"Hey, look." Eleazar just heaved a big sigh. "I don't have the perfect advice here, all I can tell you is that you have to allow your heart to lead you. You know what you did was wrong and you are paying for that. Bella sees the hard work you are doing in here, and she is working just as hard." Eleazar began to pace. He did this when he had a point to make and he wanted to make sure I was receptive to, I had learned this the hard way and tried to make sure to never make that mistake again. I sat up and fully listened to him. "She'll make sure your daughter knows how much you love her. She'll bring Eavan here to see you. You'll have a chance to make yourself known and to make sure that Eavan knows that you love her. Just relax man, take it as it comes, work hard at it and don't let it get you down. You are worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet." He patted me on the back a little harder than necessary but it certainly woke me up.

"Okay, you're right. Worry about this when it happens and not a moment sooner." I flipped open Eleazar's phone again and stared at my baby girl.

After several hours of staring, Eleazar kicked me out of his office so he could go home to his own baby girl. I floated through dinner and laid about three feet off of my bunk for the rest of the night. I dreamt about my two girls. I watched them play in a field of flowers. They ran and played, they laughed and giggled; and at the end of it all they both ran to me and dropped down in my arms. I had never felt more at peace.

The next week was the same. I called Bella as much as I could, and every time we spoke, I could hear my baby girl cooing or crying in the background and the peace I found in my dream remained. When I talked with Bella, it remained. When I listened to them talk or just when I sat and listened to her feed Eavan, it remained.

When Emmett showed up to visit me, it disappeared. I finished my lunch and rushed to the visitation hall, hoping for my mom or dad, really hoping for Bella but I knew that was unlikely. It shocked me to see him to say the least. He hadn't been to see me the entire time I had been in here. In fact we had only spoken once and that was just because he was at mom and dads for dinner, and Mom pretty much guilted him into speaking with me. As far as I was concerned I didn't have anything to say to him anyway so there was no need for him to waste his time by seeing me.

As I approached the table where he sat, he stood and reached a hand out to shake mine. I slowed and stared for a few seconds longer than I guess was comfortable because he dropped his hand. We both dropped to the benches and stared off in space. We stared at different space because I refused to meet his gaze. "Look, I wanted to visit. I don't know how to do this shit. I don't." Emmett stumbled out. I turned to look at him.

" What and you think I do? You think this is how I wanted it to be?" I grabbed a cigarette and crammed it into my mouth, lighting it up. "Sorry that I can't live up to your golden boy status. Sorry that I embarrass you in front of your friends, Emmett. But you know what? I don't answer to you or to them so…fuck you and them." I slapped my hands down on the table and used it as leverage to raise myself up when Emmett reached out and touched my arm.

"I don't…I, fuck. I'm not embarrassed by you, okay?" He stuttered again. My gaze traveled down my arm and up his to his face. He looked older, he looked stunned. He had tears forming in his eyes that he was furiously blinking away. I sat back down. I drew in a deep breath and forced the smoke back out. We sat there, him on one side and me on the other neither of us knowing exactly what we wanted to say. At least I didn't. "I brought you these." He dropped a large envelope of pictures down on the table. I held them up and waited for the guard to come and check them. After he looked them over and handed them back to me. I laid them out on the table and almost swallowed my tongue. It was pictures of Eavan, Eavan and Bella, Eavan and my parents, Eavan and my grandparents. All of them were of my little girl.

I couldn't help the smile that graced my face as I watched almost a full day play out for her. From the moment she woke up to the end of her day and Bella rocking her for bed in her sweet little pajamas. It was my girl.

"Who…who took these?" It was my turn to stutter.

"Rose did. She thought that you should see more of your little girl." Emmett waved his hand at the pictures and then pinched the bridge of his nose. It was a trait that we both got from our dad. "We both thought that you should." I didn't know how to respond to that last part. I didn't know if he really meant it or if he was covering.

I attempted to use some of the shit that Eleazar was trying to teach me. So I went for honest. "Do you mean that?"

"Fuck yeah I mean that. No matter what you did you deserve to know your daughter, to see her. I mean damn, Edward. What kind of person do you think I am?" His hands slapped down onto the table and he tangled them into each other. "We used to be so close. You and me, we're brothers, man. I love you." His voice dropped to a whisper on the last part. I understood and appreciated that shit, I didn't need anyone thinking that I swung that way in jail. I mean they knew about Bella and Eavan but still, when you're away from physical contact for a while it will make some people do things, and I didn't want any of these fuckers to think that I had got to that point. Emmett and I both glanced around to make sure that his voice was quiet enough. "I didn't leave you, you left me. A long time ago so don't pull this shit on me."

I sat back and tried to calm myself before we blew up at each other. I had really had enough of Emmett's shit. It was always Emmett did this or Emmett did that. I was sick of living in Emmett's shadow. He played sports, he got good grades, he was the golden child and I felt like I didn't matter in any way because he was perfect. "Em, you can't tell me that you can honestly blame me for pulling away from you. First of all you had your girl and didn't need me and secondly you never gave me a second thought." I felt just as frustrated as Emmett's face showed he was feeling.

"Edward, really?" I was starting to think that I might need Eleazar's help here. It didn't look like we were going to get real far on our own and I knew this was a relationship that I wanted to repair. In fact other than Bella this one took top priority on my list.

I took a deep breath and tried to start over again. "Look, this is one of those situations that you and I are going to see it two totally different ways here. I have my side of things and you will have yours. Let me start by saying that I never meant to pull away from you. I just…well I couldn't take living in your shadow. I couldn't be all that you were and the pressure of it was killing me." I rubbed both hands across my face. I was proud of myself for getting this far this fast but I wasn't sure that Emmett would be open to this conversation here in this place. It may just be too much.

"I didn't want it either. I'm sorry that you felt that way, I tried really hard to not make those comparisons between us, even if others did compare us. I really did." Em looked like a small child who had lost his favorite toy as his confession made its way out. "You were my baby brother, you could do no wrong to me man." He glanced around again.

"I know but damn." I tried to think of all of the breathing techniques that Eleazar taught me so that I could channel the anger and let it go so we could talk. "It was every-damn-where. Everyone knew you and when they heard my name it was an instant comparison. Then when it started with Dad and Pops, it was too much." I felt the start of tears begin to form.

"Why didn't you ever come to me and tell me how you felt about all of this?" Em held his hands up, a normal gesture but it seemed to hold so much emotion with that simple motion.

"Because I was 16 fucking years old and had no idea how to deal with this shit. I didn't know we could talk like this. I thought it was supposed to be me hating you, you hating me and we both were supposed to hate mom and dad." I reached for another cigarette and lit it. I didn't know what else to do with my hands. The smoke calmed me as it absorbed into my lungs. Soon, I would quit this shit too but first I had to get my issues dealt with and then I would be strong enough to let it all go. "I really just didn't know how else it was supposed to be. Besides it didn't seem like you wanted my opinion when you snatched Charlotte away from me." I threw the issue out in the open, if we were going to solve our shit then we were going to solve it all.

He drew in a deep breath and met my eyes. "Okay, let's talk about that then."

"Why?" It was the only thing I could think to ask him, I needed to know why my own brother would take her away from me. Then he dropped her like a hot rock and never looked back. She wouldn't ever look at me again after that. So yeah, sue me if I wanted to know why the first love of my life was taken away from me.

"Edward, there are things that you didn't know about Charlotte. She had some habits. Some destructive habits; and those habits caused her to do lots of things that she normally wouldn't do. Word around town was that she was pimping herself out the highest bidder for money so she could buy drugs. I didn't want you messed up in that." I had heard the same rumors around but the way she looked at me made me want to think that she didn't want me for that reason. That she felt more. "She probably liked you for you, but I was too scared to allow you near her. I was too worried that you would get sucked in with her. So I picked her up one day when she was walking home from school and made a pass at her. When she acted interested I flipped the script on her. I yelled at her and told her I would tell you that she was doing the whole football team if she ever came around you again. I made her cry and she got out of the car and ran away. It was shitty, Edward, but it was you or her, and I loved you more." He sat back in the seat and ran his hands through his hair.

I tried to take in the words that Emmett had just spoken to me. All this time I thought it was because he just was too worried about his own dick to look out for my feelings and it turns out that he was looking out for me all along. I mean hell, look at me now, who knows how bad it would be if I had been introduced into this lifestyle earlier. Most of my anger stemmed from that incidence and the other petty shit just added to it. And now to find out that the one thing I wanted from him was the motivation for the entire change in our relationship. When I looked up at Emmett he was staring back at me. His eyes pleading me to say the words I'm sure he had waited for so long to hear.

"Em…fuck." I started. I wanted to let it go, be the bigger person but years of hurt just didn't go away in a few seconds. "Why didn't you tell me then?" I realized that all this time I sat and let my cigarette burn down to nothing. I had only taken one drag off of it, but my brain was just too occupied with the revelations to worry about it, so I lit another.

"I was scared. Scared you wouldn't stay away from her, scared you wouldn't understand, scared that you would hate me and not speak to me anymore." He chuckled a little under his breath. "I guess I should have just come clean 'cause it doesn't look like my way got me real far, huh?"

"You can still hate me if you want, I know I fucked up. But please believe me when I say that I did it for you. I swear." He had leaned forward as far as the table would allow him, so I sat back a little. I wasn't sure if I was really ready to forgive him.

"I guess I'm certainly no one to judge how bad people fuck up, I mean look at me."

"Yeah, so lay off dude!" Emmett fake punched me in the shoulder and we both started to laugh. I knew that this was not solved but at this point it was okay for now. I could live with it. I would need time to figure out how I felt about it anyway.

"So tell me about Eavan." I grabbed the pictures again and flipped through them.

"Man, she is the greatest baby in the world. I mean really, I know she's not mine but she makes me think that this baby thing might be okay to try. She has the cutest cry and when you pick her up she stops. I mean stops cold, no slow down or nothing just stops." His hands waved around proudly like he was the father and not the uncle. My heart swelled knowing that my family felt for my girl the things that I felt for her. Emmett began to tell me all these cute stories about things she had done and all I could do was sit back and watch him come alive while telling me. My heart told me that a man who could love my child in this amounts could not hold any hate in his heart for me. I knew that without a doubt we would be good, I just needed some time to work things out in my mind.

When my time was up I stood and hugged Emmett goodbye. "I promised that I will be back soon." He said as he hugged me and gave the manly pat on the back.

"You better! Tell Rosalie thanks for the pictures, they mean more than she will ever know. I know that Bella won't have time to think of things like that for awhile, so it means a lot."

"Sure, like I said everyone deserves to know their kid, especially when their kid is so great." He smiled again and you could see the love there.

"Yeah 'cause she takes after me." I faked punched him this time and we both broke out in a good cleansing laughter.

I made my way back down the hall and showed the pictures of my girls to anyone that would look! I stopped Eleazar and showed him as well. He asked me about the visit with Emmett and made me promise to come and see him so we could talk about the new developments. I agreed and rushed off to my bunk to write Bella. I changed my mind half way and turned towards the phones. I dialed my mom and dad's house. When it was answered, I heard Eavan crying in the back ground.

"Hello?" My dad sounded frustrated.

"Dad, what's wrong, why is Eavan crying?"

"Bella took a walk and it's time for her to eat, so she is being impatient. She is just used to getting her way, that's all." I heard Eavan being shushed and heard her immediate response by quieting. I was in awe of her from afar.

My chest began to tighten when I thought of Bella and worried that something may have happened to her on her walk. "Is Bella supposed to be back by now?"

"Nah, your girl is just impatient, that's all." Dad cooed at her while he talked to me.

"Is it safe for her to be out there alone and all I mean, she did just have a baby." Panic flooded me at the thought of something happening to her and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"Edward, she's not alone. Alice came by, they walk each afternoon together, so Bella can get some exercise and a breather, they call it 'girl time'. Sometimes even your mother goes. Today she took Pops to the doctor so just Bella and Alice went." I sat quiet for a few minutes, listening to my dad coo at Eavan and thinking about the life Bella had without me.

"Is she doing okay, really?" My voice softened when I asked.

"She is son, she really is. I'm really proud of her." He shifted the phone and coo'd at Eavan again before continuing on. "She has done so well at school and now you should see her with Eavan. She just knows what to do for her, she's perfect at it." He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "She's trying for you, to do something that you'll be proud of her for and for Eavan as well. Don't let her down okay?" I thought this over and realized that all of my actions centered around one thought, would Bella and Eavan be proud of what I'm about to do? "I don't mean that you're not trying but it's hard when I see her everyday and not you. You know?" I ran my hand through my hair as I took in what he was saying.

"Yeah I do, and I thank you for looking out for her, it's about time someone put her first." I took a deep shuttering breath. "Thanks for that, I swear I'm trying here."

"I know you are, son, I know." As the awkward pause began I heard a noise and prayed that it was Bella coming back. I was just so scared for her to be out alone, even if she was with Alice.

"Speak of the devil, here she is." I heard dad say 'it's Edward, you talk to him and I'll hold the little pumpkin a little longer, okay?'

"Edward?" Her sweet voice sounded so close but my heart told me she was so far away.

"Hey baby, how are you?" I wanted her close to me; I wanted to be there with her.

"Fine, Alice and I go walking every evening for a little while. Esme says it does me and her both some good when I take a little time for myself. I don't like to be gone that long though." She chuckled.

"Dad told me, it's fine Bella you can't be with her twenty-four hours a day. You deserve some time with your girls." I chuckled at dad's words.

"Oh, I see you have been talking to your dad. Well smarty you'll appreciate the walks when you get out and I'm not a fat ass, so there." She blew a raspberry into the phone at me. I turned towards the wall and hid the semi woody she gave me when she mentioned her ass, no matter if it was fat or not.

"Bella." I groaned while she laughed at me.

"Sorry, I didn't think about that before I said it." She chuckled some more at me while I thought of the time I walked in on Grans getting out of the shower. "Hey, Eavan is really hungry and I think I should go and feed her." I heard the indecision in her voice about the end of the conversation.

"I have time, can you take her upstairs and use the cordless up there so we can talk some more?" I really wanted to be with her, even if it was in this simple way.

"Sure, give me a few, I'll have your dad hang up down here when I get up there." She dropped the phone down on the table. I knew this drill; we had two phones in the house. The one in the kitchen was still attached to the wall, it sounded crazy in this day and age but for whatever reason my parents never changed that one out. The one at the top of the stairs was cordless, as teens Emmett and I made the same trek as Bella was making now. We would run upstairs and yell at the top of our lungs for whoever was downstairs to hang up so we could talk in private. When you're a teenager there aren't too many conversations that you want to hold while attached to the kitchen wall with your parents in hearing distance.

Soon enough I heard Bella pick up and dad hang up. It was just the three of us. Bella positioned Eavan and began to breast feed her, all the while her noises filling me in on what was happening even without Bella's running commentary. Once Eavan was properly situated, we talked about our day. I relayed Emmett's visit and Bella seemed overjoyed at the thought of the two of us repairing our relationship. I looked forward to the bond we used to have and getting that back again but I was too just too damn big a pussy to tell her so. She relayed every detail of her day with Eavan. I was blown away at how her instincts were so strong when she had the shittiest mothers of all times. I told her that fact and she just brushed it off. "Edward, it's a matter of loving them enough to get to know them."

"What do you mean getting to know them?" I asked, kinda stumped at that comment.

"Well, see I know that Eavan sleeps better if you wrap her up tight in her swaddler. I know that she likes to look at your face when you talk to her, not look out at the room. I know that she likes for you to rock her and you can rock then sway gently from side to side to soothe her when she gets upset or too tired to calm her down. It's almost as if she is soothed better by actions than words or songs." Bella paused for a second like something had just occurred to her but continued before I could ask her why. "And see, I know those things about her because I love her and pay attention to what she likes and doesn't like. Those are a few things that your mom taught me. I sure as hell didn't learn it from my mom." She sounded frustrated again.

"Hey, it was her mistake not yours. Okay?" I wanted to soothe Bella and hoped that my words were enough; God knows there was nothing else I had to offer her at this moment. I felt so damn helpless. She told me all about Eavan, and her day, she told me little things that went on in her life. I couldn't reciprocate any of those damn things. I couldn't be there with her laughing, crying or just holding her to help her get through all of those times. It was so funny the irony in my life now, years ago I would rather walk out on a situation than to sit and talk about it and now, hell, that was all I had was my words. "I just hate that I'm missing out on those things with you."

"It will happen for you, I swear it will. She will love and know you. Talk to her." I started to sputter but Bella stopped me. I saw no point in talking to her when Bella just said that she responded to touch, and movement better but I would do anything to feel closer to my daughter. "Talk to her so she can hear you and know you. Just tell her anything, she a good listener."

"Okay, put the phone up to her." When I was sure that it was Eavan on the phone, I began to talk to her. It was funny the shit I told her but I knew what Bella was saying, it doesn't matter what I say just that I took the time to talk to her. The fact that she will know my voice. Pure and simple that we knew each other.

Bella came back to the phone after about twenty minutes. I had moved on from talking to singing to her. I sang each slow, peaceful song I could think of. "Hey, you put her to sleep. Good job, daddy." I heard Bella moving around. "She usually gets her bath now but someone nixed that idea. Guess she'll make it to tomorrow without a bath." I heard her changing her and I guess putting on her pajamas. She kissed her little head as I heard the lip smacks before she said, "We love you princess, sweet dreams."

I let Bella go so she could get some sleep as well. My life was starting to make sense and all I could think about was getting the hell out of here before it passed me by and I couldn't do a damn thing about joining in on it.

LTWYL-Chapter 10

Chapter 10-

Edward

I had been lying in bed almost all night, awake, wide awake. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of Bella taking care of Eavan by herself. No one was there to help her at two am when Eavan was waking up again, no one was there to help her when she was exhausted and just needed a hand.

I had flashbacks of my life and was now able to see all of the ways that things had gone to hell. I saw the times when I could have turned left instead of right and my life would have changed drastically. On the other had, making different decisions meant that I might not have ever met Bella and that was the one thing that I would never regret, especially knowing that if I had not met Bella we would not have Eavan. I grabbed my baby girl's picture and ran my finger over her sweet face. Looking at her told me that I couldn't regret any of it, it all was worth it if I could spend the rest of my life with them.

I laid the picture of Eavan back down on the shelf and folded my hands over my chest. I tried to close my eyes and go to sleep, I knew I needed to sleep; I just couldn't seem to clear my mind of all the bad enough to relax enough to achieve it.

When my eyes drifted close this time I tried to think of the good. I thought of the time when I realized that I was in love with her. Let's be honest I'm a guy and a pretty ass-o-holic one at that; at least I used to be most of the time; so things with Bella and I were never sweet, romantic or even gentle, but I did try to show her that I loved her. Looking back now I see that they were the wrong forms of love but at the time, it was all I had.

I had rushed home from work. Several people came to me, needing their little pick me ups before the weekend hit. So I had to make a stop on the way home. I quickly made all of the deliveries and rushed back to Bella. Part of my cut for this shit was some new pills that I knew Bella would love.

I rushed in and found her lying on her stomach, knees bent with her feet crossed up in the air. She was engrossed in some cheap romance novel. I stood watching her from the doorway, she twirled her hair around her finger and blew bubbles with the gum she had in her mouth. She was wearing a pair of my boxers that were rolled down at the waist and a wife beater that was probably mine as well.

My eyes roamed over the flair of her hips and the swell of her ass. I watched her back rise and fall with each breath, her breasts squished between her and the couch. My mouth watered just remembering how they tasted in my mouth.

I dug a small white pill out of the bag and palmed it. The rest of the bag I shoved into my jacket pocket. Bella's eyes twisted to mine when she caught my movement in the doorway. Her sweet eyes lit up and she made move to sit up. By then I was right next to her and slid the pill into her mouth. I handed her the beer that was on the coffee table so she could swallow it without difficulty. Her eyes closed when she swallowed and pure bliss passed over her face. I took the book from her hands and laid it open on the coffee table beside the discarded beer. Bella folded her arms and laid her head down on top of them. Her breasts called out to me so I ran a finger down the swell that peeked out the side of her body and saw her shiver at the touch. I grabbed her leg and used it to flip her over onto her back. Her hands remained above her head; one of my large hands dropped down onto both of hers and held them in place.

Bella's eyes dilated, and I could tell that the drug had already wreaked its havoc on her body and mind. Her legs dropped open slightly; this was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. I slid my hand up the wide opening that my boxer leg provided. Two fingers pushed into her and she arched her back up off of the couch. I bit her nipple through the thin shirt, it pebbled up immediately. Her body was so responsive and I loved to see how she reacted when I touched her.

In my head I called her Muirnin. It's what Pops always called Gran. It means sweetheart in Gaelic. Gran's face always lit up when he called her that. I wanted to see Bella's face light up that way but I was too chicken shit to ever come out and say it to her. We just weren't that couple, at least we weren't back then. I think what it boiled down to was that I was too afraid to open up to Bella. If I showed her that side and she didn't like it…well that would change what we had, and to be honest what we had was the only thing holding me to the earth. She was the only thing holding me to this earth. I had given up on the rest of it. I would never be a suave gentleman like Pops, I would never be a hard working, valuable employee like my dad and I certainly would never be the likable athlete that Emmett was. I was the asshole, a tough, tattooed asshole. That was what I had and I used it every chance I could. Truth be told, deep down inside I wanted to be all of those, it just never came to pass.

I took my hands off of Bella and ripped the wife beater she was wearing right down the middle. My tongue roughly licked at her nipples. The hardened little peaks let me know that she liked the aggression. "You like it rough baby?" I panted against her nipples. She smelled so good. How the hell she always smelled so good when we never had shit to make her smell that good was beyond me.

"Unf." Bella's head thrashed and I felt her body closing in on my fingers. I knew she was close. I may not ever buy my girl flowers or jewelry but I could give her this. This I was good at. I increased my pace and bent my finger forward. I watched her thrashing increase.

"Fuck yeah, baby. You wanna come don't you?" Her head stopped thrashing as she nodded it up and down. "Not yet you don't." I pulled out and dropped down onto the floor beside her body. I grabbed her legs roughly and pulled her towards me. The boxers were also ripped off, but who the fuck cares about them when my girl's pussy was inside and I was dying to get to it. I threw her legs over my shoulders and let her feet rest on the coffee table behind me. I licked her, keeping my eyes locked with hers. Her moans increased and she raised her ass up to meet my mouth. So, I licked her again, slower this time.

"Please…" I was pleased that I knew her well enough to make her beg. I loved to hear her pant and sigh in pure sexual bliss combined with the torture of waiting to come.

I attached my mouth right on her clit, my thumb just above it holding her lips out of the way, my fingers dove deep back inside of her. The moans became full on shouts and her thrashing began to get wild. My fingers pumped until I felt that tell tale tightening again. I pulled out again; Bella groaned in frustration, I smiled because I knew what I had planned for her. I took one hand and spread her lips open wider and the other hand and traced around her opening in slow circles. My mouth slid back over her clit and sucked while I flicked it with my tongue. Bella's legs tightened around my head. My finger slowly dipped slightly in and out of her, never in far enough to give her the satisfaction that she wanted. I backed away and watched Bella's pussy pulse with her need and excitement. I flattened my tongue and gave her clit a few more slow licks, then suddenly curled my fingers inside her and rubbed her just the way she liked it. She came all over my fingers and into my mouth with shouts of joy and release. I loved watching her when she came. All of her problems melted away and she was in a state of true bliss for just a few seconds while the feeling lasted.

I unbuckled my belt and pushed my jeans down. No worries about any underwear, hell I gave up wearing those long ago. Bella never did the fucking laundry enough to have clean ones so I just stopped wearing them. Her pussy was still quivering when I lined myself up and slid home. Bella gasped and tightened her legs around my waist.

"Oh, fuck yeah, fuck me." She growled. I leaned down and kissed her dirty mouth with mine. She sucked my tongue into her mouth and cleaned herself off of me. "God, I love to taste myself on you." This was not a fact that surprised me at all. Every single time I went down on Bella she sucked it off of my tongue.

"Then come here." I pulled out and stood up, my dick swinging right in front of her face. She pulled me closer and wrapped her hand around me. She pumped the base while her head bobbed down over my head. Bella's fucking mouth was pure wonder, she could suck me off in no time flat. This was the first time I had tried this but the extra incentive her tasting herself on me was certainly not hurting anything. She was sucking harder, wrapping her tongue around the head and getting into every crevice where her juices could've hid. I placed my hand on the back of her head and tangled my hand in her soft hair. Bella relaxed her jaw and allowed me to begin the rhythm that would bring me my happiness. I pumped into her mouth slow but deeply. I felt the buzz, the electricity, the hum spread throughout my body and focus it's power right in my balls. I moved deeper in her mouth and began to pulse in and out, relishing the feel of the back of her throat bumping my cock. Before I could say a word I shot my load deep into Bella's throat and I felt her swallow around me. The tightness of her swallowing was almost enough to make me want to blow another load into her.

While the sex was always hot between us I recognized it for what it was. SEX. There was no love, no love making and I felt that Bella deserved to have someone make love to her.

I threw my palms over my eyes and pushed as hard as I could. I prayed that she would give me another chance. I wanted to show her that I could be decent to her, to be worthy of her. I knew that no matter how hard I tried I would never be perfect but I knew that I could be better than I ever was. I also prayed that I would have all of my new habits in place by the time I got out of here so that I could rely on my routines to help keep me straight. That was the part that always scared the shit out of me…the failing.

I stood abruptly and paced around the cell. Eleazar and I discussed the setbacks and how to deal with them but they still scared me. I knew without a doubt that I wouldn't relapse in jail but out there…back to my old life, with my old friends. I had no idea how I would do. I knew that I had the keys to cope better than before but could I withstand, out right withstand all of my old vices? I knew that I had more inspiration than ever before and I would rely on her to help me make it through. I would never put Eavan through what Bella went through, I would give my life to make sure that she lived better.

I dropped back to the thin mattress and begged for sleep, anything to take me away from the hopelessness that I felt right now.

I stepped into the visitation room and scanned the tables for someone that belonged to me. I noticed my dad sitting in the far corner, for whatever reason he always sat there. I guess it made him feel safer, who the hell knows. I was just thankful for his visit.

After Eavan's arrival, three weeks ago, I spent most nights thinking about her and Bella, but I also spent a great deal of time thinking about my mom and dad. Emmett's visit showed me that what I always thought to be truth was in fact smoke and mirrors. So now I needed to know where I stood with them as well. I rushed to his side and gave him a hug. He patted my back and we stepped away from each other. His smile was large as we sat across from each other and began to talk.

"How's Eavan?" I asked. Dad laughed at my quick questioning.

"She is growing like a weed and she looks just like her momma but with her daddy's hair." He ruffled mine and I couldn't help but laugh. It pleased me that she had some of my features even if I'd always hated the part she inherited. "I brought you some more pictures." He handed them over to me and I held them up for the guard to search through. I had no idea why they thought my parents would bring me any porn or contraband but I guess it has happened enough that they couldn't take any chances anymore. The guard searched them and several times a small smile crossed his face. Each time made me more anxious to see what they held.

Picture by picture my smile grew larger than the guards. This was my daughter and I could see so much of Bella in her. My dad's words brought me out of my Eavan induced daze.

"Emmett tells me that he came to see you. How did that go?" He looked reluctant.

"Very well, actually, it was the first time since we were older than ten that we talked to each other. I had him pegged so wrong. So wrong." I shook my head at all the ways that I was incorrect about Emmett.

"How so?" My dad pushed.

"Well, I always thought that he hated me and wanted me out of the way. I thought that you guys compared me to him and I always felt like I never measured up at all. Those two things were a large part of my anger. Emmett set me straight." I left it at that. What Em and I shared with each other was between us and I knew that my dad would respect that. He would be satisfied with just knowing we had made amends. Nothing more was needed.

We sat for a few minutes in silence, it wasn't necessarily awkward but I did wish we had 'things' to talk about, every day things, ordinary things. I guess I couldn't complain, we were talking after all. That was a huge improvement over a year ago. We didn't speak at all then. Funny thing is that he came to me, he forgave me when I was the one that caused it all. The night the fire happened he came to the station and didn't leave my side till the cops kicked him out. He never let the so called issues I'd built up in my head keep him from being there for me. I felt unworthy of his love. Yet at the same time after seeing Eavan, I knew exactly what he felt. I didn't know if the love grew bigger over the years or what but I certainly knew that I would do anything for my daughter and I could see the same dedication in his eyes. I wanted to throw my hands up because now I could see the devotion, when it was too late to stop the madness that circled around us; but I also saw the acceptance in his eyes as well, the acceptance that showed me that he would gladly take me in when I was done paying my debt. I reached over and gripped his forearm and gave a slight squeeze to it. His eyes met mine and our souls talked with just that small contact. He smiled and laid his hand on mine. After a second he snapped it away and we began to talk like nothing happened.

"So, I talked with Eleazar today. He had an interesting suggestion for my career focus."

"Oh, yeah? What did he suggest?" My dad asked. His thumb nail sliding along a groove that someone else had carved into the ancient tables.

"Well, see I have been working with him and a few of the younger guys that have come in here. Eleazar asked me to talk to them about why they were here and all. So, I did." I half shrugged, not really sure if I should offer more or if he would understand based on what I said.

"How did that go?" His thumb was now still, he directed all of his focus on me. I felt like I should square my shoulders and hold my head higher. His confidence in me boosted me up and gave me the strength to say the rest.

"It went great, I loved it. I didn't solve all of their problems by any means, but hell it did help. One kid told me to my face that it helped. He said the only people he'd talked to before were pompous stuffed shirt assholes who didn't know shit about where he came from so why should he listen to them telling him how to get the hell out of there? But he said since I had been, that it was easy to believe that he could climb his way out too." I paused. I wanted to finish, I wanted to tell my dad how I went back to my cell and cried. For the first time in my life I cried. I couldn't fucking help it, he made me feel worthy. He made me feel like I had hope, a way, a life that was better than greasy carburetors and alternators for the rest of my life. I meant something to him and I fucking cried over that shit.

"But?"

"Nah, no but. I just….I just felt, I don't know. I felt like I was somebody. Like I was here to do something and not just waste away in some garage fixing cars that will only be back the next month with a new problem. I did that." I grabbed a cigarette and stuck that bitch to my mouth. I moved the pack around and looked for a way to light it when my dad's hands flicked up and lit it for me. I paused mid drag on the cigarette and met his eyes. They sparkled with amusement, wonder and something else but I wasn't sure what that one was. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing, I've just never heard you talk like this before, it's good. Real good." I drew in and held the smoke in my lungs. "I thought you were going to quit those things." He stated patting the pack that still lay on the table and effectively redirecting the conversation.

"Yeah well when you take away a good woman, a good shower and good food what the fuck else does a man have?" He laughed with me and gave a half hearted punch to my arm.

"Fine, but eventually give those up okay?"

I heard the shuffling of feet and realized that our time was over; somehow we had talked for two hours together. I don't think that up till this point we'd spoken two whole hours of conversation since the time I was ten until the night of the fire. It felt good, I felt close to him. He stood and came around the table. He embraced me and I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm proud of you son. More than you will ever know." I heard the tears in his voice and I squeezed him harder.

"Thanks, dad. I love you." The words flew out there before I could process them. It was truly a matter of my heart speaking for me.

"I love you too, Edward. I think Eleazar has a great idea there, look into it, okay?" His words were muffled by the emotion and hindrance of speaking into my shoulder, but I understood every word and felt them without any barriers.

"I will, dad. I will." He backed away and turned to walk through the doors that would take him back home. He turned and looked at me again, he smiled, he waved and he left.

I walked out feeling lighter, freer and ready to really pursue my new focus. Helping others.

I ran all the way to Eleazar's office and waited for him to finish up with his session. It was ten minutes till the hour so I knew that I didn't have to wait that long. When at last the door opened and he stepped out I stood and almost charged at him. My anxiousness to tell him my decision fueled my body.

"Come in Edward, is everything all right?" He ushered me in and wrote my name in the sign in book before he closed the door.

"I saw my dad today." The rush of my voice could have been mistaken for anxiety so I wasn't surprised when Eleazar's brows began to scrunch up and he grabbed his pad. He flipped to a whole new page and began to write. "No, not in a bad way, actually, in a great way. We talked, about lots of things. I told him about helping out with the younger guys and how it made me feel." Eleazar raised his eyebrows at this remark but I just rolled my eyes at him. It was his fault; he was the one that kept asking me how I felt about things until I told him. He couldn't blame me now if I was analyzing my own feelings and asking the guys how they felt.

"So, what did your dad say about this?" He never looked up at me, he kept writing on his pad. I used to think that was a bad sign but surely today it had to mean good things, progress or something.

"He said it seemed like a great idea. If I was happy with that decision then he would be."

"He said that?" Eleazar's eyebrows now shot up and almost touched in the middle.

"Well not in so many words, he said, 'I think Eleazar has a great idea, look into that, okay?', so that's what I'm doing. I'm here to look into that." Eleazar's smile foretold his happiness at this decision and we spent the next hour talking about courses and which online school to look into to pursue my new dream.

When I was done at his office, I ran back to my cell and drug out my trusty pen and paper. I had to tell Bella. I was kicking myself now for not telling dad to tell her that I would call her tonight. We had been talking every other night and this was an off night for us, but tonight of all nights I needed to talk to her, I needed to share with her. About three lines into the letter I realized that my head was way ahead of my hand. So I stopped, I looked over at the clock. We still have an hour and a half before our dinner was served. That was plenty of time to call Bella. If nothing else I could leave her a message that I would call her back later tonight.

When the phone rang I got nervous again. I was relieved to have my mom answer it. We talked for a little while and caught up, actually she caught me up on all of the cute antics Eavan pulled each day and I listened. After a few minutes I asked if Bella was home. Mom said goodbye to me and went to get her so we could talk as well.

"Edward, is everything okay? Why are you calling me tonight, this is our off night, what's wrong?" her voice was dialed up a notch.

"I'm fine, I just had something to tell you, and it wasn't coming across in a letter well so I decided to call instead. I'm sorry, I didn't think about how this would look to you." I ran a hand through my hair.

"It's okay, if you are fine then I can calm down. So what's your good news?" Bella's sweet voice called to me.

"How do you know it's good news?" I asked, amazed how well this playful side fit with us.

"Well your voice tells me it is, so spill."

"First tell me about my baby girl's day." I relaxed into the plastic chair that was beside the phone.

"Well she spit all over me, she has learned to blow a raspberry and she did it all day long. That girl will have some powerful lips by the time she is done with this. I had baby spit in my hair and all down the front of my shirt." Bella sighed.

"Yeah I saw the pictures that dad brought, one had her little face drawn up and her tongue stuck out with her clearly blowing a raspberry. She's beautiful, Bella." The last three words were spoken in seriousness, while the first part was said in fun.

"She really is." It felt good that Bella agreed with me. It felt like we were finally on the same page, I don't know why this one small agreement seemed to change it all but it did. In my eyes anyway.

Playlist: Amazed- Lonestar, Wasted Years-Cold, Tangled Up in You- Aaron Lewis, Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word-Elton John, When You're Young- 3 Doors Down, The Hard Way- Keith Urban