Monday, April 7, 2008

Chapter 3

Playlist: Everybody- Keith Urban, Rude Boy- Rihanna, Apology- Safety Suit, The Space Between- DMB, Can't Get You Off My Mind- Lenny Kravitz, I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues- Elton John, Slow Dancing In A Burning Room- John Mayer

The flashback is in italics, just in case that needs to be said.


I don't know why I'm still surprised even angels have their wicked schemes,

And you take that to new extremes but you'll always be my hero…

Even though you've lost your mind!

Chapter 3

I lay in bed for almost a week. I shook, I threw up, I couldn't eat, I scratched, I picked, I hallucinated, I was cold, I was hot, I cried, I begged, I motherfucking came down off all of the shit that I had been ingesting for the last however many years.

Esme, God love her, sat with me and took care of me the whole time. When I puked in her lap she cleaned us both up. When I shook she held me, when I begged for Edward and cried because he wasn't there she soothed me. She stopped me from scratching my skin off and kept me from running out of the house more than once during my delusional fits. This was a real fucking mother, not that piece of shit that I grew up with. Not the one that abandoned me and took up with whatever guy would fuck her and buy her some take out.

Esme knew all of the right things to say to me and I swore to myself that I would come down off of this shit and never touch it again. I never wanted Esme to have to sit and hold me while I detoxed ever again.

I felt sorry for Edward, knowing that he was in sitting in jail for the arson, and he was all alone going through this shit. I never really knew how much he took or drank. I know it was more than most people but I also knew he had been doing it for so many years that he never seemed wasted with it. He always had this cocky ass 'I can take on the world' attitude. I loved his swagger, he was so sure of himself and it made me feel sexy that he was sure of me too. I know that seems so shallow to say but it fucking did. He was the king of our neighborhood, hell several neighborhoods, everyone wanted to be Edward Cullen or be with Edward Cullen. And he chose me, he flaunted me around like I was something that everyone should want. But damn could he get pissed when someone else looked at me for too long.

Edward and I had arrived at the Hub, a local bar that sometimes had live music and you could play pool in the back room. Lots of shit went down at the Hub. Peter, the owner didn't mind as long as he got a cut of whatever went down and no one got the cops called on them. Edward dropped me off at the table in the corner and took off to 'take care of some things', so I sat and drank.

I got bored and Edward was nowhere in sight so I popped a few pills and took off to play some pool. I knew my skirt was too fucking short and my top was too low cut to be playing pool but every so often a girl wants to be admired. I grabbed a pool cue and racked up the balls at an empty table. Before I could sink two balls, I had guests with me.

Two very helpful guys that offered to show me how to play. I flirted and agreed to their lessons. I knew Edward was somewhere around and I knew that he would stop anything from happening to me. So in my cracked out haze I went a little overboard with the guys and before I knew it one was trying to shove his hand in my shirt and his tongue down my throat.

I pushed him away but he was too fucking big for me to move. I tried to knee his balls but he was prepared for that and blocked me with his left leg. I was trapped between him and the pool table and couldn't see shit except for his nasty ass face that was trying to make out with mine.

I felt Edward before I saw him, he yanked the guy off of me and began to beat the hell out of him. Peter showed up and yelled at Edward for getting into a fight 'because the cops would be called for sure', so Edward and several of his friends tried to take the guys outside and finish the job. I heard one guy yelling about me letting my tits hang out and rubbing my pussy on his leg. I began to scream at him and tried to slap him. Edward grabbed my hand and twisted my arm behind my back. "You have done enough, take your ass home and stay there." He snarled at me. He shoved me into the arms of one of his 'boys' and I watched as he strode away still intent on finishing the fight.

I was driven home by the big burly dude that Edward pawned me off on. He stayed in the car on the curb till Edward showed up.

When I heard Edward come home I was in the bedroom, he didn't come in and I was too scared to go out to the living room where he was. I knew that if he didn't come see me it meant he was still too pissed to be around.

I undressed and threw on one of his wife-beaters and a pair of boy shorts. I made sure it was the black pair that Edward liked, the ones that half of my ass hung out of. I took off all of my makeup and lay down in the bed. My heart beat against the front side of my chest like a drum. I took several deep breaths and tried my best to calm my heart rate.

I almost accomplished this task until I heard Edward slam the door open, it stuck in the hole that was already punched in the wall.

This really was a shit hole that we lived in.

"Jesus fucking Christ Bella! I don't know how you could have been any sluttier. What the hell were you thinking?" Edward roared. I guess his time alone didn't mellow him out like I thought it would.

"I didn't do anything wrong, I was playing pool. They came up to me. I told them I was with you and they still wouldn't leave." I tried to sound innocent. My now sober brain knew that was far from the case.

"It's no wonder they didn't leave you alone, did you see your tits and ass hanging out. What the fuck made you think that outfit would be okay?" He took a cigarette and rammed it between his lips to light it. Once the flame was transferred he dropped the lighter back into his pants and ran his hand through his hair.

"You left the house with me and didn't have a problem with it. Besides it matches all the other skanks you oogle over when you think I'm not looking! Why do you like it on them and not me?" I threw the taunts out there and hoped they would stick. Sometimes I could distract him and we ended up arguing about things other than our original complaint, I had gotten off the hook many times this way. Besides the rumors were always going around about Edward fucking another girl in some form or fashion. To me it didn't matter if his dick was in her mouth, tits, ass or pussy- it was all cheating to me. Most of the rumors were false but every so often one or two would have just enough truth to it that it stung my heart to even consider that he might be doing this to me.

Edward stormed the bed and grabbed me up off of it. My legs unfolded and reached for the ground but they couldn't reach down the several inches that Edward held me up in the air. "I've already told you several times that I ain't fucking no one but you. Why do you listen to those skanks that are trying to fuck with your head?" He shook me several times before he dropped me back down onto the bed.

"You think you have me wrapped around your little finger, don't you?" I spat back at him. I hated it when he treated me like I had no sense. "I saw Tanya and Irina hanging on your every word and when she leaned up to whisper in your ear. Don't think that I don't know that she wants you. Cause she does." I scrambled off of the bed and charged over to where he stood smoking his cigarette. The smoke curled up and around his head like a magic cloud. "You can't play me like that, your dick ain't that good!" I turned on my heel and planned to march out of our bedroom but Edward reached out grabbing my arm with his full force. He held me in place with his hand as well as his steely stare.

I knew I had pushed him too far. He pushed me back against the door frame and pressed his body against mine. Within seconds my body responded to his. As much as I tried to withstand him I never could, his body spoke to mine in ways I couldn't deny. "So it ain't that good huh?" He ground his hips into mine and I whimpered at the contact. "It's good enough to make you scream and drip all over me." He licked my neck and blew across it. "You never say no when I fuck you with it!" He reached up and pulled my hair back to give him better access to my neck. I gave up fighting him at this point, it was no use, he knew he had me. His lips slowly drifted across my neck in an uncommon gesture and suddenly reached out to bite the spot he had just caressed.

"Bella, Carlisle is going down to the jail to see Edward. Would you like to go?" Esme asked as she smoothed my hair down, effectively snapping me out of my walk down memory lane. After five days of lying in bed it must have looked like a rats nest, but I didn't care. Part of me wanted to rush to him and make it all go away but a stronger, healthier part said 'hell no, I'm not ever going to look him in the eye again'. I just shook my head at her and she patted my head again before she left. I know that Esme looked in on me several times at night to see how I was. Carlisle put extra food on my plate and watched me eat like he was a warden at the prison. Even Poppy, Carlisle's dad, had begun to call me into his room in the evenings to sit and talk with him. He would always share his evening snack with me. I'm sure the fact that I had started vomiting almost everything I ate didn't help at all. I just couldn't stomach food anymore. I didn't want to be with Edward but yet at the same time I didn't want to be without him either. I lived on the fine line of insanity and normalcy.

Walking away from him only made the line thinner.

I had even taken to praying at night that somehow we would all wind up at the end of this stronger people. Anything else was too much for my fractured heart to hope for.

Several days later I was called into the precinct to give my statement. I went, gave it and left. Edward called several times a week, always speaking to his parents and sometimes his grandparents. But never to me. I didn't want to talk to him. I was scared that if I heard his voice I would go back. I would live the same life my mother lived, die the same way she did-alone, desperate, and drunk.

It scared the hell out of me to know that within an hour I would be standing in the same room with Edward. Not just in the room with Edward but a small room-a room where I could see him and almost reach out to touch him. Since he had pled guilty he wouldn't have a trial, he would just go before the judge for his sentencing. Part of me wanted to break down and tell him how much I loved him but the other part warned me that we both needed serious help before we could ever be healthy enough to be together.

I walked up the steps of the courthouse along with Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie. We all looked so normal in our dressy clothes, almost like we should be heading to church. A snort escaped my mouth at the thought of me in church. All eyes turned to look at me and I looked back down at the ground. I'm sure each of them thought I was so close to actually losing my ever loving mind.

We made our way into the courtroom and sat quietly behind Edward. I felt Edward's eyes on me several times but he didn't attempt to speak to me at all, and I refused to meet his eyes. I was too afraid that my resolve would break down if I actually looked at him. So I stared at my shoes and listened to what the judge and lawyers had to say.

The lawyer for the state stood up and read Edward's charges. I didn't understand all of the words he said but it boiled down to Aggravated Arson because of the little girl that was injured. Both lawyers talked and talked and finally the Judge called an end to it all and called Edward to stand.

"Mr. Cullen, I don't see how a man with such a bright future could throw it all away like this. I'm disappointed in you, son, and saddened that you allowed your anger and rage to spill over and hurt innocent lives. The child burned in that fire will never live the care free life of a child again, they will never live a life that is free from other children calling them names because of the scars she will have to carry. You did that." Edward dropped his head and then raised it again to look at the judge. "I don't think you meant to hurt anyone, yourself included. I think that you let your emotions and anger get away from you. That, son, was your fatal mistake. A mistake that I can't allow to go unpunished and the law states that you have to pay the consequences…I'm giving you five years. This is the minimum sentence for this crime. I don't think that you're a criminal, I think you're angry and need to focus yourself. With good behavior you can be out in three to four. My advice to you while you are in there, son, is to use that mind of yours. Learn all you can, take courses, go to counseling and fix your life so that I never see you in my courtroom again, do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir. I do." Edward answered. His shoulders set, he almost looked proud of himself. At closer inspection I could see acceptance written across his body language. He had accepted that his actions had caused someone harm and was willing to pay for his mistake. I only hoped that he would do exactly what the judge advised and use his time wisely. Edward was brilliant, he could learn anything easily. I prayed that he would take the college courses, go to counseling, and make something of himself. Anything to make the pain that we both went through worth it if something good happened in the end.

When the judge dismissed the courtroom, which was empty except for us and the child's family, Edward was given a chance to speak to Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and his grandparents. I stepped back, after all of his attempts to speak to me by phone never panned out Edward knew not to ask for me. I heard whispers of encouragement from Carlisle, and Emmett. His grandparents just hugged him and kissed his cheek. Esme stepped up and held him in her arms, kissing his temple as it rested on her shoulder. I heard them speaking softly to each other, Edward asking about me. My heart stopped at his words. Esme tried to reassure him but his voice rose with concern, "Then why does she look like hell if she is fine?" Our eyes met over Esme's shoulder and I looked away quickly. I hear Esme assure him that with time I would heal, I just needed time. Edward's next words stopped my heart, "Please make sure she knows that I love her. I didn't show her the right way but I always loved her, tell her that, okay?" Esme nodded and Edward walked through the door and off to serve his time.

I slowly made my way back through the courthouse and down the same steps as when we used when we arrived. It was the same route as before but a part of me was gone now. Even though I wasn't ready to live with Edward and continue down the path we were on, it certainly didn't mean that my love for him stopped. It hurt me to know he would be away from me, from his family. It also hurt to know that we wouldn't have a chance to work things out between us.

I ran up the stairs of the house, right into the bathroom and threw up violently. I stayed in bed for three more days, throwing up everything I ate. Edward called but no one told him how I was. I don't know if he asked and they lied or if he didn't ask.

Rose came to see me on the fourth day I was in bed after Edward's sentencing, who knows how many days total it had been. She made me get up, shower and she took me to the doctor's office. Not a medical doctor, but a therapist. I didn't think it would help but I had to admit that even after the first visit it felt so much better to get those feelings off of my chest and learn that I was normal for thinking those things. I decided right then that I would be back and continue the therapy!

The next morning I was up at the crack of dawn, throwing up again. Esme called a doctor and made me an appointment. I walked in, signed in and the rest was a blur of activity. I walked back in the house when Esme was sitting everything down on the table for dinner. Esme called out to Carlisle and they both realized I was home at the same time. I felt Carlisle's hand on my arm and saw his mouth move but nothing else registered to my brain. I sat in the closest chair and broke down into tears. Someone held me close and rubbed my hair until the tears stopped.

"Honey, tell me what the doctor said, please you're scaring me." Esme pleaded. Esme had no idea of scared, I knew scared on a whole new level sitting there watching them look at me... Their eyes already worn down and weary after the whole ordeal with Edward and I was afraid that I would only add to that by adding one more mouth to feed to the house.

"I'm pregnant." My voice sounded flat and emotionless.

They shared a glance and remained silent. I stared holes in the floor, I couldn't take looking at one more person in my life that was disappointed in me. Esme's voice was soft when she began to speak. "Oh Bella, it's probably not the best timing but I know there is a reason that God gave you and Edward this baby at this particular time." The hopefulness in her voice pulled my chin up so that I could look into her eyes. The whole time my head took it's upward journey I begged for her eyes to hold the same hopefulness as her voice did. "Don't you worry, honey, it will all work out somehow. I promise we'll be there to help you every step of the way." I was rewarded with the sweet peaceful look that I wanted to see in my own mother's eyes so often but she disappointed me every time. Esme patted my arm and Carlisle placed his hand on my back and began to rub small circles.

"Bella, I have stayed pretty quiet throughout all of this mess. I know that Edward did so many things wrong." His shoulders lifted and dropped in a small sign of admittance of these deeds. "You both did. But there is no doubt that the two of you love each other. This baby is God's way of recognizing that love and giving each of you a reason to live a better life." His smile was not a full happy glow but it certainly was a long way from the disapproval that I thought I would get from them. I would take each and every piece of hopefulness that I could get. "I know that Edward will be so hurt that he'll miss out on so much but he'll be thrilled to be a father. Give it a chance Bella, I know you're strong enough to make it through this." Carlisle patted my back one final time then walked away, leaving Esme and I alone in the dining room.

"But you guys can hardly afford me here, how will you make it if you have one more mouth to feed?" I asked. I guess a life filled with regret and disappointment is a little hard to leave behind that easily.

"Well the good thing is we have a few months to find that out, don't we?" Esme's eyes still shone clear and bright, no signs of all the emotions I expected.

"Yeah, I should be due somewhere around May 12th. So we have some time."

Esme nodded then and called everyone down to eat dinner.

The emotions in the room seemed heavy all through dinner and it was obvious that each of us tried to speak several times, but nothing seemed correct in this situation. So I decided to break the tension, there was no need in everyone suffering with me.

"I'm pregnant, pass the peas please." I nodded at Poppy as his mouth fell open in shock. I could hear Gran's intake of breath.

"Oh, Bella." The words sounded uncertain but the look in Gran's eyes relayed her happiness at the idea of a little Baby Cullen here in the house with us. She hopped up and came around the table to me to envelope me in a hug. A large warm hug that made me feel for a few minutes that I just might be okay with this.

Poppy was next. His hug seemed to know my hesitation and attempt to ease that fear somewhat. This was the love and support I had needed all my life-not like the treatment that I got from my family. I know that my life would have been different if I had had this all along. It scared me to think that Edward had this all his life and yet he seemed as fucked up as I was. Before I could continue down that avenue of thinking, Gran and Poppy started talking all at once.

Gran's first question cut me to the core. "What does Edward think about being a daddy?" She turned and looked at Esme. "I hope he gets out soon so he won't miss the poor things first everything." Poppy understood me so well and began to rub soothing circles on my back.

"I haven't had a chance to tell him yet. I just found out." I stammered.

"Oh don't you worry dearie, you can tell him on his first visitation day." She blathered on and on. My mine never registered any words after those. I wasn't ready to see Edward yet. I wasn't ready to begin the forgiveness part. I still loved him but I was quite frankly scared to death to spend the rest of my life and my child's now, with a man who was capable of almost burning the house down around us. I needed to know that he was stable and not a threat to us any longer before I could even begin to forgive and trust him again.

Esme called everyone back to the table and we spent the rest of dinner time talking about the baby and baby stories like we were the average American family. I stared off in space most of the time trying to figure a way to make all of this work. I was scared to do this alone, without Edward. Hell I was just plain fucking scared, I did a lot of shit while pregnant with this baby. I had probably fucked her up for life there was no way of telling. I didn't deserve to be a mother; I didn't deserve the unconditional love that those small creatures give. I was mothered by Renee for crying out loud, what kind of example could I possibly be? I had no example to base my motherhood on, nor a way to know how well I could actually do this.

I tried to think of carrying it for nine months and then giving it away to someone else to raise. But somehow I couldn't see giving someone else a baby that was part of Edward. I lost him and now I was supposed to give away the only part I did have? I realized that I couldn't follow through on that option either, so that only left me with only one option…getting my ass in gear and getting a life in order for this baby...and Fast!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Chapter 2

Okay girls and guys...this is all me! Hope you like it:) Thanks to all my peeps who have helped, encouraged, and supported me. From the bottom of my heart...I thank you!

Playlist:You had me- Joss Stone, Something in your mouth- Nickelback, Rolling In the Deep- Adele

Disclaimer:I don't own the characters, the songs, or anything that will make me any money. I do so enjoy playing with these characters tho!

(the italicized, bold print is a flashback~just in case you needed that explained for ya!)


On the first page of our story the future looked so bright, then this thing turned out so evil. I don't know why I'm so surprised. Even angels have their wicked schemes.

Chapter 2- Bella

I sat on the bed in Carlisle and Esme's guest room and leaning back began to wonder how in the hell I actually got here. Huddled under the covers with my arms wrapped around my legs the memories flooded my brain. My whole life had been one big clusterfuck, but nothing like it is now.

(Two years earlier)

I threw on the first outfit that I saw, grabbed my bag and left the house. My Grandmother yelling at my back, screaming about how only tramps dressed the way I was, then continuing her screams about the smoke she sees wafting around my head. I tune her out, it's not like I really give a fuck about anything she says. She doesn't really want me living at her house and I don't really want to be there either, so we are on even playing fields.

Two cigarettes and several pills later I walked into the shitty yard of Jessica's house. I knew that she never really liked me but she was always able to score some really good shit so I stuck with her. Besides, where the fuck else did I have to go?

I dropped my purse in Jessica's room and popped a pill she held out to me. I washed it down with some shit in a red plastic cup. Just then the music began to blare out of the speakers; I moved back to the living room to dance. I was happily numb and wanted to enjoy myself.

I danced and sang along to the words. I felt strong hands pull me into a hard body and grind his large erection into my ass. Like the tease I was I pushed back against him and shook my ass. I was too wasted to worry about who it was; I just knew that this would be the best way to end my night. My mystery man leaned down and whispered into my ear. His sexy voice caused all sorts of tingling in my body that ran rampant along my nerve endings.

You tease them all by sucking on your thumb

You're so much cooler when you never pull it out

Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth.

And again because I'm a tease I put my thumb in my mouth and pushing it in and out at the same time I reach back and grabbed his dick.

He gripped me by my shoulders and spun me around to face him. I noticed my tattooed God standing before me. This night was going to be so much better than I ever thought.

"Let's go." He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the living room. He hurried me through the kitchen and only paused long enough to grab a bottle of something off of the kitchen counter before we hit the grassy back yard. He kept pulling until we were two streets away from Jessica's shitty house. I never said a word, I just allowed him to pull me along. I was too high and too drunk to even worry about where he was taking me and what we would do when we got there.

He seemed pretty wasted also. Not enough to bother his ability to get hard because he was sporting some massive wood. I didn't worry about what we would do when we arrived at our new destination; I knew that feeling something that brought me joy for a while would be nice change for me, and I couldn't wait for it.

He led me up the steps of an equally shitty house and pushed the door open. All the lights were out and no one was here at the moment, safe for the two of us. As soon as the door was pushed closed he had me against it. His large frame easily picked me up and pressed into me. His lips were immediately on my neck and his hands covered my breasts. I wanted him in the worst way. He pulled my top off and the tiny bra I wore under it soon followed.

He licked and kissed every single inch of my skin on my chest. "Fuck!" That single word summed it all up perfectly.

"Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head. You're gonna get fucked." He panted against my chest.

Why did his sexy voice and hot words turn me into a big old pile of motherfucking goo?

Something about him was different, he was more. I didn't know how he was 'more' exactly; I just knew somehow he was more. More than any guy I have ever been with.

Not that I've ever had that much of a selection process for the guys I slept with but I did at least know their names. This one I had no clue, he was still basically a stranger to me. I had seen him around a time or two but that was it. And yet something about the fact that I didn't know his name made this all the more fun. That had to have been the pills and booze talking.

I began to pull his shirt off of his body. He leaned away to pull it over his head and I once again noticed the sexy ass tattoos. I ran my hand across his arms and down his chest, touching each one. I touched the arm that was marked with the coffin with the brilliant red roses growing out of the soil around it on his forearm. He had so many that they seemed to run from one to another without interruption. I could tell from seeing him earlier that the tattoos would be sexy but this is above and beyond what I ever imagined. I do so love me a man with tattoos. I hoped he liked the tattoos that I had, so far very little had come out of his mouth so I would have to wait till later to find that out, I guess.

"Take your boots off." He said as he struggled with my button on my skirt. He continued to fumble around with that and the zipper as I bent over to unzip my boots and kick them off. When my boots were gone, he pulled my skirt down and it too was tossed to unknown places in the room. I stood before him in just my underwear. I was thanking the heavens that I decided to wear a new pair, of sexy black lace. His eyes showed me that he appreciated the effort.

"Damn woman, you are fucking fine." He informed me before his mouth assaulted my neck again. One of his hands lifted both of mine above my head and pinned them to the wall. His strong dominant words and actions were making me wetter by the second. The anticipation thrummed through me, I knew that tonight was a turning point of some kind.

What type of turning point was lost on me when his body slowly descended along mine, kissing each inch of the way. When he reached my waist he pulled my panties down and spread my legs with his left hand. I instantly complied and he dove right into me. His first kiss to my clit was gentle but after that he was pure machine. He licked, sucked and teased me to within an inch of my orgasm. I was getting weak with need for him and he still was partially dressed. I didn't even have an idea what I was working with here. I mean I had basically held it in my hands but I really wanted to lay my eyes on it, bare! But hell his mouth was fucking magic so I didn't care if the package was less than impressive.

He abruptly stood and I dropped to my knees to take care of his pants. I wanted to see what he had for me. With his pants and boxers gone I was not disappointed. AT ALL! I grinned wickedly and took as much of his large cock into my mouth as I could, the rest I held in my hand. He disappointed me when he stopped me after three passes up and down his length.

"Baby as much as I love that, it'll be over way too quickly that way. Besides I promised that you were going to get fucked and I'm a man of my word." He spun me and pressed my chest against the wall, pushing my hands up over my head again. He kicked my ankles once more apart and slid his sweet cock into me. All coherent thought stopped at that point in time. His hands came to rest on the wall on either side of my head and he leaned down to whisper into my ear. "Do you like that?" I nodded at him. "Out loud, tell me." He demanded.

"Oh God yes, I like that." I whimpered. He pushed in so deep and pulled out so slow, I could feel his body pressing all the buttons that my body had.

"You feel so good with your sweet little pussy wrapped around me." He wrapped an arm around my chest trapping my boobs beneath his arm as he continued to increase his pace. He shifted his hips and pushed in deeper. I could honestly feel him filling every possible spot in me. It felt so delicious. "So deep." He moaned. I nodded my head at him again as he licked my neck and up my ear.

"Oh yes, baby, yes. Feels so good, make me come." I begged.

"Edward." He responded.

"What?" I was lost, too much thought to process as he pounded in and out of me.

"Edward, not baby. Baby can be any man, I want you to call out for Edward, know that it's me that made you feel good. Say it!" He demanded. His grip tightened on my breast he was holding and then he pinched my nipple.

"Fuck yes, Edward. You make me feel good. You Edward." I screeched as I came. I'm certain it was not porn worthy in any way what so ever, in fact it probably sounded like a damn owl but I didn't give a fuck. I came so hard I saw star, the force of my orgasm wiped any concern away of how porn star I sounded. Edward thrust into me one last time and grunted his pleasure as he came right behind me, he must not have worried about my sounds either.

We stood for a few minutes against the wall, Edward's head resting in the crevice that my shoulder blades made. He pulled back slightly and pulled my arms down off the wall. He slipped out of me and turned us both towards the bed. I began to climb in and he pulled me back. "Not that side, that's my side." Edward moved around me and settled into 'his side' and then pulled me against him.

I felt myself drifting off when I had the urge to tell him my name as well. "Bella." I whispered. "Bella's my name."

"Okay, sleep now." Edward kissed my temple. He was such a dichotomy, one second he was rough and demanding, the next he is sweet and comforting. These two sides of Edward swirled around my brain until I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to a pounding on the door and a man yelling, "Get up you fucker and throw the bitch out. We need to eat!" Edward jerked upright in the bed and pulled the covers up over my body.

"James shut the fuck up, I was asleep. Leave me alone!" Edward growled.

James turned the knob and pranced into the room like he owned the place. I lay still, pretending that I was asleep pressed against Edward's side. "Come on, you can't ditch us. This is us, your boys. We always go and eat after a good party." James waved his hands towards me as he continued to talk. "Edward, come on, you already skipped out of the party early for this. You had your fun, so let's go and eat." James pleaded.

I felt Edward's body tense up as he prepared to answer. "I'm only going to tell you this one time, get the fuck out of my room. I don't want breakfast, I want sleep. Go fucking eat but leave me the hell alone." Edward's voice rose in level with each word until the last few were yelled out for the whole house to hear them.

"What the fuck ever man, turn your back on us for some fucking piece of ass, see if we care." James and several other guys turned to move out of Edward's room.

When the door was secured behind them, Edward rose and walked over to it. His pause let me know that this might be my opportunity to go before he said the words. I moved to the side of the bed and reached down to grab my clothes. Edward must have heard my movements because he paused, locked the door and came back to sit on the bed beside me.

"Hey, where you going?" He asked with as much softness as I realized he was ever going to have in his voice.

"I uh…I was gonna get going so you could go and eat with them." My hand made a feeble attempt at pointing towards the last place we saw the guys standing.

Edward's hand rushed up and cupped my jaw, "Whatever, go if you want but I'm going back to bed." He threw himself back in the bed. "Stay if you want." He seemed sincere when he said it. Edward wanted to be here with me then I certainly wanted to be there with him. Besides I was hoping for some more action with him.

"Okay." I responded dropping my bra back to the floor and allowing Edward to pull me back to the bed. I had so many questions that I wanted to ask but at the same time I didn't want to shatter the fragile silence between us. His smile spread as I lay back down, he moved the sheet and climbed over my body. We fucked again, he seemed to not be able to get enough of me but I had no complaints about it. His touch was so sweet even when it was rough against my skin. I felt his passion pour out each time our skin connected.

I shook my head to pull myself out of the past. I wouldn't allow myself to remember the times when he showed his love, the times when he did something sweet for me. I couldn't allow that now. Not after I had to flee the house because he threatened to set the damn thing on fire.

He watched me gather my shit, he watched as I took the picture of my mother down. This was the first time since I had hung it there, proudly on the wall of our living room that I had taken it down. I had had enough of his shit- his cheating, his drinking, just enough of everything. I just wanted peace in my life. Maybe I was getting old, maybe tired, who the fuck knew what I was going through but I needed to be away from Edward. I just couldn't do it anymore, when I told him so he got a dark angry look in his eyes.

He glinted at me and told me that, "Our love is crazy, we're nuts. But I can tell you this if you leave this house I will burn this motherfucker to the ground." He stood looking at me and the expression in his eyes told me that he meant it. I wanted to be scared of that shit but I just couldn't, hell maybe even death would be better than the shit I see each day in my life. So I pushed Edward a little further.

"What the fuck are you going to do? Huh, kill us both?" I threw my hands around and tried to make myself look bigger and less scared than I really was. I shoved his shoulder and slapped him when he didn't answer me.

"Bella, you can't go. I'm sorry, we can stop this shit, we can." Edward changed from the big bad wolf to little lost boy in the woods. He reached for my hand and I yanked it back. His change had added a certain amount of power to my ego.

"Go tell your shitty stories to someone who doesn't know any better, because I do. I've heard them all before." I spat back at him over my shoulder as I continued to gather my stuff from the house.

"B, without you in my life I'll go out of my fuckin' mind. I mean it!" And suddenly the rage was back. Now I was the one lost in the woods. I grabbed my bag and tried to run from the house as I saw Edward grab the lighter again. His eyes were alive with anger and rage. When I dashed past him and towards the door he grabbed my bag off of my shoulder. I let it go and continued to run. I heard him screaming for me from the doorway of the apartment. I turned once and saw flames leaping up the curtains of our bedroom. I turned back and continued to run away. I was running towards the only place I knew I had to go. I heard the sirens but I kept running. I was running away from him and towards the only hope I had for a normal life.


E/N: I'm going to see Bobby tonight! I'm so excited :) If anyone else is there I hope to see you all! If not then you have plenty of time to leave me a review and let me know what you thought of it...ease my scared to death heart! Don't forget to look for a new teaser on Monday on The Fictionator's web site.

Till next time...

Love the Way You Lie Chapters

Love The Way You Lie

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 1

Okay so lots of explaining to do to you all...this story is a continuation of a one shot Robicorn wrote and posted over on her profile. I read it, and couldn't get it out of my head. So I sent her a little pm and begged her to finish it on out. I explained all the plot points sticking in my head and all the things she could do with it. Well imagine my disappointment when her pm started out with 'I'm too busy work anymore on this one.' And she is, so I was only a little hurt. Then I read the rest of the pm and almost fell out in the floor. She had given me permission to finish it for her. So here it is...I won't pretend that this is all fluff and fun. It's not. I'm sure most of you know the song and have seen the video. This is a very different Edward and Bella for me. And to be honest I have pissed my beta off with them. It's angsty but if you know me at all you know that I believe in a HEA more than anything. I can promise that this will have a HEA, so if you can hang on through the angst then you will be happy in the end. At least I hope you will.

I owe a huge thanks to Robicorn-for letting me do this, OneofEddiesGirls- for being my cheerleader, first supporter and pre reader on this, xXtailoredDreamsXx- for agreeing to pre read this for me. And lastly to Jen(cause your ffn name is so damn long) for sticking with me through this because of our friendship, I know he is hard to take this way but I promise he will make you proud in the end.

Disclaimer-All characters and anything Twilight related belongs to Stephanie Meyer, the songs and lyrics used in this fic belong to the songwriters, singers and publishers. This means none of this is mine, lol! I don't make a thing off of any of it.

Playlist- Love The Way You Lie- Em&Rhi, Mess of You- Kimberly Caldwell, I Hate Everything About You- Three Days Grace, Run Away- Live & Shelly Lynne

Thanks for sticking this long ass author's note out, they won't all be this long.


Love the Way You Lie

Chapter 1

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Edward Cullen. He is my everything. My entire world. I've loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him. He is so smooth. His every move, every word seems perfect. When I see him, it's as if I am blinded by his charisma. "He's so cool," those three words are all I can think.

I met him at a house party. He was in all his glory. He had on a long sleeve t-shirt, the sleeves pushed up, exposing the tattoo's covering his arms, even a few on his neck. They are colorful and compliment his smile. He pulled his pants up every few seconds the belt nothing more than an accessory.

When our eyes finally met across the room, he smiled at me. It was like this light inside of him. I've been on fire for him ever since that moment.

The future seemed so bright on that day. I don't know why I'm so surprised that things turned so evil. When or how? I try to run, but I don't ever want leave.

He is possessive. Almost to a fault, and I thrive on it, and despise him for it. He suffocates me, I freak, we fight, we make up, he suffocates, I freak, we fight, and we make up again. It's a viscous cycle. His temper is uncontrollable sometimes. So is mine. I'm extremely jealous. I think we are both certifiable.

I can't tell you half the things we fight about. We just do. It's just the way we are.

Everyone tells me to leave. See, those fights were yesterday, today's a different day. We say things and do things we don't mean. All I know is I love him too much to walk away. We destroy each other, but they don't understand how we can't be without one another. I love him. When it's good, it's amazing. When it's bad, it's devastating.

We share a one bedroom apartment in Philadelphia. It's in a duplex, thankfully it's a decent neighborhood. Mostly Irish.

Edward gets a lot of shit for being with me, just because I'm Italian. I don't think of myself as Italian. I don't think of myself of much of anything. I don't have much of a family. That isn't true. Edward is my family. It'd be nice to say that I was from a huge Italian family. That my father yelled at me in Italian, that we had huge pasta dinners, and we had a house that was full of laughter and boisterous family. That I had these huge ties to the Catholic Church, but I didn't have any of it.

It was never my life. Ever.

It isn't the nicest apartment but it's home. There are holes in the wall from places he has punched or times I threw things aimed at his head. Sheets hang as curtains. Olive green shag carpets. An old beat up couch. I try to make it homey, but it's no use. We party too much. I'd rather spend money on beer or pills than home decor. We'd just end up throwing it at one another.

He can make me so angry sometimes, I know I only get that upset because of how much I love him. If I didn't care so much I wouldn't freak out as bad.

Edward works at a garage fixing up cars. I work as a cashier at Family Dollar. To say we live paycheck to paycheck would be an improvement. It's more like we steal from Peter to pay Paul. One month we manage to pay the electric the next cable.

Today is a good day. I wake up with the sun on my bare back. I can see Edward sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette in the living room from the open door. He looks so good with no shirt. I get tingly just looking at his bare chest. His pecks are slightly defined and he has the hottest six pack I have ever seen, while still being very slender. All of his tattoo's visible.

The one that reads Bella across his stomach used to be my favorite. Three months ago, after a huge fight I left. Edward was so pissed, he got RIP Rot in Pieces, underneath it. I keep bugging him to do something about the Rot in Pieces to get it covered up, but we don't really have the extra money.

I have Edward tattooed below my belly button. I wouldn't dream of removing it or covering it up. That's the big difference between Edward and I. He acts out of anger.

"Baby," I call to him. He looks up at me and smiles. He owns me. My heart flutters. He puts out his cigarette in one of the empty beer bottles and makes his way over to me.

"Hey," he says, placing kisses along my bare back. I roll over, exposing my breasts to him. He smirks and his lips move to my chest. I moan and arch my back into him. "You are so perfect," he whispers against my skin. The heat from his breathe sends a shiver through my spine.

"Mmmmm, I love you," manages to escape before he kisses me.

"You can't ever leave me, Bella," his tone is pleading.

"I can't," I assure him. His mouth is all over. Sucking my neck. Marking me. He likes to show the world I am his.

And I am. I could never belong to anyone else.

"I'd be so lost without you."

Roughly his hands push my legs apart. Sex is never gentle. Always hard, rough, and filled with need.

He pushes into me with a force that knocks the headboard into the wall.

His hands push my knees up and his hips continue to thrust. His fingers dig into the flesh of my thighs. The palm of my hand pushes against his chest because it's too hard, too fast.

I always feel the need to fight him.

He always gives it right back.

It's just the way we lie.

Later that day, it's awful. It shouldn't surprise me at all because we never have the good for long.

Jessica calls and tells me about some girl Edward has been rumored to be getting a little too close to. How close? I don't know. Does it matter? No one should ever get the idea that my boyfriend is screwing around on me. It's my jealousy.

My hands are shaking, my heart is racing a mile a minute, and I'm pacing the apartment waiting for him to get back because I want to kick his ass. I've been calling him, and he hasn't answered. Automatically, I think it's because of this girl. My mind runs rampant with images and stories of what he is doing, with her. Whoever she is.

I hear a key turn in the lock and walk as fast as I can to the door. I pull it open, letting it slam against the wall. There is already a round hole from the door knob.

"What the fuck is Jessica doing calling me to tell me about you and some slut?" I yell at him.

"What? I don't know!" he yells back.

"Fuck you don't! Don't you dare play fucking stupid! People don't make shit up, Edward! Who the hell is she?" He slams the door shut. "TELL ME!" I scream. I shove him. He falls back into the door.

"Don't start this shit, Bella! Don't fucking start!"

I punch him. "Answer me!" I punch him again. He holds my wrists and pushes me backwards.

My back hits the wall and his fist goes into the wall inches from my head. I don't even flinch.

"If you are talking about Lauren, she told me she wanted to fuck me."

"Did you?"

"You are fucking psychotic."

"You didn't answer the question! Why don't you ever just answer the god damn questions!"

"NO! No, I didn't fuck her! I might as well have with the way you are freaking out!"

I slap him, but it's not just a slap. My nails scrap across his face.

He grabs me by my shoulders and pushes me. I fall to the ground. Now I am really losing it.

"Don't you ever fucking put your hands on me like that!" I yell. I pick up a beer bottle and throw it.

"Jesus Christ!" He ducks, and the glass shatters against the wall.

"I can't even stand to look at you!" I yell.

"Then fucking leave!"

"YOU!"

His hands go to the coffee table and he flips it over. The ashtrays, half full beer bottles, blue and purple pills, and week old mail fall to the ground with a crash.

The rage over takes us both.

Edward is like a tornado. He whirls in destroying everything in his path.

Me, I'm like a volcano. You don't know when or why, I just erupt.

"You asshole! You can't hit me and shit!"

"You fucking hit me all the time!"

"I'm done with you!" I tell him. I think I mean it this time. "This is fucking over Edward! OVER!"

I go to the bedroom and slam the door behind me. I start pulling clothes out of the dresser and tossing them into a bag.

Edward throws the door open and grabs my arm.

"Stop! Your fucking hurting me!" I tell him, trying to get out of his grip.

"You don't get to leave! You can't leave me!"

"Watch me, Edward! Like I want to stay with a piece of shit that shoves girls and has tattoo's saying Rot in Pieces!"

I put a few more things in the bag, and get outside. I stand on the sidewalk out of breathe and tears run down my face.

In all honesty. I thrive off these battles. In some screwed up way, I know he loves me.

EPOV

Here we go again.

"Mother fucker!" I yell when Bella slams the front door. I should let her go. All we do is fight.

I look at the wall and know she doesn't really want to leave, because she didn't take the picture of her mother off the wall.

I feel so ashamed. I can't let her go. I swing open the front door and she stands on the steps of the duplex her back facing me. "Bella, Baby, I'm so sorry. Please come back inside."

Her hand reaches up and wipes away tears I only assume are there. "Please." I say again, reaching out and touching her shoulder. "I'll never stoop so low again."

She turns to look at me, I can see the fog from her breath as she lets out a shaky sigh. "You always say that," she says calmly.

"I mean it, baby. I do. I love you so fucking much it makes me crazy," I tell her. It's the only thing that makes sense. No one would willingly stay in a relationship with these fights every day.

Every fucking day we fight. Not always this bad. The bigger fights seem to happen one or two times a month.

It doesn't make sense to stay in a relationship this destructive. It's like your burning down the house while you're still in it.

I sound sincere, because I am. I don't want to fight with her like this. It tears me apart. I pick up her bag and grab her wrist. I hardly have to pull on her to make her follow me back inside.

"I got something...for you," I tell her as we step over the glass from the beer bottle.

"What?" she asks me curiously.

A guy with his shit together would have something...I don't know...how many guys bring home pills for their girlfriends? I mean I should be giving her like jewelry or some shit. But we aren't like that. I bring her home fucking pain killers.

I reach in my pocket and take out the cellophane wrapped pills. I put them in her hands and she smiles at me.

"Banana's... my favorite," she tells me with a kiss to my cheek taking the pills and noisily unwrapping them.

Yeah, it's fucked up. We are a broken record. Fight. Make up. Fight. Make up. Love. Hate. We are fucked up.

I know how fucked up it is that I know Bella would rather have five ten milligram Percocets for fifty dollars more than anything else. More than jewelery or something nice for the apartment. Just anything to numb her from the pain of her past. And maybe the pain that we cause for each other.

She pops one and chases it with an old bottle of water that survived the fight. Funny thing is, I don't even know what started this most recent war. Either way, I start cleaning up.

I promise Bella to fix the holes in the walls. She says I need to, that she wants to fix the place up and have family over. She mentions it be nice to have my parents over for dinner once and while.

My parents live in the city. They struggle to make ends meet, just like my entire life, but they are well respected for being such hard workers. My father Carlisle, works for the steamfitters union. His parents are off the boat from Ireland. Once I moved out, they moved in so my mom could help care for them. She needs a break.

I know I wasn't an easy kid to raise. I was always in trouble. I was arrested a few times. My father still likes to tell me how much money he spent on court fee's and still worries about me. I know he does.

My brother Emmett though, he is the golden boy. Always got good grades, attended college at Drexel to become a gym teacher.

I went to Vo-Tech in high school. Learned how to work on cars then continued on to trade school.

I still spend most of my money on drugs and booze. My mom isn't stupid she knows what Bella and I are like. So, yeah she worries.

Bella won't fucking talk about her parents. Her father left when she was a baby, then her mother killed herself drinking and driving when she was twelve. Since then, she's spent most of her time living with her grandmother and aunts. When she acted up or got in trouble they just passed her back and forth with words like "I can't handle her," and "I can't control her, you need to take her." They just didn't know what the hell to do with her other than pass her along.

During her childhood, she spent most of the time taking care of her mother who was mostly drunk or high. She had to breath into the car to start it because of all the DUI's her mother got.

Then she died.

I know why she is so fucked up. So, I take care of her. My parents love her because that's what she fucking needs. I love them for being the loving people that they are. It just confuses me more about why I am the way I am.

Why am I so fucked up?

It's not like Bella brings it out in me. I have always been easily angered. I have always started trouble or found trouble or fuck I am trouble. I wasn't raised differently than Emmett and I was raised a whole lot more stable than Bella.

Yet here we are both just as equally fucked up.

I know this is the first time she's ever felt at home. When she tells me she is leaving, I have no idea where she thinks she is going.

"Where were you going to go?" I ask her.

She chuckles and looks down. "Your parents."

I kiss the side of her head. "They'd take you in a heartbeat if I ever let you get that far." Which I knew there was no way in hell I would.

Tonight I look at her, I love her to fucking death. It's so overwhelming I don't even know where to channel it. It gets out of control then. It turns into bitterness because I can't function with the overwhelming feelings.

Days pass...happily. We function like a somewhat normal couple for fourteen days.

I find trouble or trouble finds me. Either way.

I always screw up.

I got fucking drunk and fucked around with Lauren, again. I know the words gotten back to Bella. I've destroyed us in one night. I didn't want to, I just couldn't even see straight.

When I get home, the door is ajar. I push it open slowly. The place is turned upside down. She looks at me from the couch. Her eyes are red and if looks could kill I'd be six feet under.

"Baby, please let me," I start before she comes at me. Her fist hit me rapidly, pounding against my chest.

"Fuck you! How could you fucking do that to me?" she screams.

"I'm sorry, Bella!" I try to grab her arms to stop her from hitting me. Tears fall down her face as she yells how awful I am. How she is going to kill me. Leave me. When I manage to restrain her hands she starts using her feet.

I hold her from behind around her waist, pinning her arms to her side as she kicks back at me.

"I'm fucking leaving! We are over."

"NO! Bella! You can't fucking leave me!"

"Go fuck Lauren! Go be with Lauren!" she fights against me. I pick her up and take her to the bedroom.

Rage ignites inside me.

She can't fucking leave me. I can't breathe without her.

I try to explain it wasn't my fault.

That I was too drunk.

That I don't want to be with fucking Lauren.

I see her bags are packed. Even the picture of her mom is gone off the wall. This isn't some over dramatic shit. She really intends to leave.

That can't fucking happen.

I throw her down on the bed. "You can't fucking leave!" I yell at her.

She scurries back on the bed and cowers away from me. "If you try to fucking leave I'll tie you to the bed and light the house on fire!" I don't know what the fuck is coming out of my mouth.

"What are you going to do? Stand there and watch me burn?"

I chuckled darkly.

I had no fucking idea what I thought I was going to do.

Fire. Smoke. Darkness.