Metal Pointe- Chapter 3A

EPOV-age 15/16

Life pissed me off.

I had good parents; they left me alone for the most part and usually trusted my decisions. At this point, I'd never really given them a reason not to. My dad had caught me as I came home high one night. The next day, we'd had a long talk about marijuana and the effects it could have on me... I knew it was wrong, but I was fifteen, a rocker and I wanted to get high. I wasn't hurting anyone. I wasn't driving or stealing to get weed.

But, tonight had just been a bad night all the way around.

One of the band members, Garrett, had tried coke for the first time and completely fucked up a paying gig. We wound up owing the guy more than we made, so we were all pissed.

Then, I had to deal with the band 'ho's who constantly tried to get in my pants. I'd repeatedly told them to fuck off but they continued to follow me around. I'd never wanted to slap a bitch in all my life until that skank, Denali, tried to force her tongue in my mouth. Jasper got her off me just in time.

Thankfully, my parents were not at home when I got there a few minutes past curfew and therefore, couldn't catch me. So, I went in and snuck out the back door to smoke a cig before they got home.

I had this little cubby hole between my house and Bella's where I could sit, undetected, smoke and watch her in her room. I loved watching her dance; her body poised and graceful, her inhibitions non-existent.

I just wished that she could show that side of herself to the world. It would make both of our lives that much easier.

Truth was I just missed her.

This whole 'secret friends' thing wasn't working so well for me. I wanted to hear her laugh at my friends' stupid jokes. I wanted to sing for her when we played in the garage working out a new tune.

She calmed me. She made me feel like I had a purpose besides my music.

But, with the directions that both of our lives were headed, we had to keep it on the down low so that Renee would lay off Bella some. Most of my friends didn't know her and as Bella wasn't allowed to have friends, I was the only one that knew about me in her life.

I took a drag off my smoke and waited to see her, but her room was barely lit, so I wasn't sure if she was home or not. I sat there and listened to the stillness of the woods as I finished up my cig, snuffed it out before I heard something.

A sniffle.

A gag.

I knew it was Bella. So, I slowly made my way down the fence line. There she was, in the indention where the trash cans go, she was bent over like she was sick so I jumped the fence and whisper yelled at her, "Bella, are you okay?"

She stiffened and stood up straight. I could tell she was wiping her face off but she wouldn't turn to face me.

"Bella, I said are you alright?" I asked as I tapped her shoulder to which she just nodded her head. I stepped up behind her. "Princess, turn around...look at me," I demanded in her ear as I lowered my head. Her scent flooded my nose and I had to fight the urge to lean my whole body into hers.

I got so tired of fighting my urges around her. My dick got tired of the pounding it took when I let it get too overwhelmed and whacked the shit out of it later.

She ever so slowly turned to me but wouldn't raise her head, keeping her face hidden behind all of her hair. I put my finger under her chin and tilted her head up, it was dark but I could make out her features in the silver moonlight. She was radiant in this light.

"Why are you out here, alone and crying, Princess?" I asked as I worked to dry her tears.

She looked at me, like really look at me and gasped. My appearance threw her off a little, I'm sure. It was the first time she'd seen me in full concert 'gear' I guess you could say.

My hair was twisted and spiked in a row on top of my head and each spike was a different color. I had all my piercings in, the viper bites, eyebrow, nose ring, the labret in my chin and the dimple piercing in my cheek. I also had on some eyeliner. It was slowly becoming a new everyday look for me, but as we didn't always see each other every day anymore, I'm sure it was rather stark differences to her eyes.

"I'm scared, Edward." She said softly as she backed up to lean on the fence posts.

"Of what, Princess? Has someone hurt you? You know I'll kick anyone's ass that harms you. That will never change," I said as my blood began to boil at the thought of anyone hurting my Bella.

She vehemently shook her head. "No, no one but myself. I can't get the weight off. I can't get the toe positions right. I'm just scared I am going to fail everyone." A few stray tears escaped her eyes as I pulled her tight against me.

"Bella, you could never disappoint anyone. You don't see how amazing you are and the way you dance takes my breath away." I nuzzled my nose through her hair to find the soft, pale skin of her neck as I spoke to her. You need to add something about him moving forward since in the last paragraph she moved back.

I couldn't help myself being this close to her; she had to know how I felt, what she meant to me...I needed more of her.

"Edward..." she whispered just before my lips captured hers. It was soft and gentle and our bodies molded together as her fists tightened around my shirt against my chest and my hands slid to her hips, pressing her against me.

"Oh my Princess," I breathily whispered before capturing her lips against, more forceful this time as I pushed her body hard against the fence posts. She moaned in response and opened her lips to my waiting tongue.

I stifled the groan in my throat as our tongues twirled around the others and our tastes collided into a mesh of metal and heat. I couldn't get enough of her as our hands were suddenly clawing at one another and I lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around me. I palmed her sweet ass and licked her ear as she panted my name into the quiet night air.

"Princess, I love you...please be mine," I begged as I kissed softly along her collarbone while her head was thrown back.

In that moment it was like all of time stopped.

Her head snapped up, her eyes opened wide and she pushed off my chest, forcing me to put her down.

"No, Edward. No, no, no. I don't have time for you...I don't have time for love. It would just be one more thing I'm a failure at," she said as her arms were frantically moving around in the air as she pushed me away and began to pace along the small cubby we were hidden in.

I stood there, unable to believe the words she was spouting. My heart was open and raw. She told me no.

"You could never fail me, Princess," I said as I tried to stop this manic phase that she was in.

She snorted and stopped her movements to stare at me.

"I'll never have time for you. We'd have to sneak around when I did. I'd fail you at every turn, Edward. We both know that. Time has proven that," she said, her eyes were wild and black.

This was not my Bella...not my little pink Princess.

"Leave me alone. Go away. Run off and be the badass rock star you are trying to look like in that crazy get up. Just..." she paused and let out a long sigh, "Don't forget to remember me sometimes."

And then she turned, jumped the fence and ran stealthily back into her house.

I stood there and let what had just happened wash over me.

My Princess didn't love me.

She didn't want me, or have time for me.

Suddenly, I was filled with rage. I needed to demolish something, hit something, tear it up. I grabbed a small log I saw lying on the ground and proceeded to beat the hell out of the nearest tree that I could find. When that quit helping, I used my fists to pummel the bark until all of my knuckles ached and covered in blood.

I staggered to the ground, unable to catch my breath as the tears hit my cheeks and I realized that the love of my life, the girl I had loved since I saw her at four years old, didn't love me back. I'm not sure how long I laid there curled up in the leaves and dirt, eyes raw from crying, throat dry from the sobs but I felt my father's hands as he pulled me into his arms.

"I've got you son. I'm here," Ed's voice was soft and soothing, which only hurt me worse. I didn't want to feel relief. I didn't want to leave the pain behind.

I woke the next morning to my mother's soft strokes against my cheek. "Mom," my voice was scratchy and raw.

"Shhhh, don't talk baby. I'm sorry I woke you," Elizabeth's voice was quiet and wet; I knew she had tears in her eyes. Fuck, I made my mother cry. But, my Princess had made me cry first.

I curled into the fetal position and cried some more. I cried until I fell asleep.

I dreamed of her onstage dancing but once she saw me watching she would stop and run away.

I wouldn't be able to catch her, no matter how fast I ran or where I looked. She didn't want me to rescue her anymore. My heart shattered completely at that realization.

The next afternoon I sat and contemplated how we got to this point. I needed to see if there was a way I could go back and change something so that I could make it all right. My mind spun out of control and I kept going back to one thought…I don't know how we got so off track.

This should have been the year we started combining our lives; my music with her dancing. We should be at the point where we can build our dreams together.

But, we aren't...we aren't even speaking at the moment actually. But, I didn't want to think about that night…the night we had the first real fight we'd ever had. It was far too painful and still made my heart hurt beyond comprehension.

My hand involuntarily rubbed the same spot on my chest over and over, the side where it ached. I know that it's my heart and that it yearns for her. I know this because my eyes missed her too; they missed looking into her eyes. My ears missed that quiet little giggle that she made when she thought something was funny.

I just missed her so fucking much, it hurts.

A few weeks prior

This party is lame and it only makes me miss her more to see all these couples laughing, joking, and making out. Not that we'd be making out but we would be together and that is all that matters. So, when Jasper offered me a hit off that first joint, I couldn't say no. Jasper promised that it would make me numb, feel good and generally not care about my problems. He had no idea how much I wanted that at this exact moment. So I said yes to it, because fuck knows that I need to numb away this hurt, this ache, the pain of not having her in my life right now.

I take the first hit and it is harder than inhaling from a cigarette. It's not as smooth, then all the sudden the smoke settles within my body and I do feel the pain disappear. I feel lighter and I can think of the good times together. I close my eyes and hear her melody as it plays in my head. I let the drug swirl in my mind, while I lay my head back on the grungy couch in Jasper's garage. I can hear the other guys set up the band equipment. What I really want is to be in her studio, behind my baby grand, playing that melody as she flies through the air to its accompaniment. Her movements always mesmerize me with the flow of her smooth body, her soft beauty, her grace and majesty while she dances.

I love to watch her dance while I play. I always have to will my hard-on away after we're done, 'cause I know she isn't interested in me that way, but it's all I think about with her. I want to know what it feels like to have my skin touch hers, bare and soft. I want to kiss her and hear the sounds that escape her mouth as I run my tongue across her collarbone.

I want to feel those long, sleek legs wrapped around my hips as I push my body deep inside of hers.

Back to present day

"Yo, asshole, you gonna sit there all day or actually get up off that couch and help?" Garrett snapped at me, jerking me abruptly out of my Bella induced fog. It was probably a good time since I'm sure a few minutes longer would have me hard as a rock and it is hard to play a guitar with a hard on. Trust me, I know.

"Fuck you, prick. It's usually me doing it all while your stoned ass sits around." I said before I took another hit off the bong. This one goes down so much smoother and I relax a little more as the warm smoke takes over and puts me in a place that is very mellow. After that first joint with Jasper, it's the only thing that gets me through the missing her. This is the only thing that keeps me from losing my fucking mind without her. I hope she understands why I fall on this crutch for support, but somehow I don't think she will.

"Guys, chill the fuck out. E, seriously dude, lay off for a bit, alright?" Jasper looks at me with a little bit of concern showing in his eyes. He knows I'm just a party user but here lately, it's been a lot more than that.

"Whatever." I reply as I close my eyes and picture her as she warms up on the bar. In my mind she is in her studio as am I. I run through chords on the piano. She giggles every single time when I break into chopsticks, even after all these years. It makes me smile when she giggles like that.

She hasn't giggled for me in so fucking long.

I can feel the tears as they build in my eyes and I remember where I am when I hear Jasper call me back to the present. I suck the tears, hurt and ache back down and open my eyes.

"We're ready, E, you sure you are?" His question pisses me the fuck off.

"Fuck yeah, Jasper. I'm always ready." I spit out as I get up and stomp around to gather my own stuff.

"Okay, dude, just checking. Chill the fuck out, why are you so jumpy tonight?" His hands are out in front of him, defensively as I move around the room.

They all started their warms up and I set up my few pieces of equipment. I struggled to control my anger, my emotions, and the wave of tears that hide behind my eyes. It all worked together to make this huge cocktail that does nothing but pissed me off even more so. I just need her, that's all, with her this all would be perfect, and without her it is just shit.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I couldn't get a cord unraveled, it really had nothing to do with the cord; it was all my frustrations combined.

"Dude, calm down...why don't you go walk it off for a few minutes. Smoke a cigarette, calm the fuck down." Jasper said as he took the cords from my fisted hands and practically pushed me out the door. I knew he was only concerned and it worried me that he would be all over my ass to know what the fuck was going on after my sketchy attitude and outburst tonight.

"Fine." I mumbled and took off.

The cool night air was full of dampness that clung around me like a cocoon. It soothed me in a way as I continued to walk aimlessly until I found myself in my secret hideaway. I watched her bedroom window. I hid and waited. I hoped I'd see her there.

It almost killed me when I did. Her hands were on the window pane, and she was crying.

I wanted to ask, 'Why are you crying, baby?' 'Why are you so sad?' My heart longed to know.

I couldn't help myself, I had to get to her. I took my usual route around the perimeters between our houses, I'm not sure who I thought I was hiding from but it was my routine and it felt nice to be back inside of it again. Once I got to her yard, I scaled the siding to the window of her room. I startled her when I showed up but she still opened the window anyway.

"Edward?" Bella's voice cracked as she said my name.

Just hearing her sweet voice took my breath away.

"Move over and let me in." I insisted and she followed my instructions immediately.

I crawled through the window like I had done a thousand times before but this time, it was all different, we were different.

Bella turned away from me as she tried to dry her eyes, but I pulled her back towards me, "Why are you crying?" My voice was anything but soft and caring.

She wouldn't look at me, she just shook her head, not speaking. I turned her around to face me.

"Bella," I said as I lifted her chin to make her face me, "Tell me why you're crying, baby."

Her eyes softened and the love I'd always known shone through in that moment.

"I miss you," Bella whispered just as I pulled her into my arms. I held her as if the world were ending around us.

"Oh God, I miss you, too," I whispered back as I buried my nose in her hair. I couldn't help but inhaled the essence that is Bella. Fuck, I've missed that smell.

She cried and soaked the front of my shirt as I walked backwards to sit us down on the bed. Bella curled into my lap and I wrapped my arms around her like we were a ball of us. I never wanted to leave this moment when I had her like this; soft, vulnerable, and all mine.

"We can't keep doing this, Princess. It's killing me. It's killing us. Why do we keep acting this way?" I finally spoke as I felt her hot breath on my chest as her face nuzzled into my neck.

"Because, we love each other too much," Bella's sweet face looked up at me through her lashes and the intensity in her eyes was unbelievable. I can see it all written all over her face. "It's too intense between us and the real world only wants to tear us apart." she softly confessed her thoughts.

"I can't wait until we are old enough to be away from this place with all the demands and restrictions. Until we can be somewhere alone, as just Bella and just Edward," I saidas I ran my hands through her beautiful brown hair.

"How much longer will that be?" she asked so quietly that I'm afraid I thought it instead of heard it.

I grimaced because honestly, I didn't know.

She was under contract with the Ballet Academy and I was being pressured to do the touring gig throughout the summer at least. Really, they wanted me to commit to twenty-four months of tour dates and appearances. I just wasn't sure I could be gone from her that long, especially before our fight.

Now, I'm beginning to the think that the whole damn fight we had was because neither of us were ready for that type of commitment for all those other things in our lives. To be forced apart for those long stretches of time would kill us both.

"Princess?" I had to find out for sure.

"Yeah." She responds.

"Were you mad at me because we're both about to be going on tours that will keep us apart?" I asked hesitantly as I felt her tense up once again, in my arms.

She pulled completely out of my arms and stood before me, with her face twisted in a cross between fear and anger.

"Not so much mad, Edward, as I was terrified of what all this meant for both of us...I'd be going to Europe for almost three months. We've never been apart for that length of time. Our whole lives we've built this dependency on one another under these grand illusions that we'd always be within reach of each other. Reality is it probably won't ever happen," she said as tears started to fall from her eyes again.

I reached out to soothe her, yet she backed away from my touch.

"Bella? What are you saying that for, it will happen! We've had this planned our whole lives, we will be together. We just have to make it through these next few years," I could hear the desperation in my own voice, the pleading with her to not give up on us, to stay strong. "I know that your mother is evil when it comes to your ballet career. She loves that it now destroys the relationship that you and I have had our entire lives. But, I refuse to let Renee win this, to let her destroy the one true thing that you love in life...me."

"Edward, it won't work, you are fooling yourself into thinking that it will. I'll be in New York, London, Paris...and you'll be on the road in some crapped out bus hanging with the guys and whatever groupies that the managers let worm their way on the bus at each stop. I can't let your love pull me away from my own dreams, I know that now. That's why I was mad. That's why I told you to go away and leave me alone." She swiped the tears angrily from her cheeks as she stomped over to the window and opened it. "Now, you need to go. You show up here, uninvited making me feel all safe and secure again, reeking of pot and who knows what else. Just go. Just go be the rock star you wanna be instead of the grand pianist you should be. If you want to throw your dreams away, then fine, but I won't support you or go down with you." She all but shouted at me, her eyes wide and black as she motioned repeatedly for me to leave.

When I hesitated at the window ledge, she started again with her directives. "Just go...get out...I don't love you. I can't love you...you'll just break my heart. GO! NOW!" She did scream at me that time.

I was in shock...and all the numbness from my high earlier was completely gone. My heart was breaking all over again...I thought we were working through this. I thought she was...mine.

But I was wrong, she was like a possessed china doll so small and fragile looking as she forced me to go away, once again. I unleashed my tears and the rage flew through me as I descended the wall of her house.

She wanted me to go, then fine I would go. She wanted me out of her life, fine I was out.

I needed to get fucked up before I fucked someone else up. The girl I love, the girl I have loved since the moment I laid eyes on her twelve years ago had pushed me away, again. She pushed me away, again.

FUCK! My chest aches like someone is ripping it open.

I made my way back to the garage but didn't go in. I heard the band playing; I quietly opened the door to Garrett's Camaro and pilfered through the console until I found a few pills. I knew the reds one made you happy and high, I didn't want that. Right now I wanted the green and white ones, they brought you down. Fuck, yeah that is what I wanted...I wanted to be down, so down that I felt almost dead.

I swallowed a couple, forcing them down my dry throat before I walked into the garage to sing some more shitty songs about pipe dreams and love.

Fuck love.

Fuck the world.

None of it mattered without my Princess.