Chapter 19- Without Your Love

Playlist: Without Your Love-SHeDAISY, This Woman Needs- SHeDAISY, Starts with Goodbye- Carrie Underwood, Shattered (Turn the Car Around)-Oasis, Unfair- Josh Kelley

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Chapter 19- Without Your Love

What if my heart had walked right past you, What if my eyes had never asked you

To come and take the chains that kept me weighted down, If you'd never saved me

Oh I know I'd still be

Walking in sinking sand, Flying with no place to land

Oh, I'd be lost searching for you, Heaven would be out of reach

My soul left incomplete, That's where I'd be without your love

You're the reason that I feel so safe, The way you hold me holds my heart in place

I'm just thankful to be where I am right now, Without your arms around me

I'd be where you found me

Walking in sinking sand, Flying with no place to land

Oh, I'd be lost searching for you, Heaven would be out of reach

My soul left incomplete, That's where I'd be without your love

Without Your Love-SHeDAISY

Bella POV

We had finished dinner and decided that everyone, including Carlisle and Esme, would go to the club for a little dancing. After Carlisle paid the bill, everyone stood in unison to put on our coats. Edward had his hands on my shoulders a little longer than necessary to help me into my coat. I turned to smile at him; I really couldn't believe that he was home. His beautiful smile was breathtaking. I was so wrapped up in his smile that I didn't even realize that my body started moving towards his, almost as if his body were calling to mine. Our lips met in a gentle kiss, a kiss that respected where we were, but held promise for later. Jasper cleared his throat and Emmett tugged on Edward's arm. He pulled back and turned to see what Emmett felt was important enough to stop our sweet kiss. My breath caught in my throat, Edward and I were face to face with Jacob. His face was twisted with a half smile. I could see the effort he was extending to us both.

"Bella, it's good to see you. Edward, it really has been a long time. I didn't know you had moved back to Forks, when did you get back?" He glanced at me to determine my reaction at his question. I refused to acknowledge it at all, Jacob was only trying to see if this had any bearing on our break up. It absolutely did not. I broke up with Jake because we weren't really in love. We were friends who lived and slept together. That's not what I wanted for my life. I guess he was also forgetting that our breakup was mutual. He had been just as ready to end things as I was.

Edward reached up and shook Jacob's hand. "I have only been here a few weeks, just got back from Seattle this afternoon." He obviously saw what Jacob was hinting at as well and was being vague for Jacob's sake and to avoid any kind of confrontation. He wanted to put as much distance between the two events as possible. I appreciated his consideration for Jacob's feelings. I leaned against his side an imperceptible amount. His arm tightened on my side.

Alice noticed Jacob as she came back from the bathroom and rushed to his side. He turned to greet her with a little more enthusiasm.

"Pint size, why the hell haven't you called me lately?" He enveloped her into his large hug and lifted her off of the floor.

"Sorry, the new software at the store has been giving us hell. We even had to call Bella and have her come and fix the inventory for the whole store for us. We have been putting in so many extra hours there hasn't been time for anything else. What have you been up to?" She clung to him and continued to take the focus off of Edward and me.

"Just work, nothing new." He offered with a small smile. He glanced over Alice's shoulder to me as his eyes darkened. I knew there was more going on that Jake wasn't sharing. I thought I saw pain flicker across his expression. But I didn't quite understand why.

"I hate to interrupt but I do have to get to work kind of early so if we are going to get in any dancing time, we need to head off now," Carlisle interjected, "Jacob, good to see you. How is your dad?" he asked politely as we prepared to leave.

"He's doing well, Dr. Cullen, thanks for asking. I have an early flight myself so I really should be going as well. You all take care." Emmett and Jasper shook Jake's hand, murmuring their greetings to each other as they walked by. Alice hugged Jacob good bye and made her way over to stand next to Jasper. As if by magic everyone moved at once and left Jacob and I standing together again. He reached in to hug me. I couldn't help but notice how it felt a little strange.

"Bella, you look so beautiful tonight. He had better be good to you." I nodded in a short quick response to acknowledge his words. "Can I call you? I miss you so much, it's hard to break a lifetime worth of friendship off so quick, you know." He pleaded with me as he backed away. Looking up at him I could definitely see pain in his eyes.

"Sure, we can go and grab some coffee at that little place you love." I did understand his dilemma. If I didn't have Alice and Rosalie, my whole world would have left with Jacob. Now that Edward was also filing my life, I hadn't thought about Jacob in quite a while. A small twinge of guilt passed through me. He smiled at me and nodded.

Edward took my arm and led me from the restaurant. He was quiet during the drive to the club. I felt as though something was bothering him and wondered if it had to do with seeing Jake this evening. I couldn't help getting nervous the longer the silence went on.

"Edward, please talk to me. What are you thinking?" I asked, afraid of what he was going to say, but unable to handle the uneasy silence that surrounded us any longer.

"Bella, I don't know. I just get the feeling that he hasn't let you go. It scares me, that's all." He ran his hands through his hair.

"Edward, please believe me when I say I don't feel anything for him at all. I promise. You are the most important person in my life. I couldn't survive without you. You and our relationship is what matters to me now. Don't worry about Jacob, I do feel bad that he looks unhappy, but I don't see how there is anything I can do to change that."

"His happiness or lack thereof is not your fault. He is in charge of that. Believe me, I know that for sure. It is something he is going to have to learn to accept," he chuckled.

No more talk was needed since we had arrived at the club.

It took a few drinks and some dancing but eventually I forgot Jake's pain and concentrated on what I had with Edward. He was finally home and I wanted to enjoy him and our time together. He had worked so hard and deserved the celebration.

I thought it would be awkward to hang with the parents, but I was wrong. Carlisle and Esme proved to be quite the dancers and entertained us all. They danced and drank along with all of us. It was amazing how they added another facet to our group. However, all too soon, Carlisle and Esme were ready to head home. Edward and I said our goodbye's and left along with them.

I was anxious to be heading home with Edward, to finally be in his arms without any interruptions or anyone leaving.

"We'll be along after a little while. I have some more dancing to do," Alice chirped as she grabbed Rosalie's hand to drag her towards the dance floor again. Rose simply waved over her shoulder at us while following trailing Alice.

Edward and I settled into a peaceful quiet lull on the way back to the house. His hand rested on my knee softly tracing patterns on my skin.

I took advantage of the time to ponder how Edward would feel about me meeting Jacob for coffee. I wanted to spend time with my friend but I wanted to find a way to assure Edward that he was simply a friend, nothing more. I didn't want to jeopardize what I had or even hurt Edward to clear the air with Jacob. As much as I valued our friendship, he was not going to come in between what I had now. My love for Edward was much too important to me for me to risk it, even for Jake.

We had pulled down the drive and parked without me even realizing where we were. Edward remained in his seat still tracing patterns on my skin. Something was definitely wrong. I shifted my body to face him.

"Edward, I…" I tried to start the talk that we both knew we needed to have; it was like Jacob was right here in the car physically separating us. I needed to assure him that he was the one for me and I had no feelings for Jacob any longer.

"Bella, wait." He held up his hand for me to stop, "I know that we need to talk about Jacob and that is fine, I really want to. But, just not tonight please. I want it to be me and you tonight; tomorrow we will talk about him all day, but not tonight. Okay, love?"

I nodded and he opened the door, letting go of my hand. I waited patiently for him to open my door for me, as he always did.

His skin seemed to warm mine from the outside in, as his hand once again took mine. The familiar hum of electricity was pulsing its way across my body and I looked to Edward to see if could feel it as well. His face was wrapped in a smile and his eyes held a peace that I had not seen before from him. My heart swelled to know that he had found peace and happiness in Seattle. Nothing was in his way and he was ready to move on with me. I decided that tomorrow when we had our talk about Jacob that I would make sure he knew that I was just as sure of our future as he was and Jacob held no place in it.

Edward held my hand tightly as we made our way to the bedroom. He glanced back at me often, smiling at me, but made no sounds.

He pulled me into my bedroom, and I stopped at my door. I no longer thought of this room as my bedroom, and it wasn't where I wanted us to be.

During Edward's absence, I had begun to sleep in Edward's bedroom and now thought of that room as mine as well. I used my old bedroom as a place to get dressed and to hold my books.

I wanted us to be together in "our" bedroom, not "my" bedroom. I pulled back on his hand. He turned to look at me questioningly.

"In here would be better." I tugged again and this time he followed.

This was the first time Edward was entering the room after leaving for Seattle. My stuff was scattered around the room along side of his. He smiled at the change, happiness settling in chest at his acknowledgment.

"This is where I want us to be, here, now, together." I bit my lip, filled with so many emotions at the same time. I pushed them all back, allowing my inner seductress to take over. Showing Edward a proper welcome home was first and foremost in my mind now. All other things could wait until tomorrow.

"Go and sit there, in that chair." His face took on a look of shock as his eyebrow rose at my bold statement. I had never taken the lead in this way before; he was always the aggressor in our sexual relationship.

Edward complied and sat down in the leather, sliding in and waiting for his "show". I walked over to the iPod dock and turned on my iPod. I clicked over to the playlist I wanted and turned it up so the music surrounded us and set the mood.

I turned to face Edward and began to remove my earrings, bracelet, and rings. I kept my eyes on Edward, as each piece slid to the floor. He pulled his tie loose and unbuttoned his top button, then dropped his hands back to the armrest of the chair. I sauntered over, slowly swinging my hips in time with the music. When the drum crashed I threw my foot up onto the edge of the arm of the chair right beside his hand. My hands slid down my leg, stopping at my ankle. I slid my hands back up and stopped when my hands reached my thigh. I removed my leg and replaced it with the other leg and repeated the action. Watching Edward's eyes widen the closer I got to my core.

When I stepped away from the chair, Edward reached to stop me. I caught his hand and placed it back on the arm of the chair.

I reached up, unhooked the halter neck of my dress and slid the zipper down. This allowed the dress to fall to the floor. I stood in front of Edward in nothing but my bra and panties, a sweet little pair of black satin underwear and matching strapless bra. Edward's eyes opened as large as saucers when the dress fell. Once again, thank you Alice for the hot clothes hook up.

"You like this?" I asked as I widened my stance and leaned down to place my hands right next to his on the arm of the chair. This allowed him a nice view of my cleavage, and put me closer to him. He simply nodded at me and swallowed.

"Yeah, I…uh…like it a lot." He stammered.

"Well, too bad Alice spent all this time and money on me, because I intend to take it off." Let him think on that. As I turned to walk back towards the bed, I reached behind me and started to unhook my bra strap.

"I spent," he replied.

I turned to face him again, my bra half unhooked and barely hanging in place.

"What?"

"I bought the clothes for you, Bella. I wanted you to have something beautiful to wear tonight. Something that would cheer you up, even if you thought I wasn't joining you. Alice, however, did pick it all out. So, you still owe her some thanks anyway." His beautiful face took on a look of satisfaction that turned into a large smile.

"What is it with you and clothes for me? Well, I appreciate it and I loved them. They made me feel sexy, and I am glad that you were there to see me wearing them." I popped the last hook as I finished the last words and dropped the bra to the floor. I turned to face Edward with my right arm draped across my breasts, holding them tightly across my body.

The song changed to This Woman Needs, the slower rhythm allowed my hips to work in time with the music while I moved closer to Edward. The sensual voice and music combined allowed me to coax out the sensuality that the song invoked. I withdrew my arms from my chest and lifted them above my head. My hips swayed and I felt my breasts follow suit, Edward's face never left my body. I could see the obvious pleasant reaction to the boldness that I only knew with him.

He sat forward and slid his hand up the side of my thighs up to my hip. He leaned forward and left a small kiss on my right hip bone. The kiss was innocent enough, his mouth didn't open and his tongue stayed within its confines, but the kiss ignited me in ways that were indescribable. I felt peace, trust, honesty, adoration, faith, hope, security, and love. Most of all, I felt the love. Edward showed me that those emotions were possible with someone. I was right to hold out for my soul mate. I had found him, without even looking for him. He was with me all along; I was too busy looking in the wrong places to see him. Edward was my soul mate, he always had been. The weight of my thoughts crashed down upon me as my knees gave way.

Edward stood as I melted and took my hand. His mouth gently met mine in a kiss that touched my soul and left it open for him to see. Somewhere in all of the kissing, Edward had removed his shirt and pants. He was pushing his boxers down with one hand while pulling me closer to him with the other. I slid my underwear down and stepped closer to him as he collapsed back into his leather chair. The cool leather felt wonderful against my flushed skin. I moved to straddle Edward's body, he leaned back in the chair and allowed me to position our bodies. I felt the love radiate off of him as I took control of our lovemaking. I felt like the Queen of the World. The song changed again, SheDaisy began singing of all the ways that love had changed them. I took the words into my soul as I slid over Edward and took him into my body. The song was written for me to experience at this moment in time with this man. Nothing had ever felt so right to me.

I slowly slid down on Edward's cock, allowing it to completely fill me. The skin on my thighs was tickled by the wispy hair of his legs, as my hips came into full contact with his. I sat for a few seconds to absorb the sensations and relish the feeling of euphoria. I leaned forward and placed my hands on the back of the chair on each side of Edwards head. This position placed my upper body closer to Edward's face. He took the opportunity to place light kisses along my collar bones, across my chest and down to each breast.

"Bella." His voice came out gravelly and barely restrained.

"It's me, baby, just you and me. God, you feel so amazing. I'm not sure I have ever felt anyone so deep before. It's almost overwhelming, Edward. Can you feel it?" My head was thrown back, my eyes were closed; I was simply rambling about whatever my mind chose to grasp onto at that moment.

"Yeah, baby, you are so perfect. I love you so much, Bella. God, I needed to be with you. I missed you so much." Edward panted against my chest, his hands gripped my sides. His firm but gentle pressure lifted me off of his body. I was stunned and confused for a second. He spun me around and settled me back down in his lap, as he slid effortlessly back inside me. Edward's hand pulled my back flush against his chest and guided my hands up to his neck. I turned and met his mouth, our tongues greedy for contact with each other. His hands were gliding along my body, exciting my skin and spreading the flames that were sure to consume me. His hips had settled into a steady rhythm. His thrusts were deep and slow. Edward moved his knees, drawing them further apart, in turn pulling mine open as well. Spreading my body open even further than before. One of his hands stayed to continue his teasing on my breasts, while the other slid lower to torture my clit. The throbbing seemed to intensify as his hand slowly slid towards it, beginning its own begging for attention and devotion.

I should feel dirty and cheap, laid out over Edward's body while he touched me, and teased me. I, however, felt loved and cherished. His mouth was now at my ear, but instead of the normal dirty talk, he only had words of love tonight.

"Bella, you are perfect for me. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. Perfect, baby, perfect." He panted into my ear. My brain heard but had trouble concentrating on the words that were being whispered to me. Edward's fingers were circling my clit as he slid into me, he had the pattern down. Slide in, circle the clit, slide out, rub across the clit, slide in, circle the clit, slide out, rub across it. When you add in the kisses and licks to my ear and neck, the constant squeezing to my breast and nipple pinches, and his sweet words. I only had one choice, throw my body off of the cliff and give in to the engulfing orgasm.

"That's it baby, so close, just let it go Bella. Feel me, feel us. We're perfect together."

"Edward, oh, Edward." I could only pant. I felt no need to scream his name, no reason to claw at his skin, this wasn't a primal needy fuck. This was Edward making love to me, engulfing me in his passion. My orgasm was silent, but powerful, all consuming.

My bones were soft and pliant, I'm sure the skin and muscles had fallen away from them. Somehow, I found the strength to sit up, I wanted to coax Edward towards his own orgasm. He pulled me flush against him again.

"Don't leave me, Bella, I want to feel your body against mine. Almost, baby. So good, so deep. God, Bella!" His rhythm faltered as his body tensed behind me.

"Bella," he murmured.

I suddenly felt open and bare now that our passion was sated. I moved to cover myself. Edward slid out of me and turned my body sideways across him. He somehow managed to draw me up into his lap and cuddle me like a small baby in his arms.

"Have I told you how much I love you today?" he asked.

"I could always hear it again."

"I mean everything I say to you, Bella, please don't think because it is said during our passion that it means any less than anything else I say. I mean everything I say to you." He placed a kiss to my temple.

"I know, baby. You have no idea what your words do to me, you empower me with your words."

"Good, that's what I want." I could hear the smile in his confirmation.

"Let's get to bed, the others will be home soon and I want you tucked in before they see you in your current state." Edward chuckled.

"I don't know, I think that Alice and Rosalie would like that the Fuck-Me-Shoes stayed on," I teased him.

"Yes they would, wouldn't they?"

We made short work of showering and Edward was tucked into bed. I snuck out to grab something to put on the next morning. As I entered my room, I noticed the glow of my cell phone on the nightstand, exactly where I dropped it in my haste to seduce Edward. I picked it up, noticing it showed 4 missed calls. I tapped the screen to show the missed calls, expecting them to be from Rose or Alice, asking if it was safe to come home yet. Before the screen could show me, the phone rang again. Jacob was calling. I guess I expected this call, just not this soon. Now is as good a time as any to get this over with.

"Hello?" I whispered.