Playlist:What If You Stay-Chuck Wicks, Stay Gone(Acoustic)-Jimmy Wayne[for Tanya],If This Is Goodbye-Lifehouse[for Tanya], Everybody Hurts-Lee Dewyze, Again-Lenny Kravitz, It Don't Matter To The Sun-Garth Brooks, Comfortably Numb(Live)-Staind, Tonight I Wanna Cry-Keith Urban, Somewhere In Between-Lifehouse
I can't make you turn around, And I can't take back what I did, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me.
Before you slam that open door, And throw away four good years, Think of everything we used to be
I know you say that you're over me, But I'm askin' you, beggin' you not to leave.
What if I told you I've changed, Would you still walk away, What if I told you I loved you?
Would you say that it's too late, What if you could feel what I feel, When I watch you slowly drift away.
What if you're wrong, What if I'm right, That you could move on, What if you stay?
I know right now it's hard to breathe, Hard to think and hard to see.
All the reasons we should work it out, It might be easier to go.
But if you walk out, you'll never know, How strong we could be at the end of this.
I know that sorry is not enough, But I'll do everything, anything to make it up.
What if I told you I've changed, Would you still walk away, What if I told you I loved you?
Would you say that it's too late, What if you could feel what I feel, When I watch you slowly drift away.
What if you're wrong, What if I'm right, You could move on, What if you stay?
Oooooo
I can't make you turn around, And I can't take back what I did, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me.
Chuck Wicks ~ What If You Stay
Edward's POV
I stood and watched Bella drive out of the driveway. Six o'clock couldn't get here soon enough, at least during my absences Bella had work to occupy her. I was not so lucky. I did plan to get some more sleep and then maybe I could go and work out. That would occupy most of my day, maybe I could meet Esme for lunch.
I heard my phone ring as I headed towards our bedroom. I dashed up that last few stairs and rushed to get it. I flipped it open and answered it without even looking at the display, I was sure that it was Bella.
"I knew that you just couldn't wait to hear my sexy voice again! Why don't you just call in sick, please?" I begged.
"Edward?" A familiar voice sounded on the other end, but it was not Bella.
"Tanya?"
"Uh, yeah it's me. I, I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I know that it's still kind of early and all." She sounded nervous and hesitant.
"No, I was just going back to bed. I had a crazy week last week and I'm trying to catch up on my rest." I ran my hand through my hair. I really just wanted to ask her what she wanted and why she was calling. I wanted to tell her about Bella and that I was finally happy. But the sick darker side wanted her to suffer a little longer before I snubbed her out of my life.
"Oh, well then maybe I should let you go. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you." I almost fell over, an apology from Tanya that didn't lead to her getting something! I was shocked to say the least.
"It's fine, Tanya, I wasn't even back in bed yet. Was there a reason that you called?" I tried to keep the anger out of my voice but it was hard when the reminder of the pain and embarrassment that she put me through crept back in without my permission.
"I would really like to see you. I have something to say and I think it would be better if I said it in person." I blanched at her words, mentally calculating the last time we had sex together. I knew that there was no way she was pregnant, it had been too long. And once I found out that she was sleeping around I stopped that shit all together. I knew that she would have been visibly pregnant when she entered rehab, so I crossed that off of my list of worries.
"What is so important that you need to see me now? I don't get this shit! What is it about you that can't let me be happy? You let me go and get settled and then you want to run back into my life and screw it all up again! Fuck, Tanya look I don't have any money, okay. I don't have a place for you to stay. I am living in a house with my brothers and sisters and Bella. There is no extra space and I quite honestly don't want to go down this road again with you. I just can't do it. You need to find a way to make yourself clean, sober and healthy without me. Okay?" I thought that was as nice as I was going to get.
"I know Edward, that is what I'm calling to tell you. I finished rehab and part of my recovery is that I have to confront the people that I wronged and tell them that I'm sorry. You are the first person that I thought of, I owe you more of an apology than anyone else in my life. I feel bad for how I treated you, I really do. Can you just meet me, somewhere in public, so I can say sorry? I promise I will be quick and let you get on with your life. I just want you to know how I feel now and the steps I have taken in my life. I wanted to make you proud of what I have done. I owe it all to you, if you hadn't left me there in that rehab I wouldn't be here now. So, I also wanted to say thank you." Her voice was full of emotion, which was something that I wasn't used to hearing from her. Tanya had faked everything we ever had, I realized that now. She used me, not feeling any of the feelings that I felt for her. I was sick to think that I could have been so blind, never listening to anyone who said these things while they were happening. I was the stupid one! I didn't listen to the people that truly cared about me, the ones that I knew would never lie to me. I owed them all an apology.
"Tanya look, I will be honest. Part of me wants to tell you to fuck off, but the other part of me wants to get closure for both of us and move on. I will meet you at eleven at The Market Street Deli down on Banks Street, okay?" I drug my hands through my hair again, I wondered if this was all a big old mistake. I knew that I had things to move on towards and it would be nice to finally close this particular door.
"Great, I will see you there. Thanks, Edward, for giving me the chance. I know I don't deserve it."
"I'll see you there." I disconnected the line.
I stood and stared at the phone. After all of the shit Tanya had started, and the problems she had caused me, I was hoping that she really was sincere and ready to get closure.
I dialed the only number I could think of to help me make sense of what I was about to do.
"Edward, you had better not be calling to rub it in that you are in your fucking underwear playing X-box! Have a little sympathy on those of us that have to work for a living!"
"No, you jack ass! I need your advice and I need it bad! You are not going to believe the phone call I just got and who it came from." I was still stunned myself.
"Edward, do I want to know this info or will it get me into a heap of trouble with Alice?" I chuckled, Jasper could stand up to any man any size, but four foot ten inch Alice could bring him to his knees.
"I don't know, I don't think so if things go as she says they will. There shouldn't be any fall out at all. I hope so anyway. I don't really know."
"Whoa, what the hell are you talking about? Why don't you start back at the beginning for me so I can understand all of it."
"Bella left for work and I was heading back upstairs to get some more rest when I heard my phone ring. Well, I assumed it was Bella calling so I answered it without looking at it. It wasn't Bella. It was Tanya and she wants to get together. She says she is finished with rehab and part of her steps are to apologize to people that she has hurt. So, she wants to apologize to me. I would like to get some closure and be done with this, so I said I would meet her. Did I do the right thing?"
Japer took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Shit, hold on. I need a minute to think about this." He sat silent for a while. "Okay, where are you meeting her?"
"At The Market Street Deli on Banks. I figured that place is as crazy as it gets during the lunch hour and that should discourage her from thinking that she could be inappropriate in any way with me."
"Good call, what time are you meeting her?"
"Eleven."
"Okay, I will call you about twenty after and check in. If she is being funny in any way that will give you the chance to leave. You can answer and say anything you want to say, I'll go along with what you say, sound good?"
"Thanks, Jasper, I appreciate it a lot. I just want this over with. I want to move on with Bella."
"Yeah, I heard that you bought a ring. You ready for that step?" I could hear the wonder and excitement in his voice.
"Yeah I think I am. What about you? You and Alice have been together for years now, when are you going to make an honest girl out of her?" I teased.
"I think about it all of the time with her. Alice is my other half, I just feel like I have to have things in order before asking her to marry me. I want to buy her a house, but not just any house, her dream house! I have been working on extra projects that she doesn't know about, banking all that extra money so I can buy her what she deserves," Jasper admitted.
"Wow, I really had no idea that you were really thinking about all of that. I don't know why I doubted you at all; you and Alice were always meant to be together. I'm happy for you. Being here in the house has to help with the finances, right? It has to help to share the bills between all of us."
"Yeah, I mean I agreed because I thought that it would be fun with all of us together again, but I really do see the other advantages as well. Hey, I am glad that you're back with us you know?" I chuckled at his revelation. Jasper was always quiet with his devotion, but I always knew that no matter what he had my back. In fact I could say the same for every member of my family.
"Yeah, I kinda think that God knew what he was doing when he put all of us together with Esme and Carlisle. We do make a hell of a team!"
"You got that right, now go and get ready. I'll talk to you later. Hey, you gonna tell Bella about this?"
"I think I will after it's all said and done. Not now, I don't want her to worry about it and she will if she knows it's happening. I just want to get it over with and move on. I think I may take her to dinner this evening and ask her to marry me. It's a full moon and I want to take her to the meadow. I thought it would be nice to ask her there under the moon and the stars." I pulled open my top drawer and picked up the ring box. I couldn't wait to see it on her finger.
"She'll like that, simple and heartfelt. That's Bella for sure."
"Yeah, let's just hope she says yes." I chuckled.
"She will. Now get your ass in gear and go handle your business."
"K. Talk to you later."
"Later."
I walked into the restaurant a few minutes early. I wanted to get there before Tanya, why that seemed important, I didn't know, it just did. I saw her flowing red hair in a booth towards the back wall; she was facing away from me. I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. I slid in quietly as she glanced up at me.
Her eyes were clear and bright. She did look different; she seemed lighter, younger even.
"Hey, I wasn't sure if you were going to come. You didn't sound convinced on the phone." She played with a straw wrapper; she twisted it around her ring finger on her left hand. I noticed that she wore a small diamond ring there as well. I reached out instinctively and picked up her hand. She let out a nervous laugh.
"So, you were serious when you said you were in love?" I glanced up at her from the side of my eyes, her gaze remained on our hands. She just nodded.
"I have so much to say, I don't even know where to start." Her hand fell from mine and her eyes took on a nervous glaze.
"Just start from the beginning, tell me about leaving rehab. That's the last place I know about, so tell me about there." She nodded and took a drink as the waitress came over.
"Can I take your order?"
"I'll have a coke and a cheeseburger platter, no lettuce please." I nodded at Tanya.
"Can I just have a chicken salad sandwich?" The waitress nodded and walked off.
Tanya took a deep breath. "Rehab was okay. I had good counselors, they taught me a lot. I think it was a good place for me to make a new start. I left with a good mentor, and in a good place. My counselor called my dad to come for some therapy sessions with me. We have started talking again. He helped me get set up in an apartment and came to visit me often. We talked about what happened with their marriage. He made me see that there were two sides to every story and he wasn't the only one at fault. I've talked to my mom as well and she seems to be interested in getting some counseling for herself as well, to help her move past this and start her life over again. So, I guess in a way we all benefited from my rehab."
"Then I'm proud of all of you. It sounds like you all are ready to move forward and get to a healthy place." It was hard to mask the boredom in my voice. I really didn't want to be here, at all.
"I got a job and concentrated on staying sober, making sure that I followed all of the rules. I saw Alastair several times, he lived in my building. He left his phone number in my mailbox. I ignored him for a while but he wouldn't give up. He left notes and flowers at my door. He really pursued me. I was so scared to open up to him. I was afraid that he would not understand my past." I twisted my straw in my drink. I wasn't sure why Tanya wanted to tell me about this shit. I should not have agreed to meet her. My eyes darted all around the room but never once coming to stop on Tanya. I'm sure that I was acting very childish but I really could think of a million things I wanted to do that would fall in line before sitting here listening to Tanya recall how she fell in love for real.
Tanya took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. "Edward, I'm so sorry. You were a good man, you tried your hardest. I never appreciated you or your efforts until it was too late. I'm sorry, my thoughts are so jumbled up. I should have written them down, I had so many things that I wanted to say when I thought about this meeting, but now they're all gone. I know that you tried your hardest, and really loved me, and I feel so guilty that I didn't try at all. All I can say is that it was the drugs, I swear. I was trying to drown the insecurity and personal fears that I had. I never thought about how my actions affected you at all. But I swear I am done with that life forever, I realize now that the drugs didn't make it go away, it only made me ignore it for a few hours. When I came down, they were all still there. The drugs only caused more problems. It didn't solve a damn thing." She slammed her hand down on the table. The tears were streaming down her face. Not in the fake dabbing her eyes with a tissue kind of way, but a full on stream of tears pouring down her face. She was sitting in a café in the middle of a lunch rush with her makeup running, crying, pouring out her heart to me. I guess Tanya had made more changes in her life than I realized. I reached for her hand across the table and patted it. I wanted her to know that I did feel for the ordeal she had been through. But there was no way in hell that I would ever be sucked into that that shit storm ever again. I had Bella now; a real relationship with her was all I wanted. I didn't need or desire anything Tanya had to offer.
"Tanya, I am glad that you are better now. I really am. I never wanted that for you and I'm sorry that you suffered through it. Your parents put too much on you and I'm sure that led you down the path you took, but I can't do this over and over. You hurt me. A lot. You made me question everything that I knew, everything I was, everything I hoped for. I had to go to therapy to fix all of the shit you did. I don't want you to misunderstand me, I'm not saying this to be mean and heap more pain on you. I just need you to know that I have made it back to who I was before you screwed me over, and I don't think I can go back down that road again, even if it means helping you. I just can't." I pulled my hand off of hers and slid it down into my lap. She had her head down but I could still see the tears dripping off of her chin and falling into her lap.
"I understand, Edward, I'm sorry I bothered you." She tried to slide out of the booth. I grabbed her hand and stopped her.
"Tanya." Our eyes met for a split second and I saw the guilt and anguish contained there. "Sit." I pulled slightly on her wrist but she stayed in her half stand half sitting position. "Listen, I know you did lots of stuff that was wrong, so wrong. But maybe I did some things too. I certainly didn't help things. I should have pulled the plug long before I did. We both made mistakes. It's what humans do, we make mistakes. I see that you really are trying and I'm proud of your effort. I'm happy that you are in love, you deserve it." I didn't know what else to say to her. I didn't want to give her the impression that what she did was in any way okay to do but I think she already knew this at this point in time. "I think in a way it was good for us. Who knows we may have tried to stay together and make it work for us. But we weren't in love, Tanya, you know we weren't. We would have ended up years from now like your parents, looking across the dinner table at each other with nothing to say to each other. I want more than that, and after watching your parents I know you do as well. I know it is easy for me to say this but maybe it happened for a reason. It was our push to go out and find the loves of our lives, to not settle." Her tears had slowed and she was now looking at me so maybe I was getting my point across. I sat back and allowed her to take in what I had said.
"Maybe you're right, Edward." She let out a small giggle. "I'm sure we could have went about it another way though." Her giggle grew into a full on laugh, and I joined her.
"Well, we never did anything half way, did we?" I said through the laugh as a comfortable rapport settled over the table.
"So, Edward, tell me about you now." She asked softly as she glanced up at me from the side of her eyelashes.
"Well, things are good. Carlisle bought a huge house and I live there with Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Bella." I waited to see the reaction she would have to that news.
A snort escaped from her and she grabbed her drink to gulp some down. She set the drink back down as she said, "You know I spent all of my time trying to keep the two of you apart in high school. She has something that I would never have and she made me so nervous. I always knew deep down inside that you really liked her. So how is Bella?" It was my turn to snort.
"She's great. She works for a publishing company, she's a Junior Editor. You know Bella, she always enjoyed her books so she loves her job. We're uh, well… uh well we're seeing each other. She and I, Bella. We've been together for a few months now. She's good." I wasn't sure why I was so nervous to tell Tanya that part. She had come to tell me that she was in love. So, why was I nervous to tell her that I was in love as well?
Again, she just chuckled. Her eyes met mine. "I knew it. I could tell that someone was making you very happy. You just look different. At peace, that's what you look like, like you're at peace. I'm glad. How did you and her meet up again?"
"Bella broke up with Jacob and she moved into the house with everyone. When I moved back home she was already there. She, Alice and Rosalie have all stayed very close, just as close as they were in high school, closer in fact. It was like there was something pulling me to her. I couldn't stay away, I tried. I was afraid that I wasn't ready yet, so I really tried, but I just couldn't stay away. I'm sorry if this hurts but this is the happiest I have ever been. I really love Bella, the forever, fairly tale kind of love. I bought her a ring. I haven't given it to her yet, I just got back from Seattle last night. So, I was waiting to give it to her. Maybe tonight, I don't know. I just can't imagine my life without her. I have had to go to Seattle twice without her and it kills me. I try to act cool about it but I can't breathe without her close to me. I can't sleep, eat, hell anything. I can't do anything without her. I know that sounds really unhealthy but it's true." I shrugged my shoulders, unable to really explain it to her with adequate words.
Tanya's face split into a large smile, I was confused at her reaction. "Edward, that is the way it is supposed to be. You are supposed to feel like that. That is exactly how I feel with Alistair. He makes everything make sense. Nothing seems too big when he is by my side. I love him, I really do. He has asked me to marry him. I think I'm going to say yes." She was nodding her head, the large smile still present. "Oh hell, I know I'm going to say yes. I just wanted all of this out of the way first. I wanted a clean slate for us. No baggage hanging around us. You know?" I just nodded at her. "Edward." Her voice was gentle and her hand came over to cover mine where it rested on the table top. Our food pushed off to the side, neither of us bothered to even pretend we were there for the food. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be your Bella and that you couldn't be my Alistair. Do you hate me for that?"
I sat for a minute contemplating this question. When I began to shake my head her face took on the smile again. "No, I don't. We had what we had and we learned from it. So I can't be mad at the fact that fate led us here. We are both happy and healthy. So we don't have anything to complain about or ask the what if's over. Right?"
"Right." She agreed.
I moved to the edge of the booth and Tanya copied my actions.
"Thanks for this, Edward. I do feel much better after our talk. And again, I'm sorry. I really am."
"I know, Tanya, I can see it in your eyes."
I followed her out to the street. She had to wait for Alistair to come and get her, they were flying back home tonight together. We stood talking at the corner, Alistair waved from down the block at her. She turned to me and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged her back. I was relieved to have my past in the past and truly felt like I could let it go. Let go of all of the doubts and move on. I was ready to ask Bella to marry me.
As I pulled away from Tanya I heard several cars honking their horns. I turned to see why all the commotion and my stomach dropped. There at the red light sat Bella in her Audi. Her mouth hung open, he eyes full of shock and horror. I could only imagine what this scene must look like to her. Tanya and I snuggled up to each other on the street. As if I would ever disrespect Bella by having something so private on display right out on the street corner. Her face showed me that she misunderstood the meeting.
Her shock wore off and she stepped on the gas. She left the intersection in a hurry.
I pulled away from Tanya, who must have seen the situation because her face twisted into shock and panic as well.
"Edward, let me call and explain it to her please." She squeaked at me.
"No, you go with Alistair. I will explain, she will understand. We love each other, she will understand." I took off towards my car. I was glad I had brought the Vanquish with me. I needed the speed.
I grabbed my phone and called Alice, I certainly needed advice on how to fix this.
"Alice, fuck. I met Tanya today so she could say she was sorry and Bella saw us together. In a sort of unclear position. She was hurt, Alice, what do I do?"
"Edward, what the hell were you thinking? Why would you meet with Tanya?" I could hear Alice rushing around the shop and heard her yelling at Rosalie. "Get your shit, Bella saw Edward and Tanya on the street together. We have to go and make sure that she is okay. Come on! Edward, we're on our way. Was she headed home?"
"As far as I could tell, she looked like she was."
"Okay we will meet you there. Have you called Emmett and Jasper?"
"No, I talked to Jasper earlier. He had a meeting this afternoon. I haven't talked to Emmett." I slammed on the brakes to stop in time for a red light.
"Fine, Rose will call him. Just get to her as soon as you possibly can. You know this is the worst thing that could possibly happen to her, right?"
"Fuck yes, I do. Do you think I'm a moron? I know, I KNOW!" I yelled, the release of anger behind the words felt good. I just wanted Bella in my arms, I wanted her to know that I would never hurt her. I needed her like I needed oxygen.
"Emmett is on his way home already, so we will meet you there. Just don't let her leave Edward. We will make this alright, we will." She disconnected the line, but I had a feeling she was having doubts herself, almost like she was saying it to convince herself as well as me. My heart sunk, I couldn't be without Bella, she had to believe me. She just had to.
When I pulled up at the garage Bella's Audi was still there. My heart breathed a small sigh of relief, she hadn't left yet. I still had a chance.
I could see Emmett's car followed by Alice and Rosalie in Alice's car. I jumped out and ran into the house. I hoped she was not crying; please don't let her be crying. I could hear Emmett and Alice as they yelled at me to slow down and think about this before I charged in there, but I couldn't stay away from her. I needed to make her understand that I love her and only her. What she saw was a misunderstanding. She would be so happy to know that Tanya was gone out of my life for good.
Suddenly I was standing right in the bedroom door and just watched her pack shit into a bag, shit she never used and she would not need. She was venting her anger while she packed. I could feel the rest of them behind me, they were all talking at once.
I reached for Bella's elbow, I tried to halt the movements she seemed hell bent on following through with. She leveled her gaze and froze me in place with the fire in her eyes. I couldn't let her go, even if I wanted to. I was hoping that with the contact she would feel the truth as it seeped out of me and into her.
"Bella, please let me fucking explain, it's not what it looked like." I tried to calm my eyes and heart. My heart was beating so hard that I was sure that she could hear it as it hit the inside of my chest.
She looked straight into my eyes and shook her head no at me. No words, just a swivel of her neck. I was shocked.
"What do you mean no? Baby, I love you, please." I have to make her understand that I love her and no one else in the world. I started to speak again but she put her hand over my mouth to stop me. Her skin was like silk against my lips and I longed to open my mouth and kiss her palm. I didn't think that she would appreciate that right now.
Alice reached over and placed her hand on Bella's arm that was covering my mouth. I just stood there and begged her with my eyes. I begged her to trust me, to believe me. To believe in everything we had worked so hard to get over the last few months. To make it mean something, to not cheapen it because she believed what she saw.
Alice talked to her, trying to get her to stop and think for a few minutes before we all try to speak to each other. She begged her to see reason. Bella only said one simple word, "No." I stiffened; she wasn't even going to talk to me. How was I supposed to make her understand if she won't speak to me?
Emmett stepped in between Alice, Bella and I. He took her hand off of me and I almost wanted to pull it back. I couldn't help but feel like I was losing her and I didn't want to give up the contact. If she was touching me then she was still here with me. A very juvenile line of thinking, but I couldn't make my mind go to any other places right now except the fact that for the moment she was in the room with me and as long as she was here I still had a chance to explain.
Emmett totally blocked my view of Bella; I tried to step around him so I could see her. Alice touched my arm and gave a slight shake of her head. She wanted me to stand exactly where I was, behind Emmett. Emmett and Bella talked. Emmett's tone was extremely soothing and calming. He was taking care to speak to Bella in a manner that would diffuse her anger. But his plan backfired when she began to lean into him and yell at him. Every sentence was louder and louder, her anger was ready to overflow.
Bella met my eyes around Emmett's shoulders and I tried to soften my gaze at her, to convey all of my sadness at our situation to her. She snapped her gaze back to Emmett and began to scream at him. She told him how she loved me for years and I ignored her, I was 'Edward-fucking-Cullen' and I didn't need her. She yelled about all the stuff that Tanya put me through, how she helped me come back from that and now I threw her into the gutter at the first sign of Tanya's return. Somewhere in the middle of her rant I had began to cry. It broke my heart to know that all of those years she loved me, and I spent all of that wasted time with Tanya. I could have had perfection all this time and I wasted myself. I wasted my time. I wanted to take her in my arms and assure her that I would never waste another second with her. But she wouldn't let me near her. I tried to step closer, my body called out to hers. I needed to feel her skin against mine. Alice put her arm around me and held me in place. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I had to say something to her.
"Bella, please, baby. I could never intentionally hurt you. Please you have to believe me. I'm asking you, begging you, not to leave. Give me a chance. I love you, does that mean anything? Is it too late? I know right now it's hard to breathe, think or even see all the reasons that we should work things out. I don't blame you, I know that sorry is not enough. I will do anything, everything to make it up to you. If you could just feel what I feel for you." I begged her, praying that she would listen to me, that she would believe me.
She turned on her heel and walked out of the room. I tried once again. I'm not even sure what my mouth was saying, I was so focused on her eyes and the pain she held just under the surface.
She swung around to face me, I was hopeful that something I said had gotten through to her. She began to scream at me, sobbing hysterically. I was afraid for her, afraid that I had pushed her too far. I was in agony watching her in this kind of pain. I just needed a few minutes of silence to explain and this would be over with. I could hold her as her body came down from the anger high. I could close my eyes and imagine us sitting under the tree we sat under in the back yard that night I left for Seattle. I would stroke her soft hair and tell her how much I loved her. How much I wanted to make my future with her. I didn't think it was the most romantic proposal but perhaps I could get the ring and ask her to marry me. Another sob escaped from her throat and I reached towards her. She flinched and stepped backwards slightly. I paused mid reach. She turned and ran down the stairs, she ran right into Carlisle at the bottom. He wrapped his arms around her, full covering her with his body. He turned to look at all of us at the top of the stairs, his disapproval apparent, especially when he met my eyes. I sunk a little, even my own family didn't believe me, and how could Bella. I saw my chance for explanation growing smaller and smaller.
Carlisle led her to the car and placed her in the back seat. He placed her bag in the trunk and I took my chance to explain. I needed him and Esme on my side or I didn't stand a chance in hell of getting Bella to listen to me.
"Carlisle, please. I can tell by your expression that you are upset. Please, don't I even get a chance to explain?"
"Son, look at Bella. She is close to a panic attack. I think it's best if we get her out of here and allow her to calm down, for everyone to calm down. Then we can sit and talk about this like adults instead of a bunch of school children ganging up on one poor tiny girl. I am disappointed at you all."
"What the fuck? You don't even know what is going on. You don't know enough to be disappointed at anyone. I was trying to keep her from leaving and making a big mistake! I can't lose her over some stupid mistake. Tanya came to see me and we were…" Esme walked up and laid her hand on Carlisle's arm.
"We need to get her out of here." He simply nodded at her.
"Son, give her a chance to calm down. She loves you, I'm sure she will listen. Just give her some time. The rest of you give her some time as well. No calls, no visits. I mean it. She needs some time to calm down before she is capable of talking. I will let you know when it is okay to call or come over." They turned to leave, I stepped towards them but Emmett held me back.
"Bro, give her time like C says. He knows best, man, she will listen. She will, just give her time." He nodded at me as he patted my chest.
I made it back in the house but all I could do was go and sit in the doorway of our room. I couldn't go in. I couldn't be in there where so many memories happened between us. I wanted a blank space in my mind, no thoughts, no pain. I just had to be patient and wait for her to calm down so I could explain.
Alice and Rosalie woke me up later. I had fallen asleep in the doorway.
"Come on, you need some sleep. I don't want you fucking things up with her when she does call you, because you are too tired to even talk to her." Rosalie pulled up on my arm trying to get me to enter the room. I pulled away, I couldn't go in, not yet. Not without her. I staggered towards Bella's room and dropped down on her bed. This must have pleased Rose and Alice, they both walked away and shut off the light as they went.
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