Chapter 5-Plains, Trains and Automobiles...no wait not the Trains

Chapter 5-Plains, Trains and Automobiles…no wait not the Trains

Bella

I awoke a little after eight a.m. and called Renee on my cell. She was at the airport and must have had her caffeine already, as she was overly excited. I told her my plan, and she agreed to the idea of getting on the road right away. I also explained about Edward, giving her the version I wanted everyone to know, not the real story. I knew what she would say if she knew the real story, what she always said. "Bella, tell Edward the truth and let him make his decision."

But I couldn't do that. If I had to hear from Edward's own lips that he didn't want me, I think my heart would shatter into a million pieces. I couldn't take that kind of torture. I needed everyone to think I was ready to move on. That way meant less questions. I couldn't answer any questions about the lie I tried to convince myself was the truth.

Every once in a while Renee surprised me, and this was one of those times. She said she understood and wanted what was best for me, her voice was thick with emotion, I wondered if she was thinking about her relationship with Charlie, perhaps wondering if she should have walked away from him at this stage in their relationship instead of letting herself get carried away and get married. I felt guilty for possibly stirring up those types of feelings and emotions in her. It seems like I'm causing a train wreck of emotions for everyone I know. We hung up after I told her I'd wait for her at the baggage area.

As I entered the living room, I could hear Charlie talking on the phone. I stopped at the doorway as he was saying, "Alice, I know you're worried, but I promise she's fine. She's leaving to meet Renee at the airport, and then they're heading off together to get her settled into her dorms." Charlie paused, obviously allowing Alice to speak. "I'm sorry you're in the middle, but I think giving her a little time will definitely help her. She never meant to hurt you or Edward." Charlie paused again, nodding his head agreeing with Alice even though she couldn't see his agreement. "This is a little overwhelming for her, and she is coping in her own way. Is it the wrong way? Who knows? Not me or you, only she does. She may come around in few months and they may get back together, but for now, please ask him to give her some space. Tell him I'm sorry and wish him well." The suspense was killing me and I wanted to know what Alice was telling him because he was agreeing with him. "Say hi to your folks, and don't be a stranger. Bye for now, Alice."

He turned to hang up the phone, and I saw the sadness in his eyes. I know it killed him to say those things to Alice, of all people. He adored her, and I know if it caused her pain, it would cause him some pain as well.

I quickly mentally started calculating the miles per day we would need to drive and when to stop for gas on our trip. I was trying anything to keep my mind off the situation. I couldn't afford to give into this monster right now. I had too much to do and too much time to spend with the two people that didn't need to know how much I was really hurting, so I charged into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Charlie cleared his throat, and I turned to look at him.

"That was Alice." He shrugged and looked so forlorn. "She said to call her when you feel like it, and she'll listen. She also said she loves you and that doesn't change with your choice in boyfriends." Charlie looked very uncomfortable relaying Alice's words of love and concern for me.

"Thanks, Dad, I know that was hard, and I appreciate you looking out for me. If she calls again after I leave, let her know I promise to call when I get settled." I mumbled under my breath 'I love her for loving me even without my boyfriend.' It almost caused some the tears to come to the surface. "Now I'd better get some breakfast and get my stuff put into the truck. Do you have a small tarp? I don't want my stuff to get wet in the back of the truck." I turned my back and began the breakfast preparations for us. "Alice would have a fit if I ruined all her hard work even before I could use it. And we both know no one wants to cause Alice to have a fit. People usually don't live through her fits." I laughed weakly, hoping my attempt was successful.

"Actually, Bella, I have something better for you. Slip your shoes on and come on outside. I have something to show you."

I wasn't sure what Charlie was up to; he was being very vague. He wasn't usually like this and generally got right to the point before ending the conversation. His actions were confusing me, especially since he wanted me to go outside.

Maybe he got me new tires for the truck.

I sure could use them. I also wanted to get the oil changed, so I was hoping that might be the surprise, as I didn't know when I would have time to get it done. He was looking deep into my eyes, and I could see the excitement in his.

Man, this must be huge!

I had never seen him like this. It seemed like Christmas. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door almost at a full run. I was so focused on him that I didn't see the big surprise waiting for me. When he turned me toward the driveway I froze. My truck was sitting out next to the curb at the street, and in its place in the driveway was a Honda Pilot SUV. It was dark blue and really shiny. I couldn't believe that he had done this.

"I…wha..I don't understand…what is this? Dad, did you do this?"

"Well of course, Bella, I couldn't let you go off to college with that beat up piece of crap truck. Besides I didn't think it would make the drive out there, so I went down this morning and bought you this one." This was so unexpected from Charlie. He always made sure I knew he cared but showy emotional displays were not his thing. He scratched at the back of his neck, a sure sign that he was as totally uncomfortable as I imagined he would be. "It's a Honda so it will get great gas mileage, and I checked out the details in Car & Driver magazine. This thing is safe, so I thought it would be a great car for you to take across country."

"Wow, I don't even know what to say." I stood in total shock and speechless.

"I'm sorry for not taking you with me. I hope you like it. If not, I can drive you back down to the lot and we can trade it for something else." I could see that it was an honest offer, but I would never take this away from him. He spent time choosing my new car, and I loved him for it. I shook my head in the negative and his smile showed his pleasure clearly. "It's a few years old, but it has low miles, and the maintenance has been kept up on it, so it should be a great car for you." I walked around the car and touched it and played with the door handles. "I hope you're okay with the SUV. I figured you would need some space to carry all your stuff out there. Are you, you know, okay with it?"

"It's perfect. I love it, and I want to keep it." I knew that his salary wasn't that great and I worried that he had spent some of his retirement money on my car. I turned to him to ask, "Are you sure you can afford this? Do I need to send you money to help pay for this?"

"Bella, of course not, I paid for it in cash. I've been saving for years to help pay for your college. I knew Renee couldn't afford to send you to college by herself, so I put away some money for you. And since you got that scholarship, I spent some of that money for the car." I was impressed to know that Charlie had planned and took care of me for years now. I always knew he loved me, but during the years I had spent living with Renee I never realized how important I really was to him. "There's quite a bit left to help with books and other stuff you'll need. Since you don't have to pay tuition with it, it should last you for awhile." He hand flew up to his neck again, his sign that he was about to say something that made him extremely uncomfortable. "I just wanted you to know I'm so proud of you. I know I'm a big old pain in the butt asking so many questions all of the time, but I need to know that you're safe."

"It's fine, I swear. I don't mind you asking, I know you can't help it. Occupational hazard, I get it." I tried to lighten up the mood.

"I want you to have the money, Bella. I know you're smart enough to know when to use it and not squander it. I'll give you the bank book and card when we get back in the house so you'll have it." I tried to protest, but Charlie held up his hand and stopped any sound before it came out of my mouth. "Don't be mad at me. I want to know you'll be taken care of. You have all your stuff, a good car to take you there, and money to get by while you're there. What else do you need?" I swear I saw tears well up in his eyes as he said the last part. I didn't think I could handle it if Charlie cried. I needed to start the packing up process and take both our minds off of this emotional scene.

"Well, since Alice talked me into buying so much stuff, I could use some help loading up this new car of mine. Think you're up for that?"

"Oh great, manual labor, that's all I'm good for?"

I ran up stairs to start bringing all my stuff downstairs as Charlie took it out to the car and loaded it up. I couldn't believe how well he packed that Honda. I still had plenty of room. I was excited to know I wouldn't have to leave anything behind. I'm now a fan of the Pilot, its big enough to take all my stuff but small enough to not be considered a "bus".

Charlie and I jumped in when the loading was done, and we drove around the block. I commented on how smooth it drove and how I loved the interior of the car.

A great radio, boy would Edward love…wait don't finish that thought. What was I doing to myself?

I knew I didn't have time to break down and cry, I had to maintain control, I had to build up walls and keep him in his small compartment of my brain that I could unlock and visit when I was alone at night, but not until then. I turned to Charlie and tried to tell him how thankful I was and of course, I ended up in tears anyway. He hugged me, and we sat in the car for a few minutes trying to reign in our emotions. We both were silent, as the weight of me leaving was hitting us both. Charlie, in true Charlie fashion, broke the silence.

"Bells, I'm starving. Let's go grab a burger before you leave. You got time?"

"Yeah, I got an hour and a half before I need to leave to get Mom. Where do you want to eat?"

"Let's go to the diner, simple and quick. That way you won't be late getting on the road."

"Only if I get to drive my new car!"

"Deal."

We ate in a relative silence, Charlie asking a few questions here and there. I could tell he was trying hard to really spend time with me before I left, so I answered the questions and added details as I could. It seemed like time was flying by, and before I knew it, we were both done and Charlie was paying for our lunch.

As we were driving home, Charlie gave me the bank book and card so I could get money when I needed it. I pulled up and he jumped out. He came around to my side, and I unbuckled my seat belt. I wanted to give him a hug and tell him how great he was.

"Dad, you're the best ever. Do you know that? I can't say thanks enough for the car, money, everything." He beamed like a thousand watt light bulb, as he brushed off my comment. "I have loved being here with you, and I should have moved out to Forks sooner." His smile had a small hint of 'I told you so' for Renee. "Just thought you would like to know that Forks is my home now, and I'll come home as often as I can." I embraced him and held on, who knew how often he would let me do this so I took full advantage of it now. "I love you, more than you'll ever know."

"Thanks, Bells. It was easy being a good father to the best daughter. You practically didn't even need me. So thanks for being great yourself." His arms wrapped around me and held on just as hard as I held onto him. Perhaps he was going soft, he seemed emotional the whole morning. I laughed inwardly at the whole thought. "I love you, too. Call me often so I don't worry about you guys traveling. Do you have your cell phone charger with you?"

"Yeah, I got it," I said as I was getting back in the car and locked the doors, buckled my seat belt, and checked my mirrors. I honked the horn and yelled "I love you!" as I drove off. I could see Charlie standing in the yard waving until I turned the corner to start toward the highway. I knew he was going to be fine, but I was sad anyway.

Edward

"Alice, please try to call again. I know she said she was leaving today, so this is my last chance. Please, Charlie won't talk to me. I have to speak with her before she leaves, this is my last chance! Please!" I begged, pleaded and whined to her. I didn't care how weak this made me look, I couldn't let Bella leave without talking to me. I just needed to talk to her one more time. To make sure this was really what she wanted.

I felt badly for raising my voice, but I needed Alice to understand. I wanted to follow her around and stalk her, but I knew Charlie wouldn't allow that and probably would lock me up if that started. So I had to keep begging Alice; she was my only hope. I knew Charlie liked her so she stood a better chance of speaking to Bella. I had never felt so hopeless.

How could she just leave me? I thought we had something special. I knew we just graduated from high school, and it sounded like a cliché, but I thought we were really in love- not some high school shit, real fucking love.

I really only wanted to lay in bed and wallow in despair. The fact that this was my last chance to speak to Bella is the only thing that got me out of bed this morning. I needed Bella. She was the one person that made me feel like I could accomplish all of my, no, all of our goals.

I knew I had the full support of my family. I knew they were all behind me, but none of my future plans were made with them in mind. All of my future plans were made with Bella in mind. As a matter of fact, most of them were made with Bella. We planned and talked out each step we were going to make together. What do I do now without her in those plans? Do I scrap all those plans and start over? Do I follow our dreams without her? I was lost and not in a small way. I was totally fucking lost, and she was just going off without me. How did we get here? Am I so stupid that I didn't see the signs?

"Please, someone call her. Someone help me get in touch with her. Dad, maybe you could call. Chief Swan won't be expecting that, and maybe you can talk to her. Please, please someone pick up the phone and start dialing!"

I knew I was at the hysterical point but didn't care. I was pacing and pulling at my hair now. I started out running my hands thru it, but that was several hours ago. I think my scalp was actually sore from all the attention my hair had received while trying to figure out what to do, and how to make this work.

I was sure I probably needed some medication but wasn't going to ask for it. That would make it harder to get to Bella if I was medicated.

Mom came to me, put her arms around me, and began to talk to me in whispers. I could see Rosalie looking on, and I swear she had tears in her eyes. I had never seen Rosalie cry. Maybe she could help me fix this. Alice was off in the corner crying quietly, tears falling down her cheeks. Emmett and Jasper both looked terrified. I'm sure they were thinking that I needed to be committed. I turned to face my mother, buried my face in her neck, and did the only thing I could do at that moment. I cried like a baby.

I couldn't make my mind work, and the emotions just took over. I was a wreck and I didn't care. My only reason for being a normal, happy human just left without me.

At some point Emmett and Jasper helped me upstairs to my room. Later, how long I was uncertain, I shifted in my bed and realized that Jasper was sitting on my couch. I sat up and looked at him.

"Jasper, what're you doing in here?" I croaked, my voice sounding like someone else's.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay. It kills me to see you like this." He leaned down and placed his forearms on his knees. "I wanted to be there for you, just in case. You don't have to talk; just know that I'm here."

With his declaration I did feel a small amount better so I rolled back over and went back to sleep. I was too tired to think or feel anymore today. Tomorrow I would figure out what to do; tonight I was going to sleep.