Bella’s POV
I felt something crawling along my leg and swatted it away, suddenly aware of where we were. We were still wrapped up with each other on the sand dune and the sun was overhead. It must be at least noon. I quickly shook Edward, trying to get him to wake up.
“Edward, wake up we need to get going. I have to go home.” I checked my cell phone and found that it was dead. “I’m sure Charlie has called a million time, good thing my cell died. That way he can’t yell at me for not taking his call.” Another thought flashed through my brain. Alice! She would be even more pissed off than Charlie, she would be the one to kill us for not telling her where we are. “Alice is probably freaking out, too since she has no idea where we are. Did you tell anyone when we left?”
Edward sat up as the panic in my voice caused it to rise to levels that probably only dogs could hear, and covered his ears. “Whoa, Bella. First, can you not talk so loud? Second, can you slow down? I don’t think my brain is ready to process that much info yet.” Edward looks absolutely torn up still. His hair was a wreck, of course I guess that is my fault, and his eyes were so blood shot. “I guess I shouldn’t have drunk anything last night. I don’t think I was too wasted, do you? Damn I feel it today though.”
“No Edward, you were fine. I wouldn’t have even known you were drinking at all had I not seen you myself.” I debated about telling him how much I liked the one effect that the drinking had on him that I liked. I worried that he would think that I was a freak because I liked it. But then again how much of a freak could I be for liking it if he was freaky enough to say it. So, I went for it. “You were a little more forth coming with your dirty talk, but I kinda liked it.” His smile showed how much he liked it as well. I felt slightly guilty for not being able to fully let go and tell him what I wanted. I just wasn’t ready to last night. Maybe I held back because I knew we were quickly coming to an end. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you what I wanted, I’m not ready for that yet, I guess.” I didn’t want him to think that I held back because of him for any reason.
I bit my lip, I always did when I was nervous. It saddened me that I wouldn’t get the chance to grow more adventurous with Edward. We wouldn’t get to try new things and become comfortable with each other.
“Bella, I hope you aren’t angry at me for asking this, but I can’t quite remember…did we use protection? I’m not sure I had any with me.”Edward ran his hands through his hair, his face concentrating on his words and my answers.
“Edward, of course we used protection. I took it upon myself to take care of that. I put a condom in the back pocket of my jeans.” I gave him a small smile as we both began to pick up our belongings so we could leave.
As I arrived home, Charlie was pulling in the drive right behind me.
“Hey Bells. Did you have a good time at the party? I didn’t get any calls so I guess it didn’t get out of hand. You didn’t call me last night, what happened?”
I quickly made my way in front of him so I didn’t have to look at his face when I told him that we behaved as perfect young adults. “I know Dad, I’m sorry. My cell died and I couldn’t find my charger. The party was great, no drinking. I think they were afraid with me there.” I pointed my finger at my head and made a circle simulating a halo. “No one wants to break the law in front of the Chief’s daughter. I guess they thought it would get back to you, and they’d get in trouble.” Charlie’s eyes lite up with way too much joy at the fact that he thought he had control over the teen population of Forks just by mere reputation. “I had a great time anyway. What about you? Anything exciting happen last night?”
“Nope, just sat at the station and played cards. If we played for money, Steve would owe me his paycheck for the next ten years.” His face was happy yet at the same time it showed his age right around his eyes. I never saw the stress of his job get to him but maybe it was creeping in a little at a time. “No calls, so it was a slow night. I think I’m going to take a shower and lay down for a few. What’re your plans?”
“I’m meeting Edward for lunch. I have to talk to him about leaving so soon. Then after that, I’m going to do some laundry and try to get some packing done.” I wanted to deflect off of me and Edward, so I brought up the new subject that I knew that Charlie couldn’t resist.
“Hey, by the way, I got the email about the job. I can report next Friday to the dorms, and then start on the following Monday at work. I’ll be working in the library. That’s about all the info I got--that and just a room number for my dorm.” Charlie paused as he was going up the stairs to shower, but hearing my announcement he came right back down and stood stock still right in front of me. His face creased with worry.
I rushed to continue, hoping that I informed him of some small piece of news that would ease his fears. “I think I’ll have it mostly to myself since it is still the summer semester; I guess most of the kids go home during the break. I don’t know if I’ll like having the dorm to myself.”
Charlie’s face was unreadable, but then again most times it was. Years and years of police training gave him one hell of a poker face.
“So it looks like I’ll be heading out on this coming Monday morning. That will give me five days to drive out there and not have to hurry. I’m sorry this is happening so soon, I had no idea it would be like this, but I think this is an opportunity that I can’t pass up.”
“Wow. I’m not happy about you leaving so soon, but I know you need this job,” response was drawn out as he exhaled a long breath. “I guess I’ll survive, I did for quite a few years before you came to live with me, remember? Don’t feel guilty, I’m a big boy. What about Renee? Have you spoke with her, does she know?”
I knew Charlie was just being supportive, but deep down I hoped that he would beg me to stay. I wanted to know that he wanted me here. I was afraid to be on my own and fail. I guess if he begged me to stay, then I could blame him later if life didn’t turn out like I wanted it to. But since there was no begging, I tried to make my peace with heading off to college.
“Yeah, she’s flying in on Monday to drive out with me, and then she’ll fly home late Friday after I check into the dorms. I figured you’d like that she was with me, at least to keep me awake while I drive.” Secretly I wondered if taking Renee with me was such a good idea. She was able to read me way too easily. I couldn’t hide a single thing from her. “I’m hoping that will make the transition a little easier, on me anyway. You aren’t mad that I asked Mom to go with me instead of you, are you?”
I was once again biting my lip with nervousness, I forgot to ask his opinion on the trip. I didn’t want him to feel left out of this big step.
“Bells, it’s okay. I would’ve had a hard time getting time off right now anyway. Bob still has four more days of vacation, and I couldn’t leave Steve all by himself. So I guess that it’s a good thing Renee can go. Like you said, you won’t be alone, and I like that.” He reached out and ruffled my hair like he did when I was little. “I’m gonna head on up to bed. Have fun with Edward.”
“Thanks Dad, I won’t be gone long.”
I called Edward and let him know that I had to run a few more errands before I could meet him for lunch. I insisted that it just be the two of us again, and he promised that no one would tag along.
I grabbed my keys and headed for my truck. As I ran my various errands, I felt like my life was on fast forward. Suddenly I was out of time, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about everything. I made a list of things that I needed to pack to keep my mind off of what I was about to do.
I pulled into the diner parking lot and turned the truck off. I leaned my head against the steering wheel, trying to calm my heart rate and my thoughts, which were racing at a million miles per hour. My head was still trying to tell me we could overcome this and work through it.
Just give him an option and let him decide.
But Esme’s conversation kept playing through my head, and I didn’t want to hold him back. I wanted him to conquer the world, and he couldn’t do that with me in tow. So I opened the door and started towards what I knew would be the hardest thing I had ever done.
“Hey Bella, I didn’t think you’d be here for a few more minutes. Did you get everything done?” he said as he stood for me-- such a gentleman, always remembering his manners.
“I didn’t have many stops to make, so it went quick.” I said flatly, knowing I couldn’t put off this conversation any longer. “Sit down, we need to talk.” He immediately sat down and pulled me down beside him. He opened his mouth to speak so I filled the silence and begged for his cooperation. “Please let me talk first before you say anything, okay?”
He gulped and then nodded, his eyes showing the panic he felt at my words.
It was now or never, so I just dove in. “Edward, I got information yesterday about my job at college. They need me to report to the dorms next Friday to move in, and to do that I need to leave tomorrow.” His mouth dropped open and shock registered on his face. I quickly kept the information flowing so that he didn’t have the chance to interrupt me. “They only have a few available rooms for the summer and its first come, first serve. So, if I get there too late and all the rooms are gone, then I’d have to rent a place. We both know I can’t afford to do that. I know its soon, but I kind of have no choice. Please don’t be angry with me.”
His body relaxed and calm fell over his face. My heart broke that he was fooled by my words.
“Bella, why do you think I would be angry? I know it’s soon, but we both knew we would be leaving for college. I have to head out sooner than I thought myself. Not as soon as you, but sooner than I thought. So we’ll just have to talk, text, and chat online.” His words flooded through my head and filled my heart with dread. He wasn’t going to let me go easily. Edward mistook my dread for sadness as he rushed to appease me with good news. “It’s not that long until our first holiday, and I think we can get through until then. So don’t be upset, I’ll be fine. What about you? Are you ready?” His calm smile only served to amp up my nervousness. I needed to break the awful part to him now. My heart felt like it was shattering into a million little parts.
“Edward, there’s more. I’ve been thinking that we’ll both be so busy with classes and work that I’m worried about trying to fit anything extra in my schedule. It’s not like I’m interested in anyone else; I mean, how could I be?” My hand flitted nervously on the table, making too much noise. I rushed on to cover the noise I was making. “It’s so far from here, and I don’t know anyone there, so that’s not the issue, but I know we’ll be better off this way. You know what I mean?” I wanted to meet his eyes and watch his reaction. Anyway I could to gauge how bad he would take it, but I couldn’t force myself to meet them for longer than a fraction of a second.
“Bella…I don’t…I really…what are…are you breaking up with me?” The confusion clear in his voice and in his eyes.
I nodded my head at him.
“I don’t understand. Did I do something? Is this about last night?” Both of his ran through his hair several times in rapid succession of each pass. He leaned in closer to me, “Bella, please, don’t do this. I promise we can get through this. Just don’t call it off, I need you with me. I don’t know how but I just know I’ll be okay if you’re with me. Even if you’re hours away and we only talk once in a while, I just know we’ll be okay.” Panic had now set in; Edward’s voice raised an octave as he screeched out the words.
He took a deep breath, and before I could answer any of his questions, he started talking again. His emotions had caught up with him, his voice strained and cracking with his words.
“Why, Bella? Just tell me why. What did I do? Can I change it? Just tell me how to change it. I’ll do whatever, Bella, anything for you. Please just tell me that we’re not over.”
Sometime during his speech he started crying, silent tears that fell straight down his face. I wasn’t sure when that happened because I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes, so I looked at my shoe instead. I wasn’t sure I could keep this up. If he begged anymore, I was going to cave in and say ‘to hell with it’. So I tried to be strong and a little mean. I thought it’d be better if he was mad at me, maybe he’d get over me faster. So I opened my mouth and said whatever came to me.
“Edward, I think that we should break up. I know I’ll be busy at first, and so will you. But soon we’ll adjust to our new life, and we won’t have time for each other. We’ll want to try new things. Isn’t that what college is about, trying new things? I don’t think we can adjust and venture out unless we are truly on our own. Don’t you?”
I shut off all emotions and pretended that this was some play for drama class. I couldn’t let myself feel or absorb the words that my mouth was saying. I just needed to get through the dialog and get home. I couldn’t break down until I was by myself.
“Bella, do you hear yourself? This isn’t you talking. What are you saying? What did I do? I don’t understand where this is coming from. Last night we made love and I held you in my arms all night, and today you’re saying you want to break up.”
His hands were shaking as he paced back and forth. He ran his hands through his hair several times, took a deep breath, and finished his thoughts.
“Why don’t we just see how things go when we get there, and then on our first visit back to Forks, we’ll decide if we need to break up? What do you think of that plan?” I tried to assuage him, let him down easily. He didn’t deserve my cruelty, I had to find a way to make him feel better. But was it better to let him think that he had a chance later when he didn’t? I was too confused to argue with my brain at this point. I just wanted to help him make it through this for now. That was all I could do now.
His voice was raised and he was clearly agitated. I knew I had pushed his buttons, which was the only way I could get through to him. I needed to pull the ace and lay it on the table, the final insult. I took a large breath and just did it.
“Edward, we just need to make this simple and do it now. That way when we get there we can start all over and be ready to jump into college. We can still see each other when we come home. I know I’ll want to see all my friends and see how they are doing. I just think it’s for the best, Edward. I think you’ll agree with me when you get to Harvard and see all of the beautiful women you can now date. You’ll be thanking me.”
I shrugged, trying to show my indifference to the situation.
“Bella, are you still sick? Did you bump your head? I don’t understand what’s happened to you. Did Charlie or Renee talk you into this? Where did you get this idea? Bella, please rethink what you are saying. I don’t understand what is happening, are we on Punk’d? Why, Bella, why?”
The last sentence was only a quiet, choked sob. He dropped his head into his hands, and I could see his shoulders shake. I knew he had begun crying in earnest. I stood up quietly and left the diner. I couldn’t stay and watch him in this condition. It would be so simple to take it all back and stay with him. And I knew that I couldn’t do that.
I climbed into the truck, shut off my phone, and drove home as quickly as I could. Making sure to lock the front door as I went in, I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. The weight of my decision fell on my shoulders as reality set in. I was afraid that Edward would follow me home and try to talk some more, but I knew that Charlie’s cruiser in the yard would keep him away. At least for a little while.
After about an hour Charlie came down stairs. I was sitting at the kitchen table, as he came in. Trying to avoid the awkward conversation that I knew was inevitable, I nervously stood and got his dinner out of the fridge and put it in the microwave. Charlie sat down at the table with me so I decided to go ahead and tell him about Edward and me.
“Dad, I broke up with Edward. I know he took it hard, and he may call. If he does, please tell him I’m out or something. I just don’t think I can talk to him right now.” Charlie opened his mouth to interrupt, but I held up my hand to stop him. If I had to talk for too long about this I would break down in tears and I knew that would mean that Charlie would definitely want a long conversation about the break up. “Give me a few days and I’ll call him, when he’s had a chance to calm down and seen that this is for the best. But please just field the calls for now.”
I asked him and he agreed, not questioning my reasons, just knowing that I needed the time I was asking for. Walking a fine line, I needed to make him understand how bad I needed his help, but all the while trying to downplay how I felt about the breakup. He nodded and I turned to walk away when a thought occurred to me.
“Uhm, one more thing. Please don’t give out my new dorm phone number while I’m away. That includes Alice or any of my other girlfriends. I don’t want them caught in the middle between me and Edward. I’m sorry to put you in middle, but I think this’ll be for the best. I think it’ll be easier to do this now, rather than later when we’re more invested. So please help me out?” I fidgeted around with my fingers nervously; I didn’t want to meet Charlie’s eyes. I knew he would see right through me, and I didn’t want that.
“Okay, Bells, if you think this is right, then I’ll back you up. Edward is a great kid, and I’m sure he’ll be fine. If he gives you any problems, please promise me you’ll let me know. I’ve seen plenty of these types of situations end very badly, and I won’t allow that to happen to you. Nowadays you don’t know who’ll snap and start shooting. So please let me know if this gets crazy, you promise? I know, I know I’m overreacting, I’m sure Edward will be fine. I just can’t turn the cop off, ya know?”
I knew his job forced him to see many things that affected the way he looked at the world. I tried not to take offense to all of his overprotective ways, understanding where they came from.
“I know Dad, sorry to make you worry. I’ll let you know if anything happens, I promise.” I could tell by his expression that he wanted to ask more about the sudden break up. “I know you want to go all cop on me and ask more, and I promise that I’ll tell you, but could I have some time to make my peace with it first?”
His shoulders slumped forward, and he release a deep breath he had been holding in, “As long as you’re sure you are doing the right thing, I’ll give you time. Just know that I’m here when you want to talk, okay?”
I was so thankful that Charlie didn’t hover like Renee did. I nodded as I said, “I think I’m going to go up and start packing what I need. It’s a good thing that Alice and I did all that shopping. All that stuff is ready, but I need to pack a few things from my bedroom to take with me. I have to pick up Renee at three at the Seattle airport. That means I better head out at eleven to make it to Seattle in time. What’s your schedule tomorrow?”
“I’m going in at five tomorrow evening so I’ll be here for you when you leave. Good night, Bella. Are you sure you’re okay? The Edward thing is kind of sudden.” Charlie was doubtful but he held it in well.
“I promise I’m okay. Goodnight Dad. I love you.”
Edward
I laid my head down on the table and closed my eyes. I think she just broke up with me. Bella, my girlfriend, just broke up with me. What did I do? Did I say something, do something? I think I asked her that. How did she respond? I couldn’t remember what she said. I wasn’t even sure I was awake, maybe this was a dream. How could I tell if this was a dream? Could I wake myself up?
I needed to stop crying so I could ask her. I raised my head to ask Bella if this was real and realized that she was gone. I looked out towards the parking lot and her truck was gone. I got in my Volvo and drove towards my house. I didn’t remember the drive, and for a moment, I wondered if I drove safely. I know for sure that it was hard to breathe, so I concentrated on that simple action. The tears stopped somewhere along the way. I hated that the tears were gone because now it just left me empty. I walked into the back door and everyone was in the kitchen. They all were talking and joking with each other, a normal day for them. When they noticed I was just standing there, they all stopped talking. Alice was the first to speak to me.
“What happened? You look like you just lost your best friend?”
I was amazed at how well Alice could read me.
I just staggered to the wall and followed it to the floor. Emmett rushed over to me, lifted me off the ground, and helped me walk to the chair.
“Edward, what the hell? You’re freaking me out! Are you okay?” Emmett yelled at me.
“Bella’s gone.”
“Of course she’s leaving. She had to be at Dartmouth for her job, and we all knew she was leaving. She said she would be by later tomorrow to say goodbye. Why is this so upsetting, Edward?” my mother asked in a gentle voice.
“No, not leaving, gone! She broke up with me. She said it was better for us to break up now, and that way we could be free at college to date other people. So that is why this is upsetting!” I shouted at my family. I was sure this wasn’t processing in their brains either.
I turned to my sister and surveyed her face. I wanted to gauge how she took the news, hoping to see if she had some advanced notice of this coming.
“Alice, did you know anything about this? Did she say anything to you?” I accused.
“No, Edward, I would never keep anything like this from you. Did she say why? This doesn’t sound like Bella? She is so in love with you that she can’t see straight. I think something else is up with her,” Alice offered.
“Alice is right, Edward, we’ve all seen the way she looks at you. She is deeply in love with you. Did you try to reason with her? Explain that you aren’t interested in other girls at college?” Jasper tried to gently interject his ideas, but at this point, they didn’t come across as gentle.
“Do you think I’m stupid? Of course I tried to tell her that I love her and her alone. She insinuated that she was interested in dating other people while she was at college. How can I reason, argue, or even plead with that?”
I paced back and forth, the emotions rising in me making it impossible for me to sit still.
“Son, Bella is very level headed, but she gets caught up in her emotions sometimes. Maybe she’s just nervous and when she gets settled, she’ll change her mind. This a lot to take in, all the changes are overwhelming. Just give her some time. She’ll come around,” Carlisle reasoned with me.
I only hoped he was right.
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