Chapter 24- Revelations

Chapter 24-Revelations

Bella

Thinking about the conversation I just had with Edward I truly saw how much I messed up by leaving and with that how much I left behind. Hearing Edward promise to go back to Dartmouth with me brought out more joy than I thought possible to feel right now. I was astounded to hear that he wanted to change majors; I knew that music was important but I had no idea just how important it really was to him. Needless to say, I was thrilled by the change. I mean I wanted Edward to have his dreams but the dream of being a doctor was going to take lots of hard work and many, many hours away from home. I was sure he could do it but at what cost?

Edward slowly shifted against me and pulled me closer to his sleeping form. Every single time his hand touched me, desire instantly flooded through my body. It turned me on to know that he loved me in spite of all I had put him through. Of course the extra hormones can't be helping that little situation either. I mean at some point I had to call a stop to the physical side of our relationship, I did need my rest. You would think after three rounds last night I would be sound asleep but I couldn't tear my eyes away from his beautiful face.

As I lay looking at him I marveled at the fact that our bodies seemed to be in harmony with each other, every breath he took, I took one to match it. I only hoped and prayed that our little girl will find someone to love her the way her daddy loves me.

I closed my eyes and tried to drift off into peaceful, blissful slumber.

When I woke up I was alone. Edward had a note taped to the bathroom mirror for me.

Gone to work out with Jas and Em.

Esme wants you to go to lunch with her, call her.

Love you both, E

I smiled all the way through my shower, getting dressed and the few chores I needed to do around the house. Edward's love was the catalyst for the smile. Every single time I begin to doubt his love or the strength of it he proves to it to me, again and again. The words sound so giggly and girlie when I say them out loud to the empty house. He loves me!

I know that we will have problems and obstacles to work through but I will not leave him ever again. I learned my lesson on that one and it nearly broke us both. As I vacuumed words began to swirl around in my head.

I'm still trying to figure out how to tell you I was wrong
I can't fill the emptiness inside since you've been gone
So is it you or is it me?
I know I said things that I didn't mean
But you should've known me by now
You should've known me

When I said them out loud, the words sounded like they were aimed at Edward and perhaps that they were blaming him for part of this fiasco. That was not how I knew them in my heart it was a plea for him to believe me from now on. To not let the past determine how we built the future.

If you believed
When I said
I'd be better off without you
Then you never really knew me at all
If you believed
When I said
That I wouldn't be thinking about you
You thought you knew the truth but you're wrong
You're all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

Perhaps Edward was right when he said the music was a release for him, to let out pent up emotions and help him sort through them. I couldn't believe how much better I felt after letting the words swirl around in my head. I rushed for my long ago abandoned journal to write them down.

I can't undo the things that led us to this place
But I know there's something more to us than our mistakes
So, is it you or is it me?
I know I'm so blind when we don't agree
But you should've known me by now
You should've known me

The peace flowed in as the words flowed out. My pen was scribbling and scratching across the paper in a hurry to keep up with the rate that my mind was singing the words to me.

If you believed
When I said
I'd be better off without you
Then you never really knew me at all
If you believed
When I said
That I wouldn't be thinking about you
You thought you knew the truth but you're wrong
You're all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

My anguish, my pain, all my fear were leaving as I wrote my feelings down. I knew without a doubt that Edward was making the right decision by switching to music. I knew we were making the right decision about staying together and raising our daughter together. I knew that nothing would stand in the way of our love. This right here was the real thing; we were supposed to be together. I knew it without a doubt.

Is it you, or is it me?
I know I said things that I didn't mean
You should've known me by now
You should've known me

The final words were the ones straight from my heart. I prayed that when I showed these to Edward he would know and understand what I was trying to say to him. That my heart was pleading for forgiveness and trying to show him how much I learned from my past mistakes, to make him understand that I would never repeat those mistakes.

'Cause you're all that I want
Don't you even know me at all
You're all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

Just as I wrote the last word, the phone rang. I drug myself up off of the couch and waddled towards the phone in the kitchen."Hello." I answered trying not to sound all out of breath.

"Bella, is everything okay? Why are you out of breath?" Esme asked alarm tingeing her voice.

Okay, so I only tried but not succeeded in not sounding winded. "I just fought the couch and the couch won. I'm good I promise."

"Oh, well okay then. I don't know if Edward told you before he left but I want to go to lunch, can I come pick you up so you can go with me?" The hint of excitement was lacing every word. I could see her making a list of all the things she wanted to get, and mentally calculated the amount of time I would have to spend perusing the mall with Esme before I could kick my shoes off and relax again.

Call me a glutton for punishment, maybe it was the left over happiness that purging my feelings in words brought to me, because I agreed. "Okay, sure. When were you thinking of heading out?"

"I was just about to leave but I had two stops to make before I get to you. I should be there in thirty minutes or so, if that's okay with you?" Esme was certainly a lot easier to shop with than Alice anyway.

I glanced down at what I was wearing and decided that I was essentially ready to go. "Yeah, sure that's fine. I'll be ready then. We are doing lunch first, right?" I made that mistake with Alice one time and we shopped for about four hours before she stopped to eat. I always ask now, especially with the little one on board, when we'll eat so I'm never caught off guard anymore.

After hanging up with Esme, I drift back to my journal. I glance over the words again and still feel the light heart in my chest beating after getting all of that pent up emotion out. Edward drifts across my mind and I wonder what he'll think of it. Will he like it? I close the journal up and lay it on the piano. If I spend too much time thinking about it, I'll rip the page out and throw it away. I don't want to do that, I want it to stay there in black and white. I want physical proof that my dumb ass has at least learned something from all of this.

Esme knocks on the door quickly as she opens it. Her clear sweet voice calls out to me from the foyer. I return the call to her from the top of the stairs. "Wait for me up there, I want to see Makenna's room." She calls back as I hear her heels click across the hardwoods.

When she comes into the room she stops and just stands. It looks like a big old bottle of Pepto Bismol has been opened up and sprayed all over the room. Anything that can be is pink and definitely all fluffy and girlie. Alice has had a playhouse/bed built along one whole wall of the room. It looks like a big castle and each side has a set of stairs that leads up to the playhouse up top, while the bed is nestled down underneath it. There is a pink chandelier hanging in the middle of the room and a big comfy rocker off in one corner. That is the part that I can't wait to try out, the big comfy rocker.

There are stuffed animals everywhere; there is one for each member of our family in her crib. All lined up and ready to 'play' with her late at night when she wakes up. I don't think I have ever seen anyone more excited to present their gifts than Emmett and Jasper when they brought over their animals to place in her room. Emmett brought a bear, no brainer there, because he is exactly like a bear. He can seem big and imposing but deep down inside he is a big old soft heart without any real danger to him at all. Jasper brought an armadillo. He said it was the state animal of Texas and his little 'button' needed to know about the greatest state in the union! Rosalie brought a cat, which mirrors her personality as well. She needs to approach you and become your friend first, very cat like. Alice brought a big pink bunny that was wearing ballet slippers and a tutu. Carlisle brought a furry puppy and Esme brought a big old Mother Goose. Charlie even got in on the stuffed animal event; he brought over the biggest pink elephant he could find. So my baby girl will have her whole family with her there in the crib.

Esme walked around and touched everything, the tenderness in her eyes brought tears to mine. I knew she was more than thrilled to be getting her grandchild and to be keeping it close to her for a few months afterwards. She turned to me as a tear slipped down her face. I rushed forward, not sure exactly what caused the tear.

"Oh, Bella. You two have had to fight against so much, I don't know how you find each other again and make it right. I'm so sorry that I played any part in this whole mess, I really am. I would never hurt you or Edward in any way, you know that right?" She pulled me into a massive hug and held on to me like her life depended on it.

"Esme, what's done is done. Don't ever let that worry you anymore. We both know that we made mistakes. I should have talked to Edward about what I overheard, or even you perhaps. But you are right we always come back to each other. Because of all those mistakes we now know where we belong, without any doubts on either of our part. So, in a way you helped us more than hurt us." I pulled away and look straight in her eyes so she could see that I felt every one of those words I was saying and not just giving her lip service.

She smiled as she pushed my hair behind my ear for me. "Come on let's go to lunch before the old lady really starts her waterworks, okay?" We both laughed at her comment, her to relive the tension of her tears, me at the fact that she called herself an old lady. Esme Cullen was far from an old lady.

After we were seated and our lunches brought out to us be ate in relative silence. Esme looked like she wanted to say something several times but brought her fork up and filled her mouth instead. So I finally just broke the ice and brought it up. "Esme, you look like you have something you want to say."

"Well…yeah…I uh." Tears swam through her eyes again and it scared me. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about that would cause such an instant reaction for her like this.

"Esme, is everything okay?" I laid my hand across hers as she tried to give me a watery smile.

"I'm such an emotional wreck these days? Can I claim sympathy hormones?" She laughed at she dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. "Bella, I just wanted to talk with you about Renee. If that's okay?" I put my fork down on my plate and sat back. This was not where I expected the conversation to go at all. "I just know that you haven't mentioned her or Phil in awhile and I wanted to see how you were feeling about things. I know with everything that has happened in the last few months it is easy to get overwhelmed by it all. And things can get lost in the day to day living of life. I hope I haven't upset you." She squeezed my hand tighter and I realized I had no idea when she actually grabbed my hand.

"There are times when I think about Renee." I admitted. It didn't hurt nearly as much as I expected it to when I said her name. Not as much as it used to hurt. So I tried for more, to test it out. "I miss her when I go into Makenna's room each night. I sit in the rocking chair and I just think, mostly of Makenna but sometimes it about Renee and Phil." Their names brought a smile to my face; I knew that they both would be so happy to see where we were at in our lives. "I miss her so much at times but then others the happiness that I feel replaces that pain and I can go on." Esme tightens her grip on my hand again.

"It was a big loss for you. It will take lots and lots of time to get over. You will find yourself years and years from now still feeling the pain of her loss. But I do agree with you that she would be happy about where you are with Edward and Makenna." Esme sat back and took a sip of her iced tea. "Did you know the two of us talked on the phone several times?" I shook my head, I had no idea the two of them ever spoke to each other. Esme at the same time was nodding her head at me. "She looked up my number one day and called me. She said that she could tell that you and Edward seemed so close and she couldn't get much info from Charlie. Him being a guy and all, he didn't know all the ins and outs of the relationship that we women want to know. So…she called me. We talked about you, about you and Edward, well about lots of stuff actually." I guess I didn't know Renee or Esme as well as I thought I did. I can see this 'mother' thing wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.

"I had no idea you two talked." I answered in stunned surprise.

Esme smiled and nodded. "We figured it was better to know what was going on in our children's lives. So we talked every so often and caught each other up on stuff. We became good friends actually, even without ever meeting face to face. It started as a way to find out things but ended up being a friendship."

We both sat in silence, each of us taking in what we have just said. Both relishing in the fact that relationships have been formed by ones we love.

"Bella, would you be open to going to grief counseling?" Esme asked after a few minutes.

"Grief counseling?"

"Yeah, I went. A long time ago." I sat back again, more answers from Esme. I knew this was her story and waited for her to tell it. "Did you know I was married before Carlisle?" Once again I was stunned. "I was, for a short time. It was someone that my family knew, he was a few years older than I was but he seemed to be a hard working guy. I wasn't in love but it seemed like I could definitely do worse, so I married him. I was young, only seventeen at the time we married. I was pregnant within three months of our wedding. He immediately began to beat me, the night we got married I got slapped. The beating continued until I eventually left him. I had the baby a couple of towns away and tried to hide. The baby was three months old when he found us. Well let's just say that he was not happy about me leaving him. I woke up in the hospital alone, he was in jail for murdering our child. Carlisle treated me for my injuries, and the rest is history." She sat for a few minutes and I left her to deal with her past. "Well as you can see, I obviously needed grief counseling after all of that. But I do think it will help you deal with your loss, especially at the time in which it happened. You deserve the best start you can give yourself, Edward and Makenna, without your past hanging around your neck. Just consider it and if you decide to go I have a name for you. It's a lady that I have worked with in the past while I was doing some volunteer work at the hospital. She is a wonderful woman and I think she can help you more than you know." She patted my hand again and sat back in her seat.

"Wow, I had no idea. Does Edward, Alice and Emmett know this about you?" She nodded a slight nod and looked down at the table again.

"Yeah they know, we don't really ever talk about it around the house though. First of all it makes Carlisle mad and secondly, I have made myself a different life. That isn't me anymore so I don't dwell on it. I don't want people to look at me and pity me; I want them to be proud of what I have made with my family. Just like you, I want people to know that you took what life gave you and made the best with it. Don't let those petty, shallow, selfish girls put you down. You deserve everything you have and more, YOU make Edward happy. He loves YOU! Never forget that. You belong with each other." The truth of her words could be seen in her eyes. It amazed me that somehow all these people around me seemed to know what I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it.

Several hours later, after finishing lunch, shopping and a hair cut later, I returned home. Edward was sitting at his piano, he had my journal opened to the lyrics I wrote this morning and had his guitar laying across his lap. He had made notations and notes across the top of what I had written. His face was lit from inside and the pure and simple joy of music was freeing him. I stood and marveled at how beautiful that he seemed to be in this unguarded moment. I shifted my weight and he noticed me standing in the doorway. He turned to the open journal and back to me.

"I uh, found this. I didn't mean to read it but Bella this is beautiful. Did you write this?" I can't even describe the look in his eyes, it seemed to be too many emotions to even name there all swirled together.

"Yeah, this morning. I was vacuuming and it just came to me. I guess you're rubbing off on me." I admitted sheepishly.

He laid the guitar down and rushed to me. "Baby, this is so good. I'm jealous." He looked away, hiding what he felt from me. I reached up and turned his face back to me. No more hiding between us, never again.

"Tell me, Edward, tell me what you feel. Please, don't hide from me." I begged.

"Is that what you feel? Those words, do you feel that now?" I almost cried at the pleading in his voice.

"All of that and more. All for you, Edward. I can't tell you enough. I love you." I punctuated the last sentence with a kiss between each word. The look on his face when I pulled away from him caused tears for the exact opposite reason. The pure joy that now resided on his face was indescribable.

"I love you too, Bella. More than I can say. Thank you." He pulled me close and held me against him, our sweet daughter kicking away at both of us as we stood together. "Can I show you what I did to your song?" He murmured against my temple.

"I would love for you to play it for me."

He sat me down on the end of the piano bench and took his play across from me on the opposite end. He angled the guitar so that he had room to play and began the song. The music was simplistic yet held the complexity that I was feeling at the time that I wrote it. I listened as his clear sweet voice sang the inflections of the song with perfection; he closed his eyes as he reached the parts the seemed to touch him down in his soul. Those words or phrases that touched mine as well. We matched our thoughts and feelings with such simple perfection. He just got me, he understood and all my fears were quickly draining away with each word, each note that he played and sang.

When his song was done all I could do was lean forward and pull him to me. I kissed him with a kiss of gratitude that we were able to leave all the shit behind and move on together, the way we were meant to be.

In a haze of kisses and sweet touches, we ended up in our room naked and desperate for a connection with each other. Edward pulled me onto his lap as he leaned back against the headboard of our bed. His arms wrapped around me as he slowly slid into me. I could only throw my head back and enjoy the incredible fullness that seemed to engulf me. Desire was coursing through me and seemed to be so far out of control with his one simple thrust. His mouth kissed me, his hands touched me and each and every second drove me further towards the bliss that I wanted so desperately at that moment.

Edward buried so deep inside of me, he body simply content with just merely rocking against me. A gentle movement that ignited the flame to a full blown bon fire within me. I leaned back even further against his drawn up knees, the angle changing how he pushed against me inside. "Oh God, yes."

I opened my eyes to see Edward gazing at me, his eyes roaming up and down my body. I could feel the heat of his gaze as it moved over me, stopping at my full breast then moving on down to watch the place where we joined. His hands stopping to hold me against him by my hips, then moved back up to hold my swollen stomach. "God, baby, you are so damn beautiful. I love you."

His knees parted slightly and I slid down onto the bed between them. My back arched in pleasure and my body still joined with Edwards. His large hands holding my breasts and his body still rocking into mine. I could only grunt and moan with pleasure, the feelings too good and too large to waste any energy expressing. "Come on baby, let go. I feel you so close. Show me what I do to you, show me how much you like it." Each sentence was marked with a bigger thrust as I fell apart around him. The white hot intensity was so welcomed.

Edward flipped me over and pulled almost all the way out before he pushed back into me. Deep and sweet. The pleasure on his face let me know that he must have been close to his climax as well. The evil side of me came out to play. Knowing full well how much I enjoyed it when he talked dirty to me, I decided to try my hand at it as well. "Your turn baby, you show me now." I trailed a finger up his chest until it reached his lips, he planted a kiss against it and I pulled away. "Show me how good my pussy feels, see how tight it is around you?" Edward roared his response to me in an undeniable way. He threw his head back and pushed in as far as he could when I felt him come. He shuttered and shook for a few seconds before he fell over beside me and pulled me close to him.

"Woman, are you trying to kill me? You saying the word pussy when I am inside of you is just too much. To feel and hear it at the same time, wow." He laughed.

"I just wanted you to feel what I feel every time you talk like that to me. Does me in without delay."

He ran his hand down my side, causing a chill to run down my back. "That is good to know!" He said as he ran kisses along my naked shoulder.

"Bella, are you ready? We're gonna be late and it's your baby shower!" Edward called from the front door. He had no idea how nerve racking it was to be knocked up and all fat in front of all the girls we went to school with! All the girls that want to make fun of me, the girls that want to steal Edward from me. And he wants me to hurry up and not worry about all these things. Easy for him to say. I trotted down the stairs to meet him. Nervous as hell, worried that I was stepping into the lion's den.

Edward talked to me the whole way to Carlisle and Esme's house. I really wanted him with me for this shower, to enjoy it with me. I had no doubt that he would but we stuck to tradition and the guys would leave and have their own fun. I realized that Edward was still talking to me so I just nodded and answered as needed. I couldn't bring myself to settle my nerves. I felt like this was not going to go well at all.

Poised and waiting as I walked in the door was the Bitch Patrol, each of them rushing up to me to congratulate me on our new addition. I took each of the congratulations and murmured my thanks to them. I knew as sure as I stood here that none of them really felt any of the words that they were saying but still said them to be polite to the Cullen's.

I mingled as best as I could. I was too tired and really not in the mood for the fake crap that they all wanted to spout. They only wanted one thing and they couldn't have it. Edward was mine and he would be for the rest of his life so they could all back the fuck off. I was his woman, I was having his baby, and I was in his bed every night. He wanted me. My self esteem still wasn't at top level but I didn't doubt him anymore.

I sat and opened all the gifts and thanked each person. We got some really sweet gifts for Makenna. Alice, Esme and Rosalie all set the gifts aside so that when Edward returned he could load the gifts into the Volvo. Everyone seemed to want to hang out and just catch up. Seems they all had plenty of stories about their first glance of freedom at college. For the most part it seemed to be a great party. I sat back and watched as everyone became a little more gregarious as the time flew by. Lauren, Jessica and their little group stopped to sit and catch up with me. Like this is my idea of a good evening. Angela sat beside me and protected me as best as she could but the smart comments and nasty insults still stung. I soon used my poor excuse for a bladder to break free.

I sat in the bathroom trying to remind myself that Edward wanted me, not them. Alice and Rosalie both were soon knocking on the door trying to get in to reassure me that those girls were nowhere near as good as I was. Their words not mine. I tried to stop the tears but the hormones combined with my emotions were just too much to stop. I cried for a few minutes and then had Alice and Rose fix my make up and went back out to the party. I knew I was gone for longer that I should have been but I needed time to collect myself. When I stepped back into the living room, Esme had sidled up to the girls and was chatting with them. Surely, they had not fooled her. She was a great judge of character. I couldn't help myself; I just had to get closer to see what everyone was talking about.

Esme noticed that I had joined the group, she pulled me protectively into her side with her arm around me. I noticed the devious glint in her eyes as she opened her beautiful mouth to speak. "Oh Lauren I ran into your mother at the store the other day in town. She seemed frantic. Did she ever find the right cream to help you clear up that rash that you got? She told me that you got it from Jessica. That is such a shame." Lauren and Jessica's mouths dropped open and shock registered on the face of everyone else. Who knew that Esme Cullen would pull out the big guns and just absolutely embarrass the shit out of the Bitch Patrol in her own house. But it seemed she was not done yet, no she must have decided that crow was best served cold because she continued to talk. "You know if you didn't get it cleared up, I'm sure Carlisle would be willing to write both of you a prescription." She reached over and patted their arms as they sat side by side on the love seat. I was sure that 'bless your hearts' would slip out next. Her voice was mimicking the sweet genteel ladies of the south as she spoke. "Those vaginal rashes are a pain to get rid of, Carlisle sees them all the time at the free clinic in Port Angeles when he volunteers there. It's a shame some of the things those poor people do to their bodies." Three things happened all at once, Rosalie spit out the mouthful of drink she had just took in, Jessica stood up and grabbed her purse while dragging Lauren up off of the love seat and the boys yelled out, "We're home" from the foyer.

We all followed the girls as they rushed as quickly as they could from the house, passing the boys in the foyer. It was almost a Three Stooges bit to watch the faces as they looked from person to person that rushed out of the house. Wonder and amazement registered in their eyes as they quickly realized that something was up, and it must have been oh so good to make the girls run the way they had.

"What the hell was that all about?" Emmett asked as Carlisle nodded his request to know as well.

"Later dear, let's clear the house so we can enjoy our time together with our kids first." Esme patted his chest and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

We all walked back into the family room to see everyone laughing and enjoying the free show at the expense of Lauren, Jessica and their friends. I was certain that everyone in this room at one point in time had suffered at their hands. So we weren't the only ones that enjoyed their misery. I mean someone was actually rolling on the floor laughing. Esme had the graces to rush everyone out without being rude about it. When the room cleared there stood Edward, Jasper and Emmett looking really happy about everything.