LTWYL- Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Bella

Once we were at the table, I sat across from Edward in shock. I couldn't believe the events that we had encountered so far, first he dressed up for me and let me tell you he really looked so damn hot. Then he brings me to dinner for Italian food, I didn't even have any idea that he even knew that I loved Italian food but he did and that meant so much to me. Then he not only punched James in the face, and don't get me wrong I do not condone violence but he looked so damn hot doing it; but then he told Lauren off, I didn't even have to say a word he said it all. This was so different than in the past, when we were together before he was content to just sit back and watch Lauren and I fight it out; but this time, he told her we were together, we had a child and he would never want anyone other than me. My heart swelled when he said those words. All the years of therapy and talking came to a head in those few minutes. He proved to me that all the words and actions were true.

I sat back and thought about the months since he had been released and they really were wonderful. In fact things were so great that it gave me the "waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling"; I didn't want to feel that way and I especially didn't want Edward to know that I was feeling that way. I didn't want him to misinterpret it and think that I didn't trust him because I truly and completely trusted him. The problem is that my life hasn't been an easy one and when you are used to being dealt a shitty hand, it's hard to believe that you can end up with the fairytale. I really want to believe that everything is going to work out, but it is so hard to re-learn everything you know as true. I remind myself everyday that both Edward and I worked hard for this, that we achieved this and it's not just some fairy tale built on smoke and mirrors; and most of the time I believe it but every so often the doubt creeps in and it scares the hell out of me me. It's a demon that I'm working on with Jasper, so for now I try to push away the doubt and focus on all of the good in my life.

Over the past few weeks Edward has begun working with some of the support groups at the YMCA. His focus was on working with reformed prisoners that are trying to put their lives back together. He helps get them set up with support groups for therapy, get training so that they can get a job and then helps them find employers that will hire them. I am still working there as well, mainly with the families and spouses of men who either are in jail or have been as well as women who were abused or have been addicted to drugs. We work on the trust issues and communication between them.

Jasper and Alice are an almost constant in our life now. We've also met a nice couple, Ben and Angela. Ben works with Alice at the college but his parents were alcoholics so he knows what the life is like. He attended a group meeting with Jasper and myself a few times. He has a great testimonial to show the people there what the effects the life can have on their kids, so he is a big help.

It is nice to know that Edward and I are able to hang out with people our age that are on the right path, we love to do things with the four of them and on occasion Emmett and Rosalie have even been able to join us. It has been a little hard for them recently because Rose is at the beginning of a pregnancy and so she's really sick right now. I am really hoping that once she reaches her 2nd trimester things change and Emmett and Edward will have more time together. Watching them interact amazes me, there relationship was so strained for so long but now it's just natural for them almost as if there was never any rift at all; the love between them is truly visible now in everything they do together. Eavan, of course, has always loved her Uncle Em, he brings out the kid in all of us and now that she knows she is going to have a baby cousin to play with she is more than excited.

Things have changed on the work front for me, I decided to leave the photography studio to concentrate on weddings and other events that won't keep me away from my family all day, every day. It gives, Edward, Eavan and I more time together and I get to pick and choose what events I will work and the pay is all mine so I'm working less and making more money in the long run. Edward still works with Irina, Peter and even Eleazar now. They have formed a new company and are in the process of trying to get funding for a new building. They want to offer a program that offers help for at risk teens in a variety of different ways. They will offer counseling obviously but they will have other programs. Sports, art classes, photography classes, life skills, music programs, dance classes, tutoring help, and mentoring opportunities. The Center will provide teens with some place that will allow them an outlet for the issues in their life, and it shows them that there is a positive way to deal with all of the strife that they face. It will also give them some skills that will help them in their lives as they start out on their own. Edward is beside himself about the opportunity. He is going to be managing the center once it is up and running because right now all of the rest of the group have full time jobs so he is the one that can drop everything and make this thing happen. He will get it off the ground and eventually the others will join in and manage different parts of the center. You can see each night when we sit down to talk about our day how happy he is, it shows in every aspect of his life, and I couldn't be more proud of him.

While Edward and I have made great progress in our relationship we have yet to heal our physical relationship. At first it was about trust and making sure that we weren't rushing into things. Now, if I'm being honest it is a big old fat case of the nerves, I know he says he loves me and desires me but I'm just scared that we can't get back what we had before; I mean our entire relationship used to be built on sex, very animalistic, very hot sex, and truth be told, it was the only part that we were ever truly good at. Now that we have focused so much energy on all of the other facets of our life, I am afraid that we may have lost the one thing that we were good at before. I have talked about it with Jasper and he has said that it is only natural for me to be nervous, I need to remember that Edward and I love one another deeply and have been through so much together that sex won't just be about sex anymore, it will be about love, trust, and devotion, and that will make it more special in the end. Of course, hearing that, just made me more nervous.

Edward has been great and not mentioned it to me at all. He told me long ago that it was up to me, when I was ready he would be ready. We even backed off on fooling around like we did those first few days he was home, I just figured it was too cruel to keep working him up and then not delivering the goods. So we have kissed and held each other but nothing more. I have to say he has the patience of a saint that is for sure; even I have been ready to give up and just jump him. I just knew that I would know when the time was right and tonight was that time. Seeing him defend us to James and tell Lauren off was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was ready, more than ready really and I had no doubts that we were ready to take this step together. I couldn't wait to get him home, alone. Esme had Eavan for the night so we would be undisturbed and I couldn't wait.

I know we talked at dinner but for the life of me I couldn't remember a single thing that he or I said. I just remember the look in his eyes. The way his shirt stretched across his chest when he laughed and the flex of his forearms when I laid my hand across of it. I had a few glasses of wine but Edward only had water. I felt the warm, wonderful buzz that settled down deep inside of me. I knew without a doubt that the wine had nothing to do with the monumental decision that I had made. It just made me more excited about it.

We were on our way home with Edward driving, his fingers wrapped around mine, resting on my leg. Only his fingertips actually touched my leg but I swear that I could feel the warmth spread across my entire body. My heart raced and I couldn't breathe. "Baby, you okay, you're kinda quiet?" Edward sounded reserved.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess the wine got to me a little bit, sorry." I smiled at him as he glanced at me while still trying to keep his eyes on the road.

"I thought you might be mad at me. You know that I didn't mean for all of that to happen with James and Lauren, don't you?" He looked scared and almost small when he spoke to me. My heart went out to him and I had to stop the idea that I was disappointed in him, it was far from the truth. I was proud of him.

"Edward, stop. I'm not mad at all. I'm proud of you, it couldn't have been easy to turn down James and stick up for yourself like that." I bit my lip, not sure how the next remark would make me look. "The punch was hot, you looked so primal and in control at the same time. Then Lauren, well that was just priceless." I wanted to laugh at her audacity, satisfaction settled deep inside my body at Edward's rejection of her. It was exactly what I wanted to hear each time I came in contact with her in the past, late is certainly better than never. "She expected you to take up where you left off and to see the look on her face when you told her not just no but never. It really meant so much to me. I love you now, more than ever. Thank you." I pulled his face to mine and tried to kiss him. He immediately pulled over and took my face in his hands and kissed me back. When the need for air separated us I spoke quietly to him while our noses caressed each other's. "Please take me home Edward, I want you to make love to me."

His control snapped right then and there. He pulled me across the center console and half into his lap. He kissed me within an inch of my life. The passion and care poured into me from his mouth. His hands confirmed his feelings as they ran up and down my body. It wasn't the rushed, fevered groping that we had done so many times before. This was hot, needy but yet so passionate and full of love. I was almost in tears at the love that flowed between us.

He sat back and ran a hand through his hair, after a deep breath he looked over at me. His eyes were wide and dilated with lust but he helped me sit back in my seat. When my seat belt was snapped in place he put the car back in gear so that we could make our way home. The tension crackled between us the whole time but silence remained.

Our hands found each other and held on for dear life as Edward directed the car towards home. Edward still considered this my house but I had already begun to think of it as ours. When we pulled into our parking spot and Edward came around to open my door, he took my hand and helped me out of the car. Our bodies were in constant contact as we walked up the path; Edward handed over the keys so I could open the door. Normally I would just take the keys and open the door but tonight was different, tonight Edward was in charge. I pushed the keys back to him, his eyes showed the surprise but then he registered the change in us and turned to the door and unlocked it.

The door was held open for me so that I could walk through. Edward entered behind me and as soon as the door clicked closed Edward pulled my body back against his. His lips found my neck and began to leave kisses there. "I love you." He murmured against my skin. Goosebumps rose where his breath ghosted across my wet skin. I was putty in his hands. I knew without a doubt that tonight would be the night that we'd both been waiting for.

Edward had been so patient with me, without complaints about the wait. He understood that I had things to set straight in my mind and I once again saw the differences in the Edward of before and the Edward now. I was more than ready to give myself to him. I knew right here, right now, without a doubt that he and I were meant to be together.

I dropped my head back and gave him more room to kiss. My brain finally caught up and realized that he spoke to me. I blinked my eyes and hoped that he said the three little words I imagined that he did. Just in case I responded to him, "I love you." My voice was breathy. My mind hung on to the fringes of sanity as he touched, kissed and held by body close to his.

Up until this point Edward was very gentle with me, he held me with reverence. Tonight I could see the war waging within him. I knew that he wanted to be gentle with me yet his lust was pushing him to respond in a fast frenzied manner. I helped him with his war, I grabbed his head and yanked it down to meet my mouth in a rough, hard kiss. I wanted to show him that we could have both, soft and sweet, yet rough and passionate. A feral growl escaped his mouth as he scooped me up and rushed us towards the bedroom.

When we stepped over the threshold of our room, I'd begun to call it our room because Edward was here more often than not; the warm spicy smell that was pure Edward, assaulted my nose. I breathed it in deeply. I felt the need to have Edward all over me, touching me, holding me and somehow have him within me at the same time. Inhaling his scent that filled the air, felt as if I was actually holding him within me. When I felt lightheaded I let the air in my lungs back out. Thankfully Edward seemed to still be lodged within me, a piece of him to hold onto just for me.

I knew once we took this step we would never be able to turn back without our hearts getting broken. I took a few more seconds as his mouth roamed over my body to ask myself if this is what I wanted. If he stopped right now and walked out that door what would I feel? I knew immediately that I would feel devastation like I have never felt. It would be different than the last time he left me. This time would be by his choice and this time we knew our potential. We had worked hard to achieve that potential, we had achieved it and we deserved this chance to explore. This time we were on a whole different level and I knew that I couldn't live without Edward, ever again.

Edward seemed to know the precise moment when I made my decision because he pulled away to meet my eyes. "Baby, are you okay with this?" His eyes searched mine, the indecision flashed across his face. I knew without a doubt that he would stop if I showed hesitation. I was blown away that he could sense my hesitation and knew to ask me. It really showed me again how far he had come and how he put me first in our new relationship. I smiled and nodded at him.

"I'm very sure." His lips touched mine as soon as the last syllable left them. His hands once again began to travel from the safety of my shoulders down my arms and across my hips; they traveled up my back and around to my breasts. The touches were light and soft but they scorched my skin with each sweep. I reached for my zipper on the back of my dress and when I couldn't reach it, Edward pulled it down for me. A nervous laugh escaped my mouth as I suddenly realized that we would be naked in a few short moments. I knew he had time to work out, he came out of jail looking so much better than he had before he went in, but me…well I had a baby, I had gained weight, and I was softer than I used to be. Suddenly I was more than nervous; I was almost nauseous about him seeing me.

"What's wrong Muirnin?" I was confused as to why he would call me that, I had heard his Pop's call Gran that but never heard it from him.

"What did you call me?" I blinked and tried to bring my brain out of the tailspin that the naked issue was causing.

"Muirnin, it means sweetheart. Is that okay that I called you that?" He looked like a small child that got caught saying a dirty word.

"Sweetheart?"

"Yes, you mean the world to me and I have always loved that my Pop's called Gran that. It's special and so are you." His large hand touched my face as he murmured the words. I felt the tears sting my eyes.

"Oh…okay." I stuttered.

"Are you okay, Muirnin." His sexy smirk came out as he said the endearment again.

"Yeah." I ducked my chin and he immediately pull it right back up so that our eyes met again.

"That doesn't sound convincing, what's wrong?" He gave me that look that he shows to Eavan when she is trying to get away with something that she knows that she shouldn't be.

"I'm just nervous, it's been a long time since I've been…undressed in front of you. That's all." I dropped my chin again.

"Baby, you are so damn beautiful. There is no need for you to be unsure around me, I love you, just the way you are." His lips kissed mine giving credibility to the words his mouth had just spoken.

I dropped all pretense of worry and enjoyed his devotion. He removed my dress and laid it across the chair in our room, I pulled the heels off of my feet. I removed the jewelry I wore, all except the 'Edward' necklace that I always wore. I left that on. His hand ghosted across my skin leaving goose bumps in their wake. I couldn't get enough, his touch was so light that it left me begging for more, for a steady touch, something to satisfy my body's pleads for more.

I turned and unbuttoned his shirt and helped him pull it off of his shoulders. His belt and pants followed quickly. We both stood in our underwear staring at each other, our hands in constant contact with each other's exposed skin.

"Bella, I don't know what I would have done without you. I would not have made it through." He shook his head in despair as he reached out his hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "One day I swear I'll make you my wife and give Eavan the baby brother she wants. I promise you this." His words set my insides on fire.

"One day I'll say yes." Electricity snapped and crackled in the air between us. I couldn't wait to feel his body against mine, his weight convincing me that this was real, that he was real.

I slipped the bra straps from my shoulders and he stepped forward to unclasp it from my back. When it was out of his way he picked me up and walked us to the bed. We both lay down, "I want this to be right, there is so much more I had planned for us. I wanted this to be perfect."

I stopped his words with my finger. "This is perfect, it's you and me, being honest with each other. That is perfection." I smiled.

Edward slid his boxer briefs off and my panties followed. His mouth began a trail at my jaw and proceeded down my chest. I stopped him before he got too far away. I wanted the seduction, I wanted the romance but I wanted it on another night. Not tonight. Tonight I just wanted him and me, joined in the age old dance of love. "Another time, right now I just want you inside me, please." I whispered.

He nodded and moved to settle between my legs. "I don't have protection, Bella. I'm sorry." He looked devastated as the words settled around us.

"It's okay, I had an IUD put in after Eavan was born."

"What the hell is that?" His confused face and shocked tone of voice was so funny that in any other circumstance I would have burst out laughing.

"Birth control, Edward, it's birth control. We're covered." The confusion was gone with that explanation and he resumed his spot between my legs.

I leaned up and took his bottom lip, I sucked it into my mouth as he pushed slowly into me. The gasp was inevitable. He was large and it had been awhile for me. His body froze, halfway in.

"You okay baby?"

"Yeah, it's just been awhile." For some reason this made Edward smile like a jackass. He buried his head into my neck and pushed in further. When he reached that spot deep inside of me I just sighed. This was home, this was what I missed. It's funny how I missed something that we really didn't have before but I did.

Edward's body paused deep within mine, I tried to push up against him but his hand stopped my hips momentum. "Just…wait. I need a minute." His voice was raspy and broken. After a second or twenty his hips began their movement again. "Oh God, Bella. I never knew." His hand hitched my leg up further on his hip and allowed him to slip deeper into me. Edward's free hand and mouth began to roam all over my body once more. No spot was left untouched or unkissed. He seemed to need to reacquaint himself with me all over again. I wrapped my left hand around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine while my right hand held his ribcage. His heart slammed against the side of his chest in a perfect rhythm with mine. His movements were slow and deep, dragging my orgasm out of me with each thrust of his hips. This was a soul deep experience between us, not some fast frenzied fuck against a wall. We had time for those later.

A small light from the hallway shown through the half closed door, casting shadows over most of the room and bathing us both in a soft ethereal glow. The decreased light accentuated the differences in us, my paleness against his much darker skin, his tall frame against my much shorter one, his rough skin against my softer covering. Everything seemed to be heightened tonight and I gave myself up to the heady feelings. Our moans, pants and whispered promises were the only sounds that I heard. My body wrapped around Edward's, my eyes locked on his. Our hearts were touching, connecting they were falling in love all over again. The way his body moved over mine felt familiar but yet foreign all at the same time. He loved me now with his body and not to just achieve satisfaction. We made love.

At the same moment our hands reached for each other and he pushed them up over my head. Edward's knees came and rested slightly under my ass. This tilted my pelvis and allowed him to slide in and out at a slightly different angle. His face broke the lock with mine and drifted down to watch our bodies move together. I wanted to see for myself but it was enough to watch it through Edward's eyes. To see his body respond to what we were creating together. It was better than actually seeing it.

"Oh baby." His gruff voice spoke, I'm not even sure he meant to say it out loud. His pushes were long and deep, a slow steady cadence that seemed to stoke the fire in my body. Each push fanned the flames and each time our eyes met the burning became unbearable. My heart exploded a few seconds before my body did. Edward followed a few seconds later.

When we came back to earth, tears were in my eyes. The depth of the emotion, the looks of love, the devotion we had just shared was like nothing I have ever experienced before. Edward wrapped me in his arms and held me close to his chest. The steady rhythm of his heart once again calmed me down. He kissed my head and I drifted off to sleep. "I love you." I whispered to him just before the darkness completely took over.

"I love you too, every day of forever."

We woke the next morning and found a steady drizzle of rain outside the window. This prompted the need to bury ourselves deep in the covers and enjoy each other for a little longer. Awhile later Esme texted me and let me know that Rose and Emmett had picked up Eavan to take her for a play date. This gave us the entire afternoon to spend together. Once we got up to go and grab a few snacks that we ate in bed but otherwise we spent the entire afternoon there. We watched the storm, counted the seconds between the thunder and lightning, and talked.

We talked about our hopes and dreams, about our future, about our past. We shared our hopes and dreams. Edward talked for hours about the center they were starting, it was so close to being ready to open and I'd never seen him so proud of something. Actually that's not true, nothing compared to his pride in Eavan but this rivaled it for certain.

Our talkative spell dried out and we laid in bed wrapped up in each other for awhile. The air around me suddenly electrified and I felt Edward harden behind me. I groaned at the thought alone of being with him again. I loved that we spent the afternoon talking but I really wanted some more proof of his love now.

Edward moved us to the middle of the bed and flipped me on my stomach, his hand pushed mine above my head. He really had a thing for my hands there, I didn't know what it was about that position but he loved it. His hand ghosted along my back and came to rest between my legs. I was certainly more than ready for him and he gasped when he realized it as well. "Hmmm, I see my girl is just as ready as I am. I love that shit." His hands pushed my legs together and he climbed up onto them. His hard cock slipped between my cheeks and into my ready and willing pussy.

My back arched up and pushed back onto him. "Oh God, yes," I gasped.

"Like that baby?" Edward prompted.

"Fuck yes." I worried that we were slipping back into the old us but I still felt the love and devotion in him, he had simply let a few extra links out on the leash of his control this time. The friction was simply divine and his body knew exactly what to do to mine. I felt the orgasm descending around me quickly.

All too soon I felt Edward weight lift off of my body and he dropped to the bed beside me. His strong hands lifted me and situated me down on his lap this time.

"I want to see you when I make you come." He sat up quickly and kissed my lips then descended back down to the bed. I adjusted and used my hand to position Edward's cock right at my entrance. I slowly plunged down onto him and marveled at the depths he could achieve within me. His hands came to rest across my breasts as he kneaded them alternately. I wanted to ride him into oblivion but once again he fueled the fire within me so damn quickly that a few strokes in and I was faltering.

His hands found my hips and guided my movements. "That's it baby, make love to me."

"Oh Edward." My head fell forward as I got the chance to watch the spot where our bodies joined this time. It held my attention, to watch Edward's beautiful cock slip in and out of me. To know that I had control and could bring him the satisfaction this time was overwhelming.

"Fuck yes, Bella. God, I love you." Edward panted as he rose up to meet me. His hand left my breasts and wrapped around my neck. His mouth touched mine and we simply touched, his breath rushed out of his mouth and into mine. Mine did the same with his. His eyes locked with mine. Our souls touched.

His name became my chant as the orgasm ripped through my body, my limbs became numb and my body absorbed the heat.

Edward cried out my name and joined me.

We collapsed back onto the bed, snuggled into each other as the rain still fell all around us.

We showered, dressed and were on the way to his parent's house to have dinner and pick up Eavan. I knew there was a lot I wanted to say and figured that now was the time to get it all out before Eavan got in the car. Not that she would disturb us in the traditional talking a mile a minute but it just felt wrong to discuss things in front of her and not include her. So, I bit the bullet and brought up what I wanted to say right now while I had the chance.

"Edward, I wanted to talk to you." His hand locked with mine as he checked his mirrors again. The rain called for more caution and Edward was paying close attention to the roads now. As soon as his circuit of checks were done he turned briefly to look at me.

"What's up, Muirnin?" I smiled involuntarily.

"Well, I talked to Eleazar and he said you could live anywhere as long as you reported where you live and your probation officer knew about it. So, there's nothing really that says you have to live with Esme and Carlisle. Surely you want to get out of your mom and dad's house, I mean you are an adult and all. I know that they don't keep track of you but surely you want…" Our interlocked hands came up to press against my lips, halting my words. He had a right, I was fully immersed in a case of verbal diarrhea right now.

"Baby, you're right. I can live anywhere I want as long as I report it. I've always known this." He patiently explained to me.

"Well, I didn't know that. I thought you had to live with your parents. Now, I know differently." I turned to gaze out the window.

"Is there a reason that you brought this up. Would you like to talk about it or did you have a reason as to why this is important?" I smiled and could tell that he knew exactly why it was now important to me but he was allowing me the chance to express it for myself.

"Well, yes. I mean if you don't have to live with Carlisle and Esme, why would you?" I blinked at him and hoped that he would give me the answer that I was begging to hear.

"I guess when you put it that way there really is no reason other than the fact that it is the only place that I have to live." He began to check the mirrors again.

"What if I told you that you had another option?" I whispered.

His head stopped mid movement and turned towards me. "What did you say?"

"I said, what if you had another option?" I bit my thumb and waited.

"What other option, Bella?" He seemed to be waiting with baited breath as well.

"Our house with us."

There was no answer just a large smile and he pulled my hand up to kiss it. He blinked his eyes for a few seconds then just nodded his head. That answer caused a smile on my face that would rival his to appear. We both remained silent for the rest of the ride to Edward's parent's house.