LTWYL-Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Bella

I rushed from the photography studio to Eavan's school. I agreed to help with the birthday party in one of the classes and of course today's customers all ran late. I clicked the seatbelt in place and reached for my phone to call Ms. Denali to let her know that I would be a few minutes late but that I would be there, when it rang in my hand.

"Hello." I sounded breathless and frazzled.

"Bella, you okay?" Esme's sweet voice instantly soothed me through the phone line.

"Just late, Esme, I agreed to help but nothing went as scheduled today, so I'm rushing. What's up?" I pulled out of the parking lot and eased into traffic. I didn't like to talk on the phone while I drove so I put it on speakerphone and laid it on the seat beside me.

"Well, I was wondering if it would be okay if Eavan spent the night with us tonight, you know to give you some 'me time', sounds like you might need it after the day you've had." She sounded excited and almost pleading when she asked so how could I say no to her? I couldn't, so I agreed.

I knew her and Carlisle both missed Eavan and me when we moved across town. They both saw us often but it just wasn't the same as when we lived with them.

"Sure, Esme, sounds great. I'll finish up with the party then stop by the house and get her things together. Alice and Jasper took her to the zoo today so they won't be home until a little after seven. They wanted to stop at the pizza place to play afterwards. I think Jasper has a secret crush on that place because he asks to stop there every time he has Eavan with him." I laughed knowing full well that was the real reason he wanted to go there, it had nothing to do with Eavan, she was just his excuse. "So, don't plan on her for dinner."

"Well in that case why don't you stop by here and eat with us then when Alice and Jasper drop her off you can say goodnight, then head back to your place, does that sound good? I made some pot roast; you know that is your favorite." Why did she have to dangle that carrot in front of my nose? She knew I couldn't resist her pot roast. I loved the way she made the gravy and all to go with it. I did have to admit that part of the reason I loved it so much was that it was one of Edward's favorites as well. Little things like eating his favorite meals and watching movies he loved would make me feel close to him. Once he called me when Speed was on. We sat quietly and just listened to the movie with each other. It was almost like a date.

"Sounds good to me, I won't be there till about six or so. Is that good?" I could almost hear her bouncing up and down ala Alice when I agreed. It didn't seem normal for Esme but it'd been almost a week since we'd gone over so maybe that explained the giddiness.

"That is perfect, Bella, just perfect. Why don't you wear that pretty pink sundress you have, that always looks lovely on you and we will be eating outside tonight so it should be perfect." Esme bought the dress she was asking about for me. I really did love that dress, it was easy to wear and easy to take care of. I felt pretty but not overly done when I wore it.

"Sounds good to me, I'll see you at six then?" I threw the car in park and gathered my stuff to carry in with me. I always made sure to bring my camera so that I could capture everything on film for the kids to be able to take home.

"Love you, Bella. See you then." Esme disconnected the line and I threw my phone into my shoulder bag. I locked the car doors and rushed into the school. I thankfully was actually right on time.

With the party over and all the kids picked up I headed home. Alice texted me three pictures of her and Eavan petting the small animals in the petting zoo. She then texted again, this time for Eavan who asked if we could have a goat, she wanted to name him Fred. I replied no, it was an easy choice really. The apartment community where we lived had a strict no goats policy, so I blamed it on them.

I showered and threw my hair up into a sloppy bun at the nape of my neck. I put the flower off to the side that Alice bought me. I threw my dress on, the matching sandals and a little jewelry. I always wore my Edward necklace.

It reminded me of all the hard work that we both had put in and I also used it to help keep me strong. Once you develop an addiction to something, it never goes away. Some days are easier to resist than others but it is never completely gone. I won't lie several times over the last few years I wanted to just get lost in the fuzz and haziness the pills gave me. They always allowed me to forget for a little while, to not feel the pain, stress or worry. But I had Eavan now and Edward was counting on me as well. I couldn't let them down; I couldn't let Esme and Carlisle down. And most importantly, I couldn't let myself down. I would not be like my mother! Those were the days when I found myself touching the necklace often to remind me and so far it always worked. Not once have I had anything to drink nor had I taken any pills since the night I walked into Esme and Carlisle's house three years ago.

With Eavan's bag packed and me dressed again, I made my way across town. I needed to let Alice know about the change of plans. I knew by now they would be in the Kiddie Pizza Palace and there was no way they would hear the phone ring, so I texted her. I sat at the red light and typed out the new info. Besides they lived not far from Esme and Carlisle as well so it would work much better for them to drop her off there instead. A few seconds later I got a picture of Jasper with Eavan on his back riding a mechanical horse with her acknowledgment of the change. I laughed at the two children having fun and secretly prayed that soon Alice and Jasper would think about having a kid of their own that Eavan could enjoy like a brother or sister. I didn't want her to be alone and I had no idea how soon things between Edward and I would be so that we were in the same place and at a place in our lives where we could think of giving her a real brother and sister. I hoped it would be soon but I didn't want to rush either of us, so I just prayed for a surrogate sibling for now.

I could hear everyone out in the back yard enjoying the great weather when I pulled up. I took Eavan's bag up to the room that used to be ours when we lived here and dropped it off. The bed was freshly made in preparation for her to spend the night but it wasn't with her normal princess sheets. I wondered how that would go when Eavan got here and saw that but dropped the thought as soon as I heard Carlisle call for me from downstairs. I left my purse and camera here as well. I wouldn't need either of them. Carlisle made his way to the bottom of the stairs as I began to descend towards him.

"Hey, Bella, you look lovely." He pulled me close for a hug and I gladly accepted. I missed being touched by another human being. I mean I was touched every single day but it was always passing touches by people you work with or touches by Eavan to get my attention. It was never a simple how are you and can I make your day better touch. The touch that only your true soul mate knows you need. I know this is not the meaning of Carlisle's hug but I held on and relished any form of affection I could get. "Esme said you were having a rough day?"

I pulled away and smiled at him. "It wasn't so bad, just rushed. Its perfect now though, thanks for inviting me. I didn't realize how much I needed this until I walked in the door."

"Well, you are always welcome here and we are glad that you came. We missed you both. Did Eavan's testing go well at school?" His arm drifted across my shoulders as he led me outside where I heard the voices before.

"We don't know for sure yet but it looks like she aced the letter and number recognition portions. The other parts, well she'll develop those later I guess." I shrugged; she always tested above her age level so none of us were really worried, it just makes you less worried when they do well.

Carlisle stopped just before the back door and turned to look at me. "Bella, we have a surprise for you tonight that is the real reason we asked you over. Head out there and see what it is." He turned me back towards the door but held his place when I stepped into the back yard.

The entire space was lit with candles and small white Christmas lights were strung overhead. It felt like all the stars had converged in this one place for me to look at. The gentle breeze blew through the yard and I swore I smelled Edward. I half laughed at my silly mind for playing tricks on me when I saw him step through the side gate and hesitantly make his way towards me. I nearly fell over, my mind questioned what my eyes saw. Edward was walking towards me. I looked around to see if anything else looked out of place, if I was really seeing him or if my mind had suddenly taken a leave of absence from me.

Edward's face was filled with fear and trepidation. He looked unsure of himself. I don't think I have ever seen that face on him before. Not even during his trial did I see those two emotions and it struck me how scared he was that he no longer belonged here with us, or maybe just with me. When he stopped about half way to me, I rushed forward to him. I had to feel him, to assure myself that he was really truly here with me. His eyes relaxed when he saw the change in me as I rushed towards him.

My feet slowed two steps before we collided. We stood gazing at each other, almost afraid to touch each other. Edward reached up first and slid a piece of wayward hair behind my ear and off of my face.

"Bella, you look beautiful tonight." His quiet whisper wafted across the skin of my cheek. His lips followed and left a light kiss there as well. "I missed you so much." Large strong hands cupped my neck and pulled me close to him. I breathed him in again, tears formed when my hands touched his strong chest. When my body confirmed that it was Edward that stood here with me my mind shouted several things all at once, I love you, I can't believe that you didn't tell me you were getting out and thank God you are finally home. I didn't know which one would be spoken aloud first but I knew that I felt them all at the same time.

Edward's fingers rubbed gentle circles across my jaw line and neck. He seemed to scan my entire body and slowly take me in. My mind was still on overload and stuttered a simple greeting to him. "Hey." His laughter almost pushed me over the edge of the cliff I stood on. This was not the old Edward I knew, he was now a man that could laugh at silly things, enjoy the simple things and love the steady things in his life. Once again I was amazed at his change. "I'm sorry, I just…you're here."

He gently tilted my head so that we could look into each other's eyes as he spoke. "I'm here." He placed another kiss at the corner of my mouth. The desire I felt for him slammed into me and took my breath away but the anger suddenly rose to the surface as well.

"What the fuck Edward?" I shouted. "You said nothing about this, we talked what… like every other night for almost two and a half years and you say nothing about getting out?" I pushed his hands away and stepped back away from him.

"Bella…" He held a hand outstretched towards me. "I can explain, I swear I can." His pleading eyes begged me to listen but I was too pissed off to do what he wanted.

"No, you can't explain. I can't believe you would do this to me. What was with all the 'we need to communicate better' speeches? Where the hell did our communication go when you made the decision to keep me in the dark? Huh?" I punctuated my questions with a push to Edward's chest. His much larger frame made my pushes seem like a child pushing an adult but it certainly made me feel better.

He stood and took all of my anger, my aggression and my words without a single ounce of hostility returned to me. I ranted and raved at him. I released emotions and words that I had no idea were even inside of me, all the while Edward stood and just watched me with sad eyes. When my fit was over and I slumped against his body, I began to cry the final bits of all those emotions out. Edward's arms wrapped around me and held me close while I simply sagged against him. He placed small kisses to the top of my head and soothed my hair out of my face.

"I'm sorry. I know that isn't good enough or big enough to cover all of the things I did to you and Eavan but its true." I nodded against his chest. "I know this sounds weird but I'm glad this happened now, with me here and at the beginning of my release. That way the person that the emotions are directed at, me, is here to witness them and it is in the beginning of me being out so we can deal with them and move on." I stayed still. His words made so much sense and it sucked some of the anger out of me. I was proud of him for standing tall and taking what he deserved without his old habit of defensive anger coming out. I was almost as shocked by his behavior as I was of mine. "I deserved all of that and so much more." He murmured against the top of my head where his face was buried.

"I'm sorry I don't know where that came from, it just sort of bubbled out." I stepped away from him and while his arms loosened on me they did not let go completely.

"No, Bella, don't apologize. You have held that in for so long, it needed to come out. It's healthy for it to come out. In fact I have been worried about you because I had not heard about a release of your anger before now." His hands moved up to caress my face as he spoke. His eyes clear and bright, he voice full of conviction with the words he spoke.

"I guess I just never felt like it was the right time, there was always something else going on I had to take care of." I half shrugged. That was the way I guessed that moms did things, we took care of everyone else and left ourselves for last.

"Well, I'm here now and you will have someone else to help, to listen, to be there with you." His eyes searched mine as he spoke and when he paused for a few seconds it scared me. I could tell that he had more to say but was almost scared to actually say it out loud. "Bella, I love you. Now more than ever but I know we need time to work on us, to figure this thing out. And even if we never had a relationship again between the two of us we will always be Eavan's parents, two parents, I will always be there to help you with her, and I swear this." Tears welled up in my eyes and blocked Edward's face from my view, I only saw blobs. I slumped back against him and just waited till the tears went away.

"I love you too Edward; and I want more with you but I agree that we need to do this the right way this time, not rush back into what we think we had." He nodded and kissed my forehead.

"You smell exactly the same." He murmured against my skin while he took in another deep breath.

"So do you." I smiled. It was nice to remember the good things about each other. And the rational part of my brain remembered that he was here in the flesh and that I had not heard the story about how this all came about. "Eavan will be here in about an hour so why don't you tell me how all this worked out that you are now standing here with me and not in jail still."

Edward led us off to the side of the patio so that we could sit in the chairs that surrounded the table. "Well, Eleazar came to me and told me that my name had come up for parole. I needed three people within the jail that would vouch that I was in a position to deserve parole, to say that I had reformed my ways and deserved a second chance. I had six people sign for me, SIX Bella. I was blown away." He glanced off at the skyline and I could see the overwhelming emotion washing over him again, I reached out and touched his hand. He turned back to face me and gave me watery smile. "Well I was too afraid to tell you that I was up for parole because I was too afraid to hope for it, I was scared that I would be denied and both of us would be left hurting afterwards. So I kept it to myself, well I called Emmett and talked with him about it, but no one else. Then less than a week later I was called to come and speak before the parole board. It wasn't really a hearing they just wanted to hear my say in what happened. Mom, dad, Emmett and Jane and her parents were there. I wanted you there Bella with all my heart and soul I did, but fear won out. I begged mom and dad not to tell you or bring you with them. I was just too scared of what it would do to you if the parole board denied me." He squeezed my hands again as he spoke. "I swear that is the only reason. And then when they approved me, it was less than a week before my final release; so I thought, foolishly obviously, that it would be a good idea to surprise you." He dropped his head but I saw the sheepish grin that covered the lower half of his face. "I swear my intentions were to not leave you out, I was just so fucking scared. Scared that I would get my hopes up and get them dashed, scared that I wouldn't be out with you and Eavan, just damn scared." His face fell and I saw tears well up in his beautiful eyes.

"Shh, it's okay. Well, not okay but I do at least understand. I get it." I pulled him into my arms and just relished that he was here with me even if I was pissed at him. I pushed him away abruptly so I could look into his eyes. "Don't you think that this is over, it's not. Not by a long shot." I pulled him close again.

"I know, I'm sorry. I promise." We sat silent for a long time, neither of us moved; I was taking it all in, trying to wrap my head around what I wanted out of life. I knew that I loved Edward, without a doubt no questions about it, but…honestly, I expected some notice about his release. I expected some time to gather my thoughts and decide what I wanted out of life between Edward and me. I didn't get that and now I was expected to know what I wanted and be able to communicate that to Edward. I just felt sort of lost and found all at the same time.

Thankfully Eavan solved that problem for us when she came flying out the back door and straight into her daddy's arms. Never had I seen two smiles more full of joy. Edward sat down on the grass and turned her to face him. Each of their hands barely waiting for the other's sentence to end before they began to answer.

You miss me?

Yes, I always miss you sweetie!

How long you be here?

Forever.

Really?

Yes, really, does daddy lie?

No. Mommy must be happy.

Eavan's smile was so big and I didn't want our adult conversations to be picked up on by her, I wanted to keep her as in the dark about everything as I could, so I answered in the way I knew she would want.

More than anything! Are you happy?

Oh, mommy, you're so silly, of course I'm happy! I love daddy more than anything!

Edward tickled her sides and she laughed until her face turned red. Everyone else stayed inside and gave us our time; in fact they had since I arrived. I never even noticed when they drifted away; I was too absorbed in the shock of seeing Edward.

I sat and watched Edward and Eavan make their way all over the back yard. She showed him all of her toys and her swings. They played and had the best time. She has never been happier. No matter how hard we worked to make Edward's absence a normal thing, it still affected her. Funny how in a few short minutes their life fell into place, I only hoped it was as easy for us.

Esme made her way out to sit beside me as I sat still watching them. "How are they?" She nodded her chin towards the yard.

"Like two peas in a pod, he is really good with her. His love is apparent." The wistfulness in my voice was hard to miss. Esme turned to look directly at me.

"How are you?" She leveled her gaze at me in that motherly way that made sure I knew she wouldn't take a bullshit answer. I hate it when she does that mother voodoo shit. I couldn't defy her no matter how much I wanted to.

"I don't know." I sighed. "I mean I wanted him out, I love him. It just all happened too fast and now I don't know how to process it all and how to feel about it." I picked at the hem of my dress. I was too afraid to look up into her eyes that matched Edward's, I was afraid I would see anger or disappointment there.

"Oh, honey, I guess none of us thought about that." She slid closer and patted my leg. "Just keep talking this through, with whomever you need to, Jasper, Edward, or any of us. You already know what holding it in will do to you both, so be honest with him. Tell him and work through this together. You'll be fine." I nodded and dropped my gaze to my lap again. I could only think about the ending that Edward didn't want, what if I decided that we shouldn't be together anymore. Esme must have understood my train of thought because she answered for me. "He knows it's up to you and he'll abide by the choice you make. He would rather be with you but he will respect whatever you decide." She patted my leg again and I looked up at her. "Just let him help you talk through the decision. Hear what he has to say and use it to help you decide, then neither of you has a reason to be angry about the decision, okay?" I nodded. Eavan squealed in laughter and we both turned to watch the two of them rolling around in the grass.

Alice and Jasper stepped out the back door to say their goodbyes. I felt terrible because I had no idea that they were still there. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry you two." I stood and rushed towards them, I saw Edward turn to check us out as I moved past him. "I just got lost in it all, I'm sorry." Jasper stood with his arm around Alice's waist, they both looked happily past me to the scene in the yard.

"It's okay; we were talking with Esme and Carlisle inside. We knew you three needed your time. I just have a group meeting first thing tomorrow morning so I got to go. Besides, I think Alice here has had way too much fun for one day!" We all laughed. Edward made his way towards us with Eavan on his hip. Eavan started to wave her arms and flap them towards Alice.

"Edward, this is Alice and Jasper. Alice, Jasper, this is Edward." Eavan's hands began to make the same introductions as well. But she called them her special daddy and her Auntie Alice and Uncle Jazzy.

Eavan all but jumped from Edward's arms to Alice's, so Edward held out his hand to shake with Jasper. "It's nice to finally meet you, thanks for all you've done for Bella and Eavan. I can't thank you enough." Jasper nodded his head in the way guys do to each other. "And you I hear spoil my girl beyond belief, I can't tell you how much I know about Auntie Alice from this one right here." He signed his greeting because Alice held Eavan in her arms. Eavan just giggled while Alice signed back, well as best as she could with Eavan in the way, how happy she was to spoil her little princess every chance she got. Then she spoke to Edward with her hand outstretched.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm so happy for all three of you." Alice's eyes showed the buildup of tears there.

"Thanks, I intend to make the most of it!"

Jasper cut in, "We're gonna get out of here and let you guys have your time. You should call us and we'll hang out, do dinner or something together. Okay?" He leaned a little closer to us both. "You both know you can call me if you need anything, right, just until you get someone else set up I mean." Edward and I both nodded.

"Thanks, Jasper, I appreciate that. It will certainly be a big transition for us. I'm sure." I looked at Edward as he nodded his agreement. He knew all of the things that Jasper had helped me through and had even spoke with him a time or two by phone, so I thought he would be comfortable enough with his help, if we needed it.

Alice handed Eavan back to Edward after the right amount of hugs and kisses were exchanged between the favorite auntie and her favorite princess. Alice and I hugged, while Jasper and Edward shook hands again. Jasper gave me a quick hug as well. They made their way through the back yard and stopped to speak with Esme and Carlisle before they disappeared through the house. I sat back on my hands to wait for Edward's thoughts. "They seemed great. I really like them." The nervousness of having Edward see me hug Jasper was gone. Sometimes old habits die slowly. I felt free from the weight of our past.

Eventually everyone joined us outside and we enjoyed the evening. Edward and Eavan talked and played until she fell asleep on his lap in the chair. I realized that it was well past midnight and I needed to head home. I stood. Edward watched me from under his lashes; his head remained tilted downward with his lips nuzzled against Eavan's hair. His eyebrows shot up in alarm. "Where you going?" He asked quietly so as to not disturb the sleeping child in his lap.

"It's late, I have to get home, and I'm exhausted. We've all had a long day." I pointed towards Eavan as well. "Come on, I'll help you put her in bed."

His large warm hand reached out and pulled me closer to his chair. All the conversation around us faded into the background. "Don't go Bella, please. I need to be with you as much as I need her. Stay here with us?" His emerald green melted into a warm sage green as his eyes turned pleading.

I leaned closer to him so I could continue to whisper and not have our entire conversation carried out in front of his parents and grandparents. I had no idea where he intended to take it fully so I wanted some privacy, just in case. "I can't Edward; there are only two beds here, Eavan's and yours." I had seen his stuff thrown on the bed earlier when I went upstairs to get Eavan a clean t shirt after she spilled chocolate milk all over her and Edward. Our room, mine and Eavan's was now turned into Edward's and Eavan's. Which was fine with me, because we had our apartment, but it didn't leave me any place to sleep tonight. Unless it was with him and I wasn't ready for that step yet. After our night together I knew we had some things to work out and then I would feel ready to worry about that step but certainly not now, not tonight.

"Bella, I'll stay on the couch, you and Eavan can have the room." His eyes darted towards his family before he added, "I never meant for us to stay together that way at all, I just…I need you both here with me. Please." His hands clutched at Eavan's back as he held her. I could only imagine the crazed thoughts that had to be going through his mind right now. To be so far away for so long and now to have me want to go across town to sleep, his eyes showed, the hurt as each thought played through his mind. The purse of his lips showed his anguish, the lean of his body towards mine showed me his need. I was just so torn. I thought it over, and to be honest the awkwardness of sorting out our relationship in front of an audience was not appealing. So I offered a much better suggestion.

"Why don't you come with us to our apartment? Eavan has two twin beds in her room and I have a queen sized bed. That gives us plenty space for each of us to sleep and we can talk after we get her settled. What do you say?" His eyes danced with the happiness that my offer brought him. He stood immediately and took my hand. I locked my fingers with his and we walked across the patio to speak with the rest of the family.

"I'm going to go with Bella and help her get Eavan home and in bed. Besides I think we have plenty to talk about as well and it would be easier without an audience." I flushed knowing that Edward used my exact thoughts about his family. I was thankful that no one knew they were mine; I didn't want to hurt any of their feelings because they had all been so good to me but Edward was right, this was between us and we needed to feel free to talk about it between us. "She'll bring me home in the morning okay?" He turned to look at his dad. His dad smiled and nodded.

"I never did like them going home to that big apartment all by themselves." Gramps offered and Carlisle slapped him lightly on the arm. Gramps grabbed his arm and feigned pain, "What? I didn't like it at all." The entire group chuckled at him.

"Dad, stop encouraging things. They can handle themselves and will decide how they want to handle their relationship, so butt out." Grams slapped Carlisle on his arm and held up his fist for Edward to bump.

"Sorry, scrappy, I tried." Edward bumped his fist promptly with an amused grin on his face.

"It's okay, hoodlum, we ain't ready for that step no way. But thanks." Edward did the fist bump with his dad and Emmett both, then hugged and kisses his momma, Grams and Rosalie. I said my goodbyes and we all walked to the car. Edward placed Eavan in her child safety seat and ran inside to grab a few things.

While he was inside Carlisle stepped close to me, "Bella, are you comfortable with this because if not then I can ask Edward to stay here with us instead." I chuckled; it was so sweet that he thought to ask my opinion.

"No, its fine, we talked about it. He wants to be close to us and I get that part, so we'll take Eavan home, put her to bed, and then we can talk. He'll sleep in my bed and I'll sleep in Eavan's room with her. We aren't ready for that step but I do like the idea of some time alone to talk." I knew that Carlisle would never judge our progress but it still made me feel better to explain our sleeping arrangements to him. I felt like a teenager asking for my boyfriend to stay the night with me. Once again, I appreciated how much Carlisle and Esme both had become my parents in the last few years. "So, yeah, we're good, I promise." I patted his cheek and gave him a hug as Edward stepped off of the steps towards the car.

"Don't forget our shopping trip tomorrow afternoon Bella, I've got to get a dress for this interview, okay?" Rose spoke as I slid into the car seat. I cranked it up and pressed the button to roll the windows down so I could speak to her.

"I'll drop Eavan and Edward off here and come and pick you up, sound good?" She nodded as Emmett pulled her into his side and started his pageant wave. It always made Eavan and I crack up when he did it. "Night, Em." I sighed as I rolled my window back up.

A short while later, Eavan was in her bed and I took the time to show Edward around the apartment. I wanted him to see how we had been while he was gone, to see our lives in details that he may have missed. When the tour was over, I made us sandwiches. We sat at the breakfast bar and talked for a while. We just talked about how it would work for him now that he was out; who he had to report to, when and how often. He told me about the job offer that Eleazar had secured for him and when he needed to go for his interview. He was nervous but not overtly so. He had spoken to her several times over the phone as she called about other inmates that had been released. Irina ran a counseling agency that helped inmates get back on track. She helped them find a permanent therapist if they needed it she helped them get jobs and homes to stay in. It would be an extension of what Edward did while in jail. He would, in fact, be working with a few of the inmates that he had helped while in there. It was nice to watch him speak about something so passionately and animatedly as he did this. It was another reminder of how much he had changed.

I cleaned up our sandwich plates and we took our glasses into the living room to talk. He sat on the love seat so I sat across from him on the couch. "Will you sit beside me? I like to be able to reach out and touch you. You know to remind myself I'm actually here and not in there anymore." I grabbed the glass and moved. "I guess we should talk about us then." He blew a nervous breath between his teeth. He sat his glass down and turned towards me. "Bella, I love you. Now more than ever but I know all the wrong I did." His hand ran through his hair. "I know we can't jump back into the level of relationship we had but I need you to know I want you, I want this, I want us. I also want you to know that you have as much input as I do and we will move as fast as you are ready to. If that means you don't want this then that is fine too, I can accept that. Holding you tonight was the best I have felt in so long, I'm dying to drag you onto my lap and kiss you senseless so you got to give me some indication as to how you feel. I need to know if I stand a chance or not." His face fell and his eyes lost contact with mine.

"Edward, I want us as well but I'm scared. It was easy when you were in jail, I mean I had security then, security in knowing that you had boundaries there. Here," I waved my hand us to indicate our current situation, "we have none, well not like you did there. I just don't know what I feel yet, I know I love you but how do I make that work in the everyday life? I don't know that yet, and I'm guessing neither do you." He glanced up at me and shook his head to indicate that he was as lost as I suspected. "What if we sit down and talk with Jasper or someone Irina sets you up with so that we can figure things out." He grabbed my hand and threaded my fingers through his as he nodded. The relief was evident in his eyes.

"Okay. Can I ask you one question?" It was my turn to nod as I saw the darkness in his eyes. I had seen that look before, I knew that look and it scared the hell out of me. I didn't know if I was strong enough to survive that look. "You want to be with me, like together, eventually having sex with me, loving me, making a life with me, right?" I nodded again while I swallowed the saliva that pooled in my mouth when I watched his mouth form the words 'having sex with me'. "Can I kiss you?" He asked as I nodded before the words were even completely out of his mouth.

His hand shook free of the confines my hand had it in and made their way up to my face. Edward's hand were so large that he could cover most of my neck as well as my cheek and it always thrilled me when he touched me this way, it made me feel so safe wrapped up in him. Our mouths made a slow descent towards each other and my breath stuttered just as his lips touched mine. The first few seconds were slow and sweet but the fire ignited when he moaned into my mouth. I was just as guilty as he was; I encouraged it, because there was no doubt that Edward was always an accomplished lover. He knew how to play my body and drive me to new heights.

I threw a leg over his and came to rest in his lap, with my dress pooling up around my thighs. I made sure not to rest too close to his cock. That kind of torture was just plain mean to both of us, to rub all over him and then deny each of us what we wanted. He seemed fine with my new placement because he began to deepen the kiss. When our air ran out and we broke apart his hands ran down my face, across my shoulders and down my arms to grasp my hands.

"My God, Bella you're amazing. Fuck, I forgot how beautiful you are with your hair all messed up and your dress pulled up around us." His eyes roamed my body as he glanced over the spots he talked about. "I can't wait, baby. I want to make love to you and watch you as you fall apart. I've never done that before, you know." His lips made their way to my shoulder as he kissed the exposed skin around my thin spaghetti straps that held my dress up. "I've never made love to you. Sure, I've fucked you." I moaned when he said the word, it was so damn erotic coming out of his mouth and I was so turned on. I shifted slightly towards his cock. My body begged me to come to rest right over it, to form myself on him like I had so many times before. Just a little friction my brain screamed. I mean it has been over three years.

"Do you want that baby? Do you want me to make love to you?" Edward's voice was husky and deep, sex roughened. I nodded and he pulled me back to him as he kissed me again. His tongue slid against mine and I began to rock back and forth across his lap, still not in contact with his dick but if I concentrated on the kiss, I swear I could pretend that I was. His hands and lips drifted down to my chest and I arched towards him. Wrong, I know, but I could not find it in me to stop him.

He left a few light licks and opened mouth kisses to my chest and made his way back up to my face. "Open your mouth Bella and hold it there." I did as he asked. "Close it just a little." I closed it just as his tongue began to lick my mouth. The sensation was unbelievable. It occurred to me that he licked me just as if his mouth was on my pussy. I moaned and opened my mouth slightly to allow him better access to lick me over and over. Each one pushed me higher and higher. Until I was coming all over his lap, the orgasm slammed into me and I fought to close my legs. Edward's hand reached up to touch me lightly over my dress and I threw my head back in ecstasy. Once I came down he pulled me against his body.

"I love you, Bella. I promise to be good to you and Eavan, you'll be my number one priority from now on." He kissed my sweaty forehead and I closed my eyes, collapsing against him. I knew I took things too far, allowed things to happen tonight that shouldn't. At this moment I couldn't stop the joy that came with my release. It felt good to know that we still loved each other, that he still wanted me as much as I wanted him, physically and emotionally. We would be fine, we just had a few things to work out with each other.