A Lot of Things Different

Edward's POV

I ran out into the night and scanned the streets, hoping to catch a glimpse of which direction Bella went. To my left were three cabs stopped at the light, she could be in any of those, and to my right-nothing.

Maybe she took the train, the closest station was about six blocks away. It was warm enough tonight for her to walk, but would she walk by herself?

Who knows with Bella, she usually does exactly the last thing I think she'll do. Our life together has always been full of surprises.

I drop down heavily on the stairs and throw my head into my hands. I have always had the habit of running my hands through my hair when I was nervous, but tonight I found myself tugging on the ends as well. Apparently, my stress had reached all time high levels.

This time I have really fucked up.

Bella is gone, and I don't know when she left or where she went. I know why, at least this time. Me. She left because of me. For years Bella has asked for me to try to give her more and I just couldn't do it. My anal-retentive ass insisted on giving one hundred and fifty percent in everything for work, but I could never quite give the same at home. Look where it got me. Sure, I had some awards on my shelf and we had plenty of money. But at the end of the day, what did either of those things get me? Nothing.

Looking back at my life, I knew for sure I had done so many things wrong. I was a good kid, never got in any trouble, and never stepped out of line. But still, I had so many regrets. I think looking back on my life, I would do a lot of things different. People say they wouldn't change a thing, even if they could. Oh, but I would.

Starting with the bully that picked on Bella and me in third grade, I certainly would have stood up to him. I know that Bella never looked down on me for not fighting, but deep down inside it killed me that I didn't have the guts to defend Bella. It never bothered me that they picked on me; I mean I was a classic geek. Weird hair, glasses, good grades, and to top it off, I played the piano. I expected it and often. But Bella deserved better. She always held my hand and walked home with me. We never talked about the teasing and name calling. Just once, I wish that I could do the manly thing for her. That's one thing I would do differently.

I remember when Bella came and begged me to run through the rain with her in seventh grade. I wouldn't even think about it, I just said no right away. I had just gotten my new computer with the newest and fastest processor available. I wanted to load all my games on it and see how much of a difference it made to play them with the new processor. Bella stayed with me, even though she hated the games. She looked so hurt at my refusal. She tried to put on a happy face and suggest another activity, but I could see it in her eyes. I was such an ass and took her for granted. I assumed that because Bella had always been with me that she always would be with me. I would have definitely run through the rain with Bella.

And that time that Bella scored tickets for her, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and me to see Nirvana. I said no because I wanted to stay home and study for SAT's. How was I going to get into the college of my choice with a shitty SAT score? Bella knew how important college was to me. I wanted nothing less than Dartmouth. That was where my dad attended and I wanted that same dream for me. Who knew that Kurt Cobain was so unstable and would end his life? I didn't. I thought we would have years and years of Nirvana tours to see later in life. I aced the SAT's, but it was at Bella's expense. I would give anything to go back and see that show with her, just to see her happy and singing at the top of her lungs.

I also know that I would have taken Bella up on that dare to go skinny dipping with her. Without a doubt, I would be in that water in less than three seconds, no matter how cold it was at that time of the year. Just to hold her body close to mine and let her know that I did it just because she wanted to.

I would have spent more time with her in college, doing all of the fun stuff that makes college a fond memory. I could have taken the time to support her sorority activities with her. I mean she did come to all of my debates for me, piano recitals, science fairs, and chess matches with me. She stood in line with me to be the first to buy tickets for the new Star Wars movies; she braved Comic Con just so I could meet Joss Whedon. She spent hours upon hours listening to my geeky friends discuss the new software for computers and how we would improve it. One Christmas, she spent hours searching for an old school computer game I used to love as a kid. I can't even count the hours she spent in the library with me while I did research for my papers. I was focused and wanted to get not just good grades, but perfect grades. Bella always understood and did what she had to do without me. And she always found time to do what I needed to do or support me on the stupid things I wanted to do. I would have found a way to change those events by doing those things with her.

I remembered that trip to New York that she took with me. I, of course, was gone the whole week to the Electronics Expo show. Eric Yorkie and I were trying to get our new computer processor some exposure. It took us years and years to perfect it, and it was superior to the current models on the market. We wanted to get it into the hands of the big-named computer manufacturers so they would include it in the next upgrade. It would mean a big payoff for us as well as recognition in our field. Bella was so excited for us. She never even complained when I couldn't do any sightseeing with her. She spent six days by herself in New York. She saw all of the usual tourist sites and even went to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway - without me. She wanted to go so bad that she went without me.

While in New York, Bella found this dress she wanted. I should have bought it for her. I had the money but just didn't take the time. She did mention that red vintage Chanel dress more than once. She even mentioned it to Alice and Rosalie both, several times. I should have tried to buy it for her. Eric and I had already signed contracts with three different companies that wanted our processors, so I was rolling in the money. I could have dropped enough to buy Bella the dress, if nothing else then for being supportive of me. But I didn't take the time to find the damn store and buy it for her. It seemed so insignificant at the time, but now, maybe, it was a big deal.

I think the thing that makes it worse is that she never nagged, whined or bitched about it at all; she never once yelled, screamed, threatened me in order to get her way. All of her pleas were subtle and gently delivered. I was grateful at the time, but now I see how terribly I treated her. Bella always put me before any of her needs.

She begged me tonight to dance with her; just one dance she said. I wouldn't take the time to do it. There were too many people I felt I had to meet and I didn't spare some time for her. After all ,I was going home with her tonight and not with them. I had to make the time for them while I could. Little did I know that I wasn't going home with her either. I tried to remember the last time that I danced with Bella. I think it was at Carlisle and Esme's anniversary party. That was three years ago. She was always shy and too scared to dance with anyone but me. She was sure that she was a terrible dancer, so she never did it. I, on the other hand, loved the way she danced with me. She always pressed herself right up against me so she could follow my lead. I loved the contact of her body with mine. If I had known that was going to be our last dance, I would go back in time and pay that band to play on and on without stopping.

Not all of my regrets are about Bella. I do wish that I had known that my parents were going to die so young. I would have spent more time with them. I would have taken the time to make sure they knew that I loved them and appreciated all of the sacrifices that they made for me. I love Carlisle and Esme, but they can't replace my parents. I have done so many things, but they weren't here to see me do any of them. Somehow, all of those accomplishments that I worked so hard to get seem so meaningless without them.

My adopted brother, Jasper, went off to serve in Iraq. He felt so ready to serve his country. He felt like it was an honor to defend it for all of us back home. I let him leave with just a hand shake. I should have hugged him and told him how much he meant to me, how much I loved him. He and my other "brother", Emmett taught me so many things and gave me brotherly affection I never had before as an only child. Now, seeing him and the way that the war has robbed his mind kills me. He still has all of his limbs, and he looks normal. But he is anything but normal, his mind is forever altered. He and his wife Alice struggle to maintain a normal life, and I don't think I will ever get the chance to say "I love you" to him. It just won't mean the same thing to him now.

I felt the chill of the stone steps seeping into my body, so I rose and walked to the parking garage to get my car. I checked my phone; there were no missed calls, no new incoming calls, no texts, in fact no activity at all. Bella didn't contact me at all.

On my drive home, I called Alice. Bella would call her first.

"Alice, have you heard from Bella tonight?" I tried to keep my voice casual, just in case.

"Yeah, she called me about an hour ago. What the hell did you do, Edward?" Alice was furious with me; she has loved Bella as long as I have. This would affect my whole family if we didn't stay together; so much so that I knew there were several family members that would see her more often than they would see me.

"Just the usual stupid shit, Alice. I took her for granted for so many years and I guess she finally got tired of it. She left the dinner tonight and I have no idea where she went. Did she tell you anything?" I glanced at my hair in the rear view mirror, knowing the hours of worrying and running my hands through it had caused it to stand on end.

"Edward, I promised that I wouldn't tell you anything. If you want to find her, you will have to do it on your own. She is hoping you know her well enough to find her without any of us helping you. Please Edward, know her. I can't take it if this is over between you. I love you and her both, and I can't choose between the two of you." Alice was crying, and in that moment, I realized that Bella had confided in Alice about this before.

"Alice, how long have I been blind to how she feels?" Agony dripped off of each word I spoke, I was so stupid and oblivious.

"For too long Edward, too long," she sighed.

"If I could change it all, I would, I realize that now. Is it too late? Am I too late?"

"I honestly don't know, Edward. You'll have to ask Bella that not me. I love you and good luck." She sounded defeated and tired.

"I love you, Alice. Thanks for being there for Bella. And make sure that Jasper knows I love him also. I never told him and I wish I had now. You know?" Regret tinged my voice, making it deep and sad sounding.

I sat in our driveway, searching my brain for where Bella would be. I ran through about a hundred places but dismissed them one by one. Finally, settling on the one place that I knew held fond memories for Bella and me. Southbrook Bed and Breakfast, on the shore.

I took Bella there to ask her to marry me after we finished college. Bella was so proud of me for arranging all of the details and remembering so many special touches. Little did she know that I didn't even handle any of those details, Alice was responsible for everything. I knew exactly who could make magic happen, my very own fairy god mother, Alice. I went to her and told her I wanted to propose. She told me about Southbrook, and why it was special to Bella. Then, when I screwed everything up, she took over and made all of the arrangements for me. She bought Bella several special mementos and put them in my suitcase, along the clothes she packed for me. I didn't even pick out her engagement ring; Rosalie and Alice advised me for that one as well.

Seems like that was the year I was working on the grant for improving the energy efficiency of laptop batteries to make the world a better place. I put everything before Bella, even the world.

I dashed into the house and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and threw a few things into a bag to take with me. I would stay for as long as Bella wanted to stay. This would be a little time away for us to reconnect, actually for me to reconnect with her. If she would take me back. I prayed the entire way to Southbrook, prayed that Bella would be there and prayed that she wasn't too angry at me to not give me a second chance.

When I pulled up to Southbrook, there were few cars in the parking area, but it was off season so I wasn't worried. What did worry me was that Bella's car wasn't one of the cars that I saw. Maybe I had this wrong; maybe I was stupider than I thought. She could be anywhere, and it bothered me that after over twenty years of close contact with Bella I realized that I didn't really know her at all.

It was after one in the morning and I realized that I needed to at least go in and check to see if she was here. I stepped out of the Volvo and was trying to decide what to do if she was not here. At first, I didn't notice the lone shadow sitting down by the water's edge. She shifted slightly and then I saw her hair in the moonlight. The small amount of red shining under the bright glow, and I knew it was Bella.

I walked down to the water's edge slowly, trying to decide what to say to her so she will understand how sorry I am for putting her through all of these years of hurt. I was still unsure when I reached her bench so I simply sat down beside her and drew in a deep breath.

"How did you know where I was? Did Alice or Rosalie tell you?" She spat at me.

"No," I chuckled. "I called Alice but she refused to sing. She said I needed to find you myself. I realized after talking to her that things have been bad for so long and you didn't complain at all. I know that I'm sorry doesn't even come close to covering all that I have done to you but I really do feel sorry about how I have treated you. I spent several hours looking back at our life and I realized that I put everything before you. I foolishly thought that you would always be here with me and I would have all the time in the world to show you how much I love you. I never realized that by putting off all of the things I should have been doing with you and for you, I was pushing you away. I don't know what to say, I don't think anything I say will be a good enough excuse for what I did. I know that this doesn't explain or excuse anything but I did all of the studying, working, and everything else for you. To provide for you and make you comfortable, I know you never wanted a life full of money and things, but I wanted to give you everything, to make you happy. Please Bella, let me find a way to make it up to you. I love you and I need you in my life. I promise that I will never put you second again, and I will certainly never take you for granted anymore."

"Edward, all I ever wanted was a little house, a couple of kids and you. That's all. I would have been overjoyed at my life with those things alone." She didn't meet my eyes; she stared at the water and watched the occasional bird fly by.

"I know. I regret that the most. I love my nieces and nephews so much. I wish that we had kids. But I don't blame you for not wanting them. I wouldn't want them either if my husband didn't have time for me in his life. You would have been raising them alone." I sighed and glanced out of the corner of my eye to gauge Bella's reaction to my statement. Tears slowly slid down her face. I turned to her and pulled her hand into mine. "Please tell me that I'm not too late, that I still have a chance with you," I begged.

"I don't know Edward, those are great words, but after years and years of words, I need more. I need action. I think we still have so far to go before we are okay. I don't want to give up on you; I still love you with everything I have." She didn't get to finish her words; I yanked her into my lap and kissed her. I was pouring all of my love, devotion and regret into that action. I pulled away without trying to deepen the kiss, I wanted her to know this wasn't lust; it was love for her that made me pull her in to me.

Bella sat in my lap, while I stroked her hair, and touched her in as many non-sexual places as I could. I couldn't get enough of her skin against mine. She felt brand new to me; I felt the butterflies in the pit of my stomach again. Just like when she first agreed to go out with me. I was giddy with excitement. We weren't fine yet, but she didn't say no either, so I guess I'm still in the game.

I felt Bella shiver several times. I wasn't sure if it was because of me or the chill in the air, but I couldn't take a chance. I stood and placed her feet on the ground and took her hand. "Do you have a room?" I asked her quietly. She nodded at me. "Let's get you inside before you get sick." I walked up towards the main house with Bella lagging behind. I could see the emotions of the day had drained her strength. I heard my phone beep; it was picking up service again. It had lost and gained service several times on the way to Southbrook. This normally would have been a cause for panic for me, but now I could only be thankful for the fact that it wouldn't interrupt my time with Bella.

Bella sagged against me in the elevator up to the second floor; the emotions must have been catching up to her. I wrapped both of my arms around her and supported her weight, allowing her to rest. For once, I was providing for her, something that she really wanted or needed.

Bella had changed into her pretty blue sundress at some point before I got here, and she had a shawl wrapped around her shoulders. She slipped off her sandals and laid down on the bed fully dressed. I lifted her feet and slipped the covers over her body. Her face showed no emotions, she looked really tired. I sat in the chair opposite of the bed and just watched her. It scared me that she was emotionless. Maybe I wasn't as well off as I thought I was. I always heard that when 'she stops crying, she starts getting over you'. Was Bella's stoic emotions a sign of her moving on? I prayed again for a chance to make this right.

When she slipped into a deep rhythmic breathing I assumed that she was asleep and went back to the Volvo to get my bag. I slipped my shoes off by the bathroom door, emptied my pockets, took off my glasses, and turned my cell phone off. I laid all of my things on top of the dresser and got comfortable in the chair. I watched Bella sleep for several hours, trying to think of ways I could make this up to her. I felt my eyes grow heavy, so I grabbed an extra blanket and turned to rest my head on the arm of the chair, and drifted off to sleep.

Bella's POV-

I awoke a little before five a.m. with a pounding headache. I was a little disoriented in this room, and it took me a few minutes to remember where I was and why.

Edward had pulled the suitcase rack over to prop his feet up and his head was tilted at an odd angle to rest against the arm of the chair. His neck and shoulder were certainly going to be sore. Damn it, Bella! Even after everything that happened last night, I was still thinking about his comfort and putting him first. Emmett would tell me that I needed to grow a pair and kick Edward's ass right now. I chuckled to myself when I pictured Edward and me fighting, actually fist fighting. I threw my hand up to cover the sound that my chuckle made. Edward's eyebrows drew in and he had the most adorable frown on his face. I wanted to walk over and run my hands across his forehead and soothe the worry away. His eyes were so full of concern and pain when he sat down beside me on the bench tonight. I'm glad that he seemed to understand my point this time. I wasn't bluffing. If he didn't know me well enough to find me by the time I woke up this morning, I was really leaving him. After over twenty years together, he should know that this was a very special place for me.

This was the last place that we had come on vacation as a family before Renee decided that she wanted a divorce. A few months after we got back she and I moved out of Charlie's house. It was the last time I remember us three being together happy, before it all ended. Then it became even more special when Edward asked me to marry him here. My heart felt at peace here and I'm glad Edward knew to find me here.

I was confident that we were going to be fine, but he was definitely going to work to earn my trust and faith again. I knew now that I had also been at fault for all of the years of pain. I allowed Edward to hurt me without putting a stop to it. I was as much to blame as Edward. I could have said something, or done something like this years ago. It would have been so easy to stop this pattern when it was first developing, but I assumed that one day Edward would realize what he was doing on his own. Well, he realized alright, but he did need a little help in seeing it. It was never a matter of him loving me, it was him making me his first priority. I knew the devotion he had for his work, and I knew that he could show that type of devotion to me as well, with a little nudge in the right direction.

I walked into the bathroom to brush my hair and pull it into a ponytail to make sleeping easier. I tripped over Edward's shoes as I stepped through the door, and smiled. He always left his shoes right outside the doorway, I don't know why. He knew I was clumsy and usually tripped over them. I was suddenly curious, so I walked around the room to see what else Edward brought with him. I only found a small bag with two outfits in it, his toothbrush, his car keys, some change, his glasses, and his cell phone. I picked it up to see how many texts, emails and calls he had missed. Normally, that thing went off 24/7, but surprisingly, I hadn't heard it beep at all tonight. I realized that Edward had turned it off. Searching through his bag again, I looked for the charger; it was nowhere to be found. Four things I knew that Edward never traveled without, his cell phone charger, his laptop and extra battery, an extra pair of his glasses, and his back-up day planner. I didn't see any of those items. I can't remember the last time he was without any of those items within arm's reach. Maybe, he was really ready to be my husband. Not a part time roommate, but for us to be a real honest husband and wife. My heart soared at the thought.

I walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge facing Edward. I shook his foot to wake him. He sat up quickly and threw the blanket off of his chest. "Bella, is everything okay? What's wrong?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"I'm fine. You were just sleeping in an awkward position and I was worried that your neck and shoulders would be sore later. Why don't you come and lay down on the bed with me? " I offered tentatively to him.

"Are you sure that you're okay with me sleeping on the bed?" he asked as he shrugged his hand through his hair.

I held out my hand and pulled him up from the chair. He stood up and allowed me to lead him over to the bed. I lay down and slid to the middle, pulling him down behind me. He lay down and allowed some distance between our bodies. I immediately slid back against his body and pulled his hand over my hip, just like he usually slept. We both laid there in silence for several minutes. Both of us hesitant to start the talk that we both knew we needed to have.

"Edward, we need to talk, but just not right now okay?" I turned my head to face him and he nodded his agreement with me. I looked his face over and saw the age around his eyes. Not that Edward was old, he was only thirty-two. Tonight, however, he looked older. Our disagreement was weighing heavy on him. I'm sure he felt like he had failed me, Edward always over analyzed everything. That's what made him so good at his job, but not so good at the relationships in his life.

I felt him lean down and place a hesitant kiss against my temple and wrap his arms around me, enclosing me in his protective shell. I allowed the tears to fall. I cried tears of joy for the possibility of us being okay, tears of pain for all the times he had let me down, and tears of fear that he would slip back into his old habits and we would be right back where we started from.

"Sshh, baby, please don't cry. I promise we will be good again. I will do whatever I have to, to make sure of it."

"I know, Edward. This is a cleansing cry. I'm letting it all go and making way for our new start. I promise."

"I have always loved you, you know that right?"

"Yes, Edward, I have always been sure of our love for each other. Otherwise, I would have been gone a long time ago."

"Good," he sighed.

"Let's sleep some and then we can talk."

He didn't answer, just pulled me closer to his body and pulled the rubber band out of my hair. He hated when I pulled it up when we went to bed. He liked to bury his nose in it.

Edward's POV-

I woke up with Bella still in my arms. I instinctively tightened them around her; I was so close to losing her. I said a small prayer of thanks that she was still here with me. She shifted and sighed, nuzzling further into my embrace.

We left the room a little after eleven and went to get some lunch. We had talked in short conversations to each other as we got ready, never getting close to the real subject we needed to discuss. Lunch was the same way. I held her hand, refusing to let it go, even when we needed to eat. She found a way to eat her sandwich with only one hand. I think she understood that this was my life line and I couldn't let it go for any reason. I was too afraid that she would be gone if I let her go. She smiled often at me and tried to reassure me with her eyes that we were going to be okay, but I was still scared shitless.

"Edward, do you want to take a drive, you know, while we talk?" Bella suggested.

"No, I want to be close to you and I can't be if we are separated in the car." I couldn't take the two or three feet of space that would be between us, I just couldn't.

Bella took in a deep breath and blew it out loudly. "I know that this distance between us wasn't intentional. I know everything that you have done was for us, and I have always loved you. But you don't pay me a second thought. You call me for what you need me to do for you, but otherwise, you live your life like you don't need me. You don't talk to me, you don't ask me things, and you don't acknowledge me most days. I need more and I need you. If you aren't ready to completely give 100% to me then you need to walk away now." The force of her words hurt like hell, she was right on all accounts. I had done all of those things. She tilted my chin so that I could meet her eyes as she continued. "Edward, I have already seen changes in you. I still want this, and I think that you still want this. Do you still want this?" She leaned closer to me as she spoke and I wanted to make her understand that this was all that was important to me.

"Bella, this is the most important thing in the world to me. You are the most important thing in the world to me. I promise I will never go back to the way I was before. I will never put you through anything like this again. I love you." The fear was right below the surface for me, and I'm sure she could see it on my face as well.

She examined my face for a few seconds and then launched herself into my arms.

"Oh, Edward. I love you so much. I knew you still wanted this. I owe you an apology as well. I should have put a stop to this years ago. I saw signs all the way back in college and I sat back and waited for you to change. I assumed that you knew what you were doing was hurtful to me and would stop. I thought that if you realized it on your own and corrected it then it would mean more, somehow show me that you loved me more. I was wrong to not discuss the severity of my feelings. I'm sorry for that and I promise to never hold things in anymore. I will discuss things with you from now on instead of assuming that you know." I pulled her away so that I could look into her face.

"I love you more than life itself."

We talked for hours about of all the reasons that we fell in love. She went out of her way to make sure that we didn't focus on the bad things, or linger on the things that I had foolishly done to her. I felt like I was sixteen years old again. I noticed all of the beauty that was Bella, again.

After dinner, we were lounging in chairs out on the balcony outside our room. The sun had long since set, but we stayed wrapped up in each other's arms and talked some more. Bella leaned away from me slightly and asked, "Edward where do you see us in five years?"

I was totally unprepared to answer this; I had focused for so long on right now that I didn't have a plan past now.

"Well, that's a good question." I rubbed the back of my neck, stalling for more time to answer and hoping that an answer would fall out of the sky for me. I decided to try honesty, and shrugged my shoulders to show her I had no idea.

"Would you like me to tell you where I see us in five years?" She asked sweetly.

"Sure, tell me where you see us."

"We are at Carlisle and Esme's for a gathering. Alice and Jasper are there as well as Em and Rose. We have all brought our children. Several are old enough to run and play in the grass. Esme sits on a blanket and holds one that is newborn. We are there without any major cares and we are all having fun. Does that sound like where you think we will be?"

"Bella, I'd be lying if I said that previous to today I hadn't thought much about the future. But now that we are here, I like your version of the future. I think that Carlisle and Esme would like a bunch of grandkids. I know that I have always wanted kids, but I allowed my job to get in the way of our life. When would you like to start trying for kids?" I knew without a shadow of a doubt that whenever she said she was ready, that I would be ready as well. I wanted kids with Bella. I wanted them to have her eyes and her hair, the two physical things I loved the most about her.

She sat up and swung her feet over to my side of the lounge chair. I sat up so that we were face to face, merely inches from each other. Nothing about this day was sexual in any way; our touches were for the purpose of reacquainting ourselves. But sitting this close to her, I could see the desire burning in her eyes. I reached out and pulled her closer to me and kissed her lips. Soft, sweet, tender kisses; kisses that I would give to my children when they arrived. I wanted kids with Bella right now. Bella pulled away from me abruptly, her face carried a startled look.

"Edward, what would you say if I told you that we were going to have a baby?" Her face still a mixture of fear and trepidation.

"Bella, are you sure? I, uh, right now? Like you're pregnant right now?" I stammered out.

She just nodded at me. I jerked her up and swung her around in circles, kissing her face all over.

"Bella, really? Right now, you're pregnant? This is so wonderful, oh wait. Are you okay? Is this hurting you?" I was suddenly unsure of how to treat her.

"Yes, silly, it's fine. I'm only twelve weeks. They're so small that they can't be hurt in there. The doctor says that…"

I interrupted her, "Bella, did you say they, there's more than one?"

"Twins, we're having twins." Her smile spread impossibly wider on her face, and mine mirrored it.

"You're gonna be a Mommy. Oh God, I love you." I felt the tears slip down my face as Bella took her thumb to wipe them off.

"Baby, please don't cry. We will be just fine. I promise two isn't that much harder than one. I will manage." Bella assured me, misinterpreting the reason behind my tears.

"Bella, we are more than fine. We are perfect. I love you so much and I love our babies." I slid my hand down to her stomach and dropped to my knees in front of her. I kissed her gently where she carried my babies. Bella's tears of joy matched my own.

"Come on my love; let's get you in bed and resting. I can't have you tiring out while you are carrying my babies. Besides we need to get home and assure everyone that we are fine and tell them our good news. Carlisle and Esme will be overjoyed."

I led Bella towards the bed, so worried that she was now upset by our previous conversation. I needed to find a way to lighten the mood and make her smile again. A though forming in my head as I asked her, "Hey Bella, when can we find out what we're having?" I asked hesitantly.

"I think somewhere around five months, so a few more months. Does it matter to you what we have?"

"Well, yeah. I would love to have one of each." I smirked at her, waiting for her to take the bait.

"Oh, Edward that is so sweet. I would love to have one of each as well." She seemed sheepish admitting this fact to me.

"I can already picture their beautiful little faces and imagine myself in the park playing with them." I admitted. Her eyes grew wide with amazement.

"Really? " She asked.

"The image is so vivid that I feel as if I already lived it. I can see their faces and hear myself calling out their names." Her eyes widened and she leaned in to me, as if to glean every little answer that I could give. Yes, she fell for it. I mentally gave a fist pump in the air.

"Well, care to share?" she asked. I allowed a fake pout to take over my face.

"Bella, I would have thought that you would know what names I would want." I feigned shock and pain.

"How would I know what names you would like? We haven't even talked about having a baby, much less baby names before." She appeared astonished that I would have the answers to this particular topic.

"Bella, have you lost your mind? There are only two names that I would consider for our children…Luke and Leia, of course!" I giggled like a school girl; Bella simply rolled her eyes at me.

"Not a snowball's chance in hell that those names will ever grace our children's birth certificates, Edward Anthony Cullen, so don't even start with me!" I guess the hormones have already taken over, she couldn't even appreciate my joke.

"Don't worry, baby. I was just kidding, our kids will have perfectly normal names. I promise." I pulled her body closer to me and kissed her temple.

I lay in bed holding Bella in my arms, thanking my lucky stars that she gave me another chance. I was still in shock over Bella's pregnancy, but very happy about it. I would never forget all of the things that I did wrong during our first eight years of marriage. No, I wanted to remember all of the terrible things I did, so that I would never repeat them again.

This was my chance to do a lot of things different.

---

A Life Worth Living

Bella's POV

I could hear them thundering through the house, running again. They were going to hear it from their Nana for sure, she never put up with running.

"We walk in the house kids, you know that," Esme called from the living room. I chuckled.

"Sorry Nana." They echoed together.

I heard their steps getting closer and I knew what was coming, the same as every year.

Adrianna and Jackson came straight to me, both settling down beside me and with pleading eyes begged, "Can we hear the story again? Please." Their angelic faces too hard to turn down.

"Are you sure you want to hear it again? I tell you two this story every year; you know it by heart." I was so amazed that they still wanted to hear it, touched by their love for this particular story.

"We never get tired of it. We love it," Adrianna said with unshed tears in her little eyes. At almost ten years old, she was an exact copy of her mother, with enough of her father in her that we never forgot him. Sometimes, it still hurt my heart to watch her; it reminded me too much of him.

"Yeah Momma, we love to hear it. Please." Jackson begged. He had me wrapped around his finger, and at times, he exploited this fact.

I gave in easily, because to tell the truth, I loved to tell this story as well. It felt good to say his name and remember his face.

"Okay, come a little closer and I will tell you the story." Their eyes lit up and they slid so close you couldn't see any light between us.

I closed my eyes and allowed the memories to flow through me.

I began slowly. It was a beautiful April day, and I took my time getting to the diner. It was so rare that we had a day that was not raining. Yet today was one that was not rainy and warm. I walked in to find several customers were waiting for help, so I jumped right in. I waited on the two ladies that lived across the street from me. They always came in on Thursdays, ordered the same thing each time. They always tipped well.

Then I headed to the corner booth. I stopped short when I realized it was Jasper Hale. He was the adopted son of Dr. Cullen. He was three years older than I was, so we had never met. I knew who he was though, everyone knew who he was. He was a Cullen for crying out loud, the name alone made you a superstar in Forks. His brother Edward was my age, we had two classes together. He never spoke to me, but he didn't speak to many people so I didn't take it personally.

"What can I get you today?" I tried to sound casual.

"Cheeseburger with no lettuce and a coke, please." He was casual.

"Sure." I walked away. I wondered why he was alone, Jasper was never alone. He was always with one of his family. The whole family seemed to always be together. Lots of kids at school made jokes about the way they seemed to be 'together' together. They made it sound creepy, and I guess it would have been had they not all been adopted. If you ask me, Jasper and Alice were perfect for each other. They seemed to be anyway, I didn't really know either of them, so it is hard to tell.

I took Jasper his coke and then delivered his food when it was ready. He ate slowly, taking his time. I helped and cleared several tables, but he still sat there. I stopped by his table again to refill his coke.

"Would you like any dessert?" Maybe this would explain why he was still sitting here, with no ambition to move.

He glanced up at me and shook his head. I started to walk away, but something in his eyes begged me to stay, to ask something else.

"Are you okay today? You seem a little, I don't know, in shock maybe."

He chuckled at me. "I guess you could say that. I leave for boot camp in the morning, and I guess it's all catching up to me." He glanced back up at me and his eyes seemed lighter now. Like this was the topic he wanted to talk about, so I asked more.

"Boot camp, wow, I guess you do kind of look like a military man. What made you decide to enlist?" I hoped I was asking the right questions.

"I have always been interested in military strategy. It's in my blood. My father's family have all been military men. I don't really know, I guess I just felt like it was what I was supposed to do," he answered, and I noticed his accent for the first time. His words were slow and drew out, with a hint of southern flare added on to them. His smile took me by surprise. It fit his face nicely but didn't reflect in his eyes. Like he was only partially happy about his decision, something was holding him back.

"What does Alice think of you being gone for so long at boot camp?" Suddenly, I wanted to know all the details of his life.

He flinched a minute amount when I mentioned her name. Maybe I had found the reason for his indecision.

"She's not happy that I'll be gone so long, but she knows this is the career that will make me happy. She made me promise that I would get stationed somewhere overseas, she wants to live somewhere in Europe." He chuckled again. I knew Alice about as well as I knew Jasper, but I could see that she would want something as exciting as living overseas.

"So you leave tomorrow?"

"Yeah, at o'dark thirty."

"What kind of time is that?" He laughed at my lack of understanding.

"It's a military term for the butt crack of dawn. Anything that happens when it's still dark, you know, way too early."

"Oh. Where are you heading off to when you leave tomorrow?" I sat down in the booth across from him. It was a little after two in the afternoon and the diner usually died down about this time. We wouldn't get busy again until after five, when the dinner rush came in. I was glad Jasper was here to help occupy my time until then.

"I'm going to California for boot camp, then who knows." He shrugged. He was playing with the wrapper from his straw. He looked old, but somehow still young, too young to be heading off to train to kill people.

"Does it bother you to know you may have to kill people?" I didn't mean any nastiness by the question; I truly wanted to know what someone thinks when they agree to that life.

"Sure it does. I'm not a monster, but I don't want anyone else to suffer because of my actions. Those people will probably have families and people they love, just like me. But I will say this, I will kill them if it keeps my family safe." He looked me straight in the eyes, and I could see that this was not something he took lightly. He had put some thought into this particular subject.

Someone else came in to the diner so I stood and turned to leave his table. He began to gather his stuff, preparing to leave also.

"You want anything else before you go?" I asked him. Sadness taking over my heart, I felt like I could sit for hours and talk to him. I felt like we should be friends, and now we may not ever get that chance.

"Nah, I'm good. I guess I had better get going anyway. The family is throwing me a going away party this evening. If you're free, you can stop by." He smiled at me as he pulled on his jacket.

"I would love to but I have something else down at the reservation tonight. One of my best friends is turning sixteen and he is having a birthday party. I'm sorry."

He shrugged at me. "No big deal, Bella. I just thought you would like to come and meet my family, another time perhaps." I was shocked, he knew my name.

"How did you know my name?" I asked.

"This is Forks; we live in Bella. We should have the theme song to "Cheers" playing in the background." My face must have shown my confusion clearly. "You know 'where everybody knows your name'." He sang to me.

"Oh, yeah. I remember." He threw some money down on the table and turned to walk away. I felt lonely just watching him walk out. I rushed to the door of the diner and called to him across the parking lot.

"Hey, do you think I could write to you while you're gone? I know you have plenty of family, but I would like to know how you're doing. If that's okay with you?" I asked, suddenly feeling foolish.

"Why, Bella Swan, are you hitting on me?" A big grin pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"No, of course not! You're engaged to Alice. Why would I hit on you? Besides, you're leaving the state; I would have to be stupid to try to start something with you now." I rushed the words out of my mouth, all the while blushing furiously. I hated myself for even thinking of asking that stupid question.

He rushed back over to me. "Whoa, slow your roll. It was just a joke. I was teasing you. I didn't mean to rile you up." Smirking, he seemed to be enjoying the fact that I was embarrassed. His face relaxed from the smirk and took on a totally different look. His eyes softened and they finally matched the emotion portrayed by the rest of his face. Joy. "I would love it if you wrote to me. I don't have my address with me, though, it's on a piece of paper at home. Can I call you this evening and give it to you?"

"Sure. I'll be gone but you can leave it on my answering machine at home. Nobody checks that thing except for me anyway." I rolled my eyes at him and then shrugged. "Charlie figures that if anybody important needs him they know how to reach him. They don't need to leave no message." I tried to mimic his voice when reciting the speech I always heard about that answering machine. Funny thing was he was right; no one had ever left him a message on that thing. Well, no one other than telemarketers, that is.

Jasper stepped a little closer and gave me a quick hug. I threw my arms around him at the last second before he stepped away.

"Thanks for caring enough about me to offer to write. That's cool," he said as he walked backwards to his car and jumped in.

I finished my shift and dressed to go to the reservation to celebrate Jacob's birthday. Sure enough when I arrived home, one message was blinking on my machine. I pressed the button and wrote down Jasper's address.

It was the middle of June, and I was enjoying my last summer before senior year. Now was the time to get serious and make sure my grades were going to get me out of Forks and to a great school. I had to get out of Forks, anywhere was better than here. The rain sucked and it got really cold. Neither of those were my favorite things. I wouldn't worry about this now because I got Jasper's weekly letter four days ago.

He was coming home today! Boot camp was over and he had three weeks before he had to report for duty. I was excited to see him again. I felt like we knew each other so well after the weekly letters we sent back and forth. Every so often, he would add in an email here and there. Usually funny jokes or the normal forwards that people send you. I didn't mind, I liked the jokes. They were always from his brother Emmett. I mostly told him about life in Forks and he usually told me about his family.

I felt like I knew them all by this time. It was obvious that they were all close and really enjoyed each other's company.

I finished up my shift and rushed to my truck so I could get home. Jasper promised to call when he got in. I knew that I wouldn't be able to see him tonight. I didn't want to intrude on his time with his family. I was hoping to see him soon. It was perfect timing, since I was out for summer break. My schedule was free, except for the few hours that I worked at the diner that is.

I quickly took a shower and dried my hair. I chose my best looking pair of jeans and a pretty new shirt. I put on a little makeup and tried not to fidget. I was nervous, going to the Cullen's house was making me nervous. I mean, they were the Cullens. Everyone in town liked them and wanted to be them. I was comfortable with Jasper but the rest of them made me well…nervous.

I jumped when the phone rang. I dashed across the living room and yanked it off of the hook.

"Hello." I tried to sound unaffected and normal.

"Bella, it's mom. I have bad news." Shit, this couldn't be good. I tried to rack my brain to figure out what Renee could deem bad news. I came up empty.

"What is it, mom? Do I need to sit down?" Dread filled me, what if it really was bad news?

"Honey, I will probably need your help for the rest of the summer. I fell today and broke my leg in two places. I don't need surgery but I do have to stay off of it. Phil won't be home for any length of time. That will leave me here struggling to get around. So I was wondering if you could come and help me out?" She sounded worn down and sleepy.

This was my mother how could I say no, but right now that is all I wanted to do was say no. How would I be able to see Jasper if I left and went to Jacksonville? I pushed my own selfish feelings aside, Jasper would be back often. I would have other chances to see him.

"Sure, mom. I'll pack some stuff and book a flight. Are you okay for now? Do you have someone to take you home?"

"Yeah, Phil is here now and will be tomorrow. But Monday he has to fly out to start a ten day road trip." She was slurring her words a little, I giggled. I had never seen my mom under the influence of anything. I wondered what kind of a drunk person she was.

"Okay, I'll call you back when I get the info for my flight. I love you, mom. You get some rest." I figured I had better let her go for now.

"Bye baby, you know I always thought your eyes were so pretty," she began. Phil must have taken the phone from her realizing that this conversation was getting out of hand.

"Bella, just call me and I'll pick you up at the airport. I really appreciate this. I didn't want to leave her alone." Gratitude was clear in his voice.

"No problem, she is my mom. I would do it no matter what." I did owe her and Phil a lot. Phil's career allowed me to get the new clothes and books that I wanted. The clothes I didn't care about but the books, yeah, I spent a fortune in books each month. Mom and Phil made sure I had everything I wanted, so the least I could do was help her out when she was hurt.

"Bella, put the ticket on the credit card we sent you. Don't pay for this okay?"

"Okay, I'll call you later. I love you both."

I went up stairs to pack and call my dad. He wasn't surprised at my trip; mom must have called him to let him know. I checked the airlines and booked a flight for later tonight. Then I called Jasper's house to tell him.

"Hello." The voice that answered sounded sweet and seductive, almost shy.

"May I please speak to Jasper?"

"I'm sorry, he isn't here. May I take a message?" The more he talked, the more I wanted him to say.

"Yes, please. This is Bella Swan, and I wanted to let him know that I had to go to Jacksonville. My mom broke her leg and I need to help take care of her. Please, tell him I'm really sorry that I won't be there. I really wanted to see him, but I have to go. I promise that I will be there the next time he comes home." I answered, wondering what his family thought of our friendship. I wondered what Alice thought of our friendship.

Fear struck me. I hoped Jasper told his family about me. I hoped I wasn't springing this on them without their knowledge. I didn't want to cause any problems between Jasper and Alice. He really loved her; I didn't want them to fight because of me.

"Sure, I'll tell him. Do you have a number where he can reach you?" The silky voice asked.

"My cell number is 360-747-9949. I'll have that with me in Jacksonville, he can call anytime. Thanks."

"No problem, I'll let him know." The line went dead and I felt alone.

Charlie rushed in as I was dragging my bags downstairs. He grabbed both of them, and we headed out to the car. The drive was fairly quiet with the only conversation about calling the diner for me to let them know I would be back before school started.

In fact the whole next month was quiet. Renee was subdued by her cast and bed rest, so even she didn't have much to say. Jasper called me several times and we would talk. Nothing too deep and I didn't want to keep him from his family for long. So I would usually hang up after a few minutes.

We continued with our weekly letters and postcards while I was in Jacksonville. He loved the funny ones, once even Alice wrote a small paragraph at the bottom of one of his letters. She said she wanted to meet me when I came home and spend some girl time together. She said thanks for writing to Jasper and helping him feel like he had a piece of home with him. I felt better knowing how she felt about me, that I wasn't coming in between them. I made sure and put a small note to her on the bottom of the next letter I wrote. I also sent him some pictures of the sunshine and the ocean. He drew some stick figures in the ocean and sent it back to me. His caption was "We're too pale to swim in these waters. People will think we're vampires." Alice and I had on funny looking bikinis, and he had on a pair of long board shorts. I laughed at his silliness.

It was funny but somehow in all the cards and letters, Jasper had become my best friend. Sure he wasn't here for me to talk to everyday, but we told each other stuff in our letters that I hadn't shared with anyone. We shared our dreams, plans, worries and, most of all, about our loves. He told me everything about Alice. How they met, how he knew he was in love with her, and all of her habits. He admitted that she had a way of balancing him out and keeping him from being too much of an introvert. He told me of his plans for their future. It made me a little sad to see that kind of love. A love that runs so deep that it touches your soul and leaves you forever changed. I wanted that for myself and was doubtful that I would ever find it. I joked with Jasper that all the good men are gone or gay. He told me to be patient, that one day I would find the right person. Don't look for him; just allow fate to send me the right one.

By the end of July, Renee's full leg cast finally came off and now she was down to a big old boot to wear while walking. Her therapy was going well, and she was given the okay to drive again. So I headed home, three days after Jasper left. I only had less than a month of summer break before I started school again.

He called me before he left, and we talked for hours. He told me about his time at home, and how he and Alice decided to go and get married while he was there. He wanted to be able to bring her with him when he got settled, so they got married. A small ceremony in their back yard, it sounded beautiful. He joked that Alice was in planning withdrawals. Because the ceremony was simple, she didn't get to pull out all of the stops, so she would need something soon to plan or her head would explode. I laughed at him and marveled at the way he really loved her. I cried when we hung up, afraid of how long it would be before we got to see each other again.

In mid August I started school, my senior year. I had two classes with Edward, Jasper's brother, this year. I never got the nerve up to go and speak to him. I was sure that my friendship with his brother wasn't enough to make us friends, so I just left him alone. I did notice him looking in my direction every so often, with a confused look on his face. It always made me blush, I'm sure he was not pleased at our strange friendship. This made me even more determined to stay away.

Jasper wrote from Fort Ord, California. He sent me pictures of his sunshine and his ocean. I drew silly stick figures on them and sent them back. Our letters never stopped, weekly they arrived. One going and one coming, just like clockwork.

We talked more about my life recently, what I was doing, where I was going to college and how I was doing. I mentioned the classes with his brother and he tried to encourage me to talk to him. He said that Edward would think that our friendship was enough of a reason to be friends with me as well. But I didn't want him to feel trapped, so I still kept my distance.

I will never forget the date, it was May 20. I know because my weekly letter wasn't in the mailbox. I put mine in and lifted the flag. I stood and wondered about it. I placed the blame on Forks Post Office. I vented at my mirror that night, didn't they know how much I had come to love my weekly letters? What if they were delaying mine to Jasper as well. I didn't want him to think that I had forgotten about him. I called his cell phone but got his voice mail. I left him a message, explaining about his missing letter and hoping that mine weren't missing as well.

One week later, I got a letter from Jasper, he joked with me about the voicemail I left him. He explained that it was his fault, not the Post Office of Forks. He chastised me for placing blame on innocent people. Then he explained that his letters might not be so regular for a while. They were moving his entire platoon to another base. His company had to take over for one that being deployed over to Afghanistan. Fear clinched itself around my heart, the dreaded word Afghanistan. I threw the letter down and called him.

"Hello." I could hear him chuckling as he answered.

"Afghanistan? I thought you said you wouldn't have to go!" I rushed to say.

"Whoa, slow down there, hoss. I'm not going to Afghanistan, I'm moving to Virginia to take over for another platoon that is going to Afghanistan. So no biggie, I promise."

We talked for awhile. He told me that Alice was pregnant, and since this was a really short duty assignment, she was moving back home while he went to Virginia. When he finished up there, he was going to have two whole months off to come home as well. He should be there somewhere around Christmas. He talked about his little "kidney bean" and how he hoped it was a boy. He told me that he wanted to name him Jackson. That was his grandfather's name, and he loved his grandfather. He had to hang up and help Alice pack some more stuff so she could ship it back to Forks.

June finally arrived and Charlie and I attended graduation. It was over quickly and that was fine by me. I didn't have any real ties to this high school. My only friend here was Angela Webber, and we would both be attending college in Seattle together. So I had no real reason to linger and say any goodbyes. Charlie was wearing a suit and tie, so he was just as ready as I was to go home. I saw a brief glimpse of Alice in the parking lot. Edward had graduated this year as well. She looked beautiful in her long flowing maternity dress. She had a small baby bump; it matched her tiny body perfectly. I could see why Jasper fell in love with her at first sight. She turned and our eyes met, hers lit up. She raised her hand to wave and someone called her name. When she turned to look at them, I got into Charlie's cruiser. I didn't want her to think that we had to be friends because of my friendship with Jasper. I heard a small tap on the window and turned to see Alice standing beside the car.

I asked Charlie to hold on and he nodded. I cautiously opened the door and stepped out. I closed it completely, not wanting Charlie to hear if she came to ask me to stop writing Jasper. I couldn't handle that humiliation in front of him. Nervously, I held out my hand and tried to introduce myself.

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan." I glanced up afraid to meet her eyes.

She giggled and pushed my hand away, she pulled me into a full body hug. Her little baby bump pressing into me.

"We are well past a hand shake, Bella. I wanted to say thanks for sticking by Jasper. He loves your letters. It makes it easier for him and I appreciate it."

I was shocked, "It doesn't bother you that we write each other?"

"No, I know Jasper loves me and what he has with you is friendship. I don't worry about it at all. He trusts you, so I trust you. Besides, he lets me read all of his letters." I broke into a large smile, this fact made me feel so much better to know she knew what I wrote and was not trying to make a pass at the love of her life.

Someone called her name again and waved at her when she caught their eye. She held up one finger and turned back to me.

"Promise me the next time Jasper is home, you'll come to the house. We have so much to talk about. You know, Bella, I have a feeling you and I are going to be great friends." She hugged me again and flitted off to be with her family. I opened the door and climbed back in the car with Charlie. Jasper told me that Alice had feelings about the future and such, but it still shocked me that she was able to convince me with one sentence about them as well. I looked forward to the day when her feeling came true.

I moved my stuff into the dorm at UW. Angela and I managed to be roommates, and I was glad. I didn't want to do the awkward dance of getting to know some random stranger. We got along fine and that would make this first year that much easier.

I didn't hear much from Jasper. He apologized often when he did write; he was really busy. The move had left his platoon in a lurch, and they were doing their work as well as the platoon's they had taken over for. He was usually working until well after dark. He was glad that Alice had decided to move home to be with her mom since he was gone all of the time. He asked about college and mentioned that Edward was here as well. He again encouraged me to at least try to talk to him. I again declined his offer.

By the end of November, I was back in Forks for Thanksgiving. I ran to the Safeway to grab some more eggs. I saw Alice again, from a distance; she was getting into a beautiful yellow Porsche. She still looked amazing, even pregnant. Her stomach was protruding well outside of her body. She looked like she should fall over on face. She didn't see me.

Later, Jasper called my cell phone and we talked for a few minutes. He gave me his home phone number again, just in case I wanted to call Alice or Edward. Jasper had encouraged me to form friendships with them, but I just couldn't. I don't know why, maybe it was the fear that they didn't want a friendship with me. I wasn't ready to put it to words yet, I just knew I wasn't ready. I had Jasper and Angela. I didn't need more.

I talked to Jasper for a few minutes, he had just got off of the phone with Alice and his family. He was in great spirits after talking to them. He soaked up all of their words and emotions and allowed it to lift his mood. By the end of the phone call, I was also joyful and looking forward to eating with Charlie.

While I cooked in the kitchen, I imagined the fun that was happening over at the Cullen's house. By now I knew that Esme, his mother, enjoyed cooking also. So she had probably cooked a big dinner, the same menu each year. None of them ever got tired of it, it was understood that she would make the same things each year; it was part of the tradition. Alice would be flitting from group to group, adding her witty comments to all of the conversations. Somehow she would be perfectly and completely involved with every member of the family in the house at the exact same time. Edward and Emmett would be embroiled in some form of competition. Jasper explained that it really didn't even have to be a real competition or to make sense; it was just competition for that sake of being called the winner. The trash talking was sure to be at an all time high between the two of them. While, Rosalie would sit in a chair off to the side reading a magazine, not really part of the competition, yet still right in the thick of things. She would provide some stinging sharp comments aimed at both sides every so often. She loved Emmett but enjoyed watching him get his ass handed to him occasionally, just like the rest of the family. Carlisle would sometimes join in on the competitions, and other times just sit with Esme in the kitchen.

They were often together, deeply in love. Jasper aspired to mirror their marriage with Alice. Jasper's comments were so vivid and in detail that I could almost close my eyes and see the whole scene just like in a movie. Tears of loneliness stung at my eyes, tears that I had not even realized were forming. I wanted a family and all the fun to surround me in my house.

Another day I will never forget, November 29. Jasper called. It turns out he was going to Afghanistan after all. He says he will be there for one month, because he has to train some of the platoon how to use some sort of long range missile guidance device. He will not be in the fighting or anywhere near the fighting. He is there to train them and leave. He pinky swore to me that he was just training and coming home. He was kind of excited about going over there, obviously because he was there to train only. If he had to be there to actually do the fighting then he would have a totally different attitude altogether. He wouldn't be able to write or call during his time in Afghanistan. He would be able to come home on leave after he was done, so I guess there was an up-side to this trip. He might even be able to make it home in time for Alice's due date of January 7, 2010. Seven's were a lucky number for him, so he was hoping his "kidney bean" would actually be born on that day. He wanted to pass along his good luck to him. I prayed nightly that he would make it home in time.

Jasper called again. He was coming home. He was so excited to be on his way already. He had nineteen days before her due date and probably enough time to make it home in time for Christmas, since it was only the twentieth. He was trying to be purposefully vague to Alice, to keep her guessing. Alice, however, had other plans. She just laughed him off and told him his body would definitely be in Forks by Christmas. I told him that I was already in Forks so we would get together and I would finally get to meet everyone. He made me pinky swear to this. So I did. I was happy that we would see each other face to face again for the first since he walked into the diner.

On Christmas Eve, I still hadn't heard from Jasper yet, but he promised that he would call as soon as he got settled at home. I went to Port Angeles to do some last minute shopping. I bought Jasper a 'My Daddy Loves Me' onesie for the 'kidney bean'. He would love it. I found a crystal picture frame for Alice and headed home. I wanted to be back to Forks in time for the Christmas Eve parade and live Nativity. It was so beautiful to watch. Just to imagine Mary giving birth in a dirty manger without her family to support her, only her husband. Of course, it became all the more special when I looked forward to seeing Jasper and Alice, and 'kidney bean'. I rushed home and dropped off the packages. I drove to the edge of the square and parked in the Sheriff's office parking lot. I walked down to the front lawn of the Baptist church to take my position there. I wanted to be close to the live Nativity.

Angela's dad was the minister at the Baptist church. I waved at her family when they went by taking their places as well. The parade came through with all of the lights and sleighs pulled by horses. There was candy, elves and, of course, Santa Claus. I allowed the excitement of the children to seep in and lift my spirits even more.

Mr. Webber, Angela's dad, stepped up to the make shift podium. A hush fell over the crowd. He began to talk about the wonderful meaning of the season and how we forget as a society to celebrate that reason. We get so caught up in our own lives that we don't take the time to remember it, we give in to the commercialism of it all. We forget to help each other, and support each other. So often in our own community there is pain and suffering and we look the other way. And then he spoke the words that made my blood run cold.

"We have pain in our midst tonight. We have neighbors that are mourning the loss of a son. Jasper Whitlock Hale was killed four days ago as he was leaving Afghanistan. His wife Alice and their family live here in Forks. Let's take time to remember our family, our friends, our neighbors and the reason for the holiday. Let's pray."

The blood pounded in my ears and sobs choked up into my throat. I was frozen to the spot I stood in. I couldn't move, paralyzing terror pull me into its wake. I closed my eyes with the rest of those gathered for Mr. Webber's prayer. I listened to him give Jasper up to God's care as bile rose from my throat and threatened to spill over. I turned and left the crowd behind. I walked in a daze; I didn't remember getting the ten blocks from the square to the Sheriff's office. I yanked the door open and stumbled in to find my father. He would know more details. Details that I didn't want but knew I would never be satisfied until I heard them.

"Dad, is it true?" I sobbed.

"Bells, why don't we go sit down in my office?" He put his arm around me and led me towards the back. Towards the privacy of his office, so I could fall apart without an audience.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier, you knew I was friends with Jasper," I cruelly shouted at him. He sat back and allowed me to vent my anger on him. "You knew we had been writing back and forth for months, and you didn't say a word about it. Don't give me the 'I can't discuss details of the case' speech. This isn't your case, you could have told me!" I screamed at him and fell into his arms. He held me and allowed me to cry, sob, yell or whatever made me feel better.

When my body had relaxed and my tears dried, Charlie began to tell me what he knew.

"Bells, Mr. Webber called me and asked me to ride with him to the Cullen's house. He told me that Carlisle called him and told him that the Army sent its bereavement detail to tell them about Jasper's accident. He wanted someone there for Alice, for moral support. Mr. Webber asked me along because we would need to discuss some details with the Army detail about the funeral. They were there to take care of most of it, but our local force will help with crowd control and such. I just got back and hadn't had a chance to find you. Mr. Webber didn't know you were close friends or I'm sure he wouldn't have just announced it before I had a chance to tell you. I'm sorry you had to hear like that."

Charlie still held me close to him. My mind closed down again when he mentioned Alice's name. I can't even imagine what she is feeling right now, the excruciating pain I am in and I wasn't married to him. I wasn't in love with him, how is she coping? How will she raise the 'kidney bean' without him there with her? I knew that I had to go to Alice and help in whatever way I could.

"I got to go to Alice," I said as I wiped the remaining tears off of my face. "I need to help her and see if she needs anything. I will call you when I get there." I stood and walked from his office. I had a new purpose, helping Alice Hale get through her husband's funeral. That was how I would pay my respects to Jasper, my friend.

I got in the truck and started it up. I drove faster than I have ever driven before and arrived in under fifteen minutes. I gripped the steering wheel, suddenly unsure if this was such a great idea after all. I saw the porch light come on, so I turned and slid from the truck.

The distance from the truck to the front porch seemed to take longer for me to span than the drive here. I stepped up and stopped. I started sobbing again. The pain and regrets washed over me one more time. All the times that Jasper begged me to come and do this while he was alive. I just couldn't do it, fear stopped me. Now I had to face his family, his wife…without him. I sat down on the top step and tried to collect myself.

The front door flew open behind me. I turned to see Alice standing in the open space, the light spilling all around her. She stood, her mouth open in shock with a look of horror contorting her face. Dread filled my heart, she was surely angry at my intrusion. My body shuddering at the thought of causing her more pain than what she was already in. I stood and backed away down the steps. Her hand flew out in front of her. I stopped, frozen in place. She launched herself at me and threw her arms around my neck. Her sobs were racking through her slight body, causing it to shudder against mine.

"Bella, oh God, you came. I was waiting for you." She sobbed against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and sunk to the top step of the porch, pulling her down with me.

"Of course I came, how could I not? I would have come sooner, but I just found out from Mr. Webber. I'm so sorry, Alice, what can I do?"

"You can just be here with me, help me remember him. I have already found myself talking to him, reaching out for him, trying to keep him here with me. I know that sounds crazy but I just can't let him go yet. I need him. I just, just can't." Her sob over took her and I rocked her against me like Renee did when I was small and needed comfort.

My legs ached and my face was throbbing from all the crying but I would hold Alice for as long as she needed me to. I saw a shadow pass by out of the corner of my eye. Edward leaned down and pulled Alice towards him.

"Ali, let's take Bella inside, okay?" His tone was gentle and soothing. She nodded and he lifted her away from me. Emmett reached and pulled Alice into his embrace and led her inside. Edward extended his hand for mine, and I took it. He pulled gently to help me up off of the step. My legs were numb from supporting Alice's and my weight. I wobbled as I tried to take a step, and Edward threw his arms out to steady me. He pulled my hand into his and led me inside with the rest of the family. Alice and I sat on the sofa together. We talked off and on all night. Mostly about Jasper, sometimes she would tell me funny stories about the rest of her family. I laughed with her at these stories. She would tell me stories about Jasper, things he didn't share with me. She told me her version of how they fell in love. I cried with her during these stories.

I stayed all night, sleeping only when Alice fell into a fitful sleep herself. I woke as the sun was coming up, and I realized that it was Christmas day. I decided to head home, I didn't want to intrude on their family. I slowly slid myself out of Alice's arms and tiptoed to the front door. I reached for the doorknob as I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned to see Edward standing there.

"You leaving?"

"Yeah, I thought I would give you some space. I'll call later and find out the details and all." I felt awkward telling Edward this, I'm sure he had to think I was a moron.

"Do you have to leave?" He stepped closer to me, I could smell his cologne. His nearness was making me nervous until I looked into his eyes. They showed his vulnerability and sadness.

"I guess I could stay for awhile, Charlie won't mind; he knows why. Besides I think he has to work today anyway. Let me call him and let him know." Edward's body relaxed and he held out his hand to show me the direction of the phone. I followed him.

I called Charlie, he confirmed my previous thoughts, he would be at the station until eleven tonight. I told him I wanted to stay and he agreed with me. I promised to call him later. He wished me a Merry Christmas and we hung up.

I turned to look at Edward again.

"So, looks like I'm here for awhile. Maybe I could run home and change my clothes. It won't take me that long, I'll be right back."

Edward grabbed his keys and I opened my mouth to protest when we heard a scream from upstairs.

"Carlisle!"

I heard shuffling up there, and Edward took off towards the stairs himself. I followed by instinct. We all converged at the landing and saw Alice standing in the doorway. A terrified look on her face and a soaking wet nightgown.

Carlisle approached her and took her by the hand.

"Alice, I think your water has broken. We need to get you to the hospital. Do you have your bags packed?" She nodded her head, still looking from person to person for some kind of an answer. I stepped up and took her hand.

"Alice, I think we need to get you dressed to go. Do you want to put on some pajamas or would you like to get dressed?" I asked her gently, she seemed to snap out of her panic.

"Bella, You don't know me that well, but let me assure you that there is no way in hell that I will ever leave this house in nothing but my pajamas. Now, get in here so I can go and have Jasper's baby." Her comment started out saucy, but ended mild. She lost all of her anger when she got to Jasper's name. Her face took on the look of terror again. I reached up to touch her face.

"Alice, there is nothing in the world that Jasper wanted more than this little 'kidney bean', so let's go and get him. Okay?" I tried to assure her in my most soothing voice.

Her eyes filled with tears, but she nodded her agreement. We turned to enter her room. Her whole family seemed to snap into movement as we turned. Everyone scattered to prepare to head to the hospital with Alice.

Alice was settled into her hospital room, she had been resting for several hours, but the last few contractions had increased in intensity for her. The doctor came in and checked her, he confirmed Carlisle's assessment. It's time to push, Emmett and Rosalie both decided that it was time to wait in the waiting room. Carlisle decided that Alice would probably feel a little more comfortable with him waiting outside as well, so he left with Emmett and Rosalie. Edward and I stepped backwards in unison, attempting to leave. Alice noticed our movement and threw her hand out to stop us.

"Wait, please. Bella, I need you here with me, you're my connection with Jasper. Edward, you're Jasper's stand in. I promise you won't have to see anything, just be with me. Please." We couldn't say no to that plea. I walked around the far side of the bed and held Alice's hand and Edward took the other hand.

We counted and held her while she pushed. At 3:03 p.m. on Christmas day, Adrianna Whitlock Hale was born. She was tiny like her mother but had a head full of blond hair just like her dad. The nurse wrapped her up and handed her to Alice. She was crying silent tears as she held her daughter. She slowly unwrapped the blanket to inspect every inch of her body. When she was satisfied with Adrianna's appearance, she wrapped her back up and offered her to me for me to hold. I took her small precious body into my embrace; I cooed and talked to her. She smiled at me and her smile was an exact match to her daddy's. The tears began to fall as I gazed at her beautiful face. I handed her to Edward and he took her like he had held dozens of babies before. He just stared at her and took her small hand and allowed it to wrap around his large finger. No tears for him, but he had a large smile on his face. It voiced his approval to all of us clearly. Edward handed Adrianna back to Alice, she snuggled her into her. I reached to touch her just as Edward did as well. Our hands met on Adrianna's back, Alice slid her hand on top and we all stood taking in the moment.

Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme were ushered back into the room. Edward and I moved to make room for them at the bedside. His eyes followed mine as we moved across the room and closer together. We met at the foot of Alice's bed.

"You want to go and get some coffee, while the 'grands' get a look at their new grandchild?" He offered. I nodded and followed him out of the room.

We made our way down to the coffee shop and talked. We started talking about Adrianna and moved on to Jasper. Edward admitted that he missed him already. We talked about my letters and I promised to let him read what Jasper wrote to me. Edward asked me why I never spoke to him in school. I explained about the look and how I thought he was mad at me for writing Jasper. He glanced up suddenly and met my eyes.

"You thought I was mad at you?" I nodded at him.

"I was so in love with you. I didn't know how to approach you; I was afraid that you had a crush on Jasper and wouldn't feel anything for me. I admitted to Jasper how I felt and he promised me he would arrange things so I could meet you. He assured me that you did not have a crush on him and he would prove it." He just shrugged at me.

"I guess that explains why he always made a point to tell me to call or talk or come by anytime. The little matchmaker!" I laughed and Edward joined in with me. It felt good to know that Jasper was looking out for me, even now.

I glossed over so many details. I never told the kids how hard it was to get through the military funeral. Alice was holding little Adrianna, crying the whole time. How Edward held me when I felt like I wanted to collapse. The long nights of sitting awake with Alice and Adrianna. Trying to keep her focused on her life and not what she had lost. The despair I felt at moving away from her when Edward and I left for college again. How she would call us at all hours of the day trying to find the voice that helped her calm her panic attacks.

I skipped all the dating details, how Edward and I spent almost every waking moment at college together. How we moved in together during our junior year, when Angela moved in with Ben Cheney. How six months after we moved in together, I was pregnant. Charlie wasn't happy that this happened before we were married. But Edward quickly changed that, we were married before the baby was born. We had a small ceremony in Carlisle and Esme's back yard, a few friends and family there, nothing big. Alice was too overwhelmed to plan a big wedding and that wasn't really our style anyway. The love and devotion was so clear in Edward's eyes. We were so happy.

We were home for the summer when my water broke and we rushed to the hospital. After over twelve hours of contractions and pushing, with Alice and Edward by my side, we welcomed Jackson Anthony Cullen into the world. He was a big baby, so he looked almost as big as sweet little Adrianna. They were best friends from the start, inseparable. They never went anywhere without each other.

They both giggled when I said this part.

"Okay you two; you've heard this story every Christmas. You know the rest so go and play. Adrianna, your mommy is looking for you. Jackson, let your mommy rest. She still has to carry this little peanut a few more months, she needs plenty of rest." Edward silky voice cut into our story time.

The kids ran off and Edward took my hand. He helped me up the stairs to his old bedroom. I lay down and he settled down beside me. His hand rubbing my swollen belly.

"You okay?" he asked solemnly.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. The kids love hearing that story and I love telling it to them, but sometimes it's too much to remember. You know?" I turned my body so I could look at him. His eyes showed the mix of emotions that I felt.

"I know, Alice always make herself scarce when they come running to you. It still hurts her to hear it as well. I don't know if she will ever find someone like Jasper again. I think he was the one and only for her. I hate that she won't have what we have for the rest of her life. I'm so glad she has Adrianna, she loves her more than life." His voice was echoing all of my thoughts.

"I know, Edward. It kills me that he's gone. Even after all of this time, I still hurt when I think of him. But I'm glad for one thing, though." I hesitated, perhaps saying this out loud made me sound glad for Alice's pain.

"What's that love?" he murmured against my hair.

"You, Edward. Jasper gave me you, because of him, I met and fell in love with you. I was ready to leave Forks forever. I wanted to go off to college and never look back. I didn't think that Forks had anything to offer me. Jasper changed all of that. He gave me a family, he gave me my best friend, he gave me my husband and he gave us Jackson. Edward, he gave me everything that is important in my life. " I began to cry. Edward held me and allowed me to release my emotions.

Soon, Alice joined us on the bed. I was facing Edward with my head resting against his chest, so Alice slid up against my back. She rubbed my back and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Bella, I love you so much. You help make my life easier. You always know when I want to talk about Jasper and when to tell Adrianna the story. It helps her so much. She loves her daddy and always loves to hear it. And I don't ever want to hear you say you have guilt because of all you have when he is gone. You had nothing to do with Jasper's death. He died doing what he loved, taking care of us and his country. He died in love and happy. He would not have regretted his life for one second, so don't you tarnish that by feeling regret either. Enjoy all that you have, Jasper would have wanted you to." I couldn't hear her tears but I knew they were there. I cried my tears as well.

I would spend the rest of my life grateful for the gift that Jasper Hale gave me. He gave me a life that was worth living.

Chapter 3- Graduation Party

Chapter 3-Graduation Party

His face was difficult to read as we stood in the pool house slowly undressing. I wasn't sure if he was regretting drinking so much, or if he was regretting the whole swimming idea. I couldn't allow myself to go through all the 'what if's' without knowing. So I did the only thing I could, I leaned up against his bare chest and allowed my lacy bra to brush against him. He sucked in a gulp of air and pulled me closer so we were in full contact. I looked up at him through my eyelashes and hoped it looked as flirty as it does in the movies. With a shaky breath, I asked the question I wanted to know and prayed for the answer that I wanted to hear.

"Edward? You okay? Are you regretting this at all?" I was still praying he wasn't.

"Bella, I could never regret seeing your beautiful body or feeling it. I think if I regret anything its allowing Mike Fucking Newton to goad me into that stupid pissing contest, and drinking too much." His face was slightly flushed and his eyes glazed over. His hands gestured wildly as he continued his rant. "I still think they cheated, somehow, I don't know how, but I think they did. Are you okay, did you drink too much?" As soon as the rant started, it stopped. His eyes softened and he pulled me close again. "I didn't mean for our evening to turn out that way. I'm sorry. I know I was supposed to protect you, and now I let this happen. Bella, forgive me? I hope I didn't ruin the night for us."

Every hint of anger went right out the window. Edward always wore his feelings on his sleeve, and I knew without a doubt that he sincerely felt his words. I couldn't allow him to think that he let me down. "Edward, I'm fine. I'm surprised you can still walk after all that you drank. You held your liquor very well. For once I'm thankful your big brother is Emmett. I guess all of his drinking games may have paid off." I tried for laughter and lighten the mood but it fell flat, so I decided to go with the truth. "I'm glad we're finally alone." My heart almost beating out of my chest as I realized this might be the last chance I get to be with him. "I just wanted to make sure we're still cool." I motioned between the two of us and our half naked bodies.

"Bella, don't be silly, I'll always want this." He kissed my forehead as he pulled away with the fun loving look on his face that I was more accustom to seeing there. "Let's go swim before I'm unable to do anything other than you!"

We both dressed in our suits and ran for the pool. It felt so good to be in the warm water with Edward holding me like his life depended on it. He enjoyed running his hand up and down from my tailbone all the way up to the hairline at the back of my head.

After a few passes, he added a small swirl with his finger tips and pulled me close so his mouth was right beside my ear. I turned my face to his ear and gave him a small kiss.

I know in the movies they focus in on the couple, and it seems like all the activity around them just fades away- it's a real neat cinematography trick- but I swear at that moment an atom bomb could have gone off, and I would not have known it. All I could think about was his hands on my back and his breath on my ear. He moved his mouth in further and began pressing small kisses from my ear, down my neck and to the hollow of my collar bone. He began to murmur something, but for the life of me I couldn't make my mind understand what he was saying. I just listened to the tone of his husky voice and enjoyed the fact that we were together.

He was showing me something he has never shown anyone else. That alone made this the most special act in the world. We were giving ourselves to each other-in a way we had not shared with anyone else in the world. As the weight of this fact hit me, a small tear escaped my eye.

Edward chose that moment to look into my eyes and his serene face changed. I gave him a small shrug and a smile. That must have been enough for him because his face relaxed again, and he kissed my neck once more.

He made his way back up to my ear and whispered, "Do you want to get out of here?"

All I could do was nod my head since my voice abandoned me at this crucial moment. He began pulling me toward the shallow end of the pool and we climbed out. We didn't bother using our towels. Edward just hung them around his neck.

We went back to the pool house and slipped our clothes on over our suits. He led me out of the yard, through the fence at the back, and we made our way down the path, silently. We walked all the way down to the beach and over several sand dunes.

When we reached the largest dune Edward, spread out our towels side by side. I looked around to see if we were out in the open, but thankfully we were on the backside of the dune and hidden from the beach. Edward tugged at my hand as he sat down on the towels. I quickly sat beside him.

He laid me down on my back and leaned down over me. I always loved it when he pressed his body against mine. It filled me with tingling electric energy and it made my heart race. I felt so warm and protected by him.

"Bella, are you sure this is what you want? Things are kinda crazy right now, and I'll understand if you don't want to." His eyes revealed his still slightly drunk status. I could see him trying to make the right words come out of his mouth.

How could I say no to that? He had no idea how much I loved him, or how much I wanted to be with him right now. I could not say no or leave his side right now for anything in the world. I was in this relationship as long as I could be and definitely for tonight. I knew I didn't have much longer with him, and I couldn't think of any other memory that I wanted to make one last time before I had to say goodbye to him.

"Edward, I love you and there is nothing else I want. You're the one constant in my life. When everything else is crazy, you help me make sense of everything." The emotions of what I was saying to him flooded over me and swept me away. I was afraid that I would cry just telling him how I felt. "I love that I have shared this with only you. I know we're young and our parents would die if they knew about us, but I can't feel like anything we have done is wrong. I really want this and you, so be quiet and show me how much you want this!" Instead of smiling at my joke he stared deep into my eyes and searched for the truth that my words would hide.

Gently he pulled my shirt over my head, dragging his warm hands achingly slowly down each side of my body stopping at my hips. I felt the tug at the button holding my shorts in place, his hands shaking as he slid them down my legs, taking my shorts with him. I kicked the shorts off of my feet, and I was once again back in my swim suit.

Edward pulled off his shirt. My fingers ached to touch him, and I couldn't help but run my hands over his chest. He sucked in his breath while I lightly scratched my nails over his nipples. His lips traveled across my neck, before continuing down to the valley between my breasts. He glanced up at me as if asking permission to continue, so I reached around and untied my top to show him that it was more than okay if he continued.

His eyes were dark as he leaned back and watched as it dropped off of my chest and onto the towels. He took in the sight before him for a few seconds before he lowered his hands to my chest. He slowly wrapped his hands around each of my breasts and rubbed the nipples with his thumb. I felt like I was floating in mid air; I'd never get used to the feeling of Edward's hands on my body. The way he touched me always felt like he was worshiping my body and not just touching it.

Just when I thought the feeling was going to cause me to implode, he touched his tongue to my right nipple. He then gently took the nipple into his mouth and bit down ever so lightly. A moan escaped my mouth and my head fell back onto the towel. I couldn't think coherently when Edward touched me.

"Oh Edward, please don't ever stop. That feels so good. Tell me how you always know just where and when to touch me?" I panted out for him, the desire showing in my voice.

"Bella, I don't, I just do what feels good to me, but I'm glad you like it. Tell me what to do next. Tell me what you want from me." Obviously encouraged by his slightly drunken state, he was pushing the envelope with me. Asking me for something he hadn't ever asked me for before. He had never asked me to describe what I wanted, or actually talk about sex in detail with him. I was shocked. I couldn't talk like that to him.

"Edward, I can't tell you that." Shock tingeing my voice into an unrecognizable squeak.

"Sure you can Bella. You know better than anyone what you want and how you want it. Don't you touch yourself when you're alone?" His hand ghosted down my body and towards the spot I was too scared to tell him to touch. "Tell me how to please you. Close your eyes and pretend you're alone. Tell me what you imagine me doing to you? Don't be ashamed, it's just me and you, no one else. Just me and you Bella, tell me." His voice was rough with his desire, like sandpaper as it moved across my neck. I wanted to be consumed by him, to feel his body move over mine, but I couldn't talk about it.

"Edward, please don't make me tell you that. Just keep doing what you want, please!"

"Bella, God the things I want to do to you. Can I tell you what I want?" His mouth was in constant motion along my body, his hands following the same pattern. I couldn't think about anything other than the sensations that he was creating in me.

All I could do was moan and hope he took it as a yes.

"Bella, every time I see you in that blue sweater, the one that shows off your collar bones, I want to lick and kiss all the way across both of them." He nipped at my neck with his lips and I wanted to beg him to do that all night long. "Do you know how crazy that sweater makes me? I can't concentrate at all when you wear that thing. You're not allowed to wear that unless I'm with you. I don't want to imagine anyone else seeing your beautiful body and lusting over it." His words were harsh and seemed extremely possessive, but his tone made the words sweet and pleasant to hear.

I couldn't say no to him. If he only knew the position that he had me in. He could ask for the world, and I would give it to him. "Please tell me, Bella, your body will be mine and mine only." Desperation was flooding into his voice. Could he tell that what we had was almost over, could he know that I was soon leaving?

"Edward, I'll leave the blue sweater in my closet here in Forks. I promise. I'm not sure I could wear it now without wanting you to do the things you said to my anyways. It would drive me insane to wear it without you." That was the truth, I would no longer be able to wear that sweater without thinking of him.

I never made him the promise that he wanted, I hoped that he was too caught up to realize that I left it out. I couldn't say those words to him, he needed to move on without me and make his way in life. I couldn't say those words. I couldn't.

He obviously didn't realize, since he started back on my collar bones, on the right side and kissed from the outside up to my neck. Once he reached my neck, he began his trip back down; this time he was licking and placing open mouthed kisses. I never knew something so simple could make me feel so good. I couldn't stop him now if I wanted to. So I reached up to his neck and placed my hands in his hair and pulled him a little closer.

"Edward," it came out as a moan, but it described exactly how I felt.

"When I'm done with your luscious collar bones, I'm going to move on to your perfect breasts. You're beautiful when you're naked." As he raised up to take in my body, it never occurred to me to be embarrassed that he was looking at my body. I felt loved and cherished by him. His gaze saying the things his mouth didn't.

"God, Bella, you make me want to do so many things to you. I can't even form complete thoughts. First, I want to taste you all over."

Edward and I weren't typical high school students who wanted sex anywhere and everywhere they could get it. Don't get me wrong, we had sex as often as we could, but it was never a quick 'fuck-and-duck' routine. Edward always made sure we had time to talk and enjoy each other in non-sexual ways. I certainly was one lucky girl.

He didn't even give me time to answer before he moved down to my chest and began the same sweet torture. He took his time with each nipple by swirling circles with his tongue around each one until I thought I would lose my mind.

Edward traced my ribs and trailed his hands along my waist. I felt him untie my bikini bottom and then it fell slack against the sand below me. I lifted my hips slightly as he pulled the bottoms out from under me.

He stood and pulled the tie that held his board shorts in place. After he stepped out of them he moved back beside me.

His head was even with my waist, he began to place kisses along my stomach where he left off. I laid my head back down and closed my eyes. I concentrated on not making too much noise. I didn't want any visitors that were unable to see us because of our strategic position to be attracted by our sounds. Edward moved his focus lower, and I gasped as I felt his hands spread my legs apart.

"You okay, baby?"

"I'm fine, just…uh… continue."

"You sure? You don't sound fine," his eyes were dark with lust but his voice full of concern.

"I promise, you just surprised me that's all."

"I have been wanting to taste you forever, we just usually don't have the time or space. I guess I should have told you that I was going to do this, huh? I can stop if you want me to." Obviously he really didn't want to stop so how could I tell him he needed to stop just for my embarrassment.

"No, please don't stop. You have never been down there, so I wasn't expecting it. Don't stop, please, I want to try it." I smiled at him hoping it would settle his fears and assure him that I wanted this as much as he did.

He returned his attention to my body and slid his hands down the inside of my thighs. I grabbed a handful of the towels and bit my lip trying again to not make noise.

One of his arms twisted around my leg and he placed his hand on my stomach at the top of 'my girl'. He spread me open with this hand and placed a kiss directly on me. The sensations caused me to arch my back off of the towels and push directly into his mouth.

He took this as encouragement and started licking me from bottom to top in a slow heated rhythm. I could feel my body responding to his attentions and felt the results running down the inside of my thighs. I was slightly embarrassed by the reaction, but Edward seemed encouraged by it and quickly licked my thighs clean.

He slowly slid one finger into me and began moving it in time with his licking. This time I couldn't control the sounds coming from me, the sensations were too strong.

"Fuck, Edward. That feels so good." I was slightly embarrassed at my language, but it was the only word that seemed to apply to the sensations I was feeling. I threaded my hands into the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled him closer to me.

"Mmmm, Bella, you taste un-fucking-believable."

Okay, so I guess I wasn't the only one getting carried away by what we were doing.

On the next thrust of his hand, he slid a second finger into me and moved his mouth directly to my clit. I lost track of time and even space. I wasn't sure if I was still on the ground or floating above it.

Edward was a great lover and had been responsible for all of the orgasms I have ever had. But I could tell that this one would top them all. I could feel the current passing through me and spreading to all of my limbs. My body tensed in anticipation of the final spark that pushed me over the edge and into ecstasy.

"I can't wait to feel you come against my mouth," he murmured against my sensitive clit. His words caused the most delicious of sensations, igniting the final spark I was waiting for, causing all other sensations to drift away as the orgasm took over my body. Edward slowed his fingers but kept them pushing into me until I came back down to earth again.

I tugged at his hair and neck trying to pull him up to me. He climbed up my body with a masculine sexiness that an eighteen-year-old should never possess. I pulled a condom from my pocket of my shorts that laid on the ground next to us and handed it to him. He quickly rolled it along his length. With it in place, he settled in between my legs. He took my legs and wrapped them around him as he leaned down closer to my face. I reached up and tried to kiss him. He pulled back slightly, and I frowned my displeasure at this.

"Baby, do you want to kiss me after that?" he asked, and nodded towards my lower half.

"Of course, I love kissing you. Why, did it taste bad?" I was suddenly unsure of what I had allowed Edward to do.

"No, you tasted like heaven. But just because I liked it, well, I didn't want to assume that you would want to taste it," he shrugged at me to express his loss for words.

"I don't care about tasting it, but I do want to kiss you."

He smiled and kissed me. When his tongue came in contact with mine I did taste myself on him. Funny though, it was so completely erotic to me. I pulled his tongue deeper into my mouth and sucked on it more. Edward pushed himself slowly into me.

We had been together a few times, but each time it took me a minute to adjust to him. It was overwhelming to have him fill me so completely; I felt consumed by him.

His tongue in my mouth that still tasted like me, and him inside my body combined to push me right back to the edge of another orgasm.

"A little harder, Edward, please." I panted needing to feel him move in me.

He took my leg and lifted it higher, pulling it up to his chest and leaned his upper body closer to me. The slight change in our bodies caused him to go deeper than before. I felt the instant change with his next thrust. I wasn't really sure what and where this illusive G-spot was, but I was certain Edward was hitting it now.

He slowed his pace, hitting all the right spots for me, and, once again, the spark took over my body. I allowed it to pull me wherever it wanted to as I enjoyed the bliss that it gave me. I enjoyed my second orgasm of the night. Edward's body tensed under me and he quickened his pace again.

My brain had shattered into a million small fragments and floated off into space and left my body there to simply enjoy the feelings.

"Baby, I'm close," Edward panted at me.

"That's it, baby, you are fucking amazing." I tightened my legs around his waist pulling him in closer to me and deeper inside me. "Uhnghhhh…"

I scratched my nails along his back as he came inside of me. I was sad thinking about the condom that he wore; I couldn't wait until we could use other methods of birth control. I would be able to feel him spill into me. As silly as it sounded, I wanted to know what that felt like with him. He was able to feel my orgasms, and I wanted to feel his.

When reality hit me, I almost cried. I was crazy going down this line of thinking when I was planning on walking away from him. I guess this a clear cut example of my head and heart not being on the same page.

Edward stayed close and held me, his body never leaving mine. I could feel him slowly growing soft, and all too quickly, he shifted his weight and pulled out of me. He sat up and pulled the condom off. We both pulled our swimsuits back on and lay down to watch the stars. Again, he liked the cuddling thing, and who was I to complain?

At the very least, I should head back to the party; at the most I should head home, but I couldn't make my body leave his side. I knew our relationship was coming to an end, and I wanted every second that I could get with him. I felt his body slip off into sleep, and I wrapped my arms around him and held him. Relishing the feeling, I closed my eyes and replayed every second of the night in my mind. I wanted to make sure that I would not forget anything.

A few tears fell from my eyes as I tried to not think about what tomorrow would mean for us. I closed my eyes and tried to follow him to sleep as well.

Epilogue- I Could Not Ask For More

The final playlist:I Could Not Ask For More-Edwin McCain or Sarah Evans(I like Sarah since this chapter is from Bella), Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman-Bryan Adams, My Sacrifice-Creed, In My Daughter's Eyes-Martina McBride, American Baby-DMB, That's How You Know It's Love-Deana Carter, I Loved Her First-Heartland, Laughed Until We Cried- Jason Aldean, Home-Daughtry, Life Is Okay-Michael Johns featuring Brooke White

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything in me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments
I know all I need is this
I've found all I've waited for, yeah
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
Yeah

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Oh, here with you here with me
No, I could not ask for more
Than this love you gave me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
No, yeah
No, I could not ask for more

Edwin McCain- I Could Not Ask For More

Chapter 38- I Could Not Ask For More

Bella's POV

I was sick again, for the third time in as many days. I was ready to get home and have Carlisle give me something that I could take for this. It had to be food poisoning; it had to be that little cantina we ate in before we left that side of the island. It didn't even look like it was fit to prepare food but the locals swore by it so we tried it. Even Edward was sick for two days. We both were ready to get back home and to our beds.

"Angel, is that all you want in your suitcase? I got everything off of the bed and all the stuff on the bathroom counter. What else goes?" Edward was looking better and not so pale anymore. I felt bad that he had to pack for us, good thing he was always close to Alice and she rubbed off on him.

"No, baby, that's all. The rest I can fit in my carry-on bag and I'll shove my clothes from today in the top pocket of the suitcase when I get dressed tomorrow morning. Come back to bed with me, we have to get up so early and I want some more sleep." The four year old whining voice came out but I was still tired.

The next morning was a mad dash, but we made it. We were dressed and sitting in the airport waiting to call boarding on our flight. Edward had talked me into eating a muffin and some ginger ale to wash it down. For a while it felt good to have some food in my stomach but now, well I wasn't so sure that shit was going to making another appearance. I sat for a few minutes and tried to 'will' my stomach to settle down. It didn't work and I made a mad dash towards the women's bathrooms. I hated to throw up in a public toilet, they were often so gross and disgusting. Then there was always the possibility of god knows how many people hearing you. Like I said, hated it!

When my pyrotechnics of my stomach were finally over I made my way to the sink to try to freshen up my face.

"It sucks huh?" A sweet voice off to my right said. I turned to make sure she was talking to me.

"What does?" I knew that was a really silly question considering I had just had my face in a place where most people have their ass.

"Pregnancy," she replied just as sweetly. "Now, don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade my four kids for anything in the world but no one will ever understand the constant turmoil that your body goes through when you're pregnant. I was sick for months with all four of mine." She patted my arm as she continued, "Eat about three crackers and a small sip of ginger ale before you ever put your feet on the floor and that will help you. At least it did me. Congratulations." One of her four children came running to her and I stood stunned as she ushered the child off to wash her hands.

Did she just use the P word to me?

I stood still unable to move an inch in complete shock. There was no way that I was pregnant, no way at all. I had food poisoning. Even Edward had a touch of it, so that is certainly what it was. I made my way back to Edward and sat back down. He pulled me against him as I broke out in tears. I wasn't sure why I was crying at all, just that I was.

I don't remember the flight home or the drive from Seattle. I finally got some rest and to be honest I felt so much better. We stopped at Carlisle and Esme's house to stay the night, it was closer and I was happy with that. I just wanted a bed and some more sleep.

Apparently Edward and Carlisle plotted to have me checked out, because the next morning I found myself dressed and sitting across from Carlisle at the end of a hospital bed.

He drew blood from both Edward and I because we had been out of the country and sent us home. He said he would call when he had some results. I tried to eat some toast and was able to keep it down, finally. Slowly I made my way back upstairs to try to take another nap. Just the small act of dressing and riding to the hospital had wiped me out.

Later that afternoon, I woke up facing Edward in bed. He was simply staring down at me with a large smile on his face. He was wearing one of his earth shattering smiles, weak at the knees, the whole world stops spinning type of smiles.

"What has you so happy?" I asked as I rubbed my eyes and tried to pull myself from the peaceful slumber that I was so deep into a few minutes before.

"You baby. Just you. I love you, you know that right?" His tone was soft but his words scared the hell out of me. Did he find out the results of my blood work? Did I have some strange illness you can get by eating at places that are not sanitary enough to prepare food in?

"Edward, you're scaring me. What did you find out?" I tried to push away from his chest and put some distance between us. He wasn't having any of that, he pulled me closer to him and because he was stronger he won. "Really, Edward, you're scaring me."

"You're fine, baby, there is nothing wrong with you at all. I promise." He placed small kisses along the side of my face, and I swear I could feel the wetness of tears on his face.

He pulled back and smoothed my hair back away from my face. "Baby, Carlisle got the results of your blood work. You are severely dehydrated and need some fluids. But this isn't food poisoning, you're pregnant." His voice lowered as he said the last half of the sentence. Again, I was in shock, so I just stared at his face waiting for some sort of clue as to how he felt about this news.

"Is he sure? I mean no one in the lab messed up my tests or anything, right?"

"No, Bella, there is no mistake you are pregnant with our child." He leaned down to kiss me on my lips.

"Are you okay with this, I mean we didn't talk about this and you do have two more years before you finish with your residency. How will we make this work?" The panic was setting in.

"Angel, calm down. We'll be fine, I would have liked to be done with my residency just so I can be home more and see everything that he or she does but it'll be fine. I can't wait to see our baby. Our baby, Bella, can you believe that?" His hand drifted so gingerly over my stomach.

"As long as you're sure." I searched his eyes for any sign of hesitancy but found none.

"I'm more than sure, I can't wait."

Who knew that 24 weeks could go by so fast?

I moved faster as I heard Edward bellow from the bottom of the steps. "Bella, move your ass or we are going to be late. We can't miss this appointment. She has tried three times to find out and this is our last chance. Come on!"

Our stubborn child had not cooperated for the last three ultrasounds and we were trying one final time to see if we could determine the sex of the baby.

The last few weeks had been a whirlwind of activity. We moved all of my stuff out of my room and painted it for a nursery. But I didn't want to decorate without knowing what I was having, so we were once again rushing off to try to find out.

Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie all agreed that we should stay in the house with all of them. They made some convincing arguments for our staying. Jasper pointed out that we would need lots of help with Edward working all kinds of crazy hours at the hospital and me still working. Besides I really did want to have more hands around to help me out, to be honest I was scared to damn death. I never really thought I was that kind of girl. Alice, now she had her life planned out from the time she was 8 years old. She would have 2.5 kids, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. Your typical average American family for her but I wasn't so sure about all of it. Now, however, that I had was pregnant with Edward's child there is no other way I would have wanted my life to turn out. Besides I did have Esme here in town and my mom would be coming to stay when the baby was born, so I had my share of mother's to give me advice.

Later that afternoon, I stood in the middle of the baby superstore and pushed a cart full of all kinds of pink stuff for our daughter. Finally she cooperated and showed the world all of her business. Her daddy was thrilled, I knew that he didn't really care but I knew that Edward had a soft spot in his heart for little girls. He talked about his pediatric patients for hours on end, he was always 100% invested in their care and doing all he could for them. The little girls seemed to melt his heart a small fraction faster when he had to take care of them though.

We had all of her furniture and bedding picked out. As well as every kind of baby items that a child could ever need or want. Between Esme, Alice and Rosalie we had it all in our buggy and the other two that they were pushing. Edward marched along with us like a trooper and added his fair share of things to the already overfilled carts. He wasn't fooling anyone at all, he was thrilled.

Later that night as we lay in bed, he slid in behind me and pulled me close so he could rub my belly and talk to the baby.

"Bella, have you given any thoughts to baby names. We can't call her 'Peanut' when she is born, you know." The humor in his voice was laced with a small amount of seriousness.

"I haven't really and I never called her 'Peanut' anyway. You, Jasper, and Emmett do. Why do you think about names?" Edward constantly amazed me the ways in which he involved himself in the pregnancy. For that matter every single member of our family was totally involved. Emmett came home with a new stroller for us the other day because he read online that it was the safest one for infants. What the hell he was doing reading that, who knows, that was just Emmett.

"Sure," he simply said.

"Well, are you planning on sharing what you got?" I turned in his arms and smacked his shoulder.

"Madison Claire Masen-Cullen, that's the only name I came up with."

"Edward, that is beautiful. I love it. Madison Claire it is." No other name needed to be even suggested; we had the most perfect one already.

Three days before my due date, I shook Edward and tried to wake him up. This was exactly what I was afraid of, going into labor after a twelve hour shift for him. He had slid into bed beside me less than three hours ago. I held off as long as I could for him. But the last three contractions were pretty strong and pretty close together.

"Edward, oh shit…" I trailed off as another contraction hit me. This one was only three minutes after the last one. No more sleeping for us.

"What?" Edward sat straight up in bed and immediately reached for his pager on the nightstand. I heard it slam back down as he turned to me. I was holding on to the bed frame panting through the contraction the way they taught us in Lamaze class. I knew he needed to get his shit together and soon so we could get to the hospital or he was going to be delivering his own baby.

"Oh shit, Bella, are you alright?" He rushed to my side. I pushed him towards the bathroom so he could get dressed as I continue to pant.

I heard a loud banging followed by "shit, shit, shit…" Edward immerged from the bathroom holding his foot but fully dressed. It amazed me that in the throes of labor I could still pause to take in the sexy picture that my husband presented. He was dressed in dark black jeans, a plain white v neck t shirt, and a black short sleeved button up over it. He left the button up open and had the sleeves turned up to accent the full of his muscled arms. I wanted him to throw me down on the bed and make love to me right now.

The next contraction stopped that idea suddenly.

"Bella have you called the doctor?" He took my hand and helped me move to sit on the large yoga ball that helped with my back pain. I panted and breathed while shaking my head in decline to him. He flipped his phone open and within minutes he had the doctor on the line.

He rushed to each room and told the others that we were leaving for the hospital. Each of them promised to be there shortly. They also agreed to call Carlisle and Esme, as well as Renee and Phil to let them know.

Edward rushed down the stairs with my suitcase as well as the bag of stuff I wanted to take with us. Jasper held my hand and helped me descend the stairs safely. We stopped three times before we reached the bottom, I really was beginning to worry that Edward would be delivering his own child.

My legs were thrown up and rested against Edward and Rosalie's chest as they helped me push. The doctor said one more push but hell he had said that shit four times before.

"Okay, Bella, one more push for us." He sat there on that stupid little roller stool and smiled at me with his smug ass smile while I passed a friggen watermelon out of me. I will show him one more push.

"I fucking can't. I need to rest, I'm too tired." My eyes met Edwards and understanding passed through his.

"Baby, feel this." He took my hand and passed it across the outside of my vagina. I could feel her head as well as her head full of hair. She was waiting, paused right at the edge of the birth canal, ready for her big grand entrance into our lives.

"Bring her to us, angel, push her out so we can hold her." The love so clearly showing in his eyes that it caused tears to spring to my eyes as well. He was ready to meet his daughter. I pushed for all it was worth and Madison Claire slipped right into Edward's waiting hands. He put her up on my chest and kissed my temple.

"I love you both more than you'll ever know. This is all I have ever wanted out of life, right here. You, me and her. A family."

The tears that ran from his eyes were the unashamed tears of a man getting his every wish fulfilled in one moment. I couldn't help but cry knowing that I gave him those things. I had never been so proud of any other accomplishment in my life.

Maddie was a perfect baby. She waited patiently for her milk and never fussed for long over anything. She loved each of us but her love for her daddy clearly shown in her eyes as he held her and sang to her. Edward was so patient with her and played all kinds of music for her. He read to her, he loved her more than words could ever express. She had him wrapped around her finger and I truly didn't mind, being a daddy's girl myself and all.

If anyone asked I could certainly say that I could not ask for more and that certainly life is okay.

I remember skies of blue

There was always someone who never knew

Life is Okay

I think about those days gone by

Where there was nothing but you and I

Life is Okay

Michael Johns featuring Brooke White- Life Is Okay

The End!