Pandora's Email

Pandora's Box- According to the legend, once Pandora's box was opened and all the evils were released upon the world only one thing remained…hope. Bella's life is without hope right now and with one email she gains that back.

Pandora's Email

Bella's POV

I turned the key in the lock, turned on the lights, opened the blinds, checked the messages, did all the things that would signify the normal opening of my office. My life had become this cycle of wash, rinse and repeat. Don't get me wrong, I loved my life. I had a good life.

I was married to my high school sweetheart. I had a good job that paid me well, we had a good enough house in a good enough neighborhoods, and we had good friends. Everything was… good. Often over the years I had thought about things. I mean really was good enough? At times, yes, hell yes even, but most of the time I just couldn't stop myself from wondering if good really was enough.

I you asked me to map out my life I didn't think this would have been the road I would have seen myself on. I had wanted to graduate high school, go to Dartmouth, get an English Lit degree, maybe even go for my Master's program, get married, get a good job, have some kids, and just enjoy the American Dream. That was the part that stumped me; I had done most of that shit. So why did it scare me so much that every so often I had thoughts that it's just not enough?

Jake and I loved each other, hell we'd practically been together since we were in diapers. Our parents were best friends and our dad's had bonded even more so when a few years apart they had each lost their wives suddenly. My mom's death had been due to breast cancer; Jake's mom's had been a car accident. Jake's older sisters had become my mother figure. It had hurt but it wasn't devastating. I'd had a good childhood in spite of the fact that my mom had been absent for part of it. The same thing seemed to be true for Jake.

Jake had gone to school on the Rez while I had attended Forks High. So when we had graduated and were still in love we had decided to go to college together. Jake had wanted to attend UDub in Seattle, I wanted Dartmouth. Guess who had won? Well, I would say he won but in fact it was more like we both decided that it would be better to stay close to home, I mean it was good for both our fathers since Rachel and Rebecca, Jake's sisters, were both married with families of their own by now. We moved into a small apartment together, Charlie and Billy each had helped pay the bills and we both had gotten part time jobs. Life became busy for us. Work, school, Jake played soccer with a men's league, I volunteered at the local children's hospital. We were just busy.

Sometimes when I looked back on our life and it seemed like it had flown past us in a flurry and other times it felt like it had dragged on and on. I just kept feeling like there is more out there, like I had missed out on something, like life was passing me by and now I wanted to stop the world and get off the runaway train my life had become, you know? It was really stupid since I was doing this now that I was almost forty, now that my youth had passed me by. Now I wanted to be young, wild and carefree.

I sighed as I started up the computer to begin my day.

When the office phone rang at exactly ten minutes after nine, I knew without a doubt who was waiting for me on the other end of the line. It was Kate, my best friend. She always called me at this time. We would talk for an hour while she completed the inventory at her restaurant. Then she would go at ten after ten and open up at half past ten. She had a small bistro that served lunch to the rush of people that mobbed the streets between the hours of eleven and two looking for lunch to help them get through the rest of their day.

I loved Kate. She had reddish hair that was thick and wavy, her eyes were a soft blue and her skin was absolutely perfection. Her rocking body didn't hurt her chances with men either. She was everything I wasn't. No matter how many times she had told me otherwise, she was obviously the prettier of the two of us. I had always been aware of this fact and was okay with it because I loved Kate. I knew that she would never do anything to hurt me in any way. We were best friends, and not the high school kind of best friends that were together until someone better would come along. We were the kind that would hold each other when someone died. The kind that held your hair out of the way so you could puke kind of friends. She had my back. Yeah that sounded corny when a grown woman said it but it was still true.

I zoned back in when she had begun to tell me all about her date and how not right he was for her but that she had fucked him twice anyway. How her mom was doing, about her new cat and that she wanted to go out this weekend with me and the girls for a little bit of fun. I talked about how Jake and I had a dinner party this weekend, how Charlie was doing alone and how work needed to pick up because I was bored out of my mind in this office alone. We joked about the skanky friends that she hung out with and then we said our goodbyes.

I was thankful that we didn't discuss my life in detail like we had normally done. I didn't want to go into how I was worried about things one more time, how there had to be more. How perfect Jake and I looked to the average person on the street, and how if I left him no one but Kate would really understand why I had.

I mean Jake looks perfect on paper. He has a stable job, he gives me everything I need, he is kind, and devoted but he doesn't touch me. He doesn't love me, he doesn't fulfill my emotional needs. He holds my hand, he gives me little pecks on the cheek, he says nice things and tells me he loves me…in front of people. But in private, we are like brother and sister. We laugh, we talk, we tease but we don't touch, we don't love and God forbid we should have sex. I can't remember the last time he kissed me, open mouthed, make my toes curl kiss.

I know that he claims he has low testosterone and that he looked into medications to take care of it. But damn, we're married. For once I want him to come to me, to touch me just because he wants me to feel joy and pleasure not because he wants something in return. For once I want to feel like I'm the only person on the planet and not an afterthought for him.

This is why I doubt. Because to the outside eyes we look perfect but on the inside I'm dying in here, lonely and alone.

I cry myself to sleep because again he lies beside me snoring his fucking head off while I watch porn videos and finger my own clit. I fantasize about being swept off of my feet and how he will tell me that he was wrong, and he'll make it all better. How he'll tell me how sorry he is that I have had to learn to live without his touch, his love, his affections for all these years. But it never happens, no matter how many gentle touches to my arm or sweeps of his fingers across my cheeks he gives me. Nothing.

And those little touches are the worst because I get my hopes up with them, I sing inside and pray that today is the day he will make the change. But it never comes, all the promises are broken and he falls asleep with the TV blaring some stupid ass sports show while I read and suffer alone.

Kate knows all of this. She is the only one that does and she tells me to get up off of my ass and leave him. Maybe then he will learn, he will know that the world doesn't revolve around him anymore. But I can't. I mean I love him and I took vows. I intended to honor those vows for the rest of my life. I don't judge people who get divorced but it just wasn't an option for me. If I didn't love the person I planned to marry enough to fight for it with all of my heart then there was no need to marry them. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid enough to say that there aren't perfectly good reasons for divorce. I mean no one should be abused or in danger, no one should have to live with a person that is clearly cheating on them. But so far none of those things had happened to me so I stuck it out and I hoped that one day it would get better. Till then my BOB was my main man and we were thick as thieves.

I opened my email to check the messages for the day. I had four, two advertisements, one from Kate reminding all of us about going out this weekend and one from an email address I didn't recognize. I knew it could be some sort of spam but I didn't give a damn. It would just give me an excuse to go and get a new bigger laptop. So I opened it.

Dear Isabella,

I know that you don't know me but…I just had to write to you anyway. I have watched you from afar for so long now and it breaks my heart to see you so sad and alone. I know that you are not technically alone but yet at the same time you are. Your husband should know better than to leave a beautiful woman such as yourself available for other men. I know this is very forward of me but I want to show you how a woman should be treated. Please let me, Isabella, please. We can have as much or as little contact as you would like but allow me to treat you special for once. Reply if you are interested…

Yours Truly,

Masen

I slammed my laptop shut and quickly looked around the room. I had no idea what I thought I was going to find since I worked in this office alone but I scanned it anyway to remove the notion that any threat existed here. My cheeks were flame red, I could tell by the heat that radiated from them. This had to be some kind of a joke. I mean someone had to be kidding around. There was no way a perfect stranger would say those kinds of things to me without someone paying him to do so. I was plain old Bella, mousy brown hair, dull flat eyes, boobs that were too small and an ass that was a little too big. I knew all of my flaws and this guy clearly didn't see them so he must be joking with me.

I opened my laptop back up, clicked on my Live Mail and promptly deleted the email. Then I deleted it from my trash folder just in case Jake was in there snooping around. I didn't want him to see this kind of a thing and make too much out of it.

Over the course of the week, four more emails came to me. All of them filled with sweet, flowery words. Words that made me feel giddy at the fact that they might actually be true or that they were once true about me. Words that made my confidence soar and I found that I walked with my head held higher than I had in years. Somewhere out there was a man who thought I was beautiful and that I deserved some attention.

Each email I double deleted after I read it. This action alone told me that it was wrong, that I should not be getting attention from another man, or hell woman. It could be a woman, nothing that was said was gender specific so who was to say at this point in the game. I reasoned with myself and said that since there was no participation on my behalf that it wasn't over the line of acceptable in any way. I just read an email that was sent to me daily. Kate said that it was all Jake's fault and that if he took care of his woman then I wouldn't need emotion or physical support from anyone else.

All I knew was that I prayed that I never came face to face with my sender. Because I didn't know if I had the willpower to say no to him, to deny myself the touch that I so desperately craved on a daily basis, the simple reassurance that I did matter to someone other than my friends. That for a few minutes that I am the most important thing on this planet to someone, that my pleasure is given because they want to see me enjoying the pleasure not just so I will shut up about how long it's been since we have last had sex, and certainly not because it has been too long for him.

I guess deep down I really needed a good hard fuck and that didn't look like it was going to be in my future for a long time, if ever. So I wouldn't want to trust my will power with a man that can almost make me come just from a few words in an email. I'm not sure I'm that strong.

I strolled into the bar to meet the girls. I needed this night out and I was so happy that Jake decided that he was going to work late and get a few extra projects done so that gave me a clear schedule to go without listening to him bitch. I made sure to dress up because otherwise I would have to hear it from Rose, Alice and Tanya about my appearance.

When I stepped into the bar, I could see my friends huddled around a tall table, laughing and drinking their cocktails. Their beauty amazed me, each one a different picture of perfection. I really had to be the ugly step sister of the group because Rose, her sister in law Alice, Kate and her sister Tanya all were super models straight from heaven. I always tried to take an extra step or two when going out with them to not embarrass them. They all told me repeatedly how stupid I was to think that but you can't help your insecurities, can you?

About four drinks too many, Edward, Alice's brother and Rose's brother in law stopped by the table when he saw them from his table across the room. He hugged and kissed Alice, Rose, Kate and even Tanya. They all obviously knew him; I on the other hand did not. His greeting for me was polite but very reserved. I got a simple hand shake and a, "How do you do Bella? It's my pleasure, Alice and Rose talk a lot about you." To which I blushed a shade lighter than a tomato. He spoke to all of us again the left for another engagement. Tanya sighed as soon as he walked away from the table.

"I don't know why I ever let that boy go?" Kate slapped her arm and laughed at her.

"T, that was middle school when you two dated for a whole two weeks, get real." The whole table laughed then.

"I know but he was the best kisser, ever." She rolled her eyes and flipped her hair, bringing back the middle school girl inside of her again.

"That is my brother here we are talking about, I don't want to know anything about his kisses!" Alice huffed and took a long drink of her martini.

"If he's anything like Emmett he is hung like a fucking horse." Rose commented as she brought her drink up to her lips. Alice turned, sat her drink of the table and proceeded to slap Rose's arm which caused Rose to spill her drink all over the table. We all laughed, Rose gave Alice the evil eye, and then turned it on the rest of us.

"AGAIN, those are my brothers, gross!" Alice covered her ears as Rose opened her mouth to speak.

"You owe me another Cosmo and so what if that is your brothers? I'm your best friend and you should want to know that I'm satisfied in the bedroom, don't you?"

Alice shook her head throughout the entire time Rose spoke to her and then began to chant, "Lalalalalalalalalalal." We all laughed at her.

"Well, I, for one want to know because I saw him change that year we all went to Florida for summer vacation and he was huge then, so spill sister." Alice jumped up from the table and I left to go after her. I didn't want to hear any more than I already had. I mean if I ever saw him face to face again I would never be able to look him in the eye after hearing detailed descriptions of his junk. I would just want to stare at it and that is not cool to do at all.

When we arrived back at the table Rose was telling Tanya about this new shoes store over on 8th avenue that just opened up. Obviously a safe enough topic so Alice and I stayed at the table. Several minutes later a man tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I would like to dance. I blushed and then politely turned him down. He smiled and walked away like a gentleman should have. The table erupted in symphony of protests. Loudest of which was Kate, "Bella? What the fuck? Why didn't you dance with him?" I held up my left hand and flashed my ring to remind her. She obviously needed something stronger than that reminder because she continued to yell at me. "So? You know that fucker you got at home needs something to be jealous over, someone to show him what a beautiful woman you are, that you deserve so much more than he is giving you!"

"Kate, keep your voice down. My God, I am married and I can't dance with a stranger like I'm not. End of discussion," I seethed.

"No, it's not. When will you realize that you are drowning here? He is slowly killing you, the fire is gone from your eyes, you are a shell?" She grabbed my shoulders and gave me a light shake. "You have got to get out before he kills you all together and I don't mean physically, I mean emotionally. Come on Bella, just think about it." Her eyes turned soft and tears glimmered in the corners as she tried to convince me. I understood her words but I just wasn't ready yet, I was too scared.

"Bella, Kate's right, you've got to get out before it's too late. I had to make that hard choice with Royce and it almost killed me but look at what I have now with Emmett. It can turn out so much better for you if you just try." I narrowed my eyes at Kate. She obviously had spilled way more of my secrets to the other girls than I ever thought.

Kate held her hands up in surrender. "Don't be angry at me, they see me angry and they ask what is wrong. I can't help that your deadbeat husband is the cause of my hurt and anger too."

"Think about it Bella. Do a trial separation and see what happens. Maybe Jake will realize what he is doing and make it all better. I mean, what do you have to lose? You aren't enjoying life now are you?" Rose asked. I shook my head. I knew I couldn't lie to any of these girls, ever, they always saw right through me.

"I'll think about it." I sighed.

One month later I was moving my shit into a small studio right around the corner from Kate's restaurant and apartment. I was scared to death and thrilled all at the same time. Scared because I was almost forty and I was on my own, I had never been on my own. Thrilled because I was on my own, I had never been on my own, never. The girls all brought me things to help furnish my studio. I went and bought a few things and I made it my own space. I didn't tell Jake where it was. I never hooked up a phone, he would just have to call me on my cell. I wanted to see just how well he did without me during our trial separation. Could he go on like it was no big deal or would he flounder and need me. I waited.

It took time before I started to go out more and enjoy my freedom. I still had my mind set that I was married and it sort of felt wrong, even though I loved depending on myself and knowing I could make it alone. I felt free from that fact alone. I was strong enough to do this. That was always a doubt of mine. Jake had a way of giving me a compliment but tearing me down at the same time. He kept me in the lurch of never knowing if he was proud of me or saddened by the fact that I couldn't be more. Of course the daily emails from my mystery man helped as well.

I finally worked up to the point where I emailed him back as well. We chatted about our day, what was going on in our lives and so on. Books, music, movies, art, you name it and we talked about it. Jake cared for none of those topics unless it made him look smarter in front of one of his bosses, so it was refreshing to have someone to talk to about these things with me. It was also nice to have a person that didn't know about my relationship status either.

I mean how many times can you answer the question, 'How are you really?' in a day before you scream bloody murder? Masen never asked me how I was, well not in that sense anyway. It wasn't human skin to skin contact but it was almost as good. Right now it was the thing that was got me through this. Well that and Kate's pecan pie.

March 15th. I will never forget the day. I went to work like normal but the laptop there died on me. I knew it was coming, I could see the signs. So I rushed to Office Depot and bought a new one. All the bells and whistles, it was shiny and new and I loved it. On my way back to the office I stopped by our house and wanted to grab a few disks to install some of my favorite programs on my new laptop. I paused when I saw Jake's car in the driveway. Part of me was thrilled to see him for a few minutes, maybe gauge his feelings about me now that we had been separated for a while. The other part just knew this was not good. Not good at all.

I opened the door and stepped in quietly. I kicked off my heels and walked through the downstairs listening for any sounds or signs of life. Nothing.

So I made my way upstairs.

At the landing I heard it.

Grunting, groaning and smacking. I pushed our bedroom door open enough to see in and almost lost my lunch. Jake, Leah and Paul were all fucking each other on our bed, my bed. Each person was pushed into the other and there is no telling how long this had gone on without my knowledge. No wonder Jake could have cared less about me all that time I lived here, he had two other people to shower his affection on. Now I just felt sick to see my worst fears before my eyes.

I gasped and all three heads turned to me. Three sets of eyes watched me. One had the sense to look embarrassed but the other two looked triumphant. Jake and Leah looked satisfied, freed almost. Paul at least had the decency to look horrified, maybe because he had his dick pushed into Jake's ass while I stood and watched. I stepped back and turned. Jake untangled himself from Leah and Paul, he stopped to grab a towel off of the floor, and tried to follow me.

I rushed down the stairs, unfortunately he followed. He began to explain. "Bells, wait. I'm sorry. I never meant for you to find out this way, I swear it. I didn't." I swung around to him and slapped him in the face.

"So how was I supposed to find out Jake?" I seethed.

"I don't know. I'll admit I was relieved when you asked for a separation. I didn't know how to do it and then you came to me to ask. I waited to see how you felt to see if you liked it and maybe would file for divorce from me. I wanted to spare you, I know that sounds weak and pathetic but after all of these years together I do love and care about you."

"Don't you fucking say that, never say that to me. This is not you caring about me, if you did then you would have come clean with this when you first started to feel something for her, for him, for… them? I mean really, Jake, a three some and with a man? I don't even fucking know you anymore; I wonder now if I ever did." He stepped forward and I stopped him with my hands.

"Bells, look that was just something new that Leah wanted to try. I was doing it to make her happy. I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm sorry, really I am."

I took the opportunity to unload all those years of bullshit on to him this time. "You're sorry. If you were sorry, you would have spared me way back when you realized that you didn't love me anymore. Now? Now this is you being a self-serving asshole who wants his cake and to eat it too. Fuck you Jake, expect a call from my lawyer." I turned and marched into the office and grabbed the disks that I needed. When I walked past the stairs Leah was coming down in a t-shirt and her non-existent panties. She had her hand on Jake's chest and he leaned his head against her shoulder. It was the picture of a perfect couple giving each other support. I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of that shit for my lawyer then I marched my happy little ass out of the house and slammed the door.

Somehow or another I made it back to the office, closed it up and went straight to Kate's restaurant. I hoped she could serve alcohol there. I had never needed to drink before since I usually only ate there during lunch time there but today I needed the escape.

Ten minutes after my arrival I had a table near the kitchen, and Rose, Alice and Tanya all sat listening to me pour my heart out while Kate poured the wine. They gasped and cried with me. When my story was done and I had emailed the picture to my lawyer, I was whisked away upstairs to Kate's apartment and they put me to bed. Funny thing is that during the time that I waited for sleep to catch up to me, the worst part of my day was the fact that I didn't get to read Masen's email to me for today. My life is so fucking sad.

Life carried on, I guess I should have been surprised but deep down inside I really worried about something like this being the real answer. I did, I was just too stupid to admit it or ask about it.

My lawyer arranged to have Jake away from the house for the weekend so I could move all of my stuff and he drew up documents to dissolve our marriage. Jake gave me a large settlement and I just waited for the final paperwork to arrive to tell me that I was single again.

The next morning when I opened my email there sat two emails from Masen. What it contained shocked the shit out of me.

Dearest Isabella,

I wanted to know if we could meet each other in person now. Don't ask me how I know but I am aware of the situation with Jacob. I have held off as long as I could. All the emails, the getting to know you only makes me want to get to know you face to face. To look into your beautiful eyes and to watch your mouth as you talk, to hold you, to make you see that you are the picture of perfection. Jake was an idiot and an asshole, you deserve better. Let me be that for you, please. I know this seems out of the blue but trust me I have not been able to get you off of my mind since the first time I saw you. Please call me soon, 304-755-9137, so we can get together in person. I swear you won't regret it!

Yours,

Masen

I shut the laptop and dialed Kate. When she answered I cut off the normal pleasant greeting that she used at the restaurant and shouted at her. "What the fuck is going on? Who is Masen and why does he want to meet with me now? I'm married Kate for crying out fucking loud."

"First of all Bella, you are not married you are in the middle of a divorce and second of all you should know who he is by now, haven't you been emailing him for a while now? You told me yourself that he is safe, so go for it. You need this, you deserve this. Go out, fuck him and then move on if you want. I'm not saying you have to get into anything serious, just let yourself live and stop punishing yourself for something you had no part in." Her voice pleaded with me over the phone.

"I'll think about it." I hung up, no goodbye, no nothing. I couldn't believe she actually advised me to do this. Wait, hell yes I could she has wanted to me to leave Jake for a long time ago. I guess now she really had some valid points that I couldn't ignore.

I opened my email again and hit reply.

Dear Masen,

First of all let me say thank you for the kind words you send me each day. I can't tell you how much they have meant to me, some days they are all I have. I guess there is no point in hiding my life from you since you appear to already know about it. Yes, Jacob and I are getting a divorce, it is almost finalized in fact. So while this leaves me single, I just don't know if I am ready to open up again just yet. I think it might be time to work on me, hell, find out who I am first before I know if I can be a good partner to someone else. (Not that you are asking me to jump into a serious committed relationship right now!) I understand your dilemma, I look forward to our daily email chats as well but I think it is too soon to meet face to face. I hope you understand, you are welcome to continue to email me, if you'd like. If not then I understand.

Sincerely,

Bella

I sent it off and waited for his reply. It came almost immediately.

Dear Isabella,

Of course I understand and never wanted to push you. I will be honest, I wasn't ready to jump into a serious committed relationship but hoped that eventually it would become that. So I see your point. By all means, please go and find yourself. When you are done I will be here waiting for you. I will chat with you tomorrow, please take care of yourself till then.

Sincerely,

Masen

I swooned, how could I have been so lucky to end up being stalked by a man like this. There had to be a catch. Somewhere or another there was a catch to this. I knew it.

The next morning I heard a knocking on my door as I attempted to fix my hair for work. I wrapped my bath robe tighter around my body and went to answer it. It was a delivery man, holding a small package. I opened the door and he asked, "Ms. Swan?" I nodded and he handed me the package and then thrusted his clipboard in front of me to sign. I did and offered him a tip. "Oh no, ma'am, it has already been paid." I dumbly nodded again and closed the door.

I ripped the seal off of the package and several pieces of paper fell out into my hand. One was a gift certificate to the spa, all expenses paid, I decided whatever I had done, didn't matter, it was completely paid, for day at the spa. The other was a ticket for the theater. I had mentioned several times to Masen that I wanted to go to the theater and Jake would never go. He always had some excuse as to why he didn't want to go or reasons why he couldn't go. Now I could go, alone, but at least I could go. The last piece was a note from Masen as he explained.

My dearest, Isabella,

I wanted to help you begin your journey to find yourself. Please pamper yourself at the spa and then by all means enjoy the theater. This is the last time you will go by yourself, at least if I have something to say about it. Next time I hope to be with you holding your hand. Showing you off for the world to envy me, because I would be the one on your arm. Enjoy yourself, Isabella, I can't wait to see you all dressed up.

Sincerely,

Masen

I showed the note to Kate and all the girls. They all ooh'd and aaah'd over it. Each of them encouraged me to continue with things as they were. I had already decided that I would, for as long as Masen would put up with me, I would hold on to him. It was selfish I knew, but he had seemed okay with the arrangement so I would be as well.

The next morning I received my usual email from Masen. He asked about my spa day and how my night had gone. I gushed and talked about everything under the sun. I explained every single detail of my day, all the fun we'd had while I had gotten dressed at Kate's house, the dress that I wore and the heels that had made me feel sexy. I also told him about the theater and how I had been amazed I had been there. I even admitted that several times during the evening I had missed him beside me. That had felt so funny to say since I had no idea who he was or how I could miss him, but I did. I had lost count on the amount of words I'd sent but it had been a lot. His response had blown me away.

Dear, Isabella,

You looked amazing last night, I had loved seeing that smile across your face, and yes I do have to say that I agreed with your assessment of your outfit. The dress fit you perfectly and the shoes should have made you feel sexy because you had certainly looked sexy. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! I enjoyed myself as well. It just makes my promise to never let you go by yourself again that much stronger after seeing you last night and knowing how much you had enjoyed yourself. I'm glad to be the one who made you feel that way.

Sincerely,

Masen

I wanted to email him back and ask a million questions but as always, this would be the day I would be busy. By the time I was finished with all the work on my desk it was time to go home. I decided to wait and see what happened tomorrow and how he would act in his daily email.

The next morning was the exact same routine, a delivery guy, a package and an already paid tip. I slammed the door in the guys face as soon as my hand left the pen because I was in such a hurry to see what he had sent me this time.

It was a ticket to an outdoor music festival for this Friday, Saturday and Sunday, three different gift cards for three different places to eat dinner and a new coat, 'to keep you warm while you enjoy the music' per his card this time.

We had continued to email back and forth all week and I pumped him for information in a sly way. I had asked who he liked on the playlist and what songs he was looking forward to hearing. I had tried to gather ways to be able to see if I could find him in the crowd. Because after the theater I knew that he would be there watching me. I was so curious and worked up to know that he would be watching me from afar and I had no idea who he was.

And like last time we chatted afterwards, we compared notes and which parts we loved. I unfortunately hadn't seen anyone that I thought would be him.

Each week a new package would come and each one held a new adventure for me to go on. I loved the outings but the real thrill had become knowing that Masen was watching me. I preened and dressed up for him. I bought new lingerie and sexy clothing. I wanted to be pretty for him. I was finally able to say that I knew myself a little better and I was able to admit that I had always been in there, Jake had just squashed my ability to enjoy myself. I had changed my life around to match his and he was the boring one, not me.

I met the girls for a night out again and we all compared notes on our love lives. Well their love lives and my sort of love life. All the girls agreed that it was finally time to meet Masen face to face. I wanted to but I was so scared that the special relationship I had developed with him would fade or change when he was able to see the real me. I just wanted to feel special for a little while longer. Since my divorce was now final, I wanted to take it one step further. I needed to talk to Masen.

I had selfishly admitted this to him in the next email. He had responded that he had seen the real me, that I just hadn't known that he had. He wasn't scared at all but he would leave the decision up to me.

I pondered it for almost a week and when it became too big to keep inside any longer, I emailed and begged him to call me. I had to talk to him on the phone. Maybe that would be a close enough step for us both to be happy.

So that became our new routine. We talked all the time, and even texted. He would still send me out occasionally and he still watched me, then we would talk about it the next day.

"Isabella, I almost broke my silence last night, what were you thinking wearing that blue dress? I told you how it makes you look, if I didn't know any better, I would think you were trying to break me down. Were you?" His silky voice asked.

"Maybe," I replied. He loved it when I got a little sassy and a little flirty.

"Wear that dress again and I will approach you, baby. You can count on that." I loved when he called me baby and I certainly loved it when his voice took on that husky, turned on tone.

Several times in the past our conversations had turned sexual in nature. He had asked about my experiences with Jake and I had explained. He assured me that as soon as I was ready he would remedy all the problems that I'd had in the past. I believed every single word he said and admitted that several times I had pulled out old Bob to help me out after our conversations. Especially when he had told me what he wanted to do to me. I just couldn't resist him any longer.

I had to plan out how I would force his hand to come to me, since he knew who I was and not the other way around. I was given the opportunity to do just that when he sent me a ticket to an art gallery for a show. It was a local photographer who specialized in landscapes. I was so excited and knew exactly what I wanted to wear.

I shopped for brand new dark blue lingerie, I knew this was Masen's favorite color on me, and went to get my hair, makeup and nails done. I also stopped by to get a wax as well. I figured I might as well cover all of the bases just in case tonight turned out as well as I hoped for it to. I wore the blue dress and prayed for the best.

I mingled around and felt on edge the whole time. I tried to settle my body down enough to actually appreciate the art that hung on the walls of the gallery but it was useless. I was too keyed up to even concentrate at all.

So keyed up that the simple vibration of my cell phone in my purse made me jump when it went off. I pulled it out and realized it was a text. I smiled as I saw the name of the sender, Masen. I opened it immediately.

You naughty girl, I told you about that blue dress didn't I?

I typed out my response.

Yes, you did, perhaps that is what I want.

His answer came at an inhuman rate.

Are you sure?

Mine was sent with the same amount of haste.

YES!

His next response shocked me all the more than the speed.

Meet me in 20 minutes at the hotel down the street. Ask for Masen and they will direct you to my room. I don't want to have our first meeting in a public place, is that okay?

I didn't bother to send a response, I just nodded and moved towards the back door of the gallery so that he could leave without my notice. I would follow him anywhere now that I knew him, the real him. Without the pretense of visuals to get in our way.

I waited about fifteen minutes and stepped outside. I called Kate. "Hey girl, I just agreed to meet him. He doesn't want to meet in person in public, is that scary?" I had shown Kate, Rose and Alice all of his emails, notes, texts and relayed the phone calls to them. I wanted them to know him almost as well as I did. So she certainly had plenty of info to go on after I asked her my question.

"Well, normally I would say hell yes, but after all I have seen then I say no. Go and meet him, just text me in about thirty minutes to let me know that you are okay, you got me?" Her voice held a small amount of hesitation but not enough to stop me.

"I'm meeting him at the Oakwood Motel down the street from the Westside Gallery, so if I don't text you in a little while to let you know I'm okay then come and get me, okay?" I bit the side of my lip as I explained. I knew that this situation sounded as crazy as they come but I couldn't not go. I mean he was the only man who had paid me any attention. He made me feel special, intelligent and sexy all without ever having laid his hands on me and that is hard to do. He speaks to me, not to get into my pants, but to hear what I have to say. We talk and that is more important than the physical aspect of it all. I had learned that for sure after that sham of a marriage I'd had with Jake. I missed the talks the most and I missed him paying attention to me. However, not the sex part so much. Yeah that was a blow to my ego but I could have lived with that part as long as he would have paid my mind some attention. But he didn't." I said all of this while I stood in the elevator up to his suite. I adjusted and elevated the girls, I fluffed my hair and made sure I didn't have lipstick on my teeth.

Kate droned on in the background as I tried to make sure that I looked my best. I knew that it was ridiculous based on the fact that Masen had seen me more times than I knew of, I was sure. I was certain that he had watched me at every single outing he had sent me on and probably way more than that. It made me feel sexy to know that he was watching me. I would saunter and shake my ass a little more than normal, and I would wear new sexy lingerie under my clothes. Even though I knew he couldn't see the bras and panties, it still made me feel sexier for him.

My internal and Kate's external ramblings were cut short by the ding of the elevator. "Kate, I'm here." I whisper yelled. I was suddenly scared out of my mind. All the "what if's" came into play and I worried that I just didn't know enough about him. I mean yeah, we talked and emailed but hell anyone could lie in an email or phone call. I could be walking into my death here. "Kate, I'm scared."

"I know, don't be…this could be your chance." I heard Kate say then heard some rumbling on the phone and it sounded like someone was fighting on Kate's end.

That's when Alice's voice came over the line. "Hey Bella, don't be scared. Okay? Just go for it, this could be your life changing moment." Her voice sounded sure but I wasn't totally convinced. I didn't want to get hurt and well, murdered either for that fact.

"I don't know, Alice, maybe this is too soon."

"Bella, listen to me. I know who Masen is, and before you even ask, no I will not tell you, but I do know that he is trustworthy and cares as much for you as you care for him. So, go, have fun and call us in the morning."

"He's trustworthy?" I asked.

"Very, I'd trust him with my life." Alice answered.

"How well do you know him?"

"Bella!" Alice shrieked before I could even finish my question.

"Okay, fine. Here goes nothing. I'll call you in the morning." I hung up and slipped the phone in my small handbag. I walked the five steps it took to make it to the door of the suite and knocked. This floor only held two suites so we had a fair amount of privacy but it still embarrassed me to be here, knocking on the door like a call girl. I almost turned away again but heard footsteps as they neared the door.

When the door opened the suite was darkened, only the lights of the city provided the illumination. Masen stood behind the door and was mostly hidden from me. I could see that he wore a suit, a black suit with a white shirt. His tie was loosened but still hung around his neck. His head was turned so I could see a partial profile and a mass of dark crazy hair. It looked soft and called to my hands.

Masen's head turned as he closed the door and I immediately recognized Alice's brother Edward. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand.

"So, I see you recognize me, are you disappointed?" his smooth, silky voice asked.

"That depends on if you have shown me the real you this whole time, or if you have played a person you've thought I would like," I answered.

My mind swirled with so many things and questions. Had Alice known all along? Had she played me along to help entrap me? How had Masen, I mean, Edward known all the stuff he knew about me? Was he really interested in me or just think I was a sad lonely woman he thought he could seduce?

"Did you really mean all those things you said?" I whispered. My mind pleaded for him to say yes even if it was a lie, but my heart begged for the truth so that I could walk away before I was in too deep if he hadn't meant them.

"Yes, Bella, more than you ever know. It has killed me to watch you suffer all these months and not be able to go to you and help you. So I helped the only way I thought I could. Every word I said was the absolute truth. I swear it." His chin was set and I could tell by the fierce look in his eyes that he was telling me the truth, now and then.

"How?" I wasn't really sure what I was asking, I only hoped that he knew.

"I've heard Alice talk about you for several years. I'd seen you guys out one afternoon and I was dumbstruck, you were so…are so—" His words froze and his eyes glanced up at mine. There was so much emotion swimming in them causing me to believe every single word his beautiful mouth spun for me. I could see his honesty written all over him. It was present in his eyes, his body and even his hands. He'd meant everything he'd said. He took a deep breath and let it out before he finally finished what he'd started to say before. "Beautiful. I wanted to ask Alice about you but I had heard her say that you were so unhappy with Jacob." I cringed when I thought of his name. "So I decided to show you that you were worth more to me than anything he had ever given you." His hand dropped to his sides and he shrugged his shoulders. "I just wanted you to know that someone thought that you were worth more, for you, for yourself esteem. If more became of that then great. If not then I would be happy with the fact that I had helped you." He stepped forward and stood directly in front of me. His hands reached for my hips and pulled me slightly closer to him. I could smell his cologne and wanted to bury my face into his chest. His body heat pulled me closer as well. He was a mystery wrapped up and hand delivered to me. "Then I saw you fall apart and come back together, I saw you change after my emails. I saw your confidence come back, the way you walked, it all changed. I was so proud of you." He placed a sweet kiss on my forehead. "Then I picked up the phone and heard your voice. You spoke to me and I was over the moon. I really got to know you then. I saw the kind caring person that Jacob pushed aside. I hated him, Bella, I wanted to kick his ass and hurt him as much as he hurt you." His fists tightened on my hips in anger and frustration. "I was never more happy though, because I felt like I had you in my life. I had my chance. I could really prove to you how much you deserved love." He tilted my chin so that we looked directly into each other's eyes. "And I do love you, Bella, I will for every single day of my life, I swear it." He leaned down to kiss me.

I wanted to pull away, my brain screamed that I should. This was the first time I had technically met Masen, I mean Edward. But I couldn't. I wanted him, all his sweet, hot and sometimes dirty words he said to me. I wanted all of him. Right the fuck now! So instead I leaned into him and wrapped my hands around his neck to pull him to me faster. Edward didn't need any further encouragement.

Kiss by kiss, we each shed our clothes. Our hands touched and familiarized ourselves with each other. His warm skin set mine on fire as he ran his hands over my body. And there is no description accurate enough to describe what it felt like for him to kiss my body. I was in pure heaven.

Edward's mouth kissed and sucked on my nipples until they were both hard peaks that begged for something more aggressive. As if he read my mind his hands flew to them and pulled the peaks as he gave them a slight twist. My back arched and I moaned at the intense sensation that he caused.

"You look like that angel?" His voice was distorted by the fact that he still held my flesh between his teeth as he mumbled to me.

"Oh God, yes!" I panted as he dropped my nipples and began to rub my skin along my hip bones. He positioned my feet flat on the bed and began to move lower along my body. His sweet breaths caused goose bumps as he spoke on his descent.

"You are so beautiful, never doubt that."

I nodded because clear thought patterns simply were not possible. I could only feel the sensations.

His mouth lowered to my body and kissed directly over my clit. I could feel the small amount of moisture that his mouth held as he kissed me. Anything that was Edward's set me to buzzing, like he contained a small amount of electricity that he released into me each time we touched. Either way I loved his touches. I wanted more, apparently so did my body because it involuntarily flexed up to meet his mouth. His tongue dove in and licked across the moisture that his attention had caused to collect.

"Fuck, yes, you taste so good." I felt more rush out of me at his words. I was not used to this amount of attention, usually it was get on, do your business, and get off. Not much fore-play and not much in the way of making sure I was taken care of. This was all new to me. "You like, baby? You like it when I talk dirty to you?" I moaned and hoped that it was a good enough answer. I wasn't sure that I could say the words he wanted, it would take time to get used to the new ability to suggest things that I did or didn't like here with him. "Tell me." His voice pleaded; apparently he liked to hear me as much as I liked to hear him. I guessed now was as good a time as any to begin my learning process.

"Yes, so much, tell me." I rambled and used his exact words but it didn't matter, I was too caught up in the sensations that his tongue was causing to worry about it now. Later might be a different situation though. Later I would worry about what this meant for us and how to proceed but for now what he gave me was enough. I needed to feel and for once have someone take care of me. I needed the things that Jacob withheld from me and if it made me a selfish person to want that now from Edward then fine I was selfish. He didn't seem to mind giving it to me so I didn't mind taking it from him.

Edward shifted my legs and pulled them closer to him, so I dropped one down onto his shoulder. I wanted to feel the skin to skin contact. Again, I was selfish that way.

The movement must have encouraged Edward because he chose that moment to slip one of his long fingers inside of me. He obviously enjoyed the two of us together by the sounds of his moans. I had to say that I enjoyed the moans as much as the actions of his tongue and hands. The moans vibrated across my skin and set my body afire. I pushed my body against his face and he merely laughed against my skin and twisted his fingers inside of me to massage.

Jacob was a decent lover but never had he taken this amount of time on me. He gave what he got and only when he got it, never did he take the time to just give me pleasure. So to know that Edward was only concerned with me right now sent me as high as his actual actions.

Soon the flames became a full-fledged fire and the fire engulfed me completely. I fell apart and enjoyed the sensations of Edward's mouth coaxing me towards another orgasm, slowly and sensually. His pressure was soft and sweet, but exactly what I needed. Before I fell off the ledge for a second time, Edward pulled away from me. He looked so sexy as he wiped his face off and smirked at me.

"Come here, baby, let me make love to you." I wondered if it was possible to have another orgasm from his words alone, because if so I was certainly going to do it. Edward pulled us to the center of the bed and then covered my body with his. The intensity in his eyes almost scared me but his sweet touches balanced it out. "I want to give you the world, to show you how important you are to me." He leaned down and kissed my lips. "To make you feel loved and special." His mouth covered mine before I could respond as his tongue danced in perfect harmony with mine.

I wanted it. I wanted anything he had to offer and more. I was all in with him. I knew that we wouldn't be perfect together right away, there would be a learning curve and points in time when we would piss each other off, but I wanted that. I needed that, I needed to know that someone loved me more than anything or anyone else in this world. Wasn't that what everyone wants?

As our mouths moved with each other our bodies began to join in. Soon we touched from the tips of our toes all the way up to our conjoined lips. It was perfection. We were perfect together.

Edward slid into me and I guess we probably should have talked about birth control but at this moment I didn't care. I was on the shot and was only with Jacob, so I knew I was clean. However, it worried me for a split second about the fact that Jacob had obviously been fooling around on me. So maybe I wasn't all that sure now. Then I remembered that he told me that his affair with Leah had begun a few weeks after I had left. My mind cleared and wondered why in the hell I thought about Jacob at all when Edward was here with me, making love to me.

"You okay?" His voice sounded concerned and I worried that I was more distant than I meant to be with my internal ramblings.

"Yeah, I'm perfect, I had a split second of doubt but not about us or what we are doing. I worried about Jacob and his affairs and if that meant he had given me anything." His body continued to push into mine but slowed a little. Great, I have him worried about it and now he won't want to finish.

"Stop worrying about him, let's focus on us now, okay? He means nothing, not after the way he treated you." Edward's forearms came to rest beside my shoulders and his long arms fold up to caress each side of my face. He had wrapped me in a cocoon made of his body and I loved it. I nodded at him and he kissed me sweetly before he began to move again.

Our eyes connected and the intensity was there again. I could see that this was real to him and he felt all the things he said to me. I felt them as well and finally began to feel hope again that I might actually find what I have been searching for. What I had lived for years without…love, true soul deep love.

I gave myself over to the feeling and pulled him deeper into my body with my feet pressing against his sexy ass. "There she is, that's my girl, now she's ready for me." His hips began to move deeper, harder with a slight twist when he pushed all the way inside of me. After the first two orgasms he had given me it was hard not to immediately be there again. His lips kissed mine and I pulled his face closer as well. I just couldn't get close enough to him. "You feel this? Feel us?" he asked as he released my mouth.

"Yes, perfection."

He nodded at me. Then with a slight shift of my leg and his hips he found that spot inside of me that had never been touched before. And I knew it immediately, he knew it as well. We could both feel the massive fluttering that this one touch had caused. His face lit up and he began to aim for that spot with each push. I could only drop my head back down onto the bed and allow my eyes roll back into my head.

"Let it go, angel, just feel, not think." His hand wrapped around my neck and held me up so I could watch us just as he did. "Oh, God, you are so beautiful." I was sure I was a wreck. That my hair was sweaty and my face was flushed but for whatever reason I totally believed it when he said it to me.

"You, you make me beautiful, I want to be beautiful for you." I kissed his mouth and only released it when we both needed oxygen.

"Every day of forever, I want to make you feel that way. Stay with me, Bella, tonight and then we will take each day one at a time. But I first I want you to know, I want it all with you." His words and his hips all combined at the right moment and I shattered in his arms. I could feel the fireworks, I saw the stars and most importantly I felt his love. And I wanted to return that love to him. I wanted everything he said with him.

"I love you," I gasped as I said it but it was really how I felt at that exact moment.

"I love you too, I was too afraid to say it first. I didn't want to scare you." I kissed his lips. "I have for so long, crazy huh?" I shook my head no at him because if I were honest with myself then I would have admitted that I had been in love with him for awhile as well. "Take a shower with me?" He asked but I was confused.

"Wait, don't you want to finish, I mean…you know?" I half stumbled with my words.

"Oh, I did, sweetheart, it was just in the middle of your finish and I don't think you would have known if an atom bomb had gone off right then. Trust me, I am more than happy and finished." He smirked as he pushed some hair off of my face and shoulder.

We made it to the shower but not without a few trips and almost falls along the way. My legs were definitely not ready for long distance travel so I needed Edward's help and he gladly gave it. In the shower I brought up the question that had entered my mind as soon as I knew exactly who he was.

"So, how did you know all of things about me? I mean, did you pump Alice for info?" It was an innocent question but his face appears panicked.

"No, I never asked her for anything, I swear." I leaned up and kissed him to settle his nerves. He looked much more relaxed when I pulled away. "I was in my dad's office looking for a book when Alice stopped by the door. She was on her phone with Kate. They talked about you and Jacob, in great detail." He chuckled. "A few nights later was when I met you in the pub having drinks with the girls. I knew then that I wanted to get to know you and hopefully show you how much you deserved." I couldn't help but smile at his sweet words. "I listened in every chance I got to Alice's phone calls and even snuck onto her laptop one day when she left it opened on the kitchen table. I got your email from her and went from there. She never knew it was me, at least not until a week ago." I shifted against him and he wrapped his arms around me. "She saw me outside of the gallery, we talked about the showing and then she brought up the music festival and she asked me how I liked it. As soon as I said how much I enjoyed Garrett Davies, she flipped out. She began to shriek and went on and on about how had she spoken with you and you had said the exact same thing. She then came right out and asked me if it was me. So, I told her, but I swore her to secrecy and I have to say that it has been the only time in her life when Alice Cullen has ever kept a secret." He kissed my nose. I could see the honesty and love that shone in his eyes, combined with all the time and effort he had taken on me, I had no choice but to be happy with how it had turned out. I guess it was one of those things that Alice says was meant to be.

Two years later

Alice, Rose and Kate all wanted to go out for a ladies night. It was strange because each and every one of them had been very wrapped up in their own relationships lately. But I had missed each of them so I agreed. Edward had told me that it would be fine, that he would plan a boy's night in so he wouldn't be lonely. He said that he would order pizza and play poker with his boys.

Alice and Rose dressed me up and off we went to our normal pub. We had a great time and the drinks had flowed. But the moment I had seen Edward all of that stopped. In fact time had stood still—ala the movies. He looked amazing, he had on dark washed jeans and a beige sweater. His hair was the appropriate amount of sexed up and his scruff was definitely lickable. It all worked together to render me speechless. He walked right up to the table and dropped to his right knee. Alice, Rose and Kate all began to do the I-don't-want-to-cry hand wave and began to hug each other. I focused on Edward.

"Bella, these last two years with you have been indescribable. I have loved every minute of it and each day you show me a way to love you more. I want to give you the world and enjoy it all with you. Would you do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?"

I only had one answer. "Yes."

When all my hope was gone, this man gave it back to me. He took the mess that was my life and made sense of it for me. He gave me my confidence, my happiness and the love of my life. How could I say anything but yes?

The End