Chapter 20- Broken Vow

Playlist: Broken Vow-Josh Groban, I Remember- Kenny Chesney,Just So You Know- Jesse McCartney, Learn My Lesson- Daughtry, I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore- Brian White, I Breathe In, I Breathe Out- Chris Cagle, Barely Holding On- Wes Nickerson

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Chapter 20- Broken Vow

Tell me his name I want to know, The way he looks and where you go;

I need to see his face, I need to understand, Why you and I came to an end;

Tell me again, I want to hear, You broke my faith in all these years;

Who lays with you at night when I'm here all alone, Remembering when I was your own.

I let you go, I let you fly, Why do I keep on asking why;

I let you go now that I've found a way to keep somehow;

More than a broken vow.

Tell me the words I never said, Show me the tears you never shed;

Give me the touch the warmth you promised to be mine;

Or has it vanished for all times?

I let you go, I let you fly, Why do I keep on asking why;

I let you go now that I've found a way to keep somehow;

More than a broken vow.

I close my eyes and dream of you and I, And then I realize;

There's more to love than only bitterness and lies;

I close my eyes.

I'd give away my soul to hold you once again and never let this promise end.

I let you go, I let you fly, Now that I know, I'm asking why;

I let you go now that I've found a way to keep somehow;

More than a broken vow.

Josh Groban-Broken Vow

Bella POV

"Bella? Are you alright? Why are you whispering?" Jacob asked.

"Jacob, I'm fine. Are you? Why are you calling me so late?"

Jacob chuckled, it sounded full of self doubt or maybe closer to fear. I wasn't sure but it made me worry about the cause of this call.

"I just missed you. We have been friends for so long. You, Bella, were my best friend. It's hard to go from best friends and living together to nothing. I know it would have been hard to continue our close friendship without all the other stuff getting in the way, but damn! I haven't heard from you at all, didn't I mean anything to you?" The edge in his voice made him sound desperate. I felt like I needed to talk him down, calm his fears, and allow him to get rid of some of the pain.

"Of course you meant something to me. I wasn't sure how to move on without you, but I also didn't think it was fair of me to string you along until I figured it all out. If I was going to do that I might as well have stayed with you. There's no difference in staying with you and stringing you along. I didn't see any, anyway." I took a deep breath, trying to focus my mind so I could make him understand. "Look Jacob, I'm sorry if you mistook my distance for lack of caring. I care. I will always care about you. You were there for almost every major event in my life, that can't be taken away in a matter of hours or just because of a few packed boxes. I'm just as blind in this as you are. And you know, Jake, you could have contacted me too. It's not all on me." I tried to reason with him.

"Blind? Did you say blind? I'm not blind, I saw you with Edward tonight. I saw the way you both looked at each other. Blinded by love Bella, that's the only kind of blind in your world." I heard a glass clink as he finished his sentence. There was no way I would be able to talk any sense into him if he was drinking. Jake was never a mean or sloppy drunk by any means, but he also wasn't exactly clear-headed either.

"Jake, it's late. Maybe we should sleep on this and we can meet to talk about this tomorrow. What do you say to that?" I grasped at some way to postpone this talk until he was sober and rational.

"Why? So you can go climb back in bed with your lover and leave me here to agonize over my decision? Fuck that, Bella. You started all of this and you have to see it through to the end. I can't believe that you would just run off with Edward. Edward fucking Cullen no less. At least you traded up! What was it Bella? Was it his money, his cars, his bright future? Are you that shallow of a bitch that you want all the finery and none of the love?" Jake's voice was thick and deep, a hint at the amount he had had to drink tonight. His excuse of drinking did nothing to dissipate the anger that rose in me at his accusations.

"Who the hell do you think you are? None of that shit matters to me at all and you know that. If you want to fucking fight we can go at it, but that is not what I want for us, Jake. Wasn't it you that said, 'But I would be lying if I said I haven't had the same thoughts as well. I noticed the spark was missing a few months back. I didn't want to say anything then; I wanted to wait until you were finished with school.' Weren't those your words Jake? And you sat there in the restaurant and looked me in the eyes and said, 'We just settled into this comfortable routine and never looked back. I feel like we have drifted apart somehow. I know that we were in love in high school, but I think we have grown up. Unfortunately, I think when we grew, it was apart. Besides, I think our family wanted this more than you or I did. I need you to know that I could never be angry with you. I actually wanted to tell you the same thing.' That's what you told me, right? So, now all of the sudden I am a gold-digging bitch who is only concerned with the money and cars that her new sugar daddy can give her? You were going to end it with me as well, Jake! So, don't drop this in my lap like I'm the one who is wrong here." I took a deep breath. Getting angry wouldn't solve this for us, it would only make both of us mad and further the gap in our friendship. I tried again, "I wanted us to be able to maintain the friendship that we had, the friendship that means so much to me. We were babies in a crib together for crying out loud! You're an asshole, I'm hanging up now, you can go fuck yourself Jacob Black!" I tried to keep it down, it was late and I didn't want anyone else in the house to hear this conversation. Especially Edward, he would be so pissed off at Jake.

"Bella, wait please. Don't hang up. I didn't mean any of it, I promise. I know it's an excuse, but I have probably had a little too much to drink tonight. I should just let you go." His voice sounded flat and emotionless. I could hear the clinking of the glass being set down on the stupid glass coffee table that I always hated.

Several thoughts were running through my head all at once, I had some questions that I wanted answered as well. I took a deep breath and blew it out loudly as I tried to pull my thoughts together.

"Jake, what bothers you more, that I have moved on, or that I have moved on with Edward?" I started with this one. "If I remember correctly, you were coming home to tell me the same thing I told you. We were in this decision together. You can't lay our breakup on me alone. If you are have second thoughts and doubts about that I am sorry, but we can't change the fact that it wasn't working for us. Apparently we both saw it. And as for moving on, I am not going to apologize for my relationship with Edward. I didn't plan for it to happen, hell I didn't even know he was coming back to Forks. But it has happened and I'm not going to feel guilty for it."

"Honestly, I don't know. I won't lie, it hurts that you could move on so fast, and it hurts that it's with him. But, I just don't know. I don't have anything against Edward. He really is a good guy. Fuck, I don't know, Bella. Everything just seems so wrong, so flat. It's like my world has lost its color or something," he chuckled a small, embarrassed laugh. "I don't even know if that makes sense."

I settled into the chair in my room, his words took the anger away and left me feeling sad for him. He was right, not once since I laid eyes on Edward again did I think of him. I never worried about how he was doing, or if he was even doing okay by himself. Guilt seized my heart. This was the person that I had spent most of my life with in some way or another, and I had just abandoned him without a backwards glance.

"Does it help if I say that it was not Edward that made me leave? I swear that I had no idea he was back and neither did any of his family. It was you and me, not anyone else. I don't know if that makes it better or not, but I promise that is the truth. I know I moved out and you feel like I just left you behind. I know this, but Jake it's hard to go from what we had to nothing in a matter of minutes. I needed some time to make things right in my head, to take us back to being friends again. I didn't mean to abandon you, it's just really hard to go from best friends to lovers to nothing. All I needed was time to get back to being just friends again." I stared off into the distance watching the forest outside the window, trying to find a way to make Jake okay with all of this.

"I know that, Bells. I didn't mean to say that shit," he whispered, silence settled between us. It was a few minutes before he spoke again, "Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Does he treat you well?" His voice was small, defeated.

"Yes he does, very much so. He isn't perfect, but no one is. I have come to realize that no matter who I attach myself to; I'll have to work to make it right. We all have faults and issues. We can't expect to fall in love and everything will be sunshine and rainbows every day. But you see, Jake, that's the part that tells me he is the one, I don't mind the working part. In fact, I want to fight for it because it means so much to me, and I don't mean to hurt you by saying this, but I have never felt that way before." I had to work hard to keep the passion and love out of my voice. I didn't want to hurt Jake anymore than I already had.

"Did you love me Bella?"

"Yes, Jake, with all my heart, for as long as I can remember. But I think that we tried too hard to make our friendship more than what it was. I realize now that it was more of a brotherly love, and that there is more than one kind of love and different levels of love. We pushed it to be more and I don't think that we were supposed to end up there. You can call it God, Buddha, or whatever you want, but I think we are destined to end up in a certain place at a certain time. We stayed for too long in a place and time that didn't belong to us. I think that if we had been meant to have those kind of feelings for each other that we would have fought for it, we would have found a way to make it work. But we didn't and I think that's why. It just wasn't meant to be for us. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I was scared of being alone and used that as an excuse to talk myself into staying with you. That is one of those things I will never forgive my mother for. I was so afraid that I would end up like her, bouncing from guy to guy trying to make them the right one. But I was also just as afraid that I was going to end up like Charlie alone and unhappy. So, I just grasped onto the first thing that held any promise. I love you, Jake, but I know now it is not the kind of love that you build a forever on, it is the kind of love that you feel for your family. That's what you are to me Jake, my family, my brother. You will always be my family." I exhaled, hoping that my answer wouldn't further his pain.

"I know, I think we pushed it as well. Funny thing is, I think I rushed it because of my mom and dad too. Really fucking funny, I know. We each rushed it for the same basic influence but with different reasoning behind it. My dad always talked about how he and mom were great friends. How their friendship grew into more and that helped their marriage be better because of it. So, I assumed that was what you were supposed to do. Marry your best friend and wait for love to come to you. Don't get me wrong, I love you with all of my heart. But, I agree, maybe it wasn't the right kind of love." His admission should have made my heart feel better, but it didn't.

"Yeah." That was all I could think of to say.

"What I don't understand is, if we are fated to be with different people, how I miss you so much. I miss everything about you, your laugh, your cute little toes pressed into the side of my leg when you slept, your cooking. Everything, Bella. I know what my head says but my heart is saying go back and get her. I hate that I let you go without a fight. My head tells me that it was the right thing to do, but my heart says that it could be the right kind of love. It screams it, actually. I don't mean to cause you any worry or pain, but, Bella, I can't just let you walk away from me. It hurts like hell that you are gone. I keep asking myself what I could have done differently. Was it something I could have said or something I could have done that would have changed our fate. That would have made us lovers and friends, and not just friends." A sob escaped from him, and I felt tears falling down my cheeks. My heart ached for my life-long friend that was in pain, but not for the lover that I left. The problem was to make him understand my side and the differences.

"Jake, you miss my companionship, the person that you shared things with. Think about this, we have shared everything since we were little. You miss your friend, not your lover. Not once have you said that you miss my body, or my kisses. You miss your friend. I can be your friend, I am your friend. You don't have to miss that part of me. You're alone and taking care of yourself for the first time in a long time and going through some big changes. And…you're doing it without your oldest friend. That fear of the unknown, the fear of this different life you're living now is what is making you miss me. I could come back tomorrow and we would be right back in the same place that we were before. Friends, nothing more. That isn't what we deserve, we deserve a lifetime of special."

I decided to tell him, in as brief detail as I could, about Edward and Tanya. I wanted him to see what Edward went to Seattle to realize. We loved the idea of love with each other and confused our love for the right kind of love to build a relationship on.

"Jake, matters of the heart rarely make sense to the head. I don't know how else to say it. When you fall in love, the right kind of love, you'll see the difference. You'll be thankful that we didn't end up together. You and I both deserve the right kind of love. Edward spent so much time taking care of Tanya because he thought that it was out of love. He was in love with the idea of love. He wanted the comfort and stability of that kind of love. He was so encouraged by Esme and Carlisle's marriage, he wanted that for himself. So he settled for who he thought could give that to him. And I think that is what we did, we settled for each other. For what we knew and felt comfortable with. And I don't want to hurt your feelings but after the short time I have been with Edward, it's different. It is not what we had, this is all consuming. I think back to the tales Billy would tell as we sat around the bonfires. The tales of imprinting that the Quileutes believed in. That is what you deserve Jacob, that love."

"You're right, Bella. I know that you're right. I didn't mean to worry you. I will be fine, I promise. It was just so hard to see you again with Edward. To see the way you looked at him and realize that you didn't look at me that way. You would think that would confirm in my mind that it was meant to be this way. But my head keeps asking what else I could have done, what else I could have said. I'll be fine, I just need time." I could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. "Besides I promised my dad that I would come for a visit. He gets so lonely all by himself. He misses Charlie."

"That's a good idea, you two spend some time together and bond. Fish and tell stories."

"Sure, sure, something like that. I guess I should go and get my bags packed so I can get on the road. I'll talk to you soon, Bella. Take care of yourself and make sure that Edward knows what a lucky man he is. I'm here if you ever need me, for anything. Okay?"

"Jake are you driving out to Forks tonight?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I?"

"Jacob you have been drinking the whole time we have been on the phone and you sound like you may have had a few before you called me, that's why." My voice reacted to the panic I felt.

"Bells, don't be silly. I have been on the phone for a while with you and my buzz is gone. Besides, you know me, with my body weight I could drink most men under the table. I'll be fine, I promise."

"You're probably right, just text me when you get there, okay?"

"I will. Bella, I still love you. Please call me again soon, so we can talk. I promise all I want is my friend."

"Sure, sure," I teased him, "I'll call, I promise."

I waited for him to disconnect the line, and then tapped my phone to hang up as well.

As I slid back into bed with Edward he roused.

"Baby, where you been?" he murmured sleepily.

"I just went to my room to grab something to sleep in and came back. Go back to sleep" I kissed his head and he settled against my body to sleep.

I slid closer to Edward, not quite sure what it was that woke me up. I heard music, was I at a concert? Why was I in my pajamas? Just as reality was coming to me, I recognized the song.

I'm an Indian Outlaw, Half Cherokee and Choctaw

My baby she's a Chippewa, She's a one of a kind

All my friends call me Bearclaw, the village chieftain is my Papaw

He gets his orders from my Mamaw, She makes him walk the line

You can find me in my wigwam; I'll be beating on my tom tom

Holy shit that's Jake, again! Quil and Embry thought it was funny as hell to add that ringtone for Jake. I left it all these years, it was kind of funny! Why the hell is he calling me again?

Edward began to stir as the chorus started, so I grabbed the phone and answered it to make it stop.

"Hello?" My voice sounded haggard and sleepy. I glanced at the clock, it was almost 4:30 in the morning.

"Bella, it's Billy. Sorry to wake you. I…," his voice faltered.

"Billy, what's wrong. Are you okay? Jake should be on his way over, he called me earlier and told me he was coming to Forks tonight. Should I call Quill or Embry for you?" Panic set in, Billy was wheelchair bound and was usually pretty self-sufficient, but there was time when he needed help doing things.

"No, Bella. Listen to me! Jake was on his way here and he was hurt. He was in an accident, Bella. I'm not sure how he is the doctors can only tell me he is in surgery so far. He hasn't been in there long enough to know anything yet. Quil and Embry are here with me, they brought me here. I don't know, Bella, I don't even know how bad he is. I know that you are dating Edward now, but do you think that you could come and sit with me? Would he mind?" Billy sounded lost and hopeless.

"Sure, Billy, are you at Forks General?" Edward sat up at the words Forks General and looked over at me.

"Yeah," Billy responded.

"Okay, give me a few minutes and I'll be there. He'll be fine, Billy, I just know it." I tried to reassure him and lift his spirits. The thing was I wasn't entirely sure that he would be. Fear gripped my heart as I tapped my phone and turned to get out of bed.

"Hey, baby, where you going? Who's at the hospital?" Edward said as he wiped his eyes, trying to clear the sleep from them.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. That was Billy; Jake's been in an accident. He was on his way here to Forks to spend some time with Billy. I talked with him earlier and he had been drinking. I tried to get him to not drive tonight but you know Jake, he's stubborn. He said he was fine and left anyway. I should have stopped him, Edward, I'm partially responsible." I collapsed against the side of the bed as Edward rushed forward to catch me.

"Bella, look sweetheart, you said it yourself, you tried to stop him. Jake does what he wants, he is a big boy and you can't blame yourself for his mistake. I know that Jake would never intentionally try to hurt himself or anyone else. You were here and he was there, what else could you have done besides ask him not to. You didn't put him behind the wheel of his car, and you weren't the one driving. He was. If he was driving and drunk then he did this to himself. We'll find out more when we get there, this has to be a misunderstanding. Now, let's get you dressed so we can go to the hospital and sit with Billy. This has got to be hard on him. Come on." Edward pulled me up and wiped my tears away. He pushed me towards the door and turned to open his dresser.

"What are you doing, are you coming with me?" I asked.

"Of course, Bella. I don't want you out there on the road by yourself at this time of night. Besides I operate much better with the lack of sleep than you do." He smile and nodded at me to go on and get dressed, so I did.

Less than fifteen minutes later we were on our way to Forks General. Edward held my hand tightly in his. I know he claimed the whole lack of sleep thing, but I was glad for his presence. I know that if this night ends badly, then I would need him with me. As if he could read my mind, he squeezed my hand for a brief second and relaxed his grip again.

Edward let me out at the door and went to park the car. I rushed in to find Billy, Quil, Embry and Sue Clearwater waiting in the small waiting room. Billy was clearly worried; his face appeared older by years with this news of the accident. Sue was holding his hand and rubbing his arm. He glanced up at me as I made my way to him. I sobbed against his shoulder. He held me and patted my shoulder. I could hear him chanting in Quileute, but of course I couldn't understand most of what he said. When the sobbing slowed, I stood and greeted Quil and Embry with hugs. Sue stood off to the side and waited for her turn.

"Bells, he is in surgery now. They are working to stabilize his leg. He shattered his tibia and fibula both, and torn a lot of the muscle in his lower leg. The doctor says he will need a stabilizer bar and some pins to repair them. He isn't sure if Jake will be able to use it very well. He has a punctured lung, two broken ribs, a mild concussion, and several other minor injuries. Their main concern was the punctured lung and stabilizing the leg. They want to check for internal bleeding as well, sometimes that can happen with broken ribs. So, we wait until they are done patching him up and see what happens next." Billy held out his hand to greet Edward, who had been standing by quietly. "Edward, your dad has been by several times to check on us. He's a good man. And thank you for driving Bella, I was worried about her trying to sneak out by herself and driving here. I was about to send Quil and Embry to come and pick her up instead." Edward nodded at his gratitude.

"Sure, Billy, anything for Bella and Jake. They have too much history for this to not be important to her. I heard his injuries, serious but stuff he can make it through. Jake is a fighter, I ought to know that." He chuckled, obviously remembering all the times he and Jake got into fights as kids. "He'll need some help but he will make a full recovery, I'm sure of it." Billy smiled and nodded.

We all sat down and waited. The endless game of waiting for updates had begun. Carlisle came by twice and gave us some progress details. The doctors had not found any internal bleeding, which was obviously good. They had taped up Jake's ribs and had started repairing the damage done to his leg. That would take the most time, we had another three to four hours to wait for that surgery. We took turns pacing and sitting, reading and drinking terrible coffee. Just when I thought I would lose my mind, Carlisle came and took Billy back to talk to the doctors and see Jake. We sat and waited to try to see him as well.

When Jake was settled into his room we were all allowed to go in and see him two at a time. Quil and Embry allowed Edward and me to go first.

I turned to Edward, trying to draw strength from him. I was not prepared to see Jacob in a hospital bed, in any kind of pain at all, and I knew that was exactly how I was going to find him. Jacob was broken, sore and in need of repair. I drew in a steadying breath and slowly pushed the door to Jacob's room open. Edward slipped his hand on my lower back. I allowed Edward's touch to help me push down the remaining amount of hesitation; I steadied myself for the fight ahead. Jacob would need help making it back to his former self and I would be there to support him the whole way.

I walked over to the open side of Jacob's bed and took his hand. He lay so still, and if not for the beeping of the machines I would think that the doctors had made a mistake. My fingers slid up to his wrist and felt for his pulse, it beat a small, thin rhythm against my fingers. Giving confirmation that he has made it through surgery, but that didn't mean he was out of the woods at all.

Billy was sitting quietly on the far side of the bed, out of the way of the nurses that seemed to endlessly need to check something in the room. He looked years older, his gaze never left Jacob.

Edward stepped over closer to the bed, so he could see Billy as well as Jacob.

"Billy what can we do for you? I know this is a lot to take in but if you can think of anything you need, please let me know. Bella and I both are here to help as much as we can. We have all been friends for too long to allow anything to come between us, especially when one of us needs help." Edward laid his hand on Jacob's leg.

"Edward, you don't know how much I appreciate that from you both. I know that Jacob will need all the help he can get, especially from you and your dad. Your medical knowledge will help us out a lot. It is so hard to understand all that mumbo jumbo sometimes." Billy smiled.

"Anytime, you just call me or have someone page my dad. I mean it, anytime." Edward pulled Jacob's chart off of the side table and flipped through it. He looked over several pages and closed it back up.

"Anything interesting in there?"

"His leg has pins and a metal rod holding it stable, they have taped up his ribs to allow them to heal, everything else is okay. No internal injuries, so he will just need time to heal and rehab that leg. He's really was very lucky." Edward explained to Billy.

"I am so glad." Billy gave in to the tears. Edward walked around to put his hand on Billy's back. I turned to excuse myself from the room to give Billy some time. I slipped down the hall and into the women's restrooms.

I ducked inside to hide for a few minutes to breathe a sigh of relief. I knew that the road ahead for Jacob was not going to be easy but the most important thing was that he was going to be okay with a little hard work and patience. For that I could be thankful.

I cleaned off the few tears of gratitude that fell, washed my hands and slipped back to Jacob's room. I found Carlisle, Edward, Billy, Quil and Embry all laughing at a story Billy was telling about Jacob when he was younger. It felt good to see all aspects of my life, past and present, meshing without any problems.

I walked over to Edward and rested my hand along his back. He turned to put his arm around my waist. I caught the smiles on Quil and Embry's faces. I was glad that this wouldn't be awkward between us.

"Hey, why don't we head out and try to get some sleep, it's been a long night." I turned to speak to Billy, "I'll come back tomorrow and take you home to get something to eat and let you sleep. Edward and I will stay with Jacob. I don't want you trying to do too much, okay?" I walked over and kissed him on his forehead.

"Sure, sure. Tomorrow then."

Carlisle stepped up, "Yeah, I have a few charts to finish before I get to get out of here as well, so goodnight all."

He turned and followed Edward and me out.